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Latest articles:

Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Signs of Abusive Behaviour

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 April 2009: Covered in this article: Ask yourself | What are the signs of an abuser? | What is abuse? | Now what? | Escape plan | Shelters | Summary ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- +++INTRODUCTIO...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [14 pages, 529 answers]

Unhappy in a foreign country

Q.   Hello to all. So here is my situation. I left my job, family, friends, and country to be with the love of my life. We got married and I currently live in his country. We've been married for two years now but recently I've come to realize that...

A.   15 March 2009: ^- -^ *- * OK. I think I have a better picture of your situation here. First of all, you can only find happiness within yourself. You don't rely on the outside world to give you happiness. Having said that, I think I can empathize with you. ... (read in full...)

Unhappy in a foreign country

Q.   Hello to all. So here is my situation. I left my job, family, friends, and country to be with the love of my life. We got married and I currently live in his country. We've been married for two years now but recently I've come to realize that...

A.   14 March 2009: Do you live in a country that has security restrictions for you as a "foreigner"? Or, does this country have good public transportation, or safe taxies? I have seen spouses who had to follow their husbands/wives to a foreign country and got "bor... (read in full...)

My ex bf wants to be friends with me

Q.   My ex bf wants to be friends with me. I dont know if its a good idea or not. I broke up with him because he was abusive. I still care for him alot, infact I still love him, but I dont know if I can be frineds with him. I dont feel I can trust him,...

A.   13 March 2009: This is what you can believe: Human beings are creatures of habits. When we do something, and we learn that it is a "feel good" thing for ourselves, or "acceptable" by the society (we can use the phrase "let them get away with it as "acceptable"), ... (read in full...)

Any advice for peaking a girl's interest when I randomly approach them?

Q.   I have been dating a girl for 4 years. She broke up with me and I'm trying to move on because she already has. Since more guys approach girls she beat me to the punch. Any advice or tips to meeting new girls. I have a co-worker I am interested ...

A.   13 March 2009: I would not suggest that you go out and chat up a girl "randomly" at at all. You are still hurting from your breakup, that is understandable. After all, you invested 4 years of your life nurturing your relationship with her. BUT, chatting... (read in full...)

He's my ex-fiance. Should I make him my ex-boyfriend too?

Q.   Okay, I am quite confused. My boyfriend proposed to me right after we got back together after our third break up. Then four months later he's having all of these doubts about us, how he thinks he has missed out on experiencing his late teenage/early ...

A.   13 March 2009: You are his pacifier! So if you want him to wake up as an adult, you need to leave him so he can figure out what he wants in life. Tell him that he is right. Tell him to go out there and explore, just do it without you. In the meantime, you go o... (read in full...)

I lost my temper, she ended things..I want her back!

Q.   I recently realized how bad my temper can be. I have a very short fuse and I blow up. I came to realize this when I scared the girl I wanted to propose to, the love of my life. I didn't harm her in any way, or touch her in any aggressive way. I was ...

A.   13 March 2009: One thing that I did notice just in the past year or two, is that men who gets "vocal" (just borrowing your phrase her) at their g/f or wife or partner, often do it at work too. They continue to do it because at home, their girlfriend/wife/partner ... (read in full...)

Why is my husband having "business trips " to Canada and lying about them?

Q.   When I was cleaning the house up earlier this week, I was stunned to find receipts for flights to Canada in drawers around the house. I thought it was strange, particularly as we'd never been to Canada before together. When my husband came in f...

A.   13 March 2009: I really feel for you, and hope that you are a very strong person to go through this problem right now. It would appear that you have very strong grounds to be suspicious. I travel a lot for my work too, and whenever I am in a long term partners... (read in full...)

I have been hiding my relationship from my parents

Q.   I have to hide my relationship with my boyfriend of a year from my parents, just because of his families relgion and it's cause me to become so depressed. His family are muslim but are not as strict as many are protrayed. I really love my boyfrien...

A.   13 March 2009: To some, religion is the deal breaker, to others, it their choice of political parties that break them apart! What I was trying to say is, "ideology" - be it religion, race/ethnicity, politics, education, social class, money (yes money!) and so f... (read in full...)

