New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

*ubyBirtle

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

Like what she writes?
... Add *ubyBirtle to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *ubyBirtle a private message

*ubyBirtle's Ratings
Excellent75%
Average8%
Poor17%
Latest articles:

How to spot trolls

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...

Let go of your hate

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...

< Prev345678910111213Next > [14 pages, 523 answers]

I messed up again, or maybe for the 11th time! Advice on how to get her back?

Q.   I'm 20 about to be 21 she's 17 about to be 18 We meet each other in high school We worked together for atleast a year I was dating a girl Broke up with her to be with the girl I'm currently with Then broke Up with her and go back with the o...

A.   7 March 2016: Well, you say you've lost her for good so it's difficult to know how to advise you after the except except to move on and take a long hard look at yourself and your behaviour so you don't go down the same road. You list the reasons for you brea... (read in full...)

Has he lost interest? Too busy??

Q.   Hi... I've speaking to this boy for about a month now and we've only met up twice. The last time we met he text me asking to meet me in the week and I said yes and he said he'd let me know but he didn't. He sent me a snap on Snapchat and I...

A.   3 March 2016: I would take it that this guy has lost interest (or wasn't really that keen in the first place) and move on. A guy who is really keen will make time to see you or at least be honest about when he can if he's very busy. With internet dating, ... (read in full...)

Should I ask her to delete my contact information from her cell phone? Or if I ask her that I will show that I'm hurt?

Q.   I used to go out with this girl, I was in love with her, hut she wasn't into me. One night we ended on her kitchen floor and I started caressing her hair and arm, i realized she got excited when I was doing that but she turned me down at that spot. ...

A.   1 March 2016: I would simply delete her contact information and block her from contacting me. I don't think you have to explain why. But I don't see why you shouldn't ask her either if that's what you want to do. If your intention is never to have anything... (read in full...)

I need to break my duck with girls

Q.   How to get over being a virgin? I'm turning 23 and no matter what I've tried it hasnt worked out. I've dated a couple girls in high school but we were "too young" to have sex according to the girls. We loved each other when we were dating but ...

A.   29 February 2016: Was this post yours as well? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/we-kissed-on-our-last-date-should-i.html If it was, let me know and I'll try to write a better reply later when I'm not in such a rush... (read in full...)

Should I have sex with him finally?

Q.   There's this guy who knows how to flirt really well with women...I don't think he's ever cheated, or that he's really a player, but he's good with getting women comfortable with him. So like everyone else I think I may be really starting to like...

A.   26 February 2016: I don't think telling him how you feel about him will make much of a difference - if DOES turn out to be a player (and tbh he sounds like a bit of one) then all you've done is show him that you're easy pickings. I think telling him that you are ... (read in full...)

Is this a break-up? Boyfriend and I haven't talked in 3 days after argument. Please help

Q.   On Monday me and my boyfriend got into a fight over something small and now he hasn't said one word to me in 3 whole days ! I'm worried. I don't want it to be over I just wanna work it out . yesterday he called and let it ring 3 times and hung up ...

A.   25 February 2016: Have you tried to contact him?... (read in full...)

My troubled marriage makes me fantasize about someone else and want to cheat

Q.   I have been in a realtionship with my husband for 8 years. It has been rocky due to his demeanor, tone, and language. He's never taken stress well and he's had problems with little romances (not sure if sexual or non-sexual). He tried to cheat on ...

A.   21 February 2016: I think you should leave your abusive husband? Why are you not considering that as an option?... (read in full...)

How do I overcome having serious trust issues?

Q.   Ive just started a new relationship, 5mths. I have serious trust issue, mainly from ex relationships. How can I over come this ? I dont want to loose him we are really good together....

A.   18 February 2016: Aunt Honesty gives good advice but if you can't put your previous experiences behind you (or if trust issues were also a problem with your previous relationships) perhaps you should consider some therapy or counselling.... (read in full...)

Is it ok to meet up with an ex employee?

