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Latest articles:

Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Signs of Abusive Behaviour

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 April 2009: Covered in this article: Ask yourself | What are the signs of an abuser? | What is abuse? | Now what? | Escape plan | Shelters | Summary ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- +++INTRODUCTIO...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [14 pages, 529 answers]

Happy Easter!

Q.   I thought instead of posting a question on [troubled] relationship [issues], I thought I'd post something more upbeat ;-) So, I just wanted to post a short note to say "Happy Easter" this long weekend (Good Friday, Easter Monday/Bank Holi...

A.   11 April 2009: Eyes, they taste different because the main seasoning are love and happiness and fun! :-) Gina ... can I join the eggs chase downhill? Sounds wayyyy fun! I'll wear my knee and elbow pads... not sure helmet is necessary cuz [as my close friends wo... (read in full...)

Whereever I go, whatever I do, I always seem to get bullied.

Q.   Where every I go, what ever I do, I always seem to get bullied. Every job that I have every had has involved someone trying to make my working conditions difficult. I can remember as far back as when I was 18 in my first job. I am very smart...

A.   11 April 2009: Two things jump out at me when I read your posting: (a) you're smart, intelligent, and assertive; and (b) work is important to you. I was wondering, that you are so driven in your work that your peer or colleagues may perceive you as a "threat". I... (read in full...)

Happy Easter!

Q.   I thought instead of posting a question on [troubled] relationship [issues], I thought I'd post something more upbeat ;-) So, I just wanted to post a short note to say "Happy Easter" this long weekend (Good Friday, Easter Monday/Bank Holi...

A.   10 April 2009: Aahh ... spring is wonderful. Fresh new leaves :-) of new beginnings .... Cat ... (read in full...)

Is it ok to sleep with him?

Q.   I like this guy (described in http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-it-seem-like-he-is-going-to.html), and he has been respecting my opinions. By respect, I mean he wanted to do things but as soon as I asked him to stop he would. I now won’t let ...

A.   10 April 2009: Goodness. This is really funny. Not funny bad, but funny in the intellectual sense. If there is such a thing. LOL I think your last posting was the most illuminating, as it went straight to the point and provided us with the critical informa... (read in full...)

Is it ok to sleep with him?

Q.   I like this guy (described in http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-it-seem-like-he-is-going-to.html), and he has been respecting my opinions. By respect, I mean he wanted to do things but as soon as I asked him to stop he would. I now won’t let ...

A.   10 April 2009: OK. Big cultural difference here. You've been living in the States for less than 5 years, and you grew up in Asia? Africa? China? Saudi Arabia? This may be a small detail for you, but for the aunts, bits of background information like this would ... (read in full...)

My fiance is a foreigner, and I have found out he is married!

Q.   I have been in a relationship for quite along time now and we have recently engaged he is of foreign nationality. I have recently discovered various things i didn't know about him eg: marriage of possible convenience for status. I don't know wha...

A.   10 April 2009: Forgive me for asking this, but what nationality is he and the [alleged] wife? Was it a religious marriage? What nationality is the [alleged] wife? Is the marriage recognized in the UK? Is he bound to provide for her because of this marriage? What ... (read in full...)

Should I trust my wife's decisions?

Q.   Ok where do I start? We are coming up on our 1 year anniversary. Now my wife was raised by men. Her father guy cousins and older brother. She was always more of a tomboy. I understand all this, but my problem there lies within. Her best fri...

A.   10 April 2009: It sounds like you still have doubts because of her checkered past, not because of her male friends. I too, have more male friends than female friends. For some reasons, I feel more comfortable around male friends than female friends (and nothing ... (read in full...)

I think I was abused when I was younger. What do I do now? Help!

Q.   Hi I was abused when i was younger, and for a while I was OK but nowadays its really been getting me down, I've been crying all night and stuff and I am scared to go to sleep sometimes because of the nightmares, though most of the time I don't rea...

A.   10 April 2009: Do you have access to a phone, where you can talk privately? If you do, perhaps you can try this hotline Tel (helpline): 0800 1111 (24 hours everyday - calls are free and confidential) and ask for advice ... (read in full...)

