| Latest articles: Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Signs of Abusive Behaviour
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 April 2009: Covered in this article: Ask yourself | What are the signs of an abuser? | What is abuse? | Now what? | Escape plan | Shelters | Summary ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- +++INTRODUCTIO...
|
I neglected him and now my husband refuses to help me solve our problems!...
Q. I have been married for 25 years. We were the couple every one wanted to be like. We have always been in love, a deep passionate love to the core of our souls. As the kids got older and their behavior as teenagers got out of control, we began to ...
A. 4 March 2009: Wow. This is a tough one. First of all, hugs to you.
I am single, and I do not have experience as a marriage councellor. So I feel a bit intimidated in trying to offer just a bit of help here. Please forgive me if my inputs will not be that hel... (read in full...)
I want this crazy sex addiction to stop now!
Q. Hi guys 'n gals. I'm a 19 year old dude who is CRAZY about sex. I can't go even 2 days without getting some and I always use a condom but I just don't wanna go on like any more. It's like I'm dependent on sex. I have 3 girlfriends currently. If I ...
A. 4 March 2009: Hormones hormones hormones. :-)
Methinks you have too much free time in your hands.
Have you thought about being involved in other physical activites that will occupy your thoughts, your mind, your time, and spend your energy in a positive wa... (read in full...)
He's hiding that he's doing drugs!
Q. I have been in a relationship for nearly 2 years now and I love my partner very much. I knew that he was taking coccaine probably twice a week which wasn't a problem to me, however a few times now he has been taking it in secret without telling me, ...
A. 4 March 2009: Perhaps, you did not mind your b/f using cocaine because your understanding of it, is that it is a "recreational drug", or similar like marijuana, therefore "harmless" when taken in small dosage?
I found these sites, which I thought may be helpf... (read in full...)
I've fallen off the wagon and I'm hiding it from my girlfriend
Q. A few years ago i was treated for alcoholism and for that period off time i stopped drinking for a complete year then only having a few beers with friends on a friday night. Everything was fine until last october when with pressures of work and my ...
A. 4 March 2009: There is only one reason to tell her. You want to be a healthy partner and grow old together.
You can only change if you want to change. If you changed because of her, there is a possibility that you may fall off a wagon again in the future, ... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 4 March 2009: Thanks for updating us. I don't know whether showing this thread will help or worsen the situation, it is just a thought that just crossed my mind.
You started "timid" and then "defensive" and then "own up" in this thread. One can almost see the ... (read in full...)
Where should we watch a movie together, if I want us to be closer?
Q. What's the best way to watch a movie with two people that obviously have feelings towards one another but nobody's made a move yet: in a theater or at the guy's house? I'm thinking the guy's house because we'd have a chance to talk and watch t...
A. 4 March 2009: If he is shy, at his place. But if you want him to think that he made the first moove, thus to give the appearance that he is more "confident", then your place will be better.
Tell him you have several movies you'd like to see, but cannot make up ... (read in full...)
Anyone out there, who has been married over twenty years, lost the hornyness, and has some ideas on how to rekindle the fire?
Q. And especially for the over 40s who are 20+ years in a marriage. So we’ve spent a bunch of years raising kids, putting them first. Now they’re teenagers, and giving us the grief that we gave our parents. And the end is in sight – the kids are, ...
A. 4 March 2009: oops ... the last sentence was meant to be for your wife ... you don't have curves, do you?? LOL
Sorryyy ...
Cat
... (read in full...)
Anyone out there, who has been married over twenty years, lost the hornyness, and has some ideas on how to rekindle the fire?
Q. And especially for the over 40s who are 20+ years in a marriage. So we’ve spent a bunch of years raising kids, putting them first. Now they’re teenagers, and giving us the grief that we gave our parents. And the end is in sight – the kids are, ...
A. 4 March 2009: Ummmm.... I am a bit envious of you. 20 years married and still think about romance to each other. :-)
My adopted parents are in their 70s-80s and they still cuddle up to each other!
If you are talking about sex, right now, I am still fascina... (read in full...)
I was told, after asking a question, that I was not pretty, it deflated my self-esteem, please help?
Q. I have always had a very good outlook on life and have had a fairly high self esteem up until this year. It is my junior year in high school and I am 16. It was not until this year that I noticed that no guys pay any attention to me and that all of ...
A. 4 March 2009: Who told you you were not pretty? Boys in your school? Idiots! (whack! LOL). When I was in junior high, I used to think that I look pretty only when I am in a dimly lit room. Duh! LOL
You have the series "Ugly Betty" in the States, right? See if y... (read in full...)
