| Latest articles: Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Signs of Abusive Behaviour
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 April 2009: Covered in this article: Ask yourself | What are the signs of an abuser? | What is abuse? | Now what? | Escape plan | Shelters | Summary ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- +++INTRODUCTIO...
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I don't get it..did I do something wrong when we met for our first date! Help me understand!
Q. Sorry about the length but please do read it all. Thanks! I met this guy online and he was so excited at the prospect of meeting me. He asked me out and planned dinner at the beach. The night we met up something wasn’t right. He seemed distract...
A. 19 March 2009: Again, apologies for even thinking that your real life situation is fictional. Perhaps I have been a bit jaded after discovering that some questions were fictional and posted by serial posters with ulterior motives. Or by someone who keeps refusing ... (read in full...)
I want a baby but the man I love is sterile...
Q. I'm ready for a baby, physically anyway. Don't give me the "you're too you and financially unstable to support a child".. I don't want a baby right now. That would not be responsible of me. I know I want children... but my fiancee is sterile....
A. 18 March 2009: If you went to a sperm bank, please do an intensive and extensive research before you choose one. Read the fine print.
Ideally, you would find one that would have a full medical disclosure on the sperm donor. The donor, on the other hand, ha... (read in full...)
How can I help my brother? He was only trying to protect me?
Q. I'm 21 and most people think I live a very privileged life. I have a twin brother and people call us spoiled, bratty and out of control. I will admit that we have pushed our limited with family, school and the law. But now we both are paying f...
A. 18 March 2009: I'm not sure in the eyes of the law that what your brother did was considered "protecting you". If it happened a few days later, it sounded more "premeditated" than "defending" you.
So, if you can afford it, the best way to help your twin bro... (read in full...)
I want a baby but the man I love is sterile...
Q. I'm ready for a baby, physically anyway. Don't give me the "you're too you and financially unstable to support a child".. I don't want a baby right now. That would not be responsible of me. I know I want children... but my fiancee is sterile....
A. 18 March 2009: A man's infertility is classified into different categories (or causes). For instance, a low sperm count (under 20million sperm heads in 1milli-liter of semen), or his sperm has many anomalies in shape, or low motility, or his semen contains no ... (read in full...)
Questions the doctor will ask me...
Q. Hello, I'm 16 and I'm going to have the contraceptive implant today, my mum suggested this but she thinks I'm a virgin. I know my doctor will ask if I'm sexually active and I was wondering will I get into trouble with the law if I tell my doctor I ...
A. 18 March 2009: If you are going in with your mother, a good doctor will be discreet (even though you are still a minor) so that s/he will not make you feel more embarrassed and stressed as you already are.
The question "are you sexually active at the moment" ... (read in full...)
I lost my baby at 30 weeks and don't know how to restart my life...
Q. Hi everyone, I would appreciate any advice anyone has for me. Six months ago I lost my baby boy through miscarrage at 30 weeks, it was completely unexpected as most of the pregnancy had been fine. I had already bought all of the things for his ...
A. 18 March 2009: I am sorry to hear about the loss of your unborn baby through miscarriage. Your current feeling of "reclusiveness" is not that uncommon amongst mothers who lost their babies.
Grief is not the only emotion associated with miscarriages. Other ty... (read in full...)
I don't get it..did I do something wrong when we met for our first date! Help me understand!
Q. Sorry about the length but please do read it all. Thanks! I met this guy online and he was so excited at the prospect of meeting me. He asked me out and planned dinner at the beach. The night we met up something wasn’t right. He seemed distract...
A. 18 March 2009: Are you the same person who wrote this previous question?
One date and I don't understand his actions (10 Mar 09)
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/one-date-and-i-dont-understand-his-actions.html
It sounds awfully similar, with only m... (read in full...)
I didn't enjoy kissing/snogging... Help!
Q. Hi, I am not a very confident person and have never had a relationship before but have now met somebody through a dating website and met them for the first time last night. I had a lovely lovely time, and I really really like him, he is just so ...
