| Latest articles: How to spot trolls
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
Let go of your hate
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...
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He's 14 to my 15. He had a Gf but broke up. Should I keep talking online to him?
Q. There’s this guy at my school in the year below me and I've had my eye on him for a while (just thinking he's cute and what not), but when i found out my friend knew him i made a move and found out he had a girlfriend. We talked for a while an...
A. 29 October 2014: Well, things certainly won't develop into anything further if you only talk online.
So you'll either have to suggest during one of your online conversations that you and he spend some actual time together out of school.(i.e a date or somethin... (read in full...)
Will he ever forgive me for the way I broke up with him?
Q. I just ended a pretty horrible 2 and a half year relationship. There is no justification but I did it through text message. Each time we talked on the phone prior to break up it would start and I would say that I wanted to break up and then he ...
A. 17 October 2014: Don't feel bad. You did what you had to do.
But it doesn't matter whether he forgives you or not. He's history and you're not going back.
No-one can tell whether he will forgive you or not. Like with everything, time will lessen his pain ... (read in full...)
Friend has set us up for a date. What's the best way to meet? Suggestions, please?
Q. A friend from work is setting me up with a girl she knows. My work friend has obviously pre-vetted each of us in that we know the other isn't crazy. What's the best way to meet? I was thinking about just asking from her number, calling, and asking ...
A. 17 October 2014: Yes, I think that calling her up and suggesting a date is the best way forward. Don't do it by text. Make concrete plans when you call her - not just "I'd like to take you out sometime" which is vague and wishy-washy. Fix a time and a date and a... (read in full...)
Why is he contacting me again?
Q. I met my ex on a dating site about a year ago....we dated for about 4 months and broke up at the beginning of this year because he kept doting over another woman and I became tired of hearing about her. Since then, I have seen him back on the same...
A. 16 October 2014: If his message came from the dating site and sounded quite "generic", then it's quite possible that he didin't realise it was you. Or it could be that his settings on the dating site automatically send messages to women who are matches. A similar... (read in full...)
How to tell if a work colleague likes you?
Q. i like my work colleague a lot. but i not sure if he likes me or not, we work in a bank but on different departments. sometimes i look around and see him looking at me but not sure if he like me..... i have been working there for 3 mon...
A. 15 October 2014: I would say that this colleague probably doesn't fancy you if you've worked there for 3 months and he hasn't approached you in anyway over that time. He may find you attractive (pleasing to look at) but that's a far cry from wanting to get involved ... (read in full...)
The Perfect date to impress her? Any good ideas for an awesome first date, please?
Q. So I have a friend who i'm really starting to like but the only way in I have with her is that we agreed at some point in the future we will go on a date. We get on so well and I think if I could just organize the perfect date that the rest wil...
A. 13 October 2014: Ice skating is a good idea if she can already ice skate.
I wouldn't suggest an outdoor date at the moment. Not if the Irish weather is anything like the British weather right now. It could prove to be a washout.
Personally I don't think you ... (read in full...)
How do I politely turn down invitation without closing doors to further invitations?
Q. Ok, I have a lot of friends, like a WHOLE lot. Some are casual friends who I had fun with, some are useful professionally, some are genuine friends I can go to, some are going out friends, some are culture friends. I amassed many friends but I do...
A. 13 October 2014: Okay, so a friend calls up wanting to get together. The most generic answer is "I'd love to but I'm really busy at the moment. I can't do it I'm afraid." If it's someone visiting London for a week who's calling say "I'd love to but I'm afraid I... (read in full...)
Should I just get over the fact he kissed another girl while in a relationship with me?
Q. Things between my boyfriend and I haven't been the same since he admitted to kissing another girl while he was on a night out earlier in the year. He kissed her in April and told me in June. To be honest, I couldn't truly believe it was just a kiss ...
A. 12 October 2014: I'm not sure whether you should just "get over it" or not. Since he seems so contrite, maybe you should if you really love him. Others will say that any sort of unfaithfulness is a total deal breaker. I dunno, but I will say this... If you want to... (read in full...)
I think she likes me as more than a friend.
