A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Good evening (and happy Valentine's Day) everyone,I didn't feel comfortable revealing my identity, but I will say this: that I'm one of the "regular" aunts on this site. Anytime someone needs me, I'm always happy to listen and I understand feelings and try to invest thought in sincere answers from the heart. Now I need your help with a problem I'm having. I need you aunts again, please. This is gonna hurt me a lot, I am afraid, but I can take honest answers. As long as they're sincere and not nasty, I would love to hear from musicians but anyone is welcome to answer me as long as you're informed. I've screwed up big time, and I'm afraid that there is a distinct possibility that I've ruined my entire life. Music is my true love, and there's no denying it any more, I should have followed my heart and studied a formal degree program in music and pursued a career in it. I became a Spanish teacher instead and now I regret it so much. Don't get me wrong, I'm GLAD I speak Spanish. Learning Spanish was the BEST decision I ever made, but I wish I had studied music in a conservatory instead. People just tell me to enjoy the music as a hobby, but to put it bluntly... that's not good enough. I want to take my music to the next level. I had this epiphany last fall when I was scrambling to plan my lessons for the week. I was dying to pick up my guitar and play it, but I had to feel guilty because I hadn't finished preparing a Spanish lesson for 30 kids, most of whom don't appreciate Spanish. I thought, "This just isn't right. I give up my life and ruin my health doing work my heart isn't in, and I spend a couple hours a week doing what I truly love."I hate myself for not listening to my heart and possibly ruining my chance at happiness. I love Spanish but life is a bitch because music is really where my heart is. I barely even have time to practice. I feel as if I'm married to someone and discovered that some other person was my soul mate and that I'm having a furtive affair on the weekends. I realize how difficult it is to be a performer and how nasty the music business is (yes, I've done research). While I haven't entirely ruled that out, I realize there are other careers in the music field besides performing concerts. I know that it sounds ridiculous that I'm 29 and I want to change careers and be a musician, but I'm sick and tired of not being happy. I want to do so much more than put up with a job, scrape by, and live by default forever. I want to have dreams. I'm one of those people who is determined and doesn't give up easily... if there is even the most remote vestige of a chance that I will be successful, I don't give up. I'm losing heart though. I would never kill myself because I'm not a coward but I am depressed and I cry a lot. It's torture to go through life wondering if my heart's desire was in my reach and I lost it through my own stupidity. Several things deterred me from listening to my heart and pursuing music. It's a long story but if you want to know, I dont mind telling you. I wasn't always a determined person... I used to be a scared, naive girl, and I listened to my fear. A couple people I met on the way broke my spirit and I should have gotten the opinions of professionals before being subjugated to fear. First of all, ever since I was a child I played guitar and sang... and a series of people (some of whome were professionals) praised my talent, and I won awards and performed with a band. Then I went to college and I had this piss poor excuse for a professor who broke my spirit. He used to berate me and tell me that I was stupid, had no talent, and didn't deserve to be in college because I wasn't smart enough. One day I lost my temper and said it was his fault for not knowing how to teach and I would rather have a teacher who knew what he was doing. It's not like me to disrespect teachers, but this guy knew he was pushing my buttons, by calling me a dumbass everyday. It was only one "professional" out of several, but it broke something inside me that remains broken to this day.(I'm a teacher; I have told my students that their behavior is unacceptable, but I would NEVER tell a student that "you can't learn.") This is obvious by now but I love music. I love Spanish but I don't want to be a Spanish teacher forever. Right now, I'm studying to be an EFL (English as a Foreign Language) teacher. I always knew I wanted to have more than one career in life and I have reasons for wanting to teach EFL (but that's another story). Has anyone ever heard of someone my age or older initiating a career in music and being successful? I don't care if the odds are against me (never deterred me)... just how ridiculous I know I sound. Like I said, I can take sincere answers (I'm bracing myself; this is gonna possibly hurt I know). Why am I such an idiot sometimes? I can't believe how stupid and naive I was. I ought to be tired all the time. My job is so time consuming that I have to spend all the conventional waking hours doing it, and I have my other responsibilities, like swimming, going to the gym, and caring for my pet, etc... but I find time to practice the guitar until my fingers are bleeding. I may have to get up at 4 am, but I find time.I feel like music is my secret love of my life that I climb in the window at 4 am to have a quickie with, and that my day job is a tyrannical, demanding spouse in a loveless marriage. Je repete: I DO love Spanish, I'm just in the wrong job. Spending my day locked in a room with kids who call me a fat bitch and scream that they hate Spanish is a drag. On top of that I'm the whipping girl... they misbehave, and more work for me... parent conferences, discipline referrals, phone calls. I'm drained spiritually and emotionally.I wish I could just go to a conservatory and study music but I'm scared that it might be too late.I cry a lot, and I am depressed a lot, and I am sick of this. I want the rest of my life to be something more. I can admit I'm an idiot, but I'm at a loss as to what to do. It took all my courage to write this because I'm so scared of what I might hear, but I really need help!If it's too late, how do I put this behind me? My life is hell sometimes because wondering what could have been is torturing me. I have many dear friends, whom I love dearly but I don't want to burden them by telling them how sad I am or how I've been crying myself crazy. My mom is older and has health problems and I don't want to tell her my problems and my dad doesn't care about me very much, and I don't have a sibling who would listen to me. I tell my dog and cat everything (don't laugh)... but... they can't talk.¡Socorro!Gracias mil!! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am very, very grateful to every one of you who helped me.