What is your opinion of people who cannot look you in the eye?
Q. What does it mean when a person can't stand to look you in the eyes for more than two seconds? My brother-in-law is like that and also this guy at church. There's no attraction whatsoever between any of us. My brother in law is like my own brother ...
A. 4 March 2009: Aaahhh ... society and its "forced" values and norms on how people should behave ...
There may be many reasons why people stare, or not look you in the eyes.
= Lazy eyes (it is a medical as well a habitual condition)
= Lack of confidence ... (read in full...)
My husband is addicted to anniseed balls and beer!
Q. My husband has started to become addicted to food, in particular, aniseed balls and beer... he can't start the day without them. Wherever he goes, he has to take aniseed balls and beer with him (or if driving, a diet Coke!). He's showed no ...
A. 4 March 2009: Foods (and drinks) to some can be used to "comfort" their feelings, In other words, food (and drinks) are used to substitute something that is missing, or to fill a void, to supress a feeling, in some people.
Was there something drastic that occ... (read in full...)
How can I explain my reasons for not wanting to associate with my sister-in-law's brother?
Q. My sister-in-law’s brother is 15 years old and I am 24 years old. Because of his age and his behavior, I try not to do anything with him. He tries to drink alcoholic beverage (he tries to get me to buy it a few times which I don’t but he has been ...
A. 4 March 2009: So you don't want to be around him because of his bad habits? Or his age?
He is at that rebellious age, and may be trying to discover who he is. Although his actions may not be the way that you approve, but every individual is unique in their qu... (read in full...)
He doesn't tell me he loves me often enough... I need to hear it!
Q. Hi everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now and it's going good except that he doesn't tell me he loves me very often. He cheated last year and we are working through this and it has definitely been very hard but we are getting ...
A. 4 March 2009: My last ex had problems saying the L word. I stopped saying it because like you, I needed to hear it too. We later got to the bottom of his "issue" though. i.e. he was deeply hurt when his relationship of 18 years with his partner "dissolved".
... (read in full...)
Sickeningly happy but how to propose?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year. She's the most beautiful and sweetest girl in the universe. I was over the moon when she agreed to go on a date with me. I was taken aback by her response when I asked. She said, "What took you so ...
A. 4 March 2009: Does she still have that silver colored fitting dress? As her to wear it, perhaps even go to the same place that you went to on your first date.
Tell her how happy she has made you. Then you go down on your knees and propose to her. Write wh... (read in full...)
Puberty means one thing to me... ACNE!!!!
Q. Huh!!! I feel soo frustrated!!! Puberty, puberty!!! Yeah I'm happy knowing that I'm growing and stuff but puberty also has a dark side!! ACNE!! oh my god I hate it. I feel soo self conscious about it, when is it gonna just go away!! I have it ...
A. 4 March 2009: Acne is a condition caused by many factors, both genetics as well as physiological and psychological (which affect the physiology of your body)
It is believed that one of the biggest factors that cause acne is an increase in hormones called a... (read in full...)
She's pregnant but she won't tell me when our baby is due!
Q. Hello, I need advice everyone. I have been with this woman for a few years now and she became pregnant last year with twins. I will not go into detail but she was 20 weeks pregnant when she told me that the cord was coming away. I broke down for a ...
A. 4 March 2009: Babies are a blessing in this world. They are pure creatures of God. Many women who are not with their partners anymore often let them know that they had conceived a child together, as it is important for the the partner to know that they had ... (read in full...)
My friends think I'm sick for having a crush on my 56 year old teacher!
Q. So...I'm a sixteen year old girl who is MADLY in love with her 56 year old World History teacher (who just so happens to be married with kids who are older than me!). All of my friends are so disgusted and think I'm sick! I don't know what to do! ...
A. 4 March 2009: oops ... disturbing typo ... I meant to say
"I do think you know what I am talking about her"
instead of "I dont' think you know ..."
(this sound very condescending, doesn't it ... sorry .. meant to write something then changed it ... ... (read in full...)
Haven't had sex in 6 years!
Q. I haven't had sex in over six years. What can I do to better myself for the next time I have sex and also to give a A+ blow job?...
A. 4 March 2009: Absolutely! Just go with the flow.
[Blush] I was the same a couple of years ago. Then I met this older guy, and it was like never forgeting how to ride a bike. Wobbly at first (me) but then it was like being on a highway with a Ferrari! LOL
... (read in full...)
