| Latest articles: How to spot trolls
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
Let go of your hate
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...
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Would it be ok for me to have a casual arrangement with an abusive ex?
Q. Dear Cupid I have recently came out of an emotionally, verbally very very abusive relationship. He was the love of my life who started turning abusive for past 1 year and I became a typical doormat for him, lost all my self esteem, hated myself f...
A. 15 December 2014: well, you don't need our permission but it would be a lousy idea and you know it. It would just be leaving you open to further manipulation and abuse.
Yes lack of sex can be tough but it doesn't kill you. (Trust me, it doesn't otherwise I'd have... (read in full...)
Is this the correct approach to use with feuding parents?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm going to ask a series of questions and I just wanted your opinion. I fully understand that kids (I know I'm not so young) should be kept out of feuding parents business, but no one ever gives useful advice when they force your han...
A. 15 December 2014: Honeypie's advice is really spot-on. Read it well... (read in full...)
Men, would you keep going back if the sex wasn't good?
Q. 1) Would a man (being the initiator 90% of the time) keep having sex with a woman if it was bad sex? Bad as in, you couldn't orgasm during the act and had to take care of yourself later, it was too loose, too wet, too sloppy, she was a dead lay. ...
A. 15 December 2014: I think some men will continue to have sex with a woman when the sex is unsatisfactory because sometimes bad sex is better than no sex. These kind of guys don't tend to hang around too long though, they disappear quickly enough when someone else ... (read in full...)
I feel suffocated but can't say anything becausethey will be hurt!
Q. Hi all I am a student studying abroad for the past two years. I have grown up enjoying a healthy and close relationship with my parents and family. But unlike the rest of my family I am a complete introvert. I am an artist so I go into these phase...
A. 15 December 2014: I think you may have to wean your parents away gradually. You say that you're introverted and that you struggled with home sickness so your parents probably need their own reassureances that you are doing okay.
When you speak to them on the phon... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he thinks it's disrespectful to finger a girl. How can I encourage him to consider it as part of lovemaking?
Q. My boyfriend says he thinks it's disrespectful to finger a girl and that he's never done it. I think the disrespect thing is a cop out. I don't get it. He says he never has and never will. It's a big deal for me because it's a way to be intimate...
A. 15 December 2014: Sounds a bit odd. Have you asked him to explain WHY he thinks it's disrespectful? That might be start but to me it sounds like he has some hang-up about it and, as you say, the disrespect thing is just a cop-out.
I assume that you are sexually... (read in full...)
Do they have to give me time off to get married?
Q. Hi, Just a quick question. I am looking to get married next year 2015. Preferably during August, but anytime during the summer holidays is fine. Now with regards to work, I would like to take two weeks off during wedding occasion, to incl...
A. 14 December 2014: No. I'm afraid there are no laws in the UK that entitle you to time off if you're getting married. But talk to your bosses as soon as possible and explain the situation and you might find them accommodating. Someone might have a heart and agree ... (read in full...)
I caught him looking at me after avoiding me for 2mos., is it possible he still cares for me?
Q. We haven't had any communication for 2 months now. We ended things amicably because of personal complications. He wanted to give me space by avoiding me first but he claims were still friends. I've stopped approaching him entirely after he didn't ...
A. 14 December 2014: Yes, it's perfectly possible that he still cares for you. And if you only broke up a couple of months ago it's likely that he still has some fond feelings for you and misses you a bit (unless you had a really acrimonious break-up) But it doesn't... (read in full...)
Lonely, depressed and few close friends. What activity, suggestions and ideas for meeting new people are worth trying?
Q. Hi everyone, I need some advice and honest opinion from you guys.. I'm 25 yo woman lonely without friends. I used to have so many friends to hang out and socialize much back then at college. But then there's some issues between us. After gradua...
A. 14 December 2014: Try joining an amateur theatre company. That way you can meet a whole range of people of all ages. And you don't have to be able to act - there's a whole host of stuff that goes on backstage too. Amateur theatre groups also need people with ... (read in full...)