An equal loving relationship between three, where all are involved. Possible, or not?

Q.   So, the short... I've been married to my husband, who i love from depths i cannot describe, just over a year now. But he has a part of him that i want to understand and support but still sometimes doubt if i am really capable of making work. He...

A.   10 April 2009: Danielepew has hit the nail on the head. You want to have equality amongst the three but already there is a contradiction. There will always be one who wants to be number one (whoever that one person is). So if you are looking for an open relation... (read in full...)

Do you think that my boyfriend being another race would affect us...

Q.   Hey, I am just here and confused and I really need help from you my cupid friends. :) Well my question is - I am Hispanic (Dominican republic) but my boyfriend is white. Do you think that effects our relationship because we're baptist and do y...

A.   10 April 2009: I love my skin color (tanned/dark brown) and though I still think Caucasians are soooo pale in their complexion [compared to me at least ... lol], my past serious relationships had nothing to do with skin color nor race. My point is, I fell in ... (read in full...)

Shouldn't DC be a judge-free zone?

Q.   I've noticed that a lot of people have posted questions on this site asking about anal sex [how to do it/tips/tricks etc]. And last time I checked this was a site designed to give people advice and and information about relationships and and ...

A.   9 April 2009: Dear KissMeAgain (what a cute name, btw) You just showed a stellar example how this site tries to accommodate a balanced view on people's opinion. You also acknowledged in your posting here that in the past you yourself have given advice that sho... (read in full...)

New mother: just curious when babies start to say their 1st word

Q.   just a question that im curious about. my son who was 8 weeks early is actually following the developmental charts just fine. when will he speak his first word appx.?? just curious...

A.   8 April 2009: LOL But seriously, that is not too far from the truth though. My best friend in college had a nephew that only started to talk when he was three and half years old. The parents went to specialists etc and they all said he was fine for his age. Unt... (read in full...)

How do I suggest different sex position to my fiance? Or is she just set in her ways?

Q.   Hi. I've been with my fiancee for two and a half years. I love her dearly and wouldn't change her for the world but, unfortunately, I'm getting bored with the sex. It's her on top or me on top. Most of the time it's her. I've tried talking to...

A.   8 April 2009: When you say she does not want to try different positions, how was the topic brought up? Was it through watching/showing porn? or books and articles? If you googled kama sutra positions you will find some educational sex positions availabl... (read in full...)

Is there anyone out there whose spouse DOES NOT look at other men/women??

Q.   Dear People, Isn't there anyone out there whose spouse DOES NOT look at other men/women? All day, i've been searching for someone but every single title i find is all about how their husbands look at other women. Well, my husband DOES NOT look at ...

A.   8 April 2009: And you have a problem with this why? LOL No seriously, you should feel blessed! So he is an "anomaly" but only because you are searching in this site. I have friends who fit your husband's description. [Though they do make comments and talk abo... (read in full...)

I'm going to Spain but I am scared of not being accepted.

Q.   I'm not sure what category this fits into, but I guess it's the friends category? I certainly don't mean to be offensive but I'm curious about how people in Spain view Americans? (North Americans, as in people from USA) I've always dreamed of ...

A.   8 April 2009: It is OK to feel scared and apprehensive to go to a country you have never been before, particularly if this is your first time to stay over a prolonged period of time. It is called "fear of the unknown" when you enter a new "territory". But... (read in full...)

Every time I start to get feelings about a guy they run away!

Q.   I'm so pathetic I can't even get a boyfriend. When i finally do, everything always turns bad. I am 19 and have aspergers syndrome so people generally think i'm wierd, although i have no problems talking to guys as friends. My best friend just got ...

A.   8 April 2009: Have you told people (and that includes your friends) that you have Asperger's Disorder? I'm sure it is difficult for you to see people that you like "run away" as soon as they get to know you better ... or so they thought. But if you educate them... (read in full...)

My boyfriend was lovely but now turned abusive. Help!