A. 18 March 2009: Don't worry about your first kiss.
If it helps, the next time you meet him, try having a dinner that constitutes everything that you like in taste or flavor. For the main course, avoid anything that has a strong after taste or odor, like fish, garl... (read in full...)
I fear making a clean break from him... help!
Q. I finally found the strength to break up with my abusive bf last week. And I stood my ground. He got really angry because of that. I don't think he ever expected me to stand up to him - he couldn't handle it at all, he got so out of control, I had ...
A. 18 March 2009: Consider yourself BLESSED ^-^ !!!
Yes, think positive! Be thankful that you got to find out EARLY!
You did the absolutely correct action by standing your ground.
You have no cause to question your self worth. You did nothing wrong. If anythi... (read in full...)
Obsessed boyfriend!
Q. My bfriend and I have only been together a few months. The first two months were very serious (talks of marriage) but now I have just about had enough. He got really drunk one night and sent me abusive text messages because I was at work and ...
A. 18 March 2009: This kind of relationship will take a toll on your wellbeing. Emily is correct, it sounds like b/f needs professional help.
You need to tell him that you feel his OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) is currently overshadowing your relation... (read in full...)
Baby blues...
Q. After having a baby 5 months ago me and my husband are not getting along and we dont have sex? What can we do to save the marriage? ...
A. 18 March 2009: The term "baby blues" is a mild form of "post natal depression". It encompasses a broad range of conditions, and therefore one needs to understand which specifically that you are experiencing of which having sex may just be one.
Have a look at ... (read in full...)
Chasing pavements...
Q. Does anyone know or got their own meanings on what "chasing pavements" means? I would like to know others views on this thanks....
A. 18 March 2009:
English term or phrase: Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?
English translation: Should I give up or (should I) keep going?
It could also mean: walk around aimlessly.
... (read in full...)
For my daughters sake.., should I settle?
Q. I met someone new. My husband and I were having problems. I was 8 months pregnant and he decided it was best for me to go live with my parents out of state. I don't want to get into the specifics of the problems but it did not involve cheating in a...
A. 18 March 2009: There are two things to be addressed here. 1. Technically, you are separated from your husband. Legally you are still married. So is your current love interest, he too is legally married (and not separated from his wife). You are a good person, y... (read in full...)
Can I enjoy love without infatuation?
Q. I want to start off by saying, in the past I've always dated or pursued a girl that I've been infatuated with. Usually it goes fine except for the "simple" fact that none of them loved me, or they weren't infatuated enough to wish to continue. Af...
A. 18 March 2009: Here is a brief definition on "infatuatuation" from Oxford English Dictionary (10th ed) infatuate · v. (be infatuated with) be inspired with an intense but short-lived passion for. – DERIVATIVES infatuation n. – ORIGIN C16: from L. infatuat-, ... (read in full...)
Sometimes I feel like quitting the relationship but I like her as a person
Q. My friend has got a very polite way of humiliating people and I don’t like it, I have spoken to her about this several times but she is a “take it or leave it” kind of a person. She does it to me as well sometimes and it hurts my feelings. But most...
A. 18 March 2009: Basically, you can adopt her attitude, i.e. take it or leave it. I had a colleague like her once. I was strong enough to defend myself in public so that did not bother me. But I found that I ended up having to apologize to other people for what ... (read in full...)
What do I do to make him change his mind?
Q. ok... its pretty difficult but i was already pregnant when i first met my fiance. we were together 3 months and he had left for pre deployment training. we had a really good friend and he told me while my fiance was away that he was sleeping with...
A. 18 March 2009: Ture best friends would accept each other's conditions, and would help to support each other within their each other's capacity.
Your fiance's objections may not necessarily because he does not want a family now, but it might actually be concerns... (read in full...)
I love a chinese man but my family wants me to marry an Indonesian!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a boyfriend,his name is J. I love him so much that I dont want to be away from him, problem is he's Chinese and I'm Indonesian. I'm worried about my family,they're so old fashioned and they want me to marry Indonesian guy ...
A. 17 March 2009: Are you referring to J as Chinese because of his ethnicity or his religion? The reason I asked is sometimes parents - ye, they are just human beings like the rest of us - would state an objection against something, when the actual objection is ... (read in full...)