Q. Ok earlier this year my friend (girl) suggested we go to see a movie together without mentioning our mutual friends. I just blew this off not reading too much in to it. This then changed a few months later when she suggested we study together just ...
A. 11 October 2014: I'm with Tisha because I'm not sure what the question is. You're wondering whether a girl you know fancies you. Are you hoping that she does because you fancy her too or hoping that she doesn't because she's not your type?
Most people write in... (read in full...)
How can I let her know I am interested, without being too pushy?
Q. I am an expat from the UK in Austria. Last weekend, I played rugby 2 hours away from home and we won quite well. After the game, a girl who lives in that city came and talked to me as I was walking back to the dressing room. She was complimentin...
A. 7 October 2014: Phone her up and say words along the lines of "Hi it was really good to meet you the other day. Sorry I can't make xxx (the event she invited you to) but can I make it up to you by inviting you to xxxx with me" Don't worry about being pushy ... (read in full...)
Attending college leaves me little time to work out
Q. Hi all! Hope everyone is having a good week. Some of you may remember I posted a question a few months back about losing weight, I bought an exercise bike and managed to lose a stone! However I am now having some problems with it, and would lo...
A. 5 October 2014: Take a packed lunch with you. Yes it might be a bit of a hassle to have to carry an extra bag around with you but that's a small sacrifice. If you can, invest in a small cool bag and a thermos flask. I got mine from a charity shop. Maybe put it on ... (read in full...)
My alcoholic ex boyfriend died 10 months ago and I still feel empty inside
Q. So fed up with life. My ex alcoholic bf who I spent a crazy 6 years with died 10 months ago. Time does heal but only because it has to. I have a job I do what I gotta do but I am empty. I feel like a nothing. I have a great family but they...
A. 5 October 2014: You post from the UK. Unfortunately access to NHS psychiatric services is very limited in certain areas of the country and you will really have to be very mentally unwell before you are taken on by your psychiatric services Your GP probably won'... (read in full...)
Has anyone here ever traveled with herpes meds in their luggage and if so did it cause any issue?
Q. Has anyone here ever travelled with herpes meds in their luggage and if so did it cause any issue . I will be travelling on January to the USA with a group of people ( some of whom I don't know that well ) and would not like to have it cause an...
A. 4 October 2014: I doubt very much you would be denied entrance to the US just for requiring herpes medication.
For anyone travelling abroad the advice is to keep the medication in its original packaging (if it's tablets or a liquid)and to travel with a current ... (read in full...)
She's a silly 19 year old with a baby and an overbearing mother! How do I withdraw my offer to talk to her?
Q. I have a lodger who is in his early 20's. He has a 19 year old girlfriend who stays over 3 nights a week. This is fine with me. I find her silly, stupid and totally lacking in the brains department but it's none of my business. Recently my lo...
A. 3 October 2014: The question isn't whether I'm going to let her stay-over more than 3 nights a week (I don't know where you got 4 from or the idea that I was going to let her child come too) I've told my lodger that she can't.
It's whether or not I should s... (read in full...)
For his birthday I'm going to tell him 101 things I love about him
Q. Hihi! My boyfriend's birthday is coming up.... I'm making like a 101 things I love about you in a jar... Do you think it's a good idea??? Do you think he'll like it??? :O I have to give it to him earlier than his real day as we are gonna be on a ...
A. 2 October 2014: This is such a cool idea. I wish I'd thought of it! A really sturdy glass jar probably won't break if you wrap it well in transport when you're camping if you really want to take it with you and give it to him on the day. But I think it's the... (read in full...)
Will this man leave me alone now?
Q. Dear Cupid My brother in law recently tried match making me with a single friend of his! This guy started messaging me and things began to flow. He started off pleasant enough but the messages soon started to turn very flirtatious! He kn...
A. 30 September 2014: I'm not sure from you post whether you want to see this guy again or not. The title makes it seem like you WANT him to leave you alone but your closing comments sound more like you DO want to see him again? I, personally, can see Red Flags 1) ... (read in full...)