Q.   Hi. I have a massive problem right now, cant sleep at night, cant eat. I don't know what 2 do. Here goes. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and for the first few months he was so lovely and so good 2 be with. But now I am so scared...

A.   8 April 2009: Please read these articles/postings: How to get over your ex and move on http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex-and-move.html I need to get my daughter and I out of my husband's house because he hits us, but I have no clue... (read in full...)

Is Mum right for giving me these lectures and calling me immature?

Q.   I live with my Mum and every now and again we have trivial arguments, which mainly arise when she talks about what life is actually all about and more importantly how I should be living it. She is fairly random and brings it up whenever she feels ...

A.   8 April 2009: Annoying as they can be, but I happen to believe that a mother's love is the only one that is unconditional. She may say she would disown you right now if you moved out, and perhaps yes, for a few months ... but know that it will probably hurt her ... (read in full...)

The picture I sent wasn't of me, and now he wants to meet in person!

Q.   ok i have a big problem now and i don't know what to do so i'm confused i have been dating someone for two weeks now and he is so serious with me but the problem is that i lied to him about my picture, i sent to him another persons picture without ...

A.   8 April 2009: How good is your sense of humour? or his, for that matter? If he is good humoured, try this: send him a picture of an animal (an elephant, or a giraffe, or a gorilla, or an orangutan, or an ostrich) with a note that says "I don't look like the ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend was lovely but now turned abusive. Help!

Q.   Hi. I have a massive problem right now, cant sleep at night, cant eat. I don't know what 2 do. Here goes. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and for the first few months he was so lovely and so good 2 be with. But now I am so scared...

A.   8 April 2009: My dear friend, You have already shown signs of being a victim of an abusive relationship. A person does not turn from being bubbly to depressive without any reason. And clearly, you are a bright and sensible person to have already identifi... (read in full...)

I have eating disorder, how do I overcome this?

Q.   This is going to sound self-centered, but this is a question about the relationship with myself. When I was twelve to fourteen years old, I had a minor case of anorexia because I was depressed and did not like living where I lived. This was ...

A.   8 April 2009: As suggested by Satin and female anon, contact professionals, and a support group in your area. These are links that hopefully will enlighten you further or your eating disorder: Do you have a question about eating disorders, or need help? ... (read in full...)

Is it me or is there too much attachment with his daughter?

Q.   I have a great boyfriend, but the problem is he is too attached to his 22 yr. daughter. We've been together for almost 3 yrs. and during the 1st yr of our relationship he did not have his daughter. But somehow a summer stay has turned into fore...

A.   8 April 2009: I have a feeling that you are competing for attention from him here. Just a tad, maybe ;-) I also see that you are frustrated because as you said, you see her daughter has potentials to be more self reliant and independent than she is given cre... (read in full...)

Is it in poor taste for my friend to ask for money via a website?

Q.   Is it in poor taste to ask for money via a website? a few days ago, a "mature in age" friend of mine that I have not talked with in about three months sent me and all of his friends one of those collection pages (Fundable.com) asking for money. ...

A.   8 April 2009: Are you upset because, as Gina said, he asked you out of the blue and not with a personal approach and all the niceties and humbleness that go with it, or because as GinsengMeow said, because you did not want to help him pursue his dream? Or perhaps ... (read in full...)

Yogurt on your vagina?

Q.   I have a question about using plain yogurt to help with yeast infections. I know you can put it right on your vagina, however I do not know how long you are suppose to do that for, or how many days you should. Does any one know anything about this ...

A.   8 April 2009: The best way to fight yeast is with anti-yeast. I have not done it myself with yogurt, and probably not inclined to do so the future either, but what seems to work is that it is the antibiotics [as the bacteria's byproduct] in the yoghurt that are... (read in full...)

My bf is making me feel like crap sexually :-(

Q.   My boyfriend of just over one year has been telling me for months that he thinks I am cheating on him because my "p*ssy feels different and stretched out like I have been f*cking n***ers". He has also then become upset with me when I become more ...