Should I wait and see what happens or be clear about my expectations up front?

Q.   Would love some advice on this. My bf of 18 months and I broke up for a couple of weeks as he said he didn’t love me, just likes me alot. Having been apart for 2 weeks he says he has a lot more feelings for me than he thought and he wants me back. ...

A.   12 March 2009: I think your b/f suddenly realized what he lost when you broke up. If he said that it will be different this time, it is only fair that you ask him how different that would be. I mean, after 18 months, should be sufficient for you to know him... (read in full...)

How can I maintain a balance between my husband and my family?

Q.   hi, we had a court marriage against wishes of my parents then we didnt talk for 1 yr. then it was my sisters marriage where one of my relative insulted me n my dad was of the view that i will have to bear it. at that time we had arguments and then ...

A.   12 March 2009: Eastern culture is slightly different than in the West, at least on the surface. Your relative, should mind his/own business, instead of insulting you. You did not elaborate what it was that she did or insult, but if it was about your marriage... (read in full...)

Unintentional kiss with actor threatening to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend

Q.   First off, far fetched though this may sound, I swear to god it's for real. I really, really need help with this, and I can't turn to anyone I know for advice. I have, completely unintentionally got myself into a relationship of sorts with a man...

A.   12 March 2009: I had to smile when I read this. I have been teased in the past by my friends for being such a big fan of a certain actor. They told me that he was my alter ego's b/f, or was it my b/f "on-the-side". Or something like that. I read your posting ... (read in full...)

Talking to my husband about being abusive

Q.   how can i ask my boyfriend to seek some help, regarding his being abusive?i want to help him, but he already hitted me twice, at first i forgive him but again he repeated thesame, or else i dont have any option just to leave him. ...

A.   12 March 2009: You can't tell me he has done something very wrong, if he does not think that hitting a person is VERY WRONG. He hit twice, He will do it again. If you told him that he has done something wrong, chances are he is going get mad at you. And he w... (read in full...)

Seductive day on the boat with my wife & her boss

Q.   I'll start off by saying my wife is very sexy and knows it she always tells me that she catches her boss checking her out all the time. She makes about twice the money I do so I really don't say a whole lot about the outfits she wears to work.Well ...

A.   12 March 2009: This reads like something from a racy magazine, or the Hustler, or the Playboy. Anyways, the answer is simple. If you do not mind having your wife fulfill his fantasy while you are enjoying the fruits of her labor (you did say that she ear... (read in full...)

Could she be waiting for me to say something?

Q.   Hi folks, I've been racking my brain over this and I can't make my mind up so hopefully some of you may be able to help me. My best friend is a woman, she is the same age as me (27). We are always going out for drinks, the cinema, something to eat...

A.   12 March 2009: ooops .. disturbing typo ... I meant "her change in behaviour" (not yours) in 3rd paragraph. Sorry! (need to go get my coffee now) So, go ahead and ask her! Ask about what she thought of the time you had sex. Ask about what she thinks about yo... (read in full...)

Could she be waiting for me to say something?

Q.   Hi folks, I've been racking my brain over this and I can't make my mind up so hopefully some of you may be able to help me. My best friend is a woman, she is the same age as me (27). We are always going out for drinks, the cinema, something to eat...

A.   12 March 2009: If it is making you feel uncomfortable, then you need to talk to her. Unless she had something in her drink that made her forget what happened that one time that you had sex, I am sure that she would have wanted to talk about it too! She probably ... (read in full...)

I'm a stay at hom mom and feel trapped

Q.   Im 26 years old and I met my husband when I was just 16, We were high school sweethearts that moved in with each other right after graduation and got married when I was 21, had our first son when I was 23 and second at 25. I love him but at the ...

A.   12 March 2009: For some, a stay-at-home is a luxury, so I think you are one of the privilidged ones actually. For some, it is not an option, as the partner/husband may not make enough to support a family of 4 like yours. And I although I am not married, I have ... (read in full...)

I'm a nymphomaniac

Q.   Okay so im 17 yrs old and i just recently found out that im a nymphomaniac and in this serious relationship but dont really know how to tell my partner that i have it ive known for about a week 1/2 now and im pretty scared on the reaction ill get ...

