A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:Ok, I have a lot of friends, like a WHOLE lot. Some are casual friends who I had fun with, some are useful professionally, some are genuine friends I can go to, some are going out friends, some are culture friends.I amassed many friends but I don't have time to see them all, many visit my city (London). The truth is though I enjoyed our time together, between seeing my own close friends, working and having ME time. I end of up burning the candles at both ends when I meet them. I get nothing out of it, I don't even necessarily feel like we are particularly close, they just don't know anyone else in the city. I've realised this can't go on. How do I politely turn down invitation without closing doors in the future their invitations, everyone wants to have dinner/coffee and I simply don't have time. But I don't want to come across as cocky, but so far I've made time, and it's causing my stress trying to see everyone. Some of them I would never reach out to if I was in their city. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2014): Give an answer that is either straight as Nora B said, as in NO, or give them an answer that suggests a long time scale. i.e. I have a lot on my plate at the minute.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (13 October 2014):
Okay, so a friend calls up wanting to get together. The most generic answer is "I'd love to but I'm really busy at the moment. I can't do it I'm afraid." If it's someone visiting London for a week who's calling say "I'd love to but I'm afraid I'm really busy ALL THAT WEEK", that way you make it clear that if they suggest other days instead you still won't be available.Yes, some people will be disappointed but there's nothing you can do about that. It's their problem. We all have to get used to the fact that we can't get everything we want all of the time and that includes speding time with friends.You could also compromise in certain situations and offer an alternative instead which suits you more. E.g. A friend who's visiting London wants you to join him for a pub crawl in central London. You could reply "I'd love to but I'm afraid I'm too busy ALL WEEK to fit in a night-out on such a large scale but I could probably manage to see you if you can make it up to Walthamstow (or wherever). Are you free for dinner/a quiet drink at xxx on suchandsuch a day" (then suggest a place near you)
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A
male
reader, MrOveranalysing +, writes (12 October 2014):
MrOveranalysing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey always suggest other days, if they are visiting for week, I generally can fit them in, but at the cost of my sanity. what are some perfect generic answers?
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A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (12 October 2014):
Tell me about it! I feel like that with a few people I know and I live in another UK city. Its also awkward when you end up with a group of their friends and don't know anyone. I would say, when your in a group of people don't take anyone, including yourself seriously, just enjoy the company. If you don't want to meet people, tell them you are tired or that you are very busy/have a clash etc. Also ask yourself what is it you are looking to get out of these interactions? are you looking for a partner or a close friendship?
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (12 October 2014):
I understand your situation very well and you do have lots of friends.However you will have to put you and your health first.One word you will have to get used to saying is NO with a smile and a little banter but never the less a firm NO.Just sit down and make a list of your real friends that you enjoy being with and apart from a odd meeting with the other friends stick to your list Rembember your One person and cant be on call whenever it suits others and its unfair of them to expect it .Your health is your wealth anything that causes you undue stress avoid it .Kind wishes NORA B.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2014): Just explain that you're so busy with your work at the minute and you feel you have to get that done before you head out anywhere, they'll understand.
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