A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:[Mod note: two questions from the same asker and concerning the same date have been combined]Went on a lovely, but brief date with a 23 yr old guy at the mall. It was my first date ever, and according to me (and my lack of experience), it went mostly smoothly! There were few awkward instances though were he'd touch me accidentally, then quickly retreat. Or I'd subconsciously lean my head forward, he'd mimick, but I'd retreat due to nervousness. There was a little awkward silence as we were leaving but that again, was soon remedied and also expected, on my part, especially being shy. We were in public as we said goodbye and were both sort of stalling and waiting around and looking at each other, then away or down, then again at each other, but the kiss never happened and instead we hugged tightly and said goodbye. We didn't hold hands either. Now, about 4 hours after the date he texts that that was way too short, as a joke, since I had said I had to go and only stayed about an hour. We start talking and he basically, when I ask, tells me that he thought I was not too bad, and mature which he liked, and also cute. He asks me out again, at HIS place, and I agree. But I make sure he understands that there's certain sexual boundaries he has to respect. During this, he says that I'm too cute and he'll probably explode, but says it's fine he's okay with it. Now, as a side note, I'm also slightly insecure about my teeth, which stick out a lot, although I always try to see past that flaw and embrace it and be comfortable flashing a bright smile despite it. I'm also short, but that doesn't bother me.I'm very attracted to him. I find him sexy, handsome and smart. But I don't get how he sees me, why am I only cute? Is that even a good thing? Can't I be beautiful or sexy or gorgeous as well? Is it just part of the effect of my height? He just mentions 'cute' so much, it makes me feel a little like a child, or bunny, not a confident, young, beautiful woman.----Yesterday I finally had a date with a guy I had been talking to online. It went well and he seemed kind and gentlemanly (of course, I understand people will always try to show their good sides on first dates. We had fun, although I had to cut it short and head home. We never did kiss or hold hands...He texted a while later about how he wants us to hang out again, and that he'd like to invite me to Sun's Bay (part of town where he lives). This seems nice, and I agreed, BUT... The problem is: when we first ever started talking, he made it clear he'd like sex. I made it clear that I was a virgin and wanted to keep it that way. Nevertheless he wanted to know anyway. I made it very clear last night again that our next outing can't involve sex, although I woouldn't mind making out, necking etc. He was momentarily disappointed I think, but eventually decided he was okay with it and would try to make me as comfortable as possible. Now, I want to know, how do I make sure I am safe with him during that evening? He's 23 and I'm 19. I mostly trust him but I still like to stay cautious. What tips for safety do you have regarding my possibly being at his house and eating his food and getting a lift back from him? My friends already know. Should I make sure my phone is always close? Do I eat dinner?Just would like some tips on a girl's safety at a friendly and gorgeous stranger's home or neighborhood.Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand the danger of the situation. I've decided NOT to go to his place alone. Thanks for all your responses.
Giving oral/receiving it is however out of my boundaries (because PERSONALLY, I see that as more intimate), and no, I do not think that touching ourselves suddenly makes me a 'pretend virgin' because obviously there's a definition for this word and it is subjective to many people's different views and values...maybe calling myself "unpure" then might make you guys happy? I just don't know what I'll call myself then afterwards..
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 nope I've had sex in cars too.
YOU ARE PLAYING with fire... if you are willing to be a pretend virgin and have oral with him to get him off he may settle for that.
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat +, writes (18 August 2014):
On a first date being called cute isn't a bad thing at all.
Regards to another date don't go to he's place, he is attracted to you and you are him so it will be easy to get caught up and just have sex. so go out in public and make him wait a while before you have sex to see how much he is in to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's leaving in about a week and a half. He came here to study but now's he going back home overseas. So I never really wanted a serious relationship out of it anyway, it was more like a short fling... My point being that it's difficult to make more dates, and we're both very busy. Another thing is we are in a very notoriously racist part of town and being affectionate in public (being an interracial couple) might cause uncomfortable stares or comments :( I'm starting to rethink going to his place though - but would opting for the car to make out and fool around somewhere private be better, or is it the same story?
Also, when I talk about making out, I mean that I don't mind touching below the waist and getting off. That's the limit though.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 August 2014):
OH let me tell you how this "date" at home will go:
First it will be
come sit next to me (pats the couch next to him) you sit close
he turns on a romantic movie
then he will put his arm around you
then he will kiss you
he will try to feel your breast and you will say NO
he will wait a few minutes and try again...
you can say no all you want but he will keep trying till you give in....
then he will go for other things.
NEVER ever EVER date at home if you don't want it to deteriorate into sexual activity.
He's made it clear he wants sex
he will say and do what you want till he gets what he wants then he will disappear.
DO NOT fall for this.
the ONLY safe thing to do is meet him IN PUBLIC.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 August 2014):
 You had an hour's date and now you plan on going over to his house? Are you nuts? You need more dates IN PUBLIC PLACES, many more dates before you should be alone with the guy especially alone at his house. Make him prove how much he respects you. Make him show you that respect by treating you like a lady. If you really want to develop a relationship with him then refuse this date to his house and insist you go somewhere public, if he has good intentions then he will agree.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (18 August 2014):
Regrading the word "cute".... I'll assume you were both speaking English and that "cute" isn't the translation of a non-english word...There are varying forms of English (British English, American English, Australian English,South African English etc) and certain words appear to have a slightly different meaning depending on where the person learnt thier English.In the U.S, Cute means attractive, appealing, good-looking. People use it to describe someone they fancy or want to date.It pretty much means the same in the UK but it's usually used when talking about children, kittens, newborn lambs. However, we see enough American movies and TV over here that we know what it means when a guy calls us "cute" - it can only be a good thing.I'm sure your date meant nothing negative by it.Regarding the second date however...DO NOT have a second date with him at his home. It's too soon. Guys who ask you to hang-out at home are usually after sex - they might not push you into it but they're hoping for it. So the only way you can protect yourself from sexual advances is not to go there. Some guys will even think that because you've accepted to visit them at their home that sex is expected.I also find that guys who rush the dating phase and leap straight into hanging-out at home, never get out of the "let's hang-out at home instead of going out" phase and life becomes very boring because you never go out together.You really need another 4 or 5 dates OUT before you accept an invitation to his home.
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