Attended his farewell party. Should I tell this guy that I don't want to hook up with him again?
Q. I hooked up with a dude acquaintance/friend at his goodbye party. My question is, he let me know he's coming back to town for a visit this coming weekend and I don't really want things to go down that path again. Is that something I shou...
A. 30 September 2014: If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't mention anything until I was pretty sure that he was expecting a repeat performance. It would seem presumptious of me if I just assumed that he did. So, if he gets overly flirtatious with you when you see him... (read in full...)
Do I ask him about the condoms in his trash?
Q. I feel like a complete idiot for even asking this, but would you ask your boyfriend why he had a couple of used condoms in his rubbish bin when you have been away for a few days and you don't even use condoms?! I went away for a five day mini br...
A. 27 September 2014: I don't see any point in ASKING him about the condoms because he'll probably try to come up with a lame-ass excuse or foist the blame onto someone else.
TELLING him that you've found them and that you're now dumping his sorry ass, sounds like a m... (read in full...)
Old flame returns! What to say or do? He wants to be friends but he doesn't want his wife to get hurt??
Q. I was contacted by my first love on facebook. He said he was happily married on facebook as am I; Our relationship was 33 years ago. We dated as teens and were in love till he went away to school he said we should date others and didn't want t...
A. 27 September 2014: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-does-a-guy-contact-an-ex-out.html
I'd just ignore his f/b request if I were you... (read in full...)
Old flame returns! What to say or do? He wants to be friends but he doesn't want his wife to get hurt??
Q. I was contacted by my first love on facebook. He said he was happily married on facebook as am I; Our relationship was 33 years ago. We dated as teens and were in love till he went away to school he said we should date others and didn't want t...
A. 27 September 2014: No I don't think you should be facebook friends with him if he doesn't want to tell his wife, If it's 33 years later and it's "just friends" and he has a good relationship with his wife - why would she be upset?? Probably because he knows what he's ... (read in full...)
S it normal and/or okay for a woman to want to be objectified?
Q. I frequently fantasize about being objectified by men. I don't go out of my way for attention, meaning I never wear makeup, have never been tanning, and I don't wear provacative clothing. But sometimes I still get attention, just not nearly as much ...
A. 26 September 2014: I think the FANTASY is perfectly normal. If it wasn't, there wouldn't be so much erotic literature around that's both aimed at and written by women, that caters to such fantasies. I don't think it's unusual to be a bit flattered to know that guy... (read in full...)
Breaking up with an abusive partner..anyone else have that experience?
Q. I just got out of a rather long relationship, and am feeling like I'm finally looking at it for what it was rather than what I forced myself to believe it was. I felt unsafe the entire time we were together. Not physically. I mean emotionally...
A. 26 September 2014: Hi, I haven't had experiences with an abusive partner but I have had experience with a partner who was arrogant, dismissive and totally indifferent to my feelings. I ended the relationship because it was obvious that he wasn't going to change ... (read in full...)
He Lied About Dating Someone - Should I Not Be Friends With Him?
Q. Last summer, I fancied a male friend (used to flirt with him a bit but nothing more than that) whom I got on with quite well. I told him I liked him, and he turned me down, saying that he was already seeing someone. There was a mutual guy frien...
A. 25 September 2014: Most people will offer a "mitigating circumstance" when they're politely trying to reject someones advances. It's a hell of a lot easier than saying a simple "No". And a lot of people will employ a little white lie - such as "I'm seeing someone ... (read in full...)
What do I do with the expensive gifts my ex gave me?
Q. my question is very simple and small that I have broke up with my gf last night in a legal way ....now I don't know what shud I do with the expensive old gifts she gave me....should I through them out so that I cud fully forget her ...
A. 24 September 2014: If the gifts were very expensive or were intended to symbolise the relationships permanance (such as an engagement ring) then you should offer to return them. Give a her a couple of weeks to think about this if you can.
If they were not particul... (read in full...)
How can I be less awkward about not drinking?
Q. At parties/bars can you not drink and be successful with girls there? I ask because I dont drink because Im an athlete and drinking weakens my performance. I am not the most socially confident though so when a girl asks me why im not drinking I cant ...