I was just dying for someone to listen to me and understand me... it gave me so much peace.
I'll never give up my music. Like I said, I just have so much more peace in my heart and it feels so good to have that off my chest. :)
I'll be back in touch, it's a bit soon for an update, lol, but I wanted to say thank you. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Hi
I often say ' it is only too late when you are dead'.
Time to mend the broken spirit and dreams....and remember the ONE'S that say we can't do something can be our greatest friends, they often give us DRIVE TO SUCSEED just to piss them off. Many have found success this way using the negative words to push..push....
I had a Dance TEACHER...who taught me this valuable lesson...her WORDS..( are you sure you belong on this dance course?) I was instantly crushed...she told me i did not even BELONG............do you know she was right! reply... 'your right, i do not belong on this dance course..because your a shit teacher..not good enough for me' and i walked.
As i received my grades (very high) from my REAL TEACHER in my new university..i THANK the last one for the drive she gave me. I also thank her for teaching me what NOT TO DO IF I EVER TEACH...I THANK HER ALSO FOR HELPING ME REALIZE I DIDN'T BELONG...I WAS DIFFERENT....IF YOU DO NOT FIT IN MY BOX THEN YOU DO NOT BELONG!!!!!!!!!!!
Moral of the story.... make your dream....and thank everyone on the way for HELPING.
I wish you luck! reach for the stars...who knows when you get there...you may even see the one's smiling.. who told you that you could'nt make it.
You could have YEARS AND YEARS IN MUSIC AHEAD.
Via con dios.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWonderful answers, everyone!! Thank you.
Chippymunk, I can't believe that your teachers called you "dumb."
I think you're being truthful and all, I'm just appalled. It's so unprofessional for a teacher to call a student "dumb." Teaching is scary, because you're responsible for the futures of all these kids, and they're impressionable... and labeling you "dumb," was a detriment to your future... your teachers should have been instilling the foundation for a good future.
You're not dumb, your teachers were just... bad.
It breaks my heart to teach Spanish to kids who hate it, but I have never called a student dumb.
Thanks and God bless everyone. I've gotta go now but I'll write more later :)
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (15 February 2009):
 I am not an artist, just an admirer of the art world! (because I can't sing nor play any musical instrument nor paint nor draw to safe my life! ... get the drift?) LOLJust a thought here: Do you write original music pieces? Songs? Do you sing? If you do, perhaps you can organize it so that you can produce independent recordings (CDs etc), or cut demos (to promote to producers etc), and/or have them played in local community radios. Not only that you will be able to channel your gift, but you will be working your way through spreading it to the wider public! Yay! Lots of luck!Cat
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (15 February 2009):
 Hi there, First of all, ruined your life, you are a baby in some people's opinion. You will probably live for a good while longer. If you remember Grandma Moses started painting long into her old age, Picasso I think started late in life, not all creative people realize what their joy is early on. You are doing a good work teaching, but if you save enough money, look for scholarships that may be available for the field you want to pursue, you might just find that you will be able to realize your dream. I am much older than you, I am an oil painter, and I have dreams of having my own studio, I will keep that dream in my heart until it materializes. I will call it "My Art, My Heart", I already applied for the EI number under the name, although I have not pushed forward with it, but I will. You can work it out if you believe. Keep your dream alive, as long as you are alive, you are able to have the hope. All things are possible. Try to be happy, and not regretful about something in the past that you cannot change, it's past, it's gone, but you are here and what you want, you should strive for. Reach for it and be happy. Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): I don't think it is ever too late to pursue something you really want. Follow your heart, do what you love...it's the only way to truly live! I am not a musician, I can't carry a tune...but I do love music. I am sure there must be a venue out there that you can enjoy, and satisfy your soul!
You're 29 years old, Not 70! You have plenty of time to switch gears and head in a different direction. Don't waste your entire life wishing you had taken a chance, take It while you can!
Good Luck!
