| Latest articles: How to spot trolls
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
Let go of your hate
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...
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Has anyone completely moved and drastically cut everyone off because I want to do just that
Q. Has anyone felt this way in their thirties? I love in a major city in the east coast (US) and I want to so desperately leave my job my family my everything behind - I almost want to disappear and go missing - a lot of things in my life have turned ...
A. 23 May 2018: I think you're one of our regular posters (just an observation - not a criticism). And if I remember rightly, you are already in therapy so perhaps chat to them about it.
But let me explain a little about what your friend means. Moving house or... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's over-friendly encounter with his ex has me worried
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for over a month. He broke up with his ex in January not sure the reason why. I met him in February and by the third week of March we were a couple. Today while in the store with my boyfriend we saw his ex. S...
A. 23 May 2018: I was going to say exactly the same thing but N91 beat me to it!
What is your actual question? What should you do about his behaviour? Why is he doing it? Because both topics were covered in the posts that you made before.....Or are just posting ... (read in full...)
No kids, no spouse, and nearing 30.
Q. Does anyone else freak out that their hitting their thirties with no kids and husband/wife? I have tried online dating and that hasn’t worked (honestly most people I have met look for sex) and I am traditional ( I would at least like to date a b...
A. 19 April 2018: To the anonymous poster - how is that helpful advice? Where does the OP say that she is getting drunk and sleeping around? She says she goes out socialising to bars and events but it's a big assumption that she's getting drunk and having one night ... (read in full...)
Help please! Need some career advice.
Q. Hi everyone, less of a dating question and more a career one. I left college two years ago and decided not to go to university, it was a good move for me personally because I don't like what is happening to universities right now. I've ...
A. 1 March 2018: So why didn't your apprenticeships and traineeships work out? Could you not do the work or learn at an acceptable level or was it simply that you didn't like the job?
If you had problems in the work place I suggest you sit down with a careers ... (read in full...)
I'm in a horribly abusive relationship and I need a way out for me and my daughter
Q. Hi basically just looking for some advise plz, I really don't know what to do or how to. Basically I haven't been happy with my partner we have been arguing lately quiet a lot we have a small child but the arguments ain't in front of her as he ...
A. 24 November 2017: There are two charities which may be able to help you through the process of leaving your partner
Women's Aid (www.womensaid.org.uk)
Refuge (www.refuge.org.uk)
Call one of them today... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my mother believe what I am telling her?
Q. I''m a male who has aspergers syndrome, something I had when I was born which is considered a form of brain damage, ive had some form of therapies to help and been to doctors, my parents are at the end of their tether with me. I forget things a...
A. 28 October 2017: Oh, also forgot to ask.... you said the money your mother left you was for "care". What kind of care do you receive - do you have a personal carer?
Are you deemed to have "capacity" (the ability to make your own decisions) or has a doctor o... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my mother believe what I am telling her?
Q. I''m a male who has aspergers syndrome, something I had when I was born which is considered a form of brain damage, ive had some form of therapies to help and been to doctors, my parents are at the end of their tether with me. I forget things a...
A. 28 October 2017: Hi,
Before I give you a full reply, I'd like to ask a couple of questions, if I may.....
a) why DID you need the extra money if your mother left you money to cover your expenses?
b) Did you ask this question before?
http://www.de... (read in full...)
Is masturbation gay?
Q. If you are not thinking of anything and just masturbating for pleasure is this homosexual?...
A. 18 October 2017: No. Why would you think that?... (read in full...)
Do any girls here go to bars alone?
Q. I have been on my own for a long time now. It has been bothering me for a while but it has only become a problem recently. I don't have particularly great coping skills and the feelings of loneliness have become overwhelming. I really need to make ...
A. 12 October 2017: Well, I'm a long-term singleton and I've done loads of things on my own including going to pubs and bars. If you're sensible and stick to basic safety guidelines (not over-drinking, not leaving your drink unattended, making sure you can get home ... (read in full...)
How do I materialise this online association?
Q. I have been using online dating and started talking to this guy 3 months ago. We quite quickly got to messaging each other everyday. He has a really busy job and when I kept suggesting meeting up he would say he is working late so can't meet and at ...
A. 4 September 2017: I think you should throw this one back in the sea. He probably just isn't that into you like Denizen says. Guys who are really serious about someone MAKE the time.
And even if he is genuinely really busy - you want to date somebody that you can ... (read in full...)
Why won't he be honest?
Q. Why wont he tell me the truth? Me and my ex split in 2013 both are choice. He moved to the north of the midlands. Anyway last yr he got bk in contact with me and since we have met a few times and he's been on weekends away with me and my little on...
A. 4 September 2017: He won't be honest because he knows you won't like the truth. I don't think you'll get the truth out of this guy no matter how you phrase the question.
