| Latest articles: How to spot trolls
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
Let go of your hate
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...
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Please help me figure out how to deal with my awful in-laws!
Q. Had enough of my in laws. None of them seem to understand what the word NO means. When my husband and I moved out, I thought they would stop. Still have my father in law dictating when we have my toddler daughter over. My husband is working after...
A. 1 December 2015: What did your husband say when you discussed it with him before? And what did you actually say to him.
And are you relying on your in-laws for babysitting on a regular basis? If your daughter is living with you I can't see why you want to keep tak... (read in full...)
Please help me figure out how to deal with my awful in-laws!
Q. Had enough of my in laws. None of them seem to understand what the word NO means. When my husband and I moved out, I thought they would stop. Still have my father in law dictating when we have my toddler daughter over. My husband is working after...
A. 26 November 2015: Why doesn't your daughter live with you?... (read in full...)
Please help me figure out how to deal with my awful in-laws!
Q. Had enough of my in laws. None of them seem to understand what the word NO means. When my husband and I moved out, I thought they would stop. Still have my father in law dictating when we have my toddler daughter over. My husband is working after...
A. 25 November 2015: When you say that you father-in-law dictates when you daughter visits, do you mean that he dictates when you can take your daughter to visit your in-laws? Or do you mean that your daughter is not living with you and he dictates when she can visit ... (read in full...)
We spent a night cuddling and tickling and watching videos, but I just like him as a friend! What do I do?
Q. Ok so the other night I crashed on a friends couch because I was pretty drunk but after I'd gotten ready and into a sleeping bag my friend came back haven met another of our male friends and he was also going to be crashing in the living room but ...
A. 24 November 2015: Don't do anything. If he mentions it, just say you were a bit drunk and that you feel uncomfortable with it now because he has a GF etc etc etc and that you don't want a repeat performance. If he doesn't mention it, just pretend it didn't happen.
... (read in full...)
Could my boyfriend have aspergers or ADD or a compulsive disorder?
Q. Dea Cupid, My boyfriend is great but has some curious 'quirks' He plays computer games and then tries to rely on me to stop him because he cant stop himself and will otherwise play all night. He enjoys DIY and always has several projects ...
A. 24 November 2015: Yes, he might have any of the conditions you mentioned or it could simply be his personality type.
But it's a bit of a moot question unless he agrees that his lifestyle and behaviours are detrimental to him and he agrees to go for formal testing ... (read in full...)
What should I pay for, in the first month, as I will be away, and not residing there with him?
Q. My bf and I are moving in together. He is paying for the rent, and i'm paying utilities and food. I unfortunately, will be gone for a month and a half with my mother on vacation. We planned this trip out, before I even met him because she is just...
A. 24 November 2015: Yes, I agree you should pay it if that was the agreement when you planned moving in together.
I've just bought a new contract cell phone - just because I haven't used it yet doesn't mean to say that I'm exempt from my obligation to pay for the ... (read in full...)
Advice on dealing with genital herpes
Q. I just got my first outbreak of genital herpes.I am devastated. I slept with one partner after my divorce and I got it.He never told me he had it.I have two girls from a previous marriage and I am freaking out.will I pass on the virus to the kids ...
A. 13 November 2015: Herpes is really only transmitted when there is direct contact with open sores. You could transmit it to others by having a good scratch of your sores and then touching somebody else immediately afterwards without washing your hands .... but I'm ... (read in full...)
How do I get this guy in fitness class to talk to me?
Q. There's a cute guy I've been noticing for a while at the gym. He takes a lot of they fitness classes that I do, like intense cardio and weight training classes. I think we know each other's names, but that's it. I don't even know if he's single. ...
A. 9 November 2015: You start by speaking to him.
Say "Hi, Tom" with a brief smile every time you see him from now on.
Once you feel comfortable doing that progress to "Hi, Tom. How are you?"
When you're comfortable with that, progress to "small talk". Of cour... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps tickling me, how do I get him to stop?
Q. Sounds like a really stupid question, but here it is. How can I get my bf to stop tickling me? I really really hate it. He gets a great kick from it and how I react and squirm. And he does it practically daily. Most of the times, he will end up p...
A. 13 October 2015: This poster didn't have quite the same problem as you but similar (in that her husband kept doing something she detested because he thought it was funny.)
I'm not sure whether you should follow her example on how she dealt with the problem ... (read in full...)
What is this "dirty wet spot" after oral sex?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and every single time he eats me out it leaves this "dirty" wet spot in the area. And I'm wondering when it is. I've never had a problem with hygiene so I know that's not a answer. Someone please help cause ...
A. 8 October 2015: What do you mean by "dirty"? Visibly dirty leaving marks or discolouration? Smelly? Or just wet and a bit slimy?
When women are aroused, they naturally produce vaginal lubrication. Some women will produce more than others and some will produce ... (read in full...)
His parents check on him regularly. But is it too much that he will even answer his cell phone in the middle of having sex with me?
Q. My significant other was in a bad car accident in his 20's. His parents became super protective. So he always calls them and lets them know where he is going, like on trips and when he arrives back home to appease them and ease their minds. I ...