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male
reader, Chippymunk  +, writes (15 February 2009):
 Hello there fellow aunt! That was quite a story but I don't think you have anything to worry about. I'm sort of in the situation but with a passion in a different field. Ever since elementary, everyone thought I was mentally handicapped for the dumb reason that I was too shy. Because I did not speak much(I moved from another city and found it hard to fit in), even the teachers thought I was dumb. They even brought in a psychologist to see if I'm truly handicapped! Anyways, this did not change when I went to high school and I was labeled "dumb" by teachers, friends, and even family. So I acted upon my label and did very poorly in highschool. I decided to become a police officer because even though I loved helping people, I did not think I was smart enough to do what I wanted (medicine). I got into a criminology program in college and was planning to just do 2 years and apply for policing. But after 2 years I didn't leave because I was doing really well. That's when I realized that I was not dumb at all, but it was because now I was not around people labeling me dumb. So I spent another 3 years in the program even though I was beginning to think that policing was not right for me. I didn't want to switch programs because I thought I'd be wasting time. But one day, I was talking with a stranger and she told me how her daughter switched to business after getting her Ba in sociology because she didn't like it. Now she's found a marketing job and loves it. I was then told that no matter how much time you think you've wasted, that you should go back and do what you love because you only have one life to accomplish it. So I decided that I will start over in science and get into the medical profession I want. Yes I've wasted over 5 years and I'm quite old (well, about the same age as you) but I know that I would not be satisfied until I at least try for my dream. Right now I'm fulfilling my pre-med requirements and it's brutally hard, but I'm pulling through. At times I just want to give up because of how exhausting it is but I keep telling myself that I HAVE to do this. Not only to prove everyone who though I was dumb wrong, but to accomplish what I thought was impossible to me a few years ago. I am facing obstacles however, from family telling me to just give it up and get a job, to friends who laugh at me saying I will never be able to do it. And you will also face obstacles, but you must overcome anything that gets in your way. Go for your dream, you are NOT too old. Right now I'm striving for something that everyone thought I cannot do and it's looking promising so far. Would you care to step into the same boat as I? =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): If you've got the dream (at any age) and are willing to work your ass off and ignore anyone who says anything negative that isn't a constructive piece of criticism, then I see no reason you can't go on to a decent career.
Pete Murray didn't pick up a guitar until he was in his late 20's and is one of Australia's most popular artists.
Just don't do it because you want fame and glory. That is no way to start a career. Do it because you love the game. Because you want to spread to others your love of music.
If you are only in it for the fame and money, people will see through everything you do in a split second. If however, you are sincere in your love for music, it will come across, even to people who don't like you musical leanings.
That being said, don;t try for the quick IDOL fix. That might get you 15 minutes. But then it will be cruelly yanked from under you just as soon as it comes.
I myself had been around theatre and music my entire life. My father was in a band (several actually) and liked being in theatre productions and was very musically gifted. His entire family are involved in music and television in some way. My mother was not quite on the same level. But she did love music.
So I couldn't help but develop a love for music and theatre. And I was performing in a circus and in theatre productions until I was 13 or so. Then I switched to behind the scenes and learned how to design and operate lighting and sound schemes for theatre and other productions.
Did that right until I was about 18 or so. And then left it all until I was 24 or so.
I met a girl who re-ignited my desire to be on stage and performing. So I got myself singing lessons and started auditioning again. I was nervous, I hadn't performed in anything since I was like 13-14 and that is a long time to be out of the industry.
Of course I failed a few auditions, but took something with me from each of them and eventually, after a year or so of lessons and auditions, I landed a role. Probably by luck as they had not had enough men audition. But it was the opening I had been looking for.
I have scarcely had a month at best where I have not had work form then on. A lot of my roles have been ensemble or chorus, but since starting back up in 2007 I have had at least one principal role a year since then (In THE KELLY WOMEN and THE UNEXPECTED GUEST). So, with each show, with each audition, I gain more and more experience and hone my skills.
This year I am starting to develop my straight out Opera voice. In a few years of hard work after never having had lessons, and I'm ready to learn straight Italian Opera.
I'm also starting dance and acting lessons to develop thise skills to the level of my singing voice (which is now equally as good as anyone else I have to compete in auditions with, and better than some).
I started up again at an age similar to yours and I'm having the time of my life. I have friends in all sorts of arenas now.
So it's only a matter of time and work before I can go Professional.
So, whatever your age. If you work hard for it, you can have whatever you want to. Just rememember, love what you do. If you have no love, it will never work.
Flynn 24
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female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (15 February 2009):
 Hi There!
I was interested to read your problem. You sound so much like me. I too teach 16 - 19 year olds. I am an ex singer/dancer. I am now 45 and I am burning to get back into it but with a family and not much support - its difficult. You probably got into teaching as I did as it is a sort of a performance. It was not my first choice of job.
I would suggest you join a semi-pro band. Lots of adverts aroud in papers and on the internet. That will take away some of the frustration you experience. What about doing an MA in Music and then teaching music. Again you will be teaching what you love.
Its hard to make it in music these days and make good money out of it. Its all luck. Another suggestion could be cruise ships, hotels in holiday resorts.
I wish you luck and I really unerstand your frustration.
You are not that old and can still be successful.
LOL
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself but what I really mean is... I've had this epiphany... now what do I do with it?
I resent myself for being an idiot but I'm not proud and I know I've made some bad decisions. Maybe idiot is a strong word, but I screwed up.
Worry is unproductive and it's making me sick physically. I've had bladder infections so painful it feels like I'm peeing razor blades, I have stomachaches all the time, and my knees are going nuts. I took my contacts out because my eyes are twitching. I've been to doctors about my problems and they tell me that there's nothing wrong with me, just that I am extremely stressed out.
I'm so grateful for my health but I'm so scared that one day this is gonna ruin it.
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