A.   8 April 2009: Dear OP, It should only take one aunt to point out to you that you have fallen victim of an abusive boyfriend. There are two aunts here who already mentioned "abuse". Please leave him, for your sake, for your well being, for your own happines... (read in full...)

My b/f loves tap dancing, and I love a Man's man. What do I do?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have been dating my boyfriend for four years. We are both in our early thirties and hope to have a long future together. My problem is this, though I love my boyfriend very much, I am having issues with his masculinity. I am very att...

A.   8 April 2009: Satin, actually, there is an "easy" way to differentiate gender, masculinity/femininity and sex. It took me a while to grasp these concepts too. Here are some of the more commonly accepted definition and parameters: - Gender is a term to desc... (read in full...)

My b/f loves tap dancing, and I love a Man's man. What do I do?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have been dating my boyfriend for four years. We are both in our early thirties and hope to have a long future together. My problem is this, though I love my boyfriend very much, I am having issues with his masculinity. I am very att...

A.   8 April 2009: This is getting to be an interesting debate. The question is, do you want to go further into the relationship, complete with his "flaws", or not? You fell in love with him some time ago, so there must have been something about him that attract... (read in full...)

Harassed by other men but boyfriend wont help me

Q.   Ok basically. I get harassed by other men when i go to the clubs and my boyfriend doesn't do anything to help me because he believes I should get rid of them myself. I understand its my responsibility to get rid of them, but he just watches ...

A.   7 April 2009: I wonder if your boyfriend not defending you because he sees you as a very capable person in defending yourself. Like, perhaps you are so toned or tomboyish. However, the far end of the spectrum is that is his way of protesting against your fash... (read in full...)

Texting while Sexing?

Q.   Yesterday when my friend and I were having sex, he got a text message. We stopped. He answered it. He got another one. We stopped. He answered it. He got another one while I was giving him head. I stopped. He got it, and was answering it, and look...

A.   7 April 2009: I guess this is what people mean by there is no such thing as FWB. If like you said, it is just about sex, then the only rule there is is simply sex. No thinking, no emotions, no analysis, no feelings. So perhaps you have actually develope... (read in full...)

What should I do to lose weight and look good this summer?

Q.   Hey,I'm 14,probably over 10 stone,5ft5! i have huuge legs! im really conscious about my thunder thighs and they wont go away! i exercise.eat healthy,drink water,i hardly ever have sugar or fattening things.im overweight and i don't understand why!im ...

A.   7 April 2009: If you've done exercises and still have not lost pounds, there are five things that play a factor (1) your exercises were not tailored to have the impact you wanted, or (2) your intake (food) still outweighs your outtakes (calories burnt), (3) your ... (read in full...)

Tests showed positive, but I do not feel pregnant!

Q.   Yesterday i took two pregnancy test's and they both came out positive. I haven't come on my period since the middle to the end off February. I have poly cystic ovaries but for the last few months i have been coming on roughly at the same time an...

A.   7 April 2009: The phrase "feeling" is "subjective" and cannot be quantified nor proven by hard evidence, while "pregnancy" can be medically proven. So as a previous anon poster said, this feeling of not being pregnant could stem from your anxiety (since y... (read in full...)

His hand curled into a fist..is this a sign that he may be abusive?

Q.   My boyfriend has been pretty good overall I guess. He asked me to be his gf on the second date, but I waited until 2 mos later to say yes.Before I said yes he would alway ask if I was talking to other dudes and he checked my phone once. But now h...

A.   7 April 2009: Yes, I am afraid you should worry. I am not an expert on abuse, but the way you described him, made me feel like I was already afraid to be around him in case he gets emotional. Love should be about respect and caring, not about forcing himself ... (read in full...)

What are good exercises to get my flat belly back?

Q.   Hi, I'm 18 and I've always been pretty thin, and able to eat what I like, without watching my diet. But recently since leaving school, I feel like I've put on a little weight and am developing a belly.. I'm trying to diet by giving up the things ...