Should I drop this selfish friend?
Q. I have been friends with this woman for about 13 years now. We met when we were 16, and she's been one of my closest friends ever since. However, in 2011 we went on vacation together, and all of the things I dislike about her came too close and it ...
A. 14 December 2014: To be honest, if this happened to me I think I'd just let the frienship drift apart without guilt and without confrontation.
Friendships constantly evolve and change as people grow and change throughout their lives. So why feel guilty about th... (read in full...)
I want out of this love triangle
Q. Hi, I was on here earlier this month regarding a love triangle between an online guy and my friend. The guy seemed to be stringing us both along but has now apparently settled for my friend - who isn't being completely honest about it all! I have...
A. 13 December 2014: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-guys-really-give-up-on-women-that.html http://www.dearcupid.org/question/would-pride-stop-him-from-giving-a-second.html http://www.dearcupid.org/quest... (read in full...)
She says I make her feel like no one ever has, but she has a boyfriend.
Q. Alright so i'm going to do my best to make this as concise as possible. I met this girl from another country on the other side of the world via the internet. She is a very social person and is almost always out and about but she is also insecure and ...
A. 10 December 2014: What do you want from this girl? Sure, she lead you on but she's apologised and has tried to explain herself as best she can. It's just that her explanation isn't good enough for you. What do you want her to say? She's bi-polar. Much as you may ... (read in full...)
He isn't willing to spend New Years with me and his friends because his ex will be there. Am I overreacting?
Q. Dear Cupid, Going to try and keep things to the point. I am 22, the guy I am involved with is also 22. We are not in a relationship but that is what we're working towards, there have been a few hiccups in our situation which is why we aren't o...
A. 10 December 2014: Can I just clarify something that isn't immediately clear from the title of your post?
Do you mean that your boyfriend has declined to spend New Year with you because his ex-girlfriend is going to be at the same place as you? The title question... (read in full...)
He went from being passive aggressive towards me to being very kind..is that weird?
Q. Well, a few months ago me and this guy were talking to each other and he had asked me out to dinner with him. I insisted that I would eventually go out with him, but 3 weeks later me and my ex got back together. (I never went to dinner with him ...
A. 9 December 2014: No I don't think it's weird behaviour at all - I think it's pretty standard behaviour for someone who was hoping to start a relationship but realised the object of their affection was disinterested (or unavailable) and then discovers that there may ... (read in full...)
Why do we need a Dr check up first?
Q. Hi everyone. I was wondering since I am a virgin and my fiancé is too should I go to the doctor for a checkup to make sure everything is okay? In other word in the up in up. Do people do that kind of thing? Or is it okay to not go to the doctor ...
A. 9 December 2014: You may both be virgins but you would need STD screening if either of you have ever had sexual relationships in the past where there was genital contact without pentration (e.g mutual masturbation or oral/anal sex) You would also be advised to ha... (read in full...)
A friend has become obsessive and the guy can't see it
Q. hi everyone im hoping someone can shed some light on what i feel is an obsessive situation, my friend has this friend who i have never met and everytime he puts something on facebook she likes it any photo she likes it he could just put a random ...
A. 4 December 2014: Stalking is only stalking if it's threatening to the target. (i.e if the target FEELS vulnerable or threatened by it)
If your friend isn't at all bothered by this girl contantly "liking" everything on his facebook page and she's not being maliciou... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become so lazy and its driving me crazy!
Q. We have been together for half a year. We agreed that we would get engaged 2 months ago, but he eventually cancelled things because his family was not home at the time. We then rescheduled our engagement to Christmas Eve. We decided 5 months...
A. 4 December 2014: Since you've only been dating 6 months, I think you're finally seeing the REAL him, not the guy who was on his best bahaviour and out to impress - and the REAL him appears to be a lazy, unhygenic freeloader with a very poor work ethic. If you are ... (read in full...)
