| Latest articles: Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Signs of Abusive Behaviour
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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21 April 2009: Covered in this article: Ask yourself | What are the signs of an abuser? | What is abuse? | Now what? | Escape plan | Shelters | Summary ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- +++INTRODUCTIO...
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Two faced ex I still love
Q. i was with my ex for 14yrs and we are separated now she said she did not trust me and i lied to her about small stuff and she did not have the energy to work at the relationship anymore,then i found out that she had been cheating and lying to me for ...
A. 7 March 2009: OK, Mack. You are correct, you need help. While we all would like to, I don't think we can provide you with the help that you need right now.
Number one, both of you need to be counselled as a married couple (if both of you wanted it to make it ... (read in full...)
Sickeningly happy but how to propose? UPDATE!
Q. Hi everyone! I would like to thank everybody who responded to my question, you all gave me some great advice! Well, I did it. I popped the question and she said... YES!!! I asked her, on Wednesday night, if she still had the silver fitted dr...
A. 6 March 2009: THANK YOU!
The dress is lovely! Definitely a go!
Now, next question: Do you have a twin brother, or perhaps a clone? ;-)
Hugs to both of you
Cat
... (read in full...)
Two faced ex I still love
Q. i was with my ex for 14yrs and we are separated now she said she did not trust me and i lied to her about small stuff and she did not have the energy to work at the relationship anymore,then i found out that she had been cheating and lying to me for ...
A. 6 March 2009: Dear Mack,
Were you a very caring and confident person before your relationship with your wife? If you were, the tone of your question is already showing the symptom of a long term emotional abuse.
You checked up on her because you had ... (read in full...)
Do women, once they reach 40 become less interested in their partners and is there something more I can do to help her get her mojo back?
Q. Hi, I have been with my wife for 20 years. We have been in and out of the ruts over time and each time climbing out has taught us somEthing new about ourselves and each other. My wife turned 40 a while ago and now she has no intrest in me sexually. ...
A. 6 March 2009: When the physical check up has cleared her of anything serious medically, and as all the other aunts suggested, all issues have come up to the fore so all is out in the open (in a good way) and there is nothing serious that threatens your marriage, ... (read in full...)
Why do people continue to lie even though they know that their lies are going to be found out?
Q. Why do people continue to lie even though they know that their lies are going to be found out? My partner keeps lying to me how can I believe what he says when I have found out so much about him that I never would have dreamed of, his cheating...
A. 6 March 2009: It is called habitual (or compulsive) lying. If your partner is a habitual liar, he needs professional treatment.
Compulsive lying is a common disorder often caused by low self-esteem and a need for attention. With therapy, many can overcome... (read in full...)
How do I prove to her I can treat her better?
Q. I kept being a jerk to my girlfriend for no apparent reason and now she says she needs to think about things. I seriously will not let it happen again. I love her more than anything in the world, I WOULD DIE FOR HER. how can I prove to her I will ...
A. 6 March 2009: Two thumbs up for you!
Now the next thing to do is, write down the list that you just gave us. Write in in a nice calligraphic style. Frame it. Hang it up in your/her wardrobe or clothes closet, for you/her to see from time to time. It will be ... (read in full...)
How do I keep both women in my life?
Q. I've been in a committed relationship for the past 6+ years with my girlfriend, "Rachel". I love her with all of my heart and I had planned on proposing but something recently has caused me not to. One of my close friends, "Tammy", and I h...
A. 6 March 2009: You are showing yourself as a prime candidate to being an abuser. Is that what you want to be when you grow up?
Cheating and lying may appear as minor abuse, if any to you, but it can be "cancerous tumor" to you if undiagnosed. If you accept i... (read in full...)
Two faced ex I still love
Q. i was with my ex for 14yrs and we are separated now she said she did not trust me and i lied to her about small stuff and she did not have the energy to work at the relationship anymore,then i found out that she had been cheating and lying to me for ...
A. 6 March 2009: You have been in a relationship where your wife was abusive to you. It is not surprising that you are the one feeling "bad", because like any abusive relationship, one partner is left behind with feelings of low self esteem and "dependency" toward ... (read in full...)
What can I do? I'm so confused, guilty and regretful for having sex so early. Would telling him this help?
Q. I'm 16. I just had sex with my boyfriend for the past year. I love him and I'm lucky to be with him, but I feel so bad about sleeping with him. It was my first time and I feel like I gave up a part of myself. I'm scared people are going to find out ...
