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*ubyBirtle

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Latest articles:

How to spot trolls

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...

Let go of your hate

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...

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Does it sound like this girl would want to date me?

Q.   During Easter vacation I visited a girl with my cousin, who happens to be in the same school with him. When I saw this girl she was really cute . It happened we had little chat about academics to be precise. I saw that she was so intelligent,...

A.   18 June 2015: You know, it really is impossible for anyone to answer this question accurately for you? We can only a hazard a guess from the way you've worded your question - which is your side of the story affected by your emotions. This is why you've had to ... (read in full...)

Are there men out there willing to use condoms?

Q.   I'm having a bit of an issue with birth control and I'm looking for some advice. I have tried so many types of birth control over the years: the injection; the implant and 4 different types of pill, and each of them have played havoc with my ...

A.   18 June 2015: I would consider getting a second opinion on the coil. Is it your GP that you've spoken to or a specialist? I know plenty of people who've used the coil as contraception before they'd had children and who've then gone on to have children without ... (read in full...)

Is it weird to see if they would be interested in a date, after all these years?

Q.   So i have a question for all you women. If you accidentally run across an old acquaintance after nearly 10 years (who you really didn't talk to very much) is it weird to see if they would be interested in a date? This person was coincidental...

A.   16 June 2015: No, I don't think it would be weird if your paths have ended up crossing again. I think you should give it a go.... (read in full...)

Who do men like about being in relationships?

Q.   Why dont men admit they are with someone, when u really no they are, even when u ask them still wont admit Find it so confusing ...

A.   16 June 2015: Not ALL men do this - just some of them. And presumably someone you know. Who is this guy? We might be able to advise you better if we know what's happened to prompt you to ask the question. Otherwise it's just a sweeping statement that s... (read in full...)

He is the man of my dreams. Does an 8 year age gap matter?

Q.   I have fallen in love with a man 8 years younger than me... I am 35 he is 27... Does this matter? I didn't know his age until very recently, I thought he was about my age, I thought he was 30/31. We've not yet had a sexual relationship but I do lov...

A.   9 June 2015: No there's nothing morally wrong with it at all - you're both adults who can make rational decisions. At 27 he's hardly an impressionable schoolboy anymore. So, if he's up for it as well, there's no reason (moral, legal or religious) why you shou... (read in full...)

I just want things to be on good terms again, as it hurts that we have fallen out in this way.

Q.   Hi, I had a bad fall out with a guy I was seeing. He totally overacted with me, thinking I was stirring up trouble between him and this other lady he was flirting with online, although they are now seeing each other too. The trouble is - even ...

A.   5 June 2015: Why do you need to explain yourself or make amends - he's the one who over-reacted? Why is important that you have to be friends? Do you still have to see him because of work or mutual friends (in which cse I can understand the need to be civil an... (read in full...)

How can I stop obsessing about what I did 18 months ago?

Q.   Hi everyone, I would like some advice. I have a bit of a rumination problem, and have been a big over thinker since being a child. I am torn apart at the minute over guilt I am carrying from an incident that happened a year and a half ago. My par...

A.   31 May 2015: I think you may need some professional help to get through this. Obsessive thoughts can be a form of obsessive compulsive disorder and CBT (cognative behavioural therapy) is most commonly used to treat OCD. There are some CBT self-help g... (read in full...)

Can you think of examples where a woman initiated a relationship? I need some examples to demolish my long held view that this never happens.

Q.   Because it seems, to me, that all boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are still initiated by the guy, where the man approaches the woman first, talks to her first and asked her out first, initiated everything or almost everything in the ...

A.   31 May 2015: Well, if I'm honest - most of my relationships began with quite a lot of active (yet subtle) initiation on my part. And the last three guys I dated were all directly asked on a date by me (and there was a guy who turned me down too) Were they suc... (read in full...)

Why are women turned off by inexperienced men?

Q.   Why does inexperience turn women off ? Why is it that if a guy never had a girlfriend before, he is a turn off to the vast majority of girls that are non-virgins and have had their share of boyfriends or just been in a relationship before, and sadly ...