How do I reply to an amazing compliment?
Q. Hello :) Me and my friend who i have know for more than 4 years, and I haven't seen for 2 years (he is in a different city for school) were exchanging emails about a video he sent me, discussing some science and I told him some crazy ideas I had, a...
A. 4 December 2014: I think the words "Thank you" are enough. Compliments are given to people - we don't need to return the favour immediately.
You know him better than the aunties on here do, so you'll know best what will be a fitting compliment in return when the... (read in full...)
My mother is ruining my life!
Q. Dear agony aunts, First of all, I’d like to say that I am not a native English speaker so please, forgive my spelling mistakes! Sooo, here is the story. I am 24 and I live at my mother’s place with my younger sister (16 years old) – and no f...
A. 3 December 2014: You say that you can't move out for two reasons, one being that your mother is sick? What care do you provide for her that requires you to live with her? You say that she works and goes out socialising with friends so I assume that you don't h... (read in full...)
How does my dating advert come across?
Q. I need some advice on my dating advert please!: Sociable and friendly guy would like to meet a warm-hearted girl for laughter and maybe more. I'm a good listener, so lets talk! I have been to Cologne recently, really loved it and going to tak...
A. 1 December 2014: It's pretty good. Well written, good grammar and spelling, nice flow etc. But, it wouldn't leap out at me because it's still a little generic When I read dating adverts, I'm often struck by the fact that everyone seems to like the same ... (read in full...)
Is he jealous of our relationship or is he interested in me?
Q. How can you tell if another 'guy friend' is jealous of your relationship as a couple, or if he is jealous because he has secret feelings for the girl? What are the signs to tell the difference? I don't want to get into too much detail but are t...
A. 1 December 2014: This would really depend on the guy's character and personality. I don't think there's any one set of behaviour or signs to look for. Some guys will bury their feelings and some don't Some guys will avoid the girl. Some guys will avoid the ... (read in full...)
How do I sort this out if he's not talking to me?
Q. My bf of four yrs, last novemeber he moved away to work since then ive only seen him about 5 times this year, ive asked him many times if he was with somebody else and his reply was No.... anyway we have have always spoke on the phone or via text ...
A. 28 November 2014: Most of the time, when a guy appears to have dropped of the face of the planet, he's wanting to end the relationship but hasn't got the guts to say so. It's especially shocking when it's been a long-term relationship beforehand and he's always ... (read in full...)
I think I have a problem with something on my penis.
Q. Dear readers I think I have a problem with something on my penis. There's small bumps that circle my penis, right where the shaft meets the head. They've never caused me problems, but they are odd and I'm confused as to what they are. They'v...
A. 25 November 2014: The bumps on your penis..... lots of guys have a few tiny pinhead bumps in that region - it's normal. See a doctor if you start getting more, or they get bigger or change colour. But a few tiny bumps is totally normal.
The piece of skin attached... (read in full...)
Is this guy flirting with me?
Q. Hey Agony Aunts, so I have a really stupid question, haha. I have a little crush on this guy that comes to my work place often, and I can't tell if he's flirting or just being nice. I have never been good at figuring out those sort of things, ...
A. 23 November 2014: Okay, it really is impossible to say whether or not he was flirting with you or just being nice based on the interactions you describe. It could be either.
You'll just have to chat with him whenever you see him. Next time you see him ask if he's ... (read in full...)
Just friendly, or interested?
Q. I've been texting my guy friend everyday for almost 2 months now. He tells me good morning everyday and he's always saying all he wants is for me to be happy. Lately he's been sending me funny pictures/jokes to make me laugh as well. Just confused ...
A. 22 November 2014: Well, he's certainly interested in something but it's difficult to say whether it's friendship, romance or sex. But none of the above can develop if all you two do is text each other. If the contents of your messages are often flirtatious o... (read in full...)
We have a great sexual relationship but she will not touch me below the belt!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year we have a great relationship we started out as best friends grew into a sexual relationship, talking about marriage kids I will 9 yards. Let me start by saying I'm 34 years old she's 10 years my ...