A. 6 March 2009: You are young. You made a mistake. You do want to repeat the mistake. You are a teenager just learning another lesson toward adulthood. Congratulations! You just made a very adult decision.
Except:
Do not wallow in regret. Chalk it up as a... (read in full...)
Sickeningly happy but how to propose? UPDATE!
Q. Hi everyone! I would like to thank everybody who responded to my question, you all gave me some great advice! Well, I did it. I popped the question and she said... YES!!! I asked her, on Wednesday night, if she still had the silver fitted dr...
A. 6 March 2009: Aaahhhh ... (my whole heart and body just melt away reading your story)
Congratulations and hugs to the both of you!
May you remember this day for the rest of your life. When you are at your happiest, when you are at your saddest or most ... (read in full...)
How do we make our relationship yummier?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm a 40 year old female and have been with my partner for 11years and am 10 years older and have a 5 year old. He tells me that he loves me but wants to be on his own at the same time. We are mostly happy but are in a rut how do i ...
A. 6 March 2009: Do you not live together then? Have you ever lived together? Can you afford to live in a two-floor house? Maybe one of you lives upstairs, and you and your child downstairs? Or vice versa. He gets what he wants yet still accessible to you and your ... (read in full...)
Is it right to keep her close to me even though I'm going to break up with her again? The sex is good!
Q. Hi my name is Sam this is the second time i come for addvise on the same relationship. my previouse question was answered with appreciation. Well i,ll start by saying that there is much to say but i will keep it short. I have broken up with my girl ...
A. 6 March 2009: If she knew that you and her are simply FWB and she is fine with it, you woulf not be cominy to this site for some insights, would you?
If she didn't know, obviously you need to follow what other aunts have said: tell her, don't lead her on.
I... (read in full...)
Do men like women who are a little hard to get?
Q. Do guys like women who aren't too anxious to talk with them...in other words those who play a little hard to get more than those who seem like an anxious puppy waiting to hear from them again? Is this a matter of individual preference or it it a ...
A. 6 March 2009: Men who have to chase women that are hard to get basically just don't get it. Get it?
Cat
(secretly LOL)
... (read in full...)
I'm so depressed about my weight
Q. Hi guys... I know it's not so much of a love question but I really need help. I've been depressed about my weight now for a while [5 years to be exact!] and I don't know what to do. In the new year I decided that this was it and I was going to lose ...
A. 6 March 2009: You should not feel insecure about your weight. You should be looking out for your health.
Everyone has different genetype (what you inherit from your parents) and phenotype (what you look on the outside) makeup. But, it also depends on what you... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant but it's come at the wrong time and I'm freaking out about it!
Q. I just found out I am pregnant and I think I am in shock. I am a 21 years old, senior in college. I am a biology major and I planned on going on to medical school, dental school, or some other graduate school. I am an excellent student with my whole ...
A. 6 March 2009: You are biology major. You are in college. You have easy access of literature, online as well as paperbacks, on pros and cons of adoption and abortion.
Now, before you freak out some more.
1. Take a deep breath. Drink some chamomile tea. L... (read in full...)
Is there something else that might fit the description I've given of these bumps?
Q. Ok I posted yesterday about weird bumps on my vaginal lips. The headline was "pimples on my "lips"! There's a few of them, maybe 4 or 5 and a couple are bigger than the others, but none of them are huge. They are not on the outside of the vaginal ...
A. 6 March 2009: Would these links be helpful to you?
http://www.steadyhealth.com/pimple_like_bumps_on_labia__t93184.html
http://www.steadyhealth.com/painful_pimple_like_bump_on_inside_of_outer_labia_t93393.html
http://ehealthforum.c... (read in full...)
My friend told me his girlfriend has awsome control "down there". Has anyone else encountered this with a woman?
Q. I have a friend that has told me that his gf has some awesome... how do I say It (control down there). I have never encountered a woman that can do the things he has said she can and was wondering can any woman do that? I have a woman that ...
A. 5 March 2009: It is called "Kegel" and yes, it is possible.
Check these out!
http://www.thirdage.com/sexual-health/kegel-exercises-result-in-better-sex
http://personallifeme... (read in full...)
What does a woman smell like?