Would she get by without me?She's too dependent on me
Q. From the age of 16 my dream was to have a business where I could earn money from my computer and travel the world. No one believed that was realistic but I worked hard over the last 9 years at it and now I am almost in the position to live like ...
A. 17 March 2009: You're right, you know the answer already.
You have set up a road map for your self 10 years ago, and you are ready to embark on a new journey as you had planned. I suspect that you love your girl friend, like you love a close or best friend. ... (read in full...)
Good gift? I don't want to be boring & thoughtless
Q. Hi, the girl I like (or at least think I do - still unsure)has her birthday on friday, and we should be meeting Saturday (I suggested we meet for a coffee, but she asked if I would go for a walk with her - cannot really refuse) Anyway, I'd lik...
A. 17 March 2009: It is not boring at all. In fact, especially if you downloaded the music yourself. Not a store bought one.
Perhaps not a single SD, but two? One containing music that you like (so she can learn to know you more) and that she likes (that way she ... (read in full...)
Am I going to bleed or not?
Q. I was molested when I was really small and I'm about to get married in a months time..... and now I'm just worried if I am going to bleed on my wedding night when I have sex? Am I going to bleed or not? And will the guy be able to tell whether ...
A. 17 March 2009: Do you know your future husband well, or is this an arranged marriage?
The reason I asked is because chances are he would be more understanding if you know your fiance well (and thus you can confide in him to alleviate any upsetting surprises for ... (read in full...)
I don't think my relationship with family will be the same now
Q. We were open and honest with our families about our relationsip and now I fear they will hate me forever. My mom cried and told me she thought she raised me better, my dad well he will just say he was pissed. Before leaving their house everything ...
A. 17 March 2009: Right, after following your previous postings/links
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/follow-up-i-am-dating-my-older-married.html
and before that
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/they-tell-me-im-a-fool.html
my first hunch was correct: your pa... (read in full...)
I don't think my relationship with family will be the same now
Q. We were open and honest with our families about our relationsip and now I fear they will hate me forever. My mom cried and told me she thought she raised me better, my dad well he will just say he was pissed. Before leaving their house everything ...
A. 17 March 2009: What exactly happened? What was it about your relationship that caused them to be so upset?
Parents are parents. They are the only people who can give you unconditional love. Even children do not have the same level of unconditional love toward t... (read in full...)
How long should I wait for this 16 year old girl to grow up?
Q. I have fallen in love with a 16 year old girl.I love her very much.Yet I is it correct for me to think of settling down with her after say 6 years....
A. 17 March 2009: You live in India, where many still practice arranged marriages. If your family still practicing it, then you can start introducing her to your family/parents now so they too will begin to love her like you fell in love with her. Unfortunately, if ... (read in full...)
Do I need a Physiotherapist?
Q. hey i am 14 years old. i have been having some shoulder and back pain, mainly on the left side. it might be due to a heavy schoolbag or something, but ive been noticing a sharp pain i get sometimes near my neck/shoulder. its always in the same ...
A. 17 March 2009: Well, you've identified one possibility. There other possibilities too, such as:
- how you sit and how long you sit in front of your computer
- where the position of your lamp on your study desk (if you have moved it recently) so that perhaps ... (read in full...)
Me on top?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend a couple of weeks now and we've had sex a few times. I really want to try going on top, it's something that I fantasise about often and he's said he wants me to but I've never tried it. I can usually get on top but t...
A. 17 March 2009: There's more to sitting on top than meets the eye actually.
Check these educational sites and see which ones you like best, in case you are curious how you can "better yourself" :-)
http://www.karmasutrapictures.com/
http://www.goodtoknow... (read in full...)
Painful sex I keep hoping it will get better..but it doesn't!
Q. Hi, I am 32 years old. Recently married my boyfriend of 7 years. We have had differences of opinion even before marriage. Its been just 5 months since we got married. I feel something is wrong in my marriage. He has something to say in everything I ...