A.   30 May 2015: Where did you get that quote from? It's not possible for a human female to tell whether a human male has mated in the past or not. No can tell whether someone else is sexually inexperienced just by looking and talking to them (or even by having s... (read in full...)

Do you think someone can have an affair without having sex with another person?

Q.   I married my high school gf just over a year ago. Shortly after we got engaged I started working a new job and met this girl named Sarah, she's funny, sweet and we just had tons of fun working together. We started hanging out with each other ...

A.   28 May 2015: Yes. It's called an emotional affair. Affairs happen when someone looks for someone ouside the marriage to fulfill certain needs or desires, when ideally these should be (mostly) fulfilled by their partner. This could be sex but can also be ... (read in full...)

She still likes me but gets annoyed??

Q.   My girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me completely out of nowhere, saying she wants to be alone. She did say that maybe in the future we can try again. She told my friend weeks later after the breakup that she still likes me, but is happier ...

A.   25 May 2015: It means that you're incompatible as boyfriend/girlfriend. It means that she likes you as a friend but there are certain aspects of your personality that she finds a little irritating that she can only tolerate in small doses (which is why she ... (read in full...)

Why is he now so much more responsive, in a positive way, to everything I say now?

Q.   Hi, me and this guy have been friends for 7 months.. We talk everyday but our conversations were short but recently, the conversations have been long and he laughs at nearly everything i say. whereas before he never did that and i'm more happ...

A.   21 May 2015: He's probably just more comfortable with you now, now that he knows you a bit better. Some people take time to make friends and to feel at ease with them. I'm sure you're probably wanting us to say "it's because he fancies you" but I'm afraid n... (read in full...)

If he announces he just wants a romp with no sex, would that be a deal-breaker?

Q.   I know there has been one or two similar posts, but I would really appreciate negative or positive reponses on the following, from females or males who have experience in this. You meet a guy you think is cute at a party, bar etc, get on really w...

A.   7 May 2015: When this happened to me it was because the guy turned out to be married. Somehow he thought that "fooling around" without penetrative sex wasn't real cheating - and, yes, that was a deal breaker for me. Another guy I dated for a few months w... (read in full...)

Would girls laugh and blow kisses to someone don't know, but they do find that person to be attractive, to them?

Q.   Interesting scenario and am interested in hearing thoughts. There is this guy I know who us girls find cute/good looking. I saw him trying to drive out of a parking bay at the side of the street. He was blocked by bit of a jam of cars coming t...

A.   6 May 2015: I totally agree with the other aunties, that it was a sarcastic gesture rather than a flirtatious one. or maybe they do know him. I also think that these girls were showing off - to each other. You can bet your bottom dollar that neither of them ... (read in full...)

Should I report my sister to Social Services?

Q.   Hi guys I just wanted some advice on a problem I am having. I I have a sister who is 29 years old and she has two small children. However she has started to drink alcohol around her children, to the point where she gets blind drunk, this has been...

A.   24 April 2015: You know you have to report this. You can do so anonymously with the NSPCC. Check out their website.... (read in full...)

I'm having difficulties in socializing with other people due to my low self esteem and feel socially awkward

Q.   Hi everynone.. im having difficulties in socializing with other people due to my low self esteem and socially awkward. I feel shy whenever i meet people that attractive and confident. Im not kind of thia person before. I used to have many friends to ...

A.   18 April 2015: I think you shouldn't rule out contacting your old school friends - they may be married or busy with their new lives but that doesn't mean to say that some of them wouldn't be happy to hear from you again. But it would be good for you to make new ... (read in full...)

I want my ex back so I lied and told him I am pregnant

Q.   i broke up with my ex-boyfriend last month. after our break-up, I got sick and when he saw my facebook status about that, he called me one night and explained me why he broke up with me, how much he had loved me, we can still be friends and that i ...

A.   18 April 2015: Look, there ISN'T a way you can get everything you want. You CANNOT keep this guy. There is nothing that anybody could suggest to get you out of this mess with this guy as your boyfriend. You can't keep lying to him about being pregnant. You wo... (read in full...)