Q. i don't want to sound like a jerk or anything, but does a woman's vagina have a bad smell. what does a woman's vagina smell like? The reason i am asking because i don't want to get that far with a woman on pleasing her down there and then find out ...
A. 5 March 2009: Hmmm ... Scent of a Woman ....
My ex told used to go almost berserk and gooey and gushy and excited ... all at the same time ... whenever he caught a whiff of my "smell". He then forgot that it was either past his bedtime, or time to go to work.... (read in full...)
I discovered my b/f cheated and has had a child, how can I be sure he doesn't see his child?
Q. me and my boyfriend have two children together and going back last year i found out he has another child in between the age gap of my children he says he wants nothing to do with the other child. i found out he was seeing the child behind my back, ...
A. 5 March 2009: You are hurting and you are crying. You wanted "revenge", You wanted to "punish" your husband from him cheating on you. You are just being human.
However, since there is a child involved, try to put yourself in his position. And then try again in... (read in full...)
How do I prove to her I can treat her better?
Q. I kept being a jerk to my girlfriend for no apparent reason and now she says she needs to think about things. I seriously will not let it happen again. I love her more than anything in the world, I WOULD DIE FOR HER. how can I prove to her I will ...
A. 5 March 2009: Yes, you being dead would not solve the problem. Or perhaps, it would, actually. (Sorry, bad taste of a joke)
Anyhooo...
What kind of "a jerk" were you to her?
(a) being a contemptibly foolish person
(b) being dishonest or unfair
(c)... (read in full...)
My breasts itch around the nipple, should I worry?
Q. im 18 and have small breasts. my problem is they itch around the nipple is this some disease or let alone cancer?...
A. 5 March 2009: We cannot give you an answer whether or not you should worry, because (a) we have very little information from you, (b) medical doctors are the best people to give you the appropriate diagnosis.
However, there are a few possibilities of what may... (read in full...)
Dazed and confused! I can't advance in my LDR due to family problems.
Q. So, here I am once again, reaching out to my fellow Aunts! I need some magic words that will make everything better, and I know that's unrealistic. Never the less, I need something from you guys! Any suggestions or words of encouragement will be ...
A. 5 March 2009: Tisha basically has outlined the steps that you can do for the next 6 months (hopefully it is the maximum period).
My grandmother had alzheimer for over 10 years before she passed. Although some of her children lived in the same town as my mothe... (read in full...)
Long & complicated story
Q. my story is long and complicated. I have 5 lovely kids, most grown up now. When i had my fifth child, in 1998, things went down hill. I had carbonmonoxide poisoning when he was born. I had probably been poisoned whilst preganant, as my ex hubby di...
A. 5 March 2009: My heart goes out to you.
Sometimes, the public or legal system failed us. For various reasons, such as the relevant appropriate or relevant government insitutiions being underfunded, hence the people assigned to your case were overworked or untra... (read in full...)
She's hot and I want to have sex with my cousin
Q. hi guys , wat up! I wanna have sex with my cousin sister but she is in USA and I m in Australia , she is too hot 20 and I m 24 , I just want her she is my dream what should I do to find if she is also interested in me please help me guys ...
A. 5 March 2009: Ummm ... you are oceans and continents apart.
It takes around 20 to 30 hours by plane to reach her.
It takes 4-6 days by express air mail for your letter to arrive, 1 to 7 days for her to answer and post by mail (that means another 4-6 to r... (read in full...)
I know he needs help..he's got real issues, but I love him
Q. iv been married three times, i have 4 kids. all my husbands abused me. over a year ago i met a lovely guy through the paper. he was lovely, in time tho, he got real jelous, i couldnt speak to males, old male friends id known for years, couldnt call, ...
A. 5 March 2009: Oh my goodness. I just finished writing a response to another poster who does not recognize that she needs to indentify an abuser when she begins a relationshiop with a man.,
Number one: he has already put a knife on your throat. I would say that... (read in full...)
I want to give it a go with this guy but he already disrespects me
Q. I want to know if I should give a relationship a go with this guy I've been dating for a bit. He really says he likes me and wants to make the commitment to a relationship. However, I am unsure. I feel like he doesnt respect me. I feel like hes very ...
A. 5 March 2009: Sorry ... the link I meant to give was this:
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/in-abusive-relationships-abusers.html
Duh! I blame my fingers for not synchronizing with my brain!
(right, blame it on something else than myself)
LOL
... (read in full...)