A. 17 March 2009: You can also not take it too seriously. Just humour him. You could say "Yes, I know you are right. You are always right, even when you are wrong, or even when you are being a prick" (pun intended).
In addition to going to a therapist and a releva... (read in full...)
Doggy style hurting
Q. I've been in a long term relationship for 5 years and I greatly enjoy sex from the back (doggy style) but for some reason when I do sometimes its painful. What does anybody suggest I should do? Will be greatly appreciated!...
A. 17 March 2009: Ummmm ... this is the second cut and paste comment I am making today ... sorry about that. But more words from me is actually not necessary when you can get them from the following links:
There are quite a number of instructional sites for sexu... (read in full...)
I need tips for new sex positions and ideas
Q. My bf and I have sex a lot, but it's usually in the same methods, either he spoons me or i'm on top. That's it. He has a small penis and has trouble with keeping erections, so I try not to vary too much because I'm afraid any changes will mak...
A. 17 March 2009: I copied this from my previous posting on a similar question on sex position:
There are quite a number of instructional sites for sexual positions. Google karma sutra positions, and you may find
http://www.ka... (read in full...)
Hormonal wife seeks answers to mystery extra period.
Q. This is more of a question for a medical forum but I thought I might get your guys views as you always seem to give some good advice... I am married, 2 years, happily. I never was on the pill, then recently decided to take it because were wer...
A. 17 March 2009: Each person has different hormonal cycles and conditions. That is why you need to consult your ob/gyn for this. For some, generic over the counter pills may work, for others they may not.
The best thing for you to do is to get a complete medical ... (read in full...)
What exactly is the Atkins diet?
Q. Hey guys, I'm a little confused. I'm wanting to try the Atkins diet, but the thing is I am not quite sure what it is or what it involves, I've just heard that you can lose a lot of weight from it. Would you recommend it? And what is it exactly? ...
A. 16 March 2009: Right. Atkins diet relies on meats as the base of your energy, and ignores carbohydrates due to their "instant" energy from breaking it down to sugars (which your body needs).
Your body is healthier wheh it receives a balanced diet of protein ... (read in full...)
He bought me a diamond ring but I still want to have the abortion
Q. I am completely torn about whether or not to have an abortion. I could really use some adivce because I haven't told many people I am pregnant.I am 21 years old, and my boyfriend is 25. He has a good job and could support a baby, and has lots of ...
A. 16 March 2009: Hi. Are you the same student - majoring in biology and wants to be a a doctor/vet and who thinks that having a baby at this time would put your dreams on hold?
You wrote earlier and this is your link?
http://ww... (read in full...)
I want to work from home... anyone ever did this before?
Q. Hi. I really hope someone can help. I want to do some work from home, can you tell me what you think of this website ?: http://www.maverickmoneymakers.com If you don't think this one is genuine, could you please provide links to any we...
A. 16 March 2009: Yes, I have worked from home. And still do sometimes, work from home, on my laptop or PC. It is called flexible hours based on deliverables. BUT, it all started from working with people in a proper office. Years of it. And yes, I still have to go to ... (read in full...)
I confront him and he just lies to me more
Q. My boyfriend of almost 8 years is lying to me about were he met this girl on his myspace. We have had our problems in the past yet I have stayed with him. I feel like this is the last draw I don't know what to do I confront him and he just lies...
A. 16 March 2009: He has proven in the past that he is capable of lying. He is doing in the present time. Why does he continually do this when he knows that it hurts you? Because, unfortunately, he can, and unfortunately you tolerate(d) this behaviour.
Lying... (read in full...)
I have never expressed once that I could or would support her in this way
Q. since I've been with my girlfriend she has had maybe 5 or 6 different jobs, most last less than a month. the longest was at Macy's and that was 3 months working only weekends. she's not in school, she's not disabled, although she doesn't have any ...
A. 16 March 2009: It's never too late to put some new "ground rules" on the sharing of house expenses when you live together. After all, with the current unstable economy, one needs to be very careful in managing one's own money. Are you frustrated becau... (read in full...)
How can we surprise my family about me falling pregnant???