What are the signs a guy may give when he likes a girl or is starting to get feelings for a girl?

Q.   hi! I like a guy from my college. He has got to know that I like him from someone. He doesn't have any idea that I also know he has information about me liking him. So whenever we come across each other he looks at me from far and every time when ...

A.   5 April 2015: If a guy "likes" you in a romantic way he'll do more than just look at you. The more confident guys will ask you out. Or flirt with you Less confident guys will at least approach you for conversation (until they build up the confidence to as... (read in full...)

We're on a roller coaster and I want to get off

Q.   Dear Cupid, I read this site often and am always struck by how great the Agony Aunts/Uncles are in giving out advice. It always done with common sense, compassion and empathy and no judgment. I hope you can give me some advice too, as I need t...

A.   3 April 2015: It sounds like you DO have the willpower to stop the roller-coaster because you say that you've managed to go "no contact" before and that it's not YOU that initiates contact but him. Why not remove the possibility of that happening by -Changing... (read in full...)

Why do I always attract men I'm not attracted to? yet fail to interest the men I am attracted to?

Q.   I'm hoping to get some opinions because I think I'm doing something wrong. I always attract men I'm not attracted to, but the ones I'm interested in never like me. I didn't think much of this as a teenager, even though it was annoying, because ...

A.   3 April 2015: I'm in the same boat. I know now (after some therapy) that my problem is that I'm attracted to confident yet emotionally unavailable men. Now it's not that I think "Hey, there's an emotionally unavailable guy over there. I think I'll go an... (read in full...)

I'd like to talk to him more, but is it worth the money?

Q.   This past fall, I took a pe class and unintentionally developed a crush on one of the cute guys on the last day of class. I added him on Facebook over the winter break and messaged him once about the class. During the winter, we didn't have class ...

A.   3 April 2015: I guess it's only worth doing the class if you'd actually USE the time to initiate further conversations with this guy. If you take the class and simply wait for him to approach you and not approach him yourself, then you really will have wasted y... (read in full...)

How do I fight to keep this woman in my life?

Q.   She was married to her second husband for 18 years. She loved him deeply. She is a sensitive woman whom loves with all her heart. During their union, she had a rare liver disease and underwent 2 liver transplants. The first was rejected. Afterwards, ...

A.   1 April 2015: Giving all three of those gifts might be a bit too much. Choose ONE of them and keep it small. If you're meeting at a restaurant - flowers are bit of a pain because they get in the way at the table unless it's just a single flower. Why n... (read in full...)

How do I live with the man and woman who were in a relationship behind my back?

Q.   About a month ago the guy I was seeing broke it off with me. We had been friends for around six months before finally getting together and currently live together in the accomodation at our university. We were very happy and very close. He was also ...

A.   31 March 2015: I couldn't tolerate this either. I'd have gone to pieces if it happened to me. I would either move accommodation - even if that meant having to shell out more money. Or I'd speak to my tutor about taking the rest of the year off from my studies ... (read in full...)

Should I try to win him back?

Q.   I dated a guy for a month and it was going so well at the beginning and we were both really into each other, but then he started to get too serious too fast after 2 weeks he told me he loved me and wants marriage and kids asking those kinds of ...

A.   31 March 2015: No, let this one go.... there seems to be little point in pursuing it. a) He isn't want you want - he doesn't have the independence or job stability that you want. You have separate views. None of these issues will change or disappear quickl... (read in full...)

Ladies, your possible reaction if you surmised, during sex, that a guy was a virgin then would you stop having sex or what?

Q.   Hi Cupid, I wanna paint a pictute here for woman and hear what they think. Pleeeeeeeease be brutally honest, no euphemism. If you (a woman) were in your twenties and liked some guy, just like, not a romeo and juliette love story, you've know...

A.   28 March 2015: Having read Chigirl's response, I'd like to add something else... In the hypothetical scenario you describe, you don't actually say that you are "romantically" dating this girl - just that you're hanging around together a lot. Although I sa... (read in full...)