A. 21 November 2014: Does she have strict moral or religious values (or have them in her upbringing)? Maybe she's waiting until you formally propose or get married. Is she a virgin? If your relationship includes other intimacies, such as deep kissing, prolonged cuddli... (read in full...)
I saw him more as a father figure, how do I give him the message I am not interested?
Q. I am friends with a man who I learnt just today that he is 10 years my senior. I had from time to time, confined in him on some rather private matters; like dating and choosing the right chap etc. I had always thought he was at least 20 years o...
A. 17 November 2014: If the messages he's sent you are really really inappropriate (i.e sexually explicit) - message him straight back saying something like "Eeeew Gross! Please don't say things like that to me again. Ever" Then you'll have to decide whether or not t... (read in full...)
I saw him more as a father figure, how do I give him the message I am not interested?
Q. I am friends with a man who I learnt just today that he is 10 years my senior. I had from time to time, confined in him on some rather private matters; like dating and choosing the right chap etc. I had always thought he was at least 20 years o...
A. 17 November 2014: Has he given you indication that he is interested in you in that way? Has he actually asked you out or is he flirting with you?... (read in full...)
I'm hung up on a girl who hates me. Should I date anyone?
Q. Hey. So I love this other girl in my class, S. We used to be great friends but now she hates my guts and wont tell me why. I just cant get over her. I realy dont know what to do. So anyways, yesterday my freind, Y, said would i go out with HER...
A. 15 November 2014: To be honest, I'd hold fire off dating anyone at the moment. At least until you leave school (which won't be too long if you're the older end of the age-group you post) You can't go out with S (no matter how much you're crushing on her) because ... (read in full...)
I've been supportive about my husband's cross dressing. So why has he resorted to tells lies to me now about his activities?
Q. Ok so I have known that my husband was a cross-dresser since before we got married. When he first told me about it, he started making craigslist posts to meet up with others to experiment... He never told me about it but I found the posts... He ...
A. 15 November 2014: Chigirl gives excellent advice. This isn't really about the cross-dressing - it's about a guy who is persistantly unfaithful to his wife by scouring the internet for sex partners.
You can't trust him - he's consistently demonstrated that is not t... (read in full...)
Why did this guy act so nervous and tense around me at this particular time?
Q. It was supposed to be one of the dorm parties they usually have and he (let's call him K) invited me and also my friend. K has tried to organize one specifically for us so we can go, since K found out I had never drunk and he wants me to try ...
A. 15 November 2014: It does sound like he fancies you but that he's a bit shy and awkward when it comes to crunch time. He might have preferred to chat to you alone but not known how to do that with all your/his friends around. Even though it was just a bit of witty ... (read in full...)
Why might a guy give out mixed signals?
Q. Why the mixed signals? I like a guy who is shy but with a very hyper masculine persona. He isn't much of a conversationalist and is quite to the point as a person. What I've perceived to be him maybe liking me: Looks at me a lot, gets a bit too c...
A. 15 November 2014: I generally find that if a guy is genuinely interested in you (in THAT way) he doesn't "blow hot and cold" or "give out mixed signals". The signals remain constant and consistent.
Maintaining eye contact, chatting, doing favours etc CAN be signs... (read in full...)
What can I say or do in order to keep her?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 11 months now. I am 18 and she is 17. I am currently a freshman in college and she is a senior in high school. Throughout these initial few months in college, things have gone pretty well. I only ...
A. 13 November 2014: I'm afraid there are no specific magic words or phrases you can say that will make somebody want to be with you if they don't want to be.
You just have to tell her that you love her and don't want it to end but that's all you can say. And it won't... (read in full...)
Hurt by his ex, all he's ready for is a friendship
Q. About a month ago, I met an amazing guy. We hit it off right away and we started to spend every single day together, as well as I stayed over every night. He asked me to come over every day and stay every night. It felt amazing to be wanted. He ...