I want to give it a go with this guy but he already disrespects me
Q. I want to know if I should give a relationship a go with this guy I've been dating for a bit. He really says he likes me and wants to make the commitment to a relationship. However, I am unsure. I feel like he doesnt respect me. I feel like hes very ...
A. 5 March 2009: You need to be learn to identify the difference between a healthy and toxic intimate relationship The word "toxic" indicates something that is "addictive" as well as "impaired judgement".
I could be wrong (and if I were, itr would not be the firs... (read in full...)
I don't want to wreck the ship..but I don't trust my husband!
Q. It's been a while since I noticed a change in my husband's behavior, he is staying longer at work, comes back not interested in kids, barely shows up for planned activities. And when I started digging a bit deeper, I found some ( too kind ) emails ...
A. 5 March 2009: Locking gadgets and putting passwords on phones and computers (that are used also for personal use) is not a good indication that the ship is sailing the same destination that you are. And this is the key question for you: do you want to be in a ... (read in full...)
He wants me to wait 4 years for him..I'm not sure about that
Q. I dated a young man for some few months and he sent me a text saying he does not need the relationship again when he entered into one of the universities four years ago. He came back ten months ago and begged me for forgiveness. He said he wanted to ...
A. 5 March 2009: Did any of you date anyone else while you were in your hometown and he in his university away from your hometown?
- If you did and he did not, and he did not mind, there you go .. he loves you and you only.
- If he did and you did not, and you ... (read in full...)
How do I get her to have phone/webcam sex?
Q. I met my girlfriend over the summer, and we've had a long distance relationship for seven months. I love her a lot and we've had sex before. I'm so damn horny I have to masturbate everyday just to feel sane. I keep asking her if she masturbates, but ...
A. 5 March 2009: You can't. You can not (and should not) make her anything that she is not comfortable with. It is called respect, and caring about her feelings.
You are doing fine right now, why mess it up? You know that is what you are going find yourself... (read in full...)
2 months pregnant but look like 5 months! Will this change his feelings?
Q. I have had two other kids and now my new love and I are having a third baby and our* first. I have always been very small and went back to the same but this time I am like two months pregnant and look nearly five. I haven't gained much weight but my ...
A. 5 March 2009: Like Jessica said, get a USG soon. Probably a bi too soon at this stage but there may be a small possibility that you are carrying twins! In which case, I think your new love's feelings WILL absolutely CHANGE! I mean, he will be over the moon!
... (read in full...)
Why do people like seeing their partner sexually excited by someone else?
Q. Why do folks like seeing their partner sexually excited by someone else?...
A. 5 March 2009: Are you referring to "people" as you, or your girl friend, or your room mate, or you brother perhaps? Or a porn movie you watch? Or "they" talked about over a couple rounds of beer?
Cat
... (read in full...)
How do guys stay so skinny?
Q. Obviously I know everyone is different but the majority of men are so skinny. I exercise a lot and watch what I eat but I cant seem to lose weight and so many of my guy friends eat absolute crap and never exercise and they are sticks! Its just not ...
A. 5 March 2009: Why do you want to be skinny? Are you talking skinny as in skin and bones (a.k.a. anorexic looking) or are you talking about a nice slim and toned body?
Would you rather be skin and bones and have all kinds of disorders or would you prefer t... (read in full...)
What do I do to get some passion into my relationship and thin out the arguing?
Q. My relationship is failing... we are lacking passion in our relationship... we are always arguing..... but we love each other.... what do I do to get some passion into my relationship and thin out the arguing?...
A. 5 March 2009: Look at the definition of these words (OED, 10th Ed)
argue · v.
1 exchange diverging or opposite views heatedly.
2 give reasons or cite evidence in support of something.
or dispute a decision already made.frequentative to ‘make clear, prov... (read in full...)
Why can girls turn down sex but guys cant?
Q. Dear Cupid, Why is it that if a girl turns down sex with someone she just met it is seen as normal, but if a guy turns down sex then the girl gets really upset and/or thinks that he is gay? I dont like sleeping with girls I dont know properly but ...
A. 5 March 2009: Martini ... you crack me up LOL
To the original poster, I hope your question merely reflects that you were totally clueless about women. Guess what, go to that corner and join the club (of clueless men) LOL
Just take it easy, dude!
The ke... (read in full...)