A. 6 October 2015: I agree with you - it IS extreme; most adult men don't have such a co-dependent relationship with their parents..... But it's normal for them and, by the sound of things, it's been going on like this for years and I doubt anything will start to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is being cold and indifferent because of my insecurities and paranoia. Can I salvage my relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in our early twenties. My boyfriend is younger than me. For as long as I remember I have had trouble with my self esteem and I am insecure. At first my boyfriend loved and cared for me, when I had moments when I felt I wasn't...
A. 6 October 2015: You say you've been in abusive relationships before. Well, I hate to tell you this but I think your current relationship sounds abusive too.
This guy treats you dismissively (by standing you up to go out with his friends instead) and then blames y... (read in full...)
My husband has started wetting the bed!
Q. My husband is 34 years old, for the past two months he has started bed wetting, he couldn't realize in sleep that his bladder is loosing control, at first i supported him, i told him its OK and all but in 2 months yesterday was the third time in ...
A. 29 September 2015: The technical term for what your husband is experiencing is "nocturnal enuresis" and he should see a doctor about it. He shouldn't be embarrassed about seeing a doctor as this is a far more common problem than people think and all doctors will have ... (read in full...)
My love for this guy wont help me move on
Q. hi, I really need some advice im a 17 year old girl and I am studying drama at a inclusive theatre I have been in love with this guy for 9 years the problem is he has aspergers and its not a particular problem for me but I really want to be with him ...
A. 28 September 2015: Or maybe you have approached him in the past and he isn't interested in you in that way? But it would be helpful for us to know......... (read in full...)
My love for this guy wont help me move on
Q. hi, I really need some advice im a 17 year old girl and I am studying drama at a inclusive theatre I have been in love with this guy for 9 years the problem is he has aspergers and its not a particular problem for me but I really want to be with him ...
A. 28 September 2015: I agree that we could do with a little more information so we can give you a proper answer. Why is this guy unavailable to you? Does he have a girlfriend? Is he much older than you or something. Or is it his Aspergers that gets in the way (because ... (read in full...)
Could his reaction, to me touching him, be regarded as him flirting with me?
Q. I like this guy and i met him 3 weeks ago in my college and he has 2 of the same lessons as me. We take the same bus home and i sit next to him. Today, i sat next to him and kept touching him and he was like stop touching me or i'll punch you. ...
A. 22 September 2015: It might have been a joke but, NO, I wouldn't regard it as flirting. He's using humour to diffuse the situation but he really does want you to stop touching him. ... (read in full...)
How can I create a family feeling environment with friends?
Q. Due to divorce and a very dysfunctional and toxic family of my own I find myself quite isolated. I am currently having counselling and have decided to go very low contact with my parents and no contact with my sister who have continually bullied me ...
A. 19 September 2015: Hi,
I'm sorry I'm a bit late with my reply. My surrogate family is my amateur theatre company. And I guess any similar kind of hobby group could serve the same purpose (such as a choir, church groups, photography clubs, walking and rambling... (read in full...)
Am I stretching it too much by not taking recommendations?
Q. Hello dear cupids, I am 24 yr old girl. I have completed my masters degree in life sciences. But after many trials and interviews I am still unemployed for 2 years. I don't want to take references and recommendations as I believe in my own ability. ...
A. 15 September 2015: I don't know exactly what you mean by "references and recommendations" but, if you remain unemployed for over two years despite trying to get a steady job, then it's probably time to reconsider your tactics and start doing things differently.
... (read in full...)
Was this girl a virgin?
Q. Was this girl a virgin? This may seem like an odd question, but I assure you that the answer is important to me (I won’t get into the reasons why it is important). I have my opinion of the answer, but I’m “just a guy”. I would be very grateful fo...
A. 14 September 2015: You say that you were both 23 when this happened, yet your age-group is stated as 30 - 35. Why are you pondering about it all this time later?
Is this woman now your wife/long term partner and are you wondering whether she's been honest about he... (read in full...)
The relationship with my b/f cooled faster than I expected, and I'm attracted to a girlfriend!
Q. I've only let a couple of my close friends know about the situation I'm going through right now, and I felt I really needed some outside advice. I'm a female that's been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now. In the beginning, i...
A. 6 September 2015: If you no longer feel the same way about your boyfriend and you don't feel you're getting what you need out of the relationship, then maybe it's time to end it. Especially if you've been getting crushes on other people that you're feeling the urge ... (read in full...)
Is going to a dinner at a date's house early on in the relationship too intimate?
Q. I recently met someone who I've become really interested in and would like to possibly start dating to the point of already thinking of what to say/suggest if and when I ask. Although we only met recently, I discovered that she works in a bar I ...
A. 25 August 2015: I agree with Honeypie in that it's too soon for a date at home and that you should stick to neutral places.
If you want to wow her with your culinary skills you could always prepare a posh picnic instead and go and eat it elsewhere. You'll j... (read in full...)
What are some good ideas for a 14th birthday party?
Q. what are some good 14th birthday party