A.   12 March 2009: How do you know that you are a nymphomaniac? Was this a medical/psychological evaluation conducted by a trained professional? Or did you answer a magazine quiz? If you are a teenager, and sexually active, with a healthy lifestyle, having a high s... (read in full...)

My new boyfriend with mental illness is frustrating me, should I leave him?

Q.   I met a guy online and have been seeing him for about 3 months now.He is handsome, intelligent, educated and trusted in terms of cheating and I love him so much. I however feel frustrated in the relationship becauses : 1. He is sometimes distant ...

A.   11 March 2009: I would take up his offer of talking to his doctor if I were you. But you should go together, for obvious reasons of course (doctor-patient confidentiality). A number of mental disorders are quite manageable these days, with proper medicati... (read in full...)

I don't want to be made out as the bad guy to his friends

Q.   Hi everyone, Need some advice. My fiance and i have been 2gether for 3years. Recently things have got really bad. All he does is smoke weed and not seem to have much of a future. Im 21 and he's 34. Friends of ours are getting married in a few...

A.   11 March 2009: Cheating on him because he was not appreciative of you was wrong. If you had unprotected sex, you might have caught STD, which you would then pass on to your fiance. In this case, you are indeed the bad guy. (the next time you are going through a ... (read in full...)

I don't want to be drunk to enjoy sex. Help!

Q.   I'm just turning 20 and have been with my partner for a while and I love him dearly. The only problem is I've never had a high sex drive and it seems to be deteriorating. It's not just with my current boyfriend i've had this ever since i was ...

A.   11 March 2009: You know, "pain" is there for a reason. It tells you that something is not right. If you experienced physical pain while having sex, chances are that it is either the "technique", or your body is raising a red flag telling you something. So like ... (read in full...)

He just cheated for the 2nd time

Q.   You may remember me, my husband is cheating on me for the 2nd time. Well he went to the courts and retrieved the divorce papers that I filed and had the clerk to shred them. He says he really want to work it out and that we will go to marrige ...

A.   11 March 2009: I am happy to hear that you two are going to have some marriage counselling sessions. I sincerely hope that both of you will have all your important issues in this marriage out in the open and discussed thoroughly. This means, reasons why he cheated ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says I'm tighter after giving birth

Q.   Me and my boyfriend had sex only 5 weeks after I gave birth. I feelreally uncomfortable because I think I might be loose or something. The reason I say that is because he said afterwards I am tighter now than I was before. I barely tore at all. But ...

A.   11 March 2009: If you are curious medically, you can go back to the hospital where you had your delivery, and ask to speak to the doctors who handled you. As UnclePhil said, some women had more stiches because they tore, and some doctors stiched more than the... (read in full...)

Help with kegels

Q.   This is a weird question - when I get really turned on, instead of contracting, the walls of my vagina sort of like pull away from one another (like sucking air in), instead of contracting in on themselves. I've never given birth and haven'...

A.   11 March 2009: Just on this DC site, if you put in the phrase "kegel exercise" you will have a lot of postings on Kegels that you can read up on. Or, you can also google the web, and you will probably get sites like these: Kegel Exercises Result in Better Sex ... (read in full...)

Did he say he loves me?

Q.   I've been with my lovely boyfriend for a little while now, and the other night.. I think he may have said that he loved me, but I really dont know if he did or not and now im scared that if he did say that, that he wont say it again due to my lack ...

A.   11 March 2009: How sweet. My bet is, he did say it. The L word is not something that you easily "mis-heard" :-) Two suggestions: (a) the next time you are together, give him that smile that always melt his heart and say your own L word to him, then just ki... (read in full...)

Online in the last 30 days..what does that mean?

Q.   I know this might sound dumb..but what does it mean when a profile dating site says, 'online last 30 days' Does that mean he hasn't logged on just recently, but yes in the last 30 days?...

A.   10 March 2009: Yes, that means he has only logged in perhaps once or twice 3-4 weeks ago. These sites usually set up calendar-day markers for: "online", today, yesterday, this week, last 2 weeks, 1 month, etc etc etc. It is an indicator of how recent (which may or ... (read in full...)