Q. My husband and I are pregnant and want to tell our family in a unique way during a family gathering. My niece who is 16 has been asking when we were going to have a baby so we wanted to somehow have her involved any ideas?...
A. 16 March 2009: With your glowing faces? They'll spot your pregnancy right away! :-)
If, like Jessica said, you were going to do that over Easter, can you find a chocolatier who can make interesting chocolate shapes, like 2 adult figures with a toddler between ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to stay home alone?
Q. I need help, I have got myself into a rut since my good friend went to uni in september. I have become a loner I don't like going anywhere alone so I stay in my house all day(on my days of from college) I feel so sad because I want to do things but ...
A. 16 March 2009: Sure it is OK to be home alone. There is nothing wrong in being a "loner" per se. But only if you can enjoy your own company, and be at peace with yourself.
However, not too many people are "loners" actually. "Loners" do not feel marginal... (read in full...)
Guilt about sexual attraction
Q. Dear Friends, I'm in a very bad state of guilt, 10 years ago when I was 13 years I had a sexual attraction towards my mom and I ended up acting on it like smelling panties, peeping at her and once tried to grope her when I was sleeping next to her ...
A. 16 March 2009: Your condition is called "Oedipus Complex". This forum or site is not the appropriate place for you to get answers for your condition. You need to have a proper evaluation and therapy from qualified and trained professional. They can do the ... (read in full...)
Should we keep our TWINS a surprise?
Q. My husband and I are pregnant with twins, this is our third pregnancy and it will be our last. We were thinking about keeping the TWIN part a surprise until they are born. We will be having a planned c section and were thinking that the he could ...
A. 16 March 2009: Thats right, some more experienced mothers and granmothers may already be able to see the tell-tale signs even if you did not tell them.
When my cousin was carrying twins, it was noticeable until the end of the second trimester. By the end of m... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is balding and I don't like it
Q. I really need help please. I love my bf as a person. I think he's great but recently he's been losing his hair and its really starting to look bad. He's tried many different hairstyles but they don't really suit him. Recently he shaved his head ...
A. 16 March 2009: I had a friend who deliberately shaved his head when his partner went through chemotherapy a few years ago. She lost her hair, and he thought it would make her feel better if he wore the same hair-style. I thought that was really sweet of him.
N... (read in full...)
We seem to reciprocate each other's feelings and I want to date him
Q. Hi, Agony Aunts! Well, this is a mildly interesting story with some weird circumstances. It's also rather long, so I hope you have the patience. In addition to that, let me start by saying that nothing has happened yet, but I'm wondering if (and ...
A. 15 March 2009: For starters, either you or him can start looking for a job elsewhere, that pays just as well. Both of you are young enough to ventrue out and explore job-career possibilities that would eventually enhance your careers anyways. Particularly, a job ... (read in full...)
Unhappy in a foreign country
Q. Hello to all. So here is my situation. I left my job, family, friends, and country to be with the love of my life. We got married and I currently live in his country. We've been married for two years now but recently I've come to realize that...
A. 15 March 2009: ^- -^
*- *
OK. I think I have a better picture of your situation here. First of all, you can only find happiness within yourself. You don't rely on the outside world to give you happiness. Having said that, I think I can empathize with you.
... (read in full...)
When should I start feeding my baby?
Q. When should I start feeding my baby rice, cereal and baby food? He is 2 months and 15 days right now....
A. 15 March 2009: A healthy mother's milk is actually the perfect "food" that you can give your baby until s/he is 12 months old.
But, in general, an infant start to develop its ability to absorb solid foods at 6 months old. Yes, not all our organs are fully de... (read in full...)
Unhappy in a foreign country
Q. Hello to all. So here is my situation. I left my job, family, friends, and country to be with the love of my life. We got married and I currently live in his country. We've been married for two years now but recently I've come to realize that...
A. 14 March 2009: Do you live in a country that has security restrictions for you as a "foreigner"? Or, does this country have good public transportation, or safe taxies?
I have seen spouses who had to follow their husbands/wives to a foreign country and got "bor... (read in full...)
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