Q.   Hi Guys, so a lady recently left the company but before leaving she suggested that I find her on Facebook and we can go from there. Is it okay to meet up with an ex-employee?...

A.   18 February 2016: Yes, I think it would be fine - especially since she's suggested it. I can't see what would be wrong with it if you are no longer her employer.... (read in full...)

No sex and he's suffering

Q.   How important is sex in a marriage? I suffer from dyspareunia and because of this I'm not interested in sex at all. My husband understands my situation but I can see that he is suffering. What should I do? I don't get horny at all. The thought of ...

A.   17 February 2016: Have you been to a doctor to establish the cause of your dyspareunia? Do you know if there is a physiological or psychological cause for it? I do think that sex is important to marriage, though. Or at least some form of sexual expression - it wou... (read in full...)

He has gone silent. Is he over me?

Q.   Hi Please can you give me some advice? Totally mad about a man who seemed to want me and has just gone silent , no sex just no more invitations so sad ....

A.   17 February 2016: Can you give us some more information please? Some background history so we can advise you a little better? Are you asking "why" this guy has gone silent? Or are you simply after words of comfort after losing someone you thought was special?... (read in full...)

Could he be cheating while away? He said 'Good Night'.

Q.   My husband is away on an overnight business trip. Let's say he cheated on me that night. Would he text me "Good night" or would he avoid texting me altogether? Which would be more likely? Texting Good night is not something he does every night whe...

A.   12 February 2016: I would say it's completely impossible to tell because we don't know your husband. We don't know what kind of guy he usually is so I don't think a stranger could possibly say. Even those who do say will be basing their opinions on their own live... (read in full...)

He says he'll be understanding in dealing with me but he loses his patience and becomes abusive!

Q.   I have been in a relationship for a year now with my partner who i have known for 6 years as we worked together. We have a 5 week old baby boy. I have had lots anxiety and mental health issues most of my life but I have done a lot of work on myself ...

A.   5 February 2016: With a 5 week old baby in the UK, you should still be under the midwifery services. Please tell the midwives who are managing your after-care how you are feeling. If the midwifery service has just finished (I think the cut-off point is usually about ... (read in full...)

Am I being too fussy with guys?

Q.   I am back dating. I am looking for a longterm relationship. I have a good amount of male attention as I know younger and guys my age find me attractive and Im open and honest and told a great friend. I do feel like maybe Im not getting things right ...

A.   29 January 2016: I'd say that you're right to avoid separated or newly single men but I understand your frustration - a truly decent guy does not stay single for long if he's on the market and it feels that we might miss the boat if we're not the first on board. ... (read in full...)

I'm very self conscious about the cold sores on my mouth and worried about what others think

Q.   I've been feeling really insecure and self-conscious recently because I have these two horrible cold sores on both corners of my mouth that look disgusting and really hurt! I know this may seem like such a small thing to be moaning about when there ...

A.   26 January 2016: Sorry - I mean Zovirax CREAM (not cram)!... (read in full...)

I'm very self conscious about the cold sores on my mouth and worried about what others think

Q.   I've been feeling really insecure and self-conscious recently because I have these two horrible cold sores on both corners of my mouth that look disgusting and really hurt! I know this may seem like such a small thing to be moaning about when there ...

A.   26 January 2016: Have you tried any of the over-the-counter treatments for cold sores? If you haven't, pop along to any dispensing chemist and ask the pharmacist for some Zovirax cram (which is the standard treatment for cold sores in the UK) If this doesn... (read in full...)

Could the teacher have us arrested because we kissed?

Q.   A teacher caught me and my friend kissing at school. It wasnt the first time we kissed, we have known each other since we were little. We started kissing early last year but we always did it at each others home in our rooms. The teacher gave us such ...

A.   23 January 2016: I'm pretty sure that you can't get arrested for just kissing unless it was non-consensual. C'mon, teenagers kissing kissing each other is hardly uncommon - imagine how busy the police would be if they had to arrest all of them. Have any other kids ... (read in full...)

Is there an explanation for what occurred??