A.   7 April 2009: Just remember, that carbs are converted into sugars (that are needed as one of your body's fuel), but if you don't burn off the excess, it will form into fat cells. For women, these fat cells "congregate" around your tummy, hips, and thighs. So to... (read in full...)

Men and Mood Swings

Q.   I live with my boyfriend and boy does he have bad mood swings. He's always snapping and the relationship has to follow his flow. If he wants to be alone, then ill have to go sit in the bedroom so he can have the living room to himself. And he wont...

A.   7 April 2009: There is also the probability that he has an undiagnosed disorder, albeit in a very mild form. His "up" appears to be a manic state, while his "down" appears to be a depressive state. But only an analyst/psychiatrist can determine and give you the ... (read in full...)

How do I make my hubby feel appreciated without spending the big bucks?

Q.   I just had a baby 3 months ago, im in college and unemployed. My hubby works full time and takes care of the both of us. How do I make him feel like he is appreciated without spending the big bucks. What can I do in this relationship to spark thin...

A.   6 April 2009: As paqbook said, there are little meaningful things that you can do that are special for him, without spending extra money. More ideas: - if he eats eggs for breakfast, make smiley faces on it - light tea candles when drawing a bath for him - s... (read in full...)

Texting while Sexing?

Q.   Yesterday when my friend and I were having sex, he got a text message. We stopped. He answered it. He got another one. We stopped. He answered it. He got another one while I was giving him head. I stopped. He got it, and was answering it, and look...

A.   6 April 2009: I am more inclined to say "get even" by getting up, get dressed, and do something without him yet you are in the same room as he is. Like, work on something in your laptop, or read a book, or simply watch a movie. However, I was in a relation... (read in full...)

How do I grow taller? I want to be a model!

Q.   i am in a major major problem.. i am 20 years old n i am bout 5 feet 6 inches..i want to grow taller atleast one inch or two..what could i do to grow taller other than operating..please let me know its very important since a very prestigious mode...

A.   6 April 2009: You know, with the different sizes that we women are, there is not really a universal standard for women models anymore. From plus to petite sizes. There is even a strong and responsible movement toward eliminating anorexic looking models. ... (read in full...)

A mother's concern on daughter's new bf who has a history of abusive behaviour

Q.   My 23 year old daughter has started a new relationship with a man from our small town who has a past history of violence. His ex girlfriend left him because he was abusive. He has been in jail for assault and has been in drug rehab for a cocaine ...

A.   6 April 2009: There's a lot of postings here on abuse in a relationship. The thing with parents-children relationship is that one tends to do the opposite of one tells them to do. This goes both ways ;-) I understand that you love your daughter very much. A ... (read in full...)

My mother does not like the engagement ring I chose!

Q.   Hi, I have been in a long distance relation ship for the past 5 years and my boyfriend has finally proposed....but without a ring..he didn't want to choose it for me as i have quite particular taste so he has given me £2000 to spend on a ring ...

A.   6 April 2009: You are right, it is your engagement so your mother can offer suggestions but the decision is yours. As for the extra £250, why don't you add from your own pocket. If he loves you, I am sure he would not mind you doing that. In fact, you can humo... (read in full...)

How to tell my husband

Q.   About 6 months ago me and my husband were having problems with money and we have a daughter 9 months old. He works long hours working, I was feeling lonley one night as my daughter woulnd't stop crying so I contacted my ex just for company he made ...

A.   6 April 2009: Do you have a place where you put your personal memorabilia that your husband may not be interested in looking/ You know, girly stuff like trinkets from your childhood years (that he'd just think they are so silly that he would not even go near ... (read in full...)

He does not forgive my past...

Q.   I think that my relationship is about to end. After, 5 years of being there for my bf, going back and forth to visit him, and opened my heart to him; it has finally reached an end... or so I think... The problem is that he does not forgive my past. ...

A.   6 April 2009: In a way, he is very insecure about himself in this relationship. If your past did not include him, you should not have to apologize to him. Particularly if you did nothing to harm him (since he was not part of the equation in your life in college ... (read in full...)

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