A. 13 November 2014: I suggest you continue to stay away if you've still got feelings for him and are hoping that friendship will ultimately lead to a meaningful relationship. Hard as it may be. The most likely case scenario is that history will just repeat itself. Y... (read in full...)
I don't feel the same since he admitted to a threesome
Q. What would you do/feel if you had a friend for whom you had feelings. You had started to get close physically and emotionally. Plans were made to meet up (we're living far apart now). But he tells you he got drunk and had a 3some with his friend and ...
A. 13 November 2014: I think she means the guy she's interested in had a threesome with HIS best-friend and his best-friend's girlfriend. 2 men and a girl. The guy that the poster is interested in is single.... (read in full...)
In a marriage, would you be happier with the person you love or the person that loves you?
Q. This is an age old question but I would like to poll a question. In a marriage, would you be happier with the person you love or the person that loves you? (Note that it's a one-sided love. You may care for the other person but I am referring to ...
A. 13 November 2014: I would rather remain single than be in either of those situations.... (read in full...)
Herbal supplements for suppressing male libido?
Q. I'm 18 years old, straight, and have never had a girlfriend, this hasn't bothered me until recently when I've begun to notice that my sex drive has seemed to increase as of lately. Now I realize that for most men an increased/regular sex drive is a ...
A. 12 November 2014: I am afraid there are none.
... (read in full...)
I am not sure if this body language things are right, but I was wondering if maybe he likes me?
Q. There is this guy in three of my classes. I have met him in summer and then we ended up being in the same classes. He is pretty smart and pretty knowledgeable about a lot of things. We had lunch at the beginning of the classes. He asked for my ...
A. 12 November 2014: Although it's impossible to judge whether or not someone fancies someone else based on only one person's written account of behaviour - I would say that it sounds like he fancies you.
He's asking you out to join in with group activities with him... (read in full...)
I don't trust him, don't accept his baggage, but he won't leave me alone
Q. Hello dearcupid, I've gotten great advice here before so now I'm back again. I have been seeing somebody for the last 10 months. I ended up falling deeply in love with him. He's the drama, when we first met it wasn't long before he found out she was ...
A. 29 October 2014: If you really want him out of your life you may have to resort to stronger measures. Change your mobile phone number - yes, it might be a hassle but it's worth it to get someone out of your life. Or just make sure that you never answer unknown o... (read in full...)
I do miss him. But first I want him to miss me. So HOW do I ensure that he really misses me?
Q. Okay so there is this guy I like. recently we hung out and he told me how he thinks i'm beautiful and that he likes my personality. I like him a lot too hes really cool, and we seemed to have been getting a long just fine, but the problem is. ...
A. 29 October 2014: You can't really MAKE someone miss you. And you can't really tell when they do. He actually might be missing you desperately right now but just not showing it. (or at least not showing it in the way that YOU think means that he's missing you) What... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend and his ex-sister in law! I am incandesant with anger over this. What could or should I do?
Q. My boyfriend slept with his ex sister in-law, so that now has a baby by his brother. I can't get over the past and I don't think I ever will. I hate that "BITCH" and she's part of their family which I can't stand!!!What should I do about this s...
A. 29 October 2014: Do you mean he had a baby with his Sis-in-law BEFORE you met or after??
If it's since you met - then dump the cheating bastard and extricate yourself from the him and the family as much as you can.
If it was before you met - then there's not... (read in full...)
He's 14 to my 15. He had a Gf but broke up. Should I keep talking online to him?
Q. There’s this guy at my school in the year below me and I've had my eye on him for a while (just thinking he's cute and what not), but when i found out my friend knew him i made a move and found out he had a girlfriend. We talked for a while an...
A. 29 October 2014: Well, things certainly won't develop into anything further if you only talk online.
So you'll either have to suggest during one of your online conversations that you and he spend some actual time together out of school.(i.e a date or somethin... (read in full...)
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