I need to tell my parents that I may have schitzophrenia
Q. This can really change my life and the people around me. I am ready to tell my parents that I may have schizophrenia, I am ready, I am not that afraid, I am, but I can take it, I just don't know how to tell, my mom, someone help, this can really ...
A. 4 March 2009: Have you tested "positive" for it?
Yes, it is very important to tell your parents about it. They may not be surprised actually, if there has been a history in the family. My birth parents' family have a history of Schizophrenia, so my adopted ... (read in full...)
My friends think I'm sick for having a crush on my 56 year old teacher!
Q. So...I'm a sixteen year old girl who is MADLY in love with her 56 year old World History teacher (who just so happens to be married with kids who are older than me!). All of my friends are so disgusted and think I'm sick! I don't know what to do! ...
A. 4 March 2009: Gosh, when I was in high school I had a crush on my history/psychology teacher too. I thought he was the most handsome man on the planet! I also admired him immensely for what he had overcome in his life. He had only one arm because of an accident ... (read in full...)
Parents tell me they love my b/f tell everyone else that they hate him?
Q. Ok so here is the deal, I am twenty years old i have been dating my boyfrinend for four years we are perfect together. We were sixteen when we started dating and i am now twenty he is also, He is very shy my parents lie to me and tell me that they ...
A. 4 March 2009: Choosing between your parents and your boyfriend is never easy. You love them both.
Have you asked them exactly what it is that they don't like about him? If at all possible, make them write a list of all the things that they don't like about th... (read in full...)
Unhappy unskinny teen
Q. Hey, I'm 15 and I live in New York City. I've never been skinny. I'm a size 6. I've never understood: I have a small chest, big hips, not flat stomach, huge thighs, bad skin, frizzy/ curly hair. I just don't understand! I feel like I lucked out on a...
A. 3 March 2009: You are fine and healthy!
Check these out:
http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/dnpabmi/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bmi-calculator/NU00597
It is more important to be healthy than be skin and bones only ... (though my friends would always ... (read in full...)
How can I curb this temper of mines?
Q. Ok, I really need as many help and as much advice as I can possibly get. I really love the person that I'm with right now and I would do anything or at least try my best to work out any problems a relationship sometimes have. My bf and I work ...
A. 3 March 2009: Are you normally bad tempered to everybody or mostly just to your boyfriend? If it is jut to your boyfriend, there may actually an underlying issue that manifested itself (in you) as "anger". If it is to everybody, your "problem" could be both to do ... (read in full...)
I had underage sex and now I'm worried that I'm pregnant
Q. hey im underage n i slept wid my bf about a week ago and im really worried i could b pregnant because ive been feeling sick in the mornings and ive been getting worried and im too scared to tell my bf or go to a chemist to get a test in case they ...
A. 3 March 2009: You are welcome, sweetheart. You are showing a positive sign of growing to be a responsible young adult.
Cat
xoxo
... (read in full...)
How could I celebrate my birthday in a good way?
Q. This isn't really a relationship question but it's the only site I know of to come to for help and advice lol. It's my 20th birthday coming up soon, in 2 weeks and I really want to celebrate it as I never really do anything for my birthday. prob...
A. 3 March 2009: It is probably still too cold to have a party outdoors at this time of the year.
Do you have a friend whose house or flat can be borrowed for your "party"?
Do you or your friends have any aversion against "pot luck" (or BYO - bring your own) ... (read in full...)
I had underage sex and now I'm worried that I'm pregnant
Q. hey im underage n i slept wid my bf about a week ago and im really worried i could b pregnant because ive been feeling sick in the mornings and ive been getting worried and im too scared to tell my bf or go to a chemist to get a test in case they ...
A. 3 March 2009: OK. It may be a bit too early for a pregnancy test. So may I suggest that you find out where the clinic is in your nearest area, and start talking about what you need to do next.
If you are indeed not pregnant, I hope you will learn from this. I ... (read in full...)
If I give in and have sex with him will I be just another notch on his bedpost?
Q. I need some advice on a guy that I work with, we have been flirting for about nine months, we finally had a quick snog, he has a rep as being a ladies man but I really fancy him, so I went for it, he text me to he liked it and I was just wondering ...
A. 3 March 2009: Is he seeing anyone at the moment? Or like you said, is he still taking home women friends for a snog?
If his text just said he liked it, it meant that he liked it. Would he have another one? Probably, if he liked it. From you? Probably. From ano... (read in full...)
In terms of Personality, what is a man's turn on when he looks for a woman?
Q. Though this may seem a little vague, what would you say is the biggest attractant for a man when it comes to the opposite sex? We know that sex is a primary need and desire, but aside from the physical part, what do most men look for or what is the ...