Q.   Hi all I have a pretty weird question to ask, first of all I'll explain the situation: I was due on my period later this week so me and my boyfriend decided to have sex (our first time together and my first time in general) it hurt a little a...

A.   23 January 2016: It was most probably your hymen breaking. as Ivyblue says, the amount of pain and blood the first time varies from woman to woman. And it could be your period too if you're expecting it around about now. If you had been lying down before you visi... (read in full...)

My Bf and I, both 14, kiss a lot. Should I be worried about the recent way he's behaving when we kiss?

Q.   my boyfriend and me have been in what i would say is a serious relationship for about 6 months. We are the same age and have got to the point where we kiss a lot, for a long time. recently, whilst kissing he's been pulling me a lot closer than usua...

A.   23 January 2016: Does it mean anything? Yes! It means he's a normal horny, red-blooded, heterosexual teenager who fancies you!! Does it mean that he's in love with you? No, not necessarily. What you describe is a natural progression of a physical relatio... (read in full...)

Is there any way to delay my period from starting so I can have sex?

Q.   Hi I'm looking for a little bit of help, I'm going to my boyfriends house tomorrow and we were planning on having sex for the first time, we are both totally comfortable with this but my only issue is that I'm due to have my period this week but it ...

A.   21 January 2016: I spent many years working in women's health. If you are already on the contraceptive pill you can skip your pill free break which would cause you to skip that period but otherwise no, I'm afraid there isn't anything you can do to delay your per... (read in full...)

Should I reveal all to the wife of my ex? My Bf will leave me if I fail to tell her

Q.   Hi, I recently started dating an amazing guy, everything has been great and we are thinking about getting married. While talking about our pasts he found out that up until the day I met him I was still friends with an ex boyfriend. The...

A.   16 January 2016: I'm another person who's in favour of NOT saying anything to the wife. I agree with all the other posters advice. Would you even be considering this if your boyfriend hadn't suggested it or would you still be "friends" with your ex? this is your ... (read in full...)

How long do I wait to contact boyfriend after argument? Its been 4 days......

Q.   We've been together 5 1/2 years and I confronted my boyfriend about something he disrespected me about. It was actually a comment he posted on another girls picture on Facebook. Good ol social media causing problems but he apologized and deleted the ...

A.   16 January 2016: Yes, I think you should contact him (if you're wanting the relationship to continue.) He did wrong, you got angry, he apologised and tried to rectify his mistake (by taking the comment down). Is he supposed to keep apologising? Unless you fe... (read in full...)

Red Flags? Or am I over-thinking this or being paranoid? She only wants to text

Q.   Red flags,or me being paranoid, well been seeing someone for a month, now, gone on dates every week, but she only wants to text, no talking on the phone. Tried to go see her at her place, you know for a movie, she only wants to go to the bars an ...

A.   16 January 2016: A) I don't think it's unusual after only a month of dating that she's still not wanting to have a "stay-at-home" date with you. So I don't think you can surmise that she has a secret at home. Not yet anyway. Maybe after 6 months it would be odd and ... (read in full...)

Will having a pet interfere with my dating life?

Q.   Hi all, this is not a relationship question as such but any advice would be appreciated. I have been single for just over a year now and living on my own for around 6 months. I have absolutely always wanted a dog or a cat (or even a rabbit), ...

A.   14 January 2016: Dogs can be a bit of a bind if you're single as they don't generally tolerate being left alone in the house for more than about 4 hours at a stretch and most working people are away from home for much longer than that. You can manage that problem if ... (read in full...)

Propositioned by father in law - what's going on?

Q.   My step Father rang for my birthday today. But also accused me of being gay but I am happily married and also that he has strong sexual feelings for me. I said a few words to him and hang up. I am in shock, disbelief I don't believe he said this. c...

A.   11 January 2016: How old is your step-father? If he's over 65 and this behaviour is totally out of the blue and uncharacteristic for him. I might wander whether he was developing Alzheimers or some other form of dementia. Yeah, tell you Mum if they're still ma... (read in full...)

Is a puppy just as much work as a baby?