I have a huge crush on my teacher - but will not act on it

Q.   I have a huge crush on my teacher. It's completely harmless and I would never act on it, but honestly, he is exactly what I think a compatible partner should be. Most guys i meet are superficial, or lack hamor and morals. They are not very smart o...

A.   10 March 2009: Brilliant girl, Kitty! Keep his address, email, and other contact information. When you graduate, or when you are in college, or when you have a family, or any special days in your life in the future (yes, wait until after you graduate from thi... (read in full...)

My husband is adamant that we will not be having any more kids. I don't understand this! Please help!

Q.   Hi. I am happilly married with 2 gorgeous kids (one boy one girl) I am desperate to have another baby but my husband has said that he is done. He has said that it is either our marriage or another baby. I put it to him if i got pregnant - would he ...

A.   10 March 2009: It sounds like you and your husband has not had spent enough time to on your own to discuss this thoroughly. We don't know your husband so we cannot second guess him. There are many reasons why people do or do not want any [more] children.... (read in full...)

Could anyone give me some tips on how to improve my appearance?

Q.   hey all.. i was just wondering. its my 19th birthday coming up next week and im going out for a meal and into town clubbing afterwards. i no im not very pretty, i also dont wear much makeup apart from alight foundation and mascara and a bit of...

A.   10 March 2009: Well, it is a bit difficult to give you advice on this. Everyone has a different imagination or visualization "style", so the advice may not be that accurate for you even after you described yourself already. The best thing for you to do is eithe... (read in full...)

What do I do when I'm on top?

Q.   I have never done the girl on top position and always felt a little self conscious about it. Like what exactly am I supposed to do? Do I go up and down or move back and forth? I dont want to appear fat to him and I dont want him to be grossed out. ...

A.   10 March 2009: Here's some instructional and educational sites you can look at: http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/relationships/259026/Kama-Sutra-positions http://www.jijasali.com/kama.php?category=positions http://www.caitlainsc... (read in full...)

I don't understand why I don't have a boyfriend. Help please!

Q.   i don't understand why i don't have a boyfriend. it seems like ever since i broke up with my boyfriend of two years i cant seem to find another boyfriend..i mean i have been in relationships after that but they just have all gone wrong. plus some...

A.   10 March 2009: You don't always need to have a boyfriend to be a happy and content person in this world, you know. I mean, would it be okay to have a boyfriend but you are miserable because of, lets say, you and him are not compatible? Or would you rather be ... (read in full...)

He's married has 3 kids & wants to have sex with me

Q.   I work with this guy that is married and has 3 small children. His wife doesn't work because she takes care of the 2 youngest children while he works. He says he is not happy with her. We have been friends for 3 years and have been fighting our ...

A.   10 March 2009: There is a rather easy lithmus test that you can apply to yourself, to come up with an answer to your question: "if the situation is reversed, i.e. you are the wife with 3 small children, and your husband has an affair with another woman, what ... (read in full...)

My husband shows my naked photos to his female friends. Should I be concerned?

Q.   My husband has a lot of friends who are girls. Recently he told me that he likes to show my naked photos to his female friends and may be a video of two of us having sex. The thought turns me on. Is his behaviour normal? or is it reason for concern? ...

A.   10 March 2009: The thought turns both you on? Or just him? As long as both of you are okay with it, I guess it is okay. The only thing I am concerned about is your sexy photos and sex videos are put them on the web. Would that be okay for you? If no, then make... (read in full...)

What should we be talking about, how should we be talking?

Q.   My gf(23) split with me(39) a few months ago. Recently we started seeing each other again. We discussed why we split, and the biggest reason see said was that we didnt talk. But we both are not the talking type. We can answer a question with on...

A.   10 March 2009: I was wondering, do you have similar hobbies? Hobbies that can be done by both of you together, without having to "chit chat" while doing it? Have you explored this? Do you share similar tastes of books? Music? I think there are many ways of ... (read in full...)