A. 22 September 2014: I don't think it's weird if a guy doesn't drink and it wouldn't put me off dating him. What would put me off, however, would be a feeling that the guy thought he was in some way superior to me for not drinking. Or obviously disagreed with my ... (read in full...)
Why would an apparently happily married person claim that they are in a "complicated" relationship?
Q. When somebody puts on facebook that they are in a complicated relationship, but they still live together, go to family gatherings together. What does it really mean? Obviously they are still going out as couple but is it that they are having p...
A. 17 September 2014: No. I don't think it necessarily means that a couple's relationship is unstable. Especially if they appear to be behaving like a normal couple to the average onlooker. Sure, there can be troubles within a marriage that people can cover up in public ... (read in full...)
First date ideas???
Q. Hi I recently asked for a girls phone number, I work with her occasionally and we have a good working relationship. I really like her and I'm nervous about asking her out on a date I need ideas something simple and fun. Trouble is she going away in ...
A. 16 September 2014: To be honest, I don't think that anything can beat going out for a meal for a first date. Or, if finances don't stretch to a whole meal, make it tapas or gelato or cake. (Just make sure it's not Burger King or the like). Then you can sit down and ... (read in full...)
Tips for a fourth date?
Q. Background/Context: I'm a man (18yo) dating a man (23yo). We live in London and for the purpose of this, the person I'm dating is called John. We met like many online, through a well-known dating app for smartphones with a reputation. H...
A. 4 September 2014: If the weather is still holding you could take a picnic to one of London's many public parks - there are so many to choose from. And some will be stunning in the autumn. It might seem a bit weird but, especially if your guy is into history, Hi... (read in full...)
Re-precautions of being a Turkish husband wanting to divorce wife with one child?
Q. Please anyone out there who could answer this question. What would be the reason as why a man with a child who claims to be separated from his wife, still wants to stay married to his estranged wife? He is of Turkish background. His excuse is ...
A. 4 September 2014: Maybe he knows or fears he will get the disapproval of his friends and family if he divorces. I don't know how religious he is or how moral his family are but that could play a part. He might also stand to lose a lot financially if he divorces. ... (read in full...)
Is she playing games?
Q. A young woman hired me to look at problems in her home and while I was out to fix them she was nice and even flirty, I thought this girl may even have a thing for me but out of the blue she went to my manager who insisted to come out with me on ...
A. 3 September 2014: Did you ask your manager if she'd given a reason? One reason I can think of that she behaved like this is because of some perceived inappropriate behaviour. It doesn't sound that you were flirting with her but may be it's something else. ... (read in full...)
Should I warn my assistant that the man she's chatty with almost had an affair with me and is married? Or is it best for me to stay away and let this happen?
Q. A while ago I got chatting to a guy I work with and we got close very quickly. We both had a crush on each other and both wanted more, well I did anyway. He made me send him photos, chatted about sex a lot and I did really like him. He knew I liked ...
A. 3 September 2014: I would definitely say something but don't make it overtly secretive or bitchy or dictatorial. Don't make it all about his failings but admit that you hard a part in it as well.
I would just slip it into conversation somewhere. The convo would pr... (read in full...)
What does my mother see that I don't?
Q. I met a man at summer, he was really nice and helpful to me, as am a single mum with a 3 year old, he done a few jobs round my house for free, and in that time I got to know him. He has asked if he could take me for dinner and I said yes I will ask ...
A. 2 September 2014: I agree with the other aunties that it's probably the age difference that's bothering your parents.
You could simply ask your Mum why she doesn't like him - maybe she does see something or know something that you don't. Just don't be accusato... (read in full...)
Is there any deeper meaning to his visits?
Q. Very confused, I've been off sick from work for a while now.. My marriage Has broke up.. We were married for 22 years to cut along Story short.. My HR, manager came to visit me at my Home to see when I would be returning yo work.. But my boss ...
A. 2 September 2014: If the place where you work is a major organisation, they will have a special procedure to follow in the case of long-term sickness.