Ladies, your possible reaction if you surmised, during sex, that a guy was a virgin then would you stop having sex or what?

Q.   Hi Cupid, I wanna paint a pictute here for woman and hear what they think. Pleeeeeeeease be brutally honest, no euphemism. If you (a woman) were in your twenties and liked some guy, just like, not a romeo and juliette love story, you've know...

A.   28 March 2015: It depends what you mean by "alleged girlfriends". If I found out that the guy had made things up and mentioned girlfriends who hadn't existed (or claimed he'd slept with girls when he hadn't) - that WOULD be a deal-breaker for me. Not because the ... (read in full...)

I do still love my Gf. Yet I'm having feelings for another. Should I talk about this to my Gf?

Q.   I am in a relationship of 5 years and I'm in my final year of university so I am away from my girlfriend weeks at a time. Recently we have been arguing more frequently and we both recognise the spark is going out and so are currently trying to ignit...

A.   27 March 2015: I can't really top Honeypie's advice.... I can just reiterate it. Don't tell your girlfriend that you've got feelings for someone else if you want to save your relationship. It will probably ruin it. Identify realistic ways that you CAN reig... (read in full...)

He acted frustrated and then pushed me against the wall and kissed me. This means what?

Q.   I feel super lame asking this but if a guy gets frustrated at you and kind of pushes you against the wall but then kisses you on the head quickly what does it mean?...

A.   25 March 2015: I don't think anybody will be able to tell you exactly "what it means", especially with so little information. What was going on before he pushed you against the wall? What was he frustrated about? Is this guy a boyfriend or just a friend? ... (read in full...)

About Pornography: are my thoughts about women who like pornography accurate? Or simplistic generalizations? Or incorrect assumption?

Q.   This is just a general question about something I've wondered about. Its safe to say that men who like porn come from all walks of life. But what kind of woman likes it or at least accepts it within a relationship? Often I'll read commen...

A.   24 March 2015: I am a woman and I watch porn occasionally and I don't really mind if a guy watches porn occasionally within a relationship. I have no problems if my partner decides to take an occasional look at porn. I WOULD have a problem with porn use if my pa... (read in full...)

Considering seeing a therapist. How do I find one to address my concerns?

Q.   I'm 29 and have never had a girlfriend. I have dated some, but they've been few and far between for the most part. While I have a great, supportive family, hobbies to occupy my spare time, and a few close friends that I like spending time with, I ...

A.   24 March 2015: I'm not sure if there's a "special" sort of therapist you should be looking for - most well-qualified therapists will be able to help you look at the fears and insecurities that you feel are affecting your life. A therapist will help you look at... (read in full...)

Originally I didn't know he has a Gf when I flirted with him. Should I ignore him now, or say something?

Q.   I have to see him all the time for the next few weeks too and it's going to be awkward :( Me and my friends are travelling in Ireland and we're staying in a backpackers hostel for two weeks. Last night, we met a group of young guys who were als...

A.   23 March 2015: Just pretend it didn't happen and act normal around him but as if you don't fancy him. No need to be particularly aloof or stand-offish - just don't flirt anymore. It sounds like you just chatted with him and didn't come on too strong so there's ... (read in full...)

Any options for a hopeless romantic virgin?

Q.   I'm in a conundrum so to speak. I'm a male virgin who has never kissed a girl nor have I been on a date. I'm not very attractive as women have told me in the past that I'm not. I believe them as well as I'm not handsome. I'm a huge nerd as w...

A.   23 March 2015: Hi I think the main thing you'll have to work on is improving your perception of yourself because you're so sure that you're an unattractive nerd and that's sapping your confidence. And it'll be your lack of confidence that stops you not yo... (read in full...)

His asking after my mom, and the grey car, have me paranoid now!

Q.   My mom just told me that a couple of months ago she was sitting at a park relaxing in her vehicle before reporting to work and thought she saw my boyfriend pull in and get out with another woman. She said she wasn't for sure but that she thought it ...

A.   21 March 2015: Why is your Mum telling you now as opposed to when it first happened? Has something else happened that has made you doubt your husband that prompted her to volunteer this (mis)information? It all sounds very vague to me which makes me think yo... (read in full...)