Should I give this guy a chance despite everything in the past?
Q. There is a man that I have been considering getting involved with. We met a few years ago. Since then we have maintained some correspondence through email, always friendly, a little flirtatious but mainly professional. The truth is when we met it ...
A. 5 March 2009: How did he disappoint you before? He stood you up? Do you live in the same city, or within managable drive to each other's city? Is he married? (a big NO NO there).
Is he a current work colleague (with direct supervision line above you)? Is he yo... (read in full...)
Going back into the dating arena after 5 years
Q. It has been a long time since I have dated and I am really interested in getting back out there but I guess I have difficulty finding people I am interested in. I am in my 20s and I am normally attracted to guys a little older (in their 30s or ...
A. 5 March 2009: What "type" of guys would you like to date? Those who like books? Arts? Handy around the house? Sports? Science? Techies? Domestic?
Then go to places where you will more than likely meet them!
Bookshops ... if you see a guy (in the age brac... (read in full...)
Dad has a new "ready made family" and I'm feeling left out..how do I talk to him about this?
Q. My boyfriend is “dad” to his ex-girlfriend’s daughter, but he is not her biological father. He is 34, his ex-girlfriend is 30, the daughter is 11 and I am 23. I am very glad he is a good guy who stepped up and did a great thing, but the fact that ...
A. 5 March 2009: Will he be open to your suggestion, if you asked him to include you when he hangs out with his daughter? Btw, I would not even use the term "biological dad" anymore because to the child, your b/f is her dad. Period. Like you said, he sounds like a ... (read in full...)
Abuse and infidelity...
Q. Confused been with my boyfriend of 4 years through abuse, infidility.. I went through his phone and noticed a naked picture of himself who he sent as a message to a girl.. I've been feeling funny ever since he cheated 2x's with the same girl 2 ...
A. 5 March 2009: One of the not-so easily identified impact of abuse is feeling of low esteem, as if you were indeed wrong in any negative situation, you do not think that you are a good person, you have little self worth, and so forth and so forth. The abuse is ... (read in full...)
We both want to stay together when she goes to uni but I can't help but think about the inevitable.
Q. My girl and I have been together for one year. When we started dating she mentioned an interest in an exchange program that our university offered. She applied and got in after months of waiting. She will be leaving the counrty for 8 months at the ...
A. 5 March 2009: Are you afraid that she will have an affair when she is abroad? Or worse, fall out of love from you? Or do you fear deep down that her experience abroad will make her a "changed" person, in a positive way. For instance, just by being immerced and ... (read in full...)
Abortion or adoption?....17 and torn.
Q. Alright so I am seventeen years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. I don't have a job but am vigorously looking. My boyfriend has a job with very few hours and min. wage. I just found out yesterday that I am about 17 weeks pregnant...
A. 5 March 2009: Congratulations! Your baby is lucky to be surrounded by many loving aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas! :-)
Cat
... (read in full...)
My sister in law doesn't like me - would you completely distance yourself and cut them off?
Q. I never been close with my sister in law. My brother and her married in September 2005. I backed out of being a brides maid but I did a reading at the ceremony for them. When you go to their home it's very cold and they do not make you feel ...
A. 4 March 2009: You want to be close to your relatives (by marriage or by blood), that is natural. However, even not all siblings get along famously even though they have the same father and mother :-)
If you don't get along with your sister in law, you don't ne... (read in full...)
I neglected him and now my husband refuses to help me solve our problems!...
Q. I have been married for 25 years. We were the couple every one wanted to be like. We have always been in love, a deep passionate love to the core of our souls. As the kids got older and their behavior as teenagers got out of control, we began to ...
A. 4 March 2009: Wow. This is a tough one. First of all, hugs to you.
I am single, and I do not have experience as a marriage councellor. So I feel a bit intimidated in trying to offer just a bit of help here. Please forgive me if my inputs will not be that hel... (read in full...)
Abortion or adoption?....17 and torn.
Q. Alright so I am seventeen years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. I don't have a job but am vigorously looking. My boyfriend has a job with very few hours and min. wage. I just found out yesterday that I am about 17 weeks pregnant...
A. 19 February 2009: First of all, please make sure that if you were to have an obortion, you are still within the "safety" limit of it. Like any invasive medical treatment/procedure (of which this would be one), there are risks - both physical as well psychological - ... (read in full...)
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