A. 3 March 2009: Hmmmm .. it is indeed a very vague question. It is like asking, "what do men like to eat" LOL
You will get dozens or hundreds of answers and probably they are all different :-)
My most recent ex told me that he melts when I spoke a foreign ... (read in full...)
I had underage sex and now I'm worried that I'm pregnant
Q. hey im underage n i slept wid my bf about a week ago and im really worried i could b pregnant because ive been feeling sick in the mornings and ive been getting worried and im too scared to tell my bf or go to a chemist to get a test in case they ...
A. 3 March 2009: You made the first brave move by admitting that you made a mistake. That takes a lot of courage.
The next step after taking a pregnancy test, is to tell your b/f, then your parents. You are their daughter, and even if they may scold you at first... (read in full...)
Back in the dating game again after 11 years and now I cannot form a meaningful relationship with a man!
Q. I came out of an 11 year relationship a little over a year ago and since then I have found it really difficult to form a meaningful relationship with another man. I don't seem to have difficulty attracting a man in the first place and over this pa...
A. 3 March 2009: Don't look and you shall find it! (who said that? LOL)
11 years of a committed relationship is not an easy one to forget nor to get over, so I think it is only natural that you are being cautious.
Being in a relationship is nice, everyone w... (read in full...)
Advice on romantic weekends please!
Q. I want to plan a romantic weekend for my girlfriend. Any advice as to where mountains, ocean, lake, or city. What are some fun/ romantic activities we can do on the weekend trip? Ladies what makes a romantic weekend special for you...
A. 3 March 2009: In my opinion? His eyes are on me all the time ... and he cannot wipe the smile off his face .... but then I am a hopeless romantic LOL
It is not the geographical place that matters, it our my place in each other's heart that counts (LOL sou... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants space after 3 years--I was too overly friendly
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, we've had some issues along the way but nothing crazy enough to break it up. Until now, its partly my fault as she asked to see my mobile phone and saw a text from a female friend ending with a kiss and a ...
A. 3 March 2009: Hmmmmn ... it all sounds way to familiar with me. I went through the same thing alsmot not too long ago. Different circumstances, but some similar reactions. Except I was the one trying to explain the core issues, and he was the one being defensive ... (read in full...)
Do guys take rejection to heart or blow it off?
Q. Do guys take rejection to heart becasue a guy asked me out and I said no. This was few years ago and I met him recently and he's still mad at me becasue I said when he asked me I actually did like the guy but I didn't know if he saw me as friend or ...
A. 3 March 2009: On the other hand, if he still carries on being "mad" at you for being rejected, years afterward, that's not a good sign either.
If he was "smart", he would have just put a tick on a box labelled "not a nice girl" - that be you.
Not every guy... (read in full...)
She hurt me... but I still love her
Q. My now ex girlfriend was one of the loves of my life, and she left me... well let me set up some background first... I'm a Pacifist and only defend myself, whether Verbally or Physically when I need too. I met her a year ago and we started Dating ...
A. 3 March 2009: You were in an abusive relationship. You don't need one. You need to be in a relationnship where you are loved, respected, cared for, and supported, as much as you love, respect, care for, and support her.
There are girls who would love you bett... (read in full...)
He say we can take thing slow so that he can prove he won't treat me like dirt
Q. hi, i have been mates with this lad for about 4 years. i have always liked him, i had a boyfriend of 2 years. thats didnt work out. and i recently met up with my mate that i have always liked. and he told me he liked me too. we kissed... and he said ...
A. 3 March 2009: Take up on his offer.
You have already learned what not to accept in a relationship with your last b/f. That is, you are a human being, not dirt, so you deserved to treated as an equal partner. Partners respect each other and support each oth... (read in full...)
Father of my child wants nothing to do with his son!
Q. Well I met this guy off the net and we dated on and off for about 11 months or so. We even lived together for about 4 months and at the ending of the realationship i became pregnant. He already has 2 kids and had stated on several occasions he ...
A. 3 March 2009: For social reasons, yes, you would need a father for your child.
For psychological reasons, a father figure is definitely needed, and ideally it would be the biological father, but a loving step-father or b/f, or even uncle, is just as good.
... (read in full...)
Does this guy like me? I can't tell.
Q. I am a college student and there is this boy I recently became interested in. Last week, he had asked me to stop by and see him at work to give him some music he wanted. I saw him and we ended up talking for a while. Before I left, he asked for my ...