It's probably part of the policy that your direct line manager needs to be there at all meetings regardin... (read in full...)
Advice for visiting a lesbian bar alone?
Q. Hi, so I'm gay and I've been out about 5 months. I've been in one short relationship but that's it. I've recently moved to London and really want to meet other lesbians for friendship and possible dating as I have very few friends here. Does anyone ...
A. 1 September 2014: I don't have much experience with lesbian bars but I've been on my own a couple of times when travelling in Amsterdam. It's pretty much the same as going to any club or bar on your own with the emphasis being on personal safety - having the means... (read in full...)
Forever single?. How do I learn to be more comfortable with girls? How or when or where can I touch a girl?
Q. How do I touch girls? I have been forever single. In order for me to have a girlfriend she needs to see that other girls are comfortable round me. The problem is I fear them all so much that I can't remember the last time ( if it even exists ) tha...
A. 1 September 2014: Sign up for some dancing classes - any kind of dancing where you get partnered up with someone.
You could also try palm-reading. Not saying that I believe in fortune telling or that you should profess to people that you have gift that you don't bu... (read in full...)
Worried that stretch marks are going to ruin my body, even after I've dropped 3 stone. Advice?
Q. This is quite a common problem and I need some advice on it. I am a young teen girl verging on being 18, and some of you may of read from my previous questions that I am trying to lose weight. Its going very well I have gone fro...
A. 18 August 2014: Try Bio-oil for starters which is designed to fade stretch marks and scars. It's not a miracle cure but it's the best thing on the market. It's quite expensive and you have to use it regularly for quite some time before you start seeing results b... (read in full...)
Why is my married coworker so hot and cold with me?
Q. After 8 months, I finally returned to the place I used to work. The last time I was there, I became good friends with a man, let's call him Mike. Mike pretty much taught me everything I knew when I first started the job. He is about 10 years older ...
A. 18 August 2014: No, I don't think you need to do anything. You haven't behaved badly and neither has he really. I don't think you need to bring it up again.
Just treat him like a colleague not a pal. Don't look to spend time with him during the working day unle... (read in full...)
A guy I work with doesn't get nervous when he talks to me. Does that mean he isn't as attracted to me?
Q. Ok there's this guy I work with a few years older to myself, who is also single, who I get the impression may be attracted to me. He is only at my work place twice a month - he works at another store. He always tries to talk to me and I feel he ...
A. 18 August 2014: Not everyone blushes or gets tongue tied when they're talking to someone they find attractive but I would say he definitely doesn't find you as attractive as you find him.
He's friendly, he makes good eye contact, he engages in a bit of witty ba... (read in full...)
My recovering drug addicted boyfriend has gone AWOL .... again!
Q. Hi everyone I come here in despair, hoping to gain some insight from objective people. I have been dating a guy who is a recovering drug addict. We have been together for just over three months. At the beginning of our relationship, h...
A. 18 August 2014: Major major red flag! It doesn't sound like your new b/f is recovering at all. He's still actively using. I think it can be safely assumed that this latest disappearance is also due to a relapse so that makes an average of one relapse every 6 ... (read in full...)
Why did he only call me "cute," and how do I stay safe on my next date if we're alone at his place?
Q. [Mod note: two questions from the same asker and concerning the same date have been combined] Went on a lovely, but brief date with a 23 yr old guy at the mall. It was my first date ever, and according to me (and my lack of experience), it went mos...
A. 18 August 2014: Regrading the word "cute".... I'll assume you were both speaking English and that "cute" isn't the translation of a non-english word... There are varying forms of English (British English, American English, Australian English,South Af... (read in full...)
We really get along well together -- am I reading too much into it?
Q. Hi, I'm 25 and male. Last November an amazing beautiful 22 year old girl started working in the same place as me. She got out of a 4 year relationship about a month ago and I've been taking her out as a friend trying to keep her happy and in the ...
A. 17 August 2014: The other aunties are completely right - now is not the time to try and start dating this girl.
She needs time to heal and move on and she's aware of this. She is using family and friends to support her through this time. And you're one of them ... (read in full...)
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