Q.   I recently got a puppy, and a friend of mine who has a baby told me she heard a puppy is just as much work as a baby. Now, she's never had a puppy, and I've never had a baby. Can someone who has had the experience with both please tell me if this is ...

A.   8 January 2016: By the time most owners get their puppy most of the real hard work has already been done by the mother dog but if you had to hand-rear newborn puppies, then I guess it might be almost comparable. You would have to feed them every 3 - 4 hours th... (read in full...)

When exactly is a good time to tell a guy you're a virgin??

Q.   when exactly is a good time to tell a guy you're a virgin?? I'm a virgin and I have not even had oral sex. I honestly don't want to because I think the idea is really gross. I know a lot of girls who did it and they thought it was gross too an...

A.   2 January 2016: I think that if you don't really want a serious boyfriend at the moment you shouldn't date at all. You can hang out with friends in a group but don't date. And certainly don't go back to a guy's place if it's just going to be you and him there. Not ... (read in full...)

Why is he so confusing? Shall I just try to forget him?

Q.   Ok, So I started talking to a guy 'C' a few weeks ago after matching on a dating site. He is 23 and I'm 20 and we live a few miles from each other. We got talking and he asked for my number. Things went really well for the first couple of...

A.   2 January 2016: Yes forget him - you've run into somebody who is not genuinely looking for a relationship and the internet is full of them. Don't go looking for "the truth" or the whys and wherefores for his behaviour. You won't get a straight answer that sat... (read in full...)

What could we do on dates that won't make me anxious?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. We live in the same campus accommodation at our university and hang out in each other's rooms every day. I get on really well with all his friends and we have a nice relaxed time together. However ...

A.   30 December 2015: Is it just eating in public that's the issue? There are plenty of things to do that don't involve food (or at least where food is optional) The cinema (a good option for when you're at the stage to challenge your phobia as the lights are down and... (read in full...)

My second cousin wants to become my boyfriend but I'm nervous. What do you guys think?

Q.   Okay so the past two weeks me and my 2nd cousin have been talking.. A lot and flirting and we have a thing. He's a few years older than me so growing up we didn't talk but I'm 17 now. I saw him over Christmas but we had to pretend we weren't ...

A.   27 December 2015: How MUCH older than you is he?... (read in full...)

My son lost his twin brother. Should we let him go to counselling on his own or as a family?

Q.   I have 2 sons, 1 is always in my heart and the other i wish only to make his pain go away. Twin boys born 21st june 2001. We lost Matthew in February this year. Paul was, well he was inconsolable. In june he refused to celebrate his birthday, now he ...

A.   26 December 2015: I agree that Paul could do with individual counselling sessions - especially since the counsellor has recommended it. He may well not feel able to talk about how he feels in front of his parents (regardless of whether he blames you or not). What ... (read in full...)

Our plans to make friends are attracting the wrong people!

Q.   hello dear Cupid my problem is this I just recently graduated from high school and I saved up some money so that I can move in with a friend. we both moved to a college town and we plan to take one year of just working so we can find ourselves ...

A.   26 December 2015: I don't know which website you're using but I get the impression it's one that lets you search for "friends" as well as looking for dates/hookups/relationships too. My experience with these "one site serves all" types of websites is that the ... (read in full...)

Do I wait this breakup out? Or take a different approach with my ex Gf?

Q.   Ex gf will not stop calling and texting. I have been patiently waiting it out thinking and hoping she would see her vain attempts and stop. She has gotten worse. Every other day, and several times a day. I am so tempted to call this harassing c...

A.   24 December 2015: I agree with HoneyPie - Block her calls or get a new number... (read in full...)

Will going on vacation alone doom our marriage?

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles ;) I am 35 year old teacher from Europe- happily married and with no kids. In summer I get to have a month off school. I have been in love with NYC ever since I was a kid and have been going there quite frequently since...

A.   22 December 2015: I'm curious. Why on earth do you think that being apart from your husband for a mere two weeks would doom the relationship? It might spell doom if your relationship was already on the rocks or your husband was especially insecure and clingy, ... (read in full...)