I personally wouldn't stay with a guy who I didn't trust; I wouldn't need to have the truth ou... (read in full...)
Boy likes girl but girl does drugs and isn't over her ex
Q. To quote "arrested development" ..."I've made a huge mistake" Sooo I'm going to give you the cliff notes version of the last couple months. Boy meets girl. They start sleeping with each other. Boy likes girl way more than he should and falls head ...
A. 2 September 2017: Oh Solidus, Solidus, Solidus.... you really do pick 'em don't you?
You've been posting on this site for many, many moons and all your girlfriends have been the same. Sometimes I wonder if you're talking about the same girl.
They've all h... (read in full...)
My controlling father loves that I am dependent on him financially and I'm afraid he'll ruin my college time
Q. Hi, I have a problem and I was hoping to get some advice. Ever since my mother had married my father; he had been what you call 'manipulative,vindictive,controlling and unbearable' person. As the years went by he became worse. Now that I've finally ...
A. 6 August 2017: Just to check... your flag lists your country of origin as United Arab Emirates? Is this correct or did you mean to select the UK or USA instead?
If you are from UAE, are you attending University there or in a different country?
Please advise... (read in full...)
Trying to make me jealous?
Q. We can discuss virtually anything. We get along well, and just seem to "click" in a way that's unmistakable. We've been pretty open in discussion lately and it came out that we have feelings. However we are maintaining a friendship regardless. Whist ...
A. 6 August 2017: So who exactly is this guy? And why, since you both profess to have feelings for each other, did you decide to remain friends instead of dating?
Is it an on-line relationship and he lives to far away? Or is he your teacher or your boss? Or marri... (read in full...)
My mother has had custody of my son. I want him back and I've changed but she won't allow me to have him!
Q. [Mod note: flag should be USA] Some background information on me and my situation.. I want to know what others would do, or feel if they were in my position. I had my first daughter when I was 16. I then got married as a minor and we had a son shor...
A. 6 August 2017: Unfortunately you haven't posted your country of residence so it might be hard for the aunties here to give you good advice as options available to you will vary from country to country.
I suggest you make an appointment with the Citizens Advice B... (read in full...)
Are there any safe areas to have public sex?
Q. I would like to find out if there any safe areas in public where I can have sex with a guy? The agreement with my mother was that I can only bring home a new boyfriend after I have met him away from home a couple of times. I am a gay guy aged 54...
A. 6 August 2017: By the way - I just googled "best cottaging sites in the UK" and came up with a ton of results. I didn't look at any of them but you can do your own research.... (read in full...)
Are there any safe areas to have public sex?
Q. I would like to find out if there any safe areas in public where I can have sex with a guy? The agreement with my mother was that I can only bring home a new boyfriend after I have met him away from home a couple of times. I am a gay guy aged 54...
A. 6 August 2017: You book a hotel!!!! You're 54 and should be able to afford a cheap one occasionally. Only having to meet someone twice before you bring them home seems totally reasonable if you were talking about a regular boyfriend so I take it that you're ... (read in full...)
I'm at risk of losing my job because of social media and a friend who wanted more than I did?
Q. My friends brother apparently liked me and I didn't k ow that. We talked a lot, he made me laugh hard and he started tutoring me in tarot. He also invited me to his candle studio as a possible apprentice and we hung out a few times. We hung out one ...
A. 6 August 2017: Have you talked to your family about this and asked for their help? What do they say?... (read in full...)
Colleague keeps rejecting friendly advances
Q. Do I keep trying to talk to this moody younger work colleague? She's 25 and until 7 weeks ago would always say hi and make occasional small talk (she does chat a lot to her buddies,I'm not a buddy) She injured her back, was off work a few...
A. 4 August 2017: Another thing to add....
Have you received any form of therapy or counselling for your very deep-seated feelings of being negatively judged, rejected and left out.
I said in my last post that I you've been posting about this problem for a fe... (read in full...)
Colleague keeps rejecting friendly advances
Q. Do I keep trying to talk to this moody younger work colleague? She's 25 and until 7 weeks ago would always say hi and make occasional small talk (she does chat a lot to her buddies,I'm not a buddy) She injured her back, was off work a few...
A. 4 August 2017: Part of me can't understand why you want to be friends with this colleague so much.
You've posted about her a lot over the last few months always wandering why she doesn't treat you like she treats her buddies.
I KNOW it's nice when all colleag... (read in full...)
Did I prove a point in this office situation?
Q. I've heard that women hate it when men don't look at them or pay them any attention, and liking the guy or being in a relationship already is irrelevant. I had an attractive young woman always looking at me in the office a work. I deliberately...
A. 2 August 2017: Well provided you haven't behaved in a manner that's overtly rude and causes tension in the workplace...I can't see a problem.... (read in full...)