I like him a lot, but am I misconstruing his words?

Q.   I have had a crush on a co worker for while now. He has always been friendly towards me since he got hired but I never thought much out of it.I just thought he was just being friendly even though I fancy him However,today I decide...

A.   21 March 2015: I think you might be reading a little bit too much into it. Lot's of people who are nice and friendly give compliments like that. It's just that you've noticed it more this time because you fancy him. If it had been a female colleague or a much o... (read in full...)

Did she unblock me to show me she's in a relationship?

Q.   My ex recently unblocked me which is not uncommon as she has blocked/unblocked me in the past. Wewere together for a few yrs and it ended pretty messy. Bat shit crazy. Weve been split for a few years now. This time I thought she was going to msg...

A.   14 March 2015: It depends how long ago you broke up and how long she blocked you. On some social networking sites the block only lasts a set period of time before it needs to be renewed or it automatically lapses. I found that out the hard way after I blocked ... (read in full...)

Why is he waiting to get physical?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy for over 2 months. During the past 2 months we have text eachother quite a lot every single day and we see eachother at least twice a week for nights/days out and in. The relationship is going very well, we respect eacho...

A.   12 March 2015: The first thing that popped into my head was that he might have some erectile dysfunction and he's petrified that it'll rear its ugly head just at the wrong moment. How does he respond to your hints and jokes about wanting to seduce him?... (read in full...)

What should I include in a CV/Resume to make it look good?

Q.   Hello! As a lot of you know I have been on this website for a good couple of years now and have ended up having a rather difficult time when it has come to education. I have suffered from various mental health problems since the age of 13, and d...

A.   12 March 2015: Any kind of volunteer work looks good - especially if it reflects the type of work you want to get into. And any kind of group hobby that you do regularly - hobbies that you can ONLY do as a group as it shows the ability to work in a team. Th... (read in full...)

How can I improve my social skills so that I can hold on to a job and improve my life?

Q.   I am scared what will happen to me as I have no useful skills and no future. I am a social pariah, so out of 100 desperate job applicants you would not pick me. Lucky for me I have a nice family and my mum lets me live in the house, but at 27 I need ...

A.   11 March 2015: Why do you consider yourself a social paraiah? Do you have difficulty making friends or getting on with people? Who "encouraged" you to leave certain jobs? What did they cite as reasons why you should? Have you attended job interviews? Did ... (read in full...)

Do I just stay quiet or do I say something about my brother in law's visits to his ex, for sex?

Q.   My brother in law keeps going over to sleep with his ex. I don't know what to say to get through to him! She is trouble, which is putting it lightly, and he only goes over to her after he's been drinking. He acts as if this is just a booty call, ...

A.   11 March 2015: So he's not married to a sibling of yours (or anybody else for that matter) so I'm afraid it's his business if he keeps making the mistake of sleeping with his ex - even if she is bad news. You can explain your concerns to him once (or ask your... (read in full...)

She's my friend's sister. Should I tell her, first, how I feel about her? Or just go ahead and ask her out for a date?

Q.   I've known my best friend and his sister for 3 years now. I'm 21 and they're 18. Throughout knowing them both my best friend is amazing and the nicest guy i've ever been around he is a friend for life. His sister is great too we're also very close. ...

A.   11 March 2015: Just ask her out on a date. No need to have a discussion or "admit your feelings" before you do. Conversations like that are always awkward at the best of times and at worst, you'll feel like a complete tit if you've poured your heart out and she ... (read in full...)

Would it be creepy to contact him after this long?

Q.   i met this guy in one of my PE classes during the previous term. I unintentionally developed a crush on him on the last day of class, which is awful timing. Over winter break, I added him on fb, and messaged him a week later. I asked him if he ...

A.   10 March 2015: No it wouldn't be creepy just to drop him a line asking if he's going to join the class or saying that you hope to see him there. It's just normal friendly human behaviour. It would be creepy if you bombarded him with messages or if you sent him ... (read in full...)

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