Could you cure an STD without knowing it?

Q.   Is it possible that you have cured you chlamidya (std) without knowing? so if you had caught Chlamidya and you didnt know you had it and took antibiotics for another reason such as a sore throat, would your STD also go away?...

A.   22 December 2015: It's possible but highly unlikely - there are lots of different types of antibiotics which target specific organisms. They don't kill all bacteria - just certain ones. For example sore throats are usually caused by streptococcus bacteria and woul... (read in full...)

Why doesn't she want to see the xmas party photos?

Q.   I'm well over 50 and work with a lovely girl in her late 20s. We have always got along very well but due to the age gap and personal circumstances I've never made a pass at her and never would. I'm married and she has a long term boyfriend, who she ...

A.   20 December 2015: Maybe she just hates the way she looks in photographs?... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my boyfriend's psychologist telling him what to do!

Q.   My boyfriend has just started pyschologist therapy for stress and other stuff. Last week he came out of his session all chatty and telling me how it was. This week he just said I don't want to have to tell you how all my sessions go if I don't feel ...

A.   3 December 2015: I doubt very much that his therapist TOLD him he should break up with you and go back to his ex. He might have interpreted the therapist's words that way but, as the first auntie who replied said, no therapist worth their salt would ever tell a ... (read in full...)

Feelings for my cousin driving me crazy. What's the answer?

Q.   Help. I have started having incestuous feelings towards my cousin I can't help it but she is causing it unintentionally, how do I tell her without making it awkward for both of us? My cousin is very close to me she is the only child and we work in ...

A.   1 December 2015: How old is your cousin?? If she's a similar age to you, I would call your parents (or her parents) and explain what's going on. Not about the kissing and cuddling but about her low mood, job loss and suicidal intentions. To be honest, the behaviou... (read in full...)

Please help me figure out how to deal with my awful in-laws!

Q.   Had enough of my in laws. None of them seem to understand what the word NO means. When my husband and I moved out, I thought they would stop. Still have my father in law dictating when we have my toddler daughter over. My husband is working after...

A.   1 December 2015: What did your husband say when you discussed it with him before? And what did you actually say to him. And are you relying on your in-laws for babysitting on a regular basis? If your daughter is living with you I can't see why you want to keep tak... (read in full...)

Friend says I make him uncomfortable after he buys me a present

Q.   Hey Cupids, I've had a situation recently with one of my now former friends that you might be able to help me with. Last year I got to know a guy called Oscar, for whatever reason when I first met him I didn't think we would get on. I was fri...

A.   27 November 2015: You know what I think? (and I could be wrong) I think Oscar is possibly struggling with his sexuality. You say you "think" he's gay but he could be Bi (or closeted). Perhaps his work colleagues have been questioning his sexuality or his church which ... (read in full...)

Please help me figure out how to deal with my awful in-laws!

Q.   Had enough of my in laws. None of them seem to understand what the word NO means. When my husband and I moved out, I thought they would stop. Still have my father in law dictating when we have my toddler daughter over. My husband is working after...

A.   26 November 2015: Why doesn't your daughter live with you?... (read in full...)

Please help me figure out how to deal with my awful in-laws!

Q.   Had enough of my in laws. None of them seem to understand what the word NO means. When my husband and I moved out, I thought they would stop. Still have my father in law dictating when we have my toddler daughter over. My husband is working after...

A.   25 November 2015: When you say that you father-in-law dictates when you daughter visits, do you mean that he dictates when you can take your daughter to visit your in-laws? Or do you mean that your daughter is not living with you and he dictates when she can visit ... (read in full...)

*ubyBirtle's friends

These are mutual friends, so *ubyBirtle has added them and they have added *ubyBirtle!

Abella agony auntAbella
Honeypie agony auntHoneypie
no nonsense Aidan agony auntno nonsense Aidan
RitaBrown agony auntRitaBrown
Tisha-1 agony auntTisha-1

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.125044699998398!