A. 3 March 2009: OK Tux, point taken. Thanks :-)
And apologies to the OP :-)
Cat
... (read in full...)
Easy positions for spooning
Q. i have a 5.5 inch penis and i cant spoon very well. are there any easier positions??...
A. 3 March 2009: Some positions in sex also refer to spooning because of the sleeping position as you mentioned.
SPOONING POSITIONS
# "69" - the position of mutual sucking
# "PENETRATING THE EYE" position
http://kamasutra.webz... (read in full...)
Does this guy like me? I can't tell.
Q. I am a college student and there is this boy I recently became interested in. Last week, he had asked me to stop by and see him at work to give him some music he wanted. I saw him and we ended up talking for a while. Before I left, he asked for my ...
A. 3 March 2009: First of all, you need to enlighten us on your age. It is listed here as 10-12 yo. Is that your mental age or your biological age?
Secondly, do you remember your grammar and literature teacher(s)? A good "story teller" would have separate paragrap... (read in full...)
Maybe his equipment is faulty... or does he just not know how to use it properly?
Q. Regarding the issue of penis size, people always say that it's not the size that matters but how you use it. How else can a guy use it aside from plain old boring penetration? What are some techniques other than changing positions? I ...
A. 3 March 2009: In addition to Tisha's reading suggestions, try googling "kama sutra positions" and you will find instructional sites on ancient (with contemporary interpretations) on sexual positions. They are pretty darn interesting and educational LOL
Cat
... (read in full...)
The test came back... POSITIVE!!!!
Q. I had sex and I missed my period and when I took a test it came came back positive! I don't even love this guy. Should I get an abortion? Should I tell my parents? What should I do?...
A. 3 March 2009: The last two weeks, we have seen this question many times. The aunts have given their fair share of the pros and cons of abortion and adoption.
Here's what you need to do in the next few hours.
1. Take a deep breath. Take a cold shower, or ... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 3 March 2009: Different people have different approaches to get the message accross.
You letting yourself to get wound up by Ted-ster just makes him prove his point. His method is more like a boot-camp one, which works because the receiver is pretty much con... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 2 March 2009: Two thumbs up for you, girl! It takes courage to own up to yourself like this, even though at first you were pretty darn reactive and defensive about it.
Just tell your b/f the way you told us. He may be mad at you at first (to which he has ever... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 2 March 2009: OK. So basically you have narrowed it down to two main options: blow your parents (who will always be your parents - regardless of whether they disowned you or not) or blow your boyfriend (who may or may not be there for you - as well as you may or ... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 2 March 2009: Are you the same girl as this poster?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-made-my-mom-hate-me-and-dont.html
Cat
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants space after 3 years--I was too overly friendly
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, we've had some issues along the way but nothing crazy enough to break it up. Until now, its partly my fault as she asked to see my mobile phone and saw a text from a female friend ending with a kiss and a ...
A. 2 March 2009: OK, if she said that she felt "suffocated" and that there's been talk about marriage, or stuff that you did in the past, then for what it's worth, lets just take her words verbatim for now.
Your friends may be looking out for you, but only you... (read in full...)
I know I need to own up but it is going to ruin everything!
Q. My boyfriend who is working abroad asked me to to go out and visit him for a holiday so we started planning and for some stupid reason thats when I stared lying. As the weeks passed I daren't tell my parents about the holiday (I have never travelled ...
A. 2 March 2009: If it is a direct flight to your final destination, you should not have worries about travelling on your own.
If you are tired of travelling on your own, ask (or pay for) a friend to come along with you (I am sure your b/f will have plenty o... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants space after 3 years--I was too overly friendly
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, we've had some issues along the way but nothing crazy enough to break it up. Until now, its partly my fault as she asked to see my mobile phone and saw a text from a female friend ending with a kiss and a ...
A. 2 March 2009: I personally would say it is okay, but you know her better than I do. At least, she chose to reply, right? She could easily have given you the silent treatment, but she chose not to do that. She replied "are you okay" probably because she was ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants space after 3 years--I was too overly friendly
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, we've had some issues along the way but nothing crazy enough to break it up. Until now, its partly my fault as she asked to see my mobile phone and saw a text from a female friend ending with a kiss and a ...
A. 2 March 2009: She is not just reserved (which is okay) but she is also insecure. Neither of you can change who you are, but you CAN meet halfway and one of you need to be one with the "bigger heart".
Things you can do (in addition to the previous suggesti... (read in full...)
| *onderingcat's friends
These are mutual friends, so *onderingcat has
added them and they have added *onderingcat!
|