Tired of my freinds' boasting about their conquests
Q. My friends are all in relationships, all very serious, one just got engaged. I'm happy for all of them, really I am, but here's the thing, the last time I had any sort of relationship was when I was 15, and I clearly wasn't enough for him because he ...
A. 28 July 2017: I understand how lousy you feel about all this but please remember that your feelings of envy are your own and it's up to you to deal with them.
Obviously, I'm not there to witness your interactions with your friends so I can't tell whether ... (read in full...)
How is the best way to deal with social media and ex partners?
Q. My partner and i separated about 4 weeks ago. We had been together 4 years. The break up was horrible. He called me one day at work told me he cheated on me then dumped me...i was in shock because i had no idea anything was wrong.im still hurting. ...
A. 26 July 2017: What reasons do other people have for not starting a new account? I can't see what would be wrong with it - you can always retrieve photos and messages at a later date when you have the courage..
Or get a trusted friend to sit down with you whil... (read in full...)
Overwhelmed by worry - please help
Q. How can I stay calm or practice keeping sane? I suffer from an obsessive personality (doctor said this) where I start to think about cuz and I repeat it in my head 1729 times. I habe the same reaction to a medical diagnosis to loosing a wallet- both ...
A. 21 July 2017: Have you tried practising Mindfulness? And yoga?... (read in full...)
Should I ask her now?
Q. Hi I'm not sure where to start as this is a huge story, I will try to keep this as short and informative as possible. I'm here because I struggle to vocalise my emotions with those closest to me. I'm 27 years old I was with my ex for 9 years (16-...
A. 28 June 2017: Why not? Just be prepared for the fact that she might say no and respect her wishes if she does turn you down.
But are you SURE you want to spend the rest of your life with her? You don't want to do the same thing to her TWICE.... (read in full...)
I'm taking care of an ill family member. I don't know how to stay calm, parents won't help
Q. I am caring for a family member who is here alone - she has fallen ill and I am the sole provider. I count the pennies because everything goes to paying for her to get better- my parents own to homes and in this moment of need they could help but I ...
A. 28 June 2017: Hi I agree with the first couple of posters, that we need a little more information..
Who is this family member? If she's a relative of yours I assume she's a relative of theirs too. If you don't get on with your parents, is there any reason w... (read in full...)
Invitation is too close for comfort
Q. Hi! A guy I have a crush on has extended a general invitation to hang out sometime. He doesn't know I like him and our relationship right now is just friends. However, he has a girlfriend. Just to clarify I am not allowing my personal feelings for ...
A. 25 June 2017: Best thing to do would be to invite his girlfriend along too - that would really be the way to honour the relationship. If she can't come..
Do not be alone with him. Invite some other mutual friends along for company.
Failing that - go somewh... (read in full...)
I'm dating a nice lady but all I can think about is my ex who ghosted me
Q. I am seeing someone new who treats me wonderful, the way I've always wanted to be treated, but all I think about is my ex, who I treated great, she ghost me, what I think about is why couldn't my ex treated me this way, it could of been so ...
A. 23 June 2017: Well, the OP has chosen not to follow up but I believe he is one of our regular posters who suffers from "Nice-Guy Syndrome". He had a short-term but very intense relationship with a woman who then went straight back to her abusive partner once he ... (read in full...)
How to make someone who doesn't like you fall in love with you ?
Q. I know a man who fancy me sexually but doesn't like me personally. This is odd I know, please open your mind. This is a player, someone who sleeps around and goes from a girl to a girl like a bee in the spring lol. He is good looking, char...
A. 22 June 2017: I just need to ask WHY you want to do this? To teach a player a lesson? Or to get attention/validation from him? Or because you are crushing on him and hope that this will lead to a relationship?
It might make a difference to people's answers.... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my husband so I might be able to be with his friend?
Q. Hello! I'm 25 and I've been married for 3 years, and I have been relatively happy until now, when I suddenly realized (or suddeny admitted to myself) that I am not in love with my husband any more, and I don't think I have been for almost our whole ...
A. 21 June 2017: No I don't think you should get divorced from your husband because you MIGHT be with his friend. This guy hasn't given you an OUNCE of encouragement and it would be a big ask to expect him to lose his friends and his family just so he can have you - ... (read in full...)
Is this guy interested or not?!
Q. I met this guy about a year ago now-we met online and met up, we got on well and had a laugh, he didn't push for sex or anything like that, he was really respectful, I had a boyfriend at the time but the relationship was on its way out due to him ...
A. 21 June 2017: Well, it seems that he's interested in sex with you but not in a romantic relationship with you. I don't think this has anything to do with your ex. If YOU want a relationship, then I think you should be looking elsewhere as this guy is being ... (read in full...)