One date and I don't understand his actions

Q.   I met a guy online two weeks ago and he recently asked me out. He planned the whole thing so well and made such an effort and even wanted to pick me up (I decided to meet him there for safety reasons). I mentioned to him once that I collect certain ...

A.   10 March 2009: Nope, I don't think you did anything wrong. The dinner date being so brief could be early an indication of him not really into to, or could also be that he wanted to "evaluate" his feelings on his own at first. But, if he did like you a lot after ... (read in full...)

Finally got the strength to walk away from a cheater

Q.   UPDATE After finding out about my husbands affairs just over a year ago (3 over our 20 years of marriage)and all the lies and excuses i have finally LEFT HIM,i tried to make it work i love him with all heart but can not be with him any more. I...

A.   10 March 2009: Congratulations on your upcoming bright and happy years ahead of you! It took a lot of courage, but I can you walking out of this relationship a stronger and prouder person. You showed us you have regained your integrity and respect by yourself, ... (read in full...)

Torn between my ill mother (raising small children) and my fiance

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am in a very emotional situation right now. I am torn between my family and my fiance. My mother called me a couple of weeks ago from across the country (california) to tell me that she is HIV positive. At that point I didn't know ho...

A.   10 March 2009: Can I give you a hug first? Please be strong. I can only emphatize with you, it must be very hard for you right now. But, I believe that your fiance will support you in your toughest times right now. Right now, what I can think of, for yo... (read in full...)

I miss my ex, it hurts so much! Am I insecure?

Q.   I'm trying to gain some insight on things.. I wish my ex would come back but I have questioned the situations that happened over the course of the 3 plus years I was with him. I wanted to reveal some aspects that made me feel insecure which l...

A.   10 March 2009: Three years is a long enough time know his behavioral pattern. I think you already know, from deep within your heart, and from your friends and even sister in law, that your ex was disrespectul to you. He put you down, in public as well in priva... (read in full...)

What made her change her mind & where do I go from here?

Q.   A little over a year ago my wife and I were in our bed room watching tv when one of those adult call line commercials came on.Out of nowhere she makes a comment about what nice breasts the girl who is doing the talking has and how attractive she ...

A.   10 March 2009: I think she just told you why. It was just a FANTASY! It stays inhouse, only with you two and no one else is involved. Your wife is a smart woman! She keeps it safe, yet she is "exploring" new ideas with you! And she is monogomous! I think... (read in full...)

My ex husband just won't leave me alone and it's scaring me.

Q.   I am separated three years now and have someone new in my life for a while now and it is serious to both of us but none of my children know about him, I have four sons. I have met my new man's children, grandchildren, his mother and family and they ...

A.   9 March 2009: You are too nice!!! You don't need to talk negatively about your [ex] husband to your grown up son. The fact that he gave you STD while you were faithful to him already speaks volumes. The fact that you made sure that your son still "respect... (read in full...)

A question to all parents out there!

Q.   Parents, Is it a wise choice to stand back and refrain from opinion to your daughter if she decides to be a gold digger instead of looking for love? ...

A.   9 March 2009: Why is she putting money (and all the things it can buy) before love? Peer pressure? Financial hardship in life? Disillusioned by past love/relationship? Or something else? Don't many parents say what they think about their single child... (read in full...)

She's just found out her husband has a baby with his ex....

Q.   I have a friend who found out that her husband's ex-girlfriend from college is the mother of his baby. My friend's husband used to have a cyber and phone affair with this ex girlfriend several years ago that had lasted 15 years until he got caught. ...

A.   9 March 2009: I made a mistake a while ago, in giving advice to a good friend, who I thought was being cheated on by her so so called boyfriend. Her sister asked me to talk to her. Her friends asked also. I knew her "b/f" and had seen him around parties, and he ... (read in full...)

How do we deal with racial insults?

Q.   I'm 23, my girlfriend's 25 and from Germany originally, and we've been together for 2 years since we met at university together. We live together, and are doing well in our respective employment. Our relationship is great, however, ...

A.   9 March 2009: Why are they against Germany??? Are they sooo behind in their history class or what? Do you have a small recorder? I wonder if you can record it when they are throwing insults at you and your g/f on your small recorder. Do it several times. T... (read in full...)

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