I didn't cheat so why do I have crabs and my husband?
Q. I'm married I found crab louse on me I'm not Committing adultery my husband doesn't have any of those things on his body how can that be?...
A. 13 June 2017: How well did you examine the specimen? They're pretty small so perhaps you confused it with something else... a tick perhaps or a body louse (which is different but closely related to the crab louse and lives pretty happily in public hair but ... (read in full...)
Why would a man decide, at the last moment, to not use a condom in this way?
Q. my partner and i was about to have sex and he went to get a condom. When he got it he was playing with the packaging for a few seconds and put the condom to the side. why? After having sex he started to play with that condom again before putti...
A. 13 June 2017: Maybe this is going through his head....
"I wonder if it's her fertile time? Perhaps I should put on a condom. I don't want to be a father. But then wouldn't she SAY if getting pregnant was really a risk? So it must be okay then. Besides, it won't... (read in full...)
What's the best thing to do? I have a crush on a hot co-worker
Q. Well, I have a crush on coworker, but she is dating another co-worker and has a kid with him. She asked me if I think her boyfriend would cheat on her. I told her "no, I didn't think so". She supposed to come over and hang out, but Im not going to ...
A. 10 June 2017: If she's dating someone else and has a kid with him, the best thing to do is leave well alone.
If she's a co-worker, the best thing to do is leave well alone.
So, there's two reasons why you should not do anything about your crush. You'll ju... (read in full...)
Being threatened by loved ones if I stop taking medication and forced holidays
Q. last year I was diagnosed with depression and have been taking sertraline which was recommend by the doctor, ive had a difficult life and things haven't gotten any easier. my grandfather passed away from cancer five years ago which really affected...
A. 7 June 2017: So have you spoken to your mother about this since? And have you seen your GP to discuss the side-effects you are experiencing on your current medication?
Please remember what I said earlier about not stopping sertraline cold turkey.
But to ... (read in full...)
Being threatened by loved ones if I stop taking medication and forced holidays
Q. last year I was diagnosed with depression and have been taking sertraline which was recommend by the doctor, ive had a difficult life and things haven't gotten any easier. my grandfather passed away from cancer five years ago which really affected...
A. 2 June 2017: Are you really 30 - 35? Because being "taken into care" is for children, not adults. Or did you mean being "sectioned" which is the term used in the UK for adults who need to be detained or forced to accept treatment due to mental health ... (read in full...)
Drunken fumble, was what the guy did normal making out or was it more than that?
Q. I was at a party recently and we both were pretty drunk and horny, and started making out and it turned into a very intense one. He started moving my hands all around her body including my breasts and my butt, and cupped my breasts and butt ...
A. 31 May 2017: Is it common during make-out sessions for a man to run his hands all over the woman's body? Well, yes, it's "normal" but it depends on the context...
It's okay for dating couples who have got to know each other a little, but for a guy to go that ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he tell his friends he had broken up with me?
Q. The man I had been seeing for 14 months and I had an argument....almost. I asked him how he felt about me because I needed to know in order to decide where to take my life. Eight months ago he was gung ho about "US" and then he turned cold. He told ...
A. 30 May 2017: I agree with N91. From what you post, it doesn't necessarily imply that the friend who emailed you isn't aware that you've broken up with your ex - he just didn't mention it.... (read in full...)
He's unbalanced and often will not take his meds. I'm scared of making another mistake but I know I have to leave him. How can my children and I leave him safely?
Q. I've decided to leave but I am scared. I've been married twice before. The first 14 years and two children and he cheated. The second was a rebound one child but he was abusive. I had 5 years on my own with my three children and we were happy...
A. 30 May 2017: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
http://www.refuge.org.uk/
Here are two links for you. Both the charities WomansAid and Refuge have lots of resources to help people at all stages of their journey in leaving an abusive partner... (read in full...)
How do I hide a love bite?
Q. It was my school leavers party on friday night where all of my year and people from different people from other schools came to get drubk basically. I was with my friends which included this boy I know. we were drinking and smoking and we were quite ...
A. 28 May 2017: Try a bandanna type neck-scarf if it's too hot for turtle necks. Or a big chunky costume necklace depending on the location of the hickey.
And a Max Factor foundation called Pan Stick covers a multitude of sins.
Next time a guy sucks on your ne... (read in full...)
Why is he ghosting me now?
Q. Why is all of a sudden ghosting me? This guy bought us concert tickets, we spoke for a while he gave me his number. He spent over £200 for these tickets, continued chatting a while then all of a sudden he started ghosting!! His ignored my me...
A. 21 May 2017: For Denizen's benefit - "ghosting" is the practice of suddenly cutting of all communications with some-one without warning and for no apparent reason. Often because the ghoster no longer wishes to carry on a relationship or friendship with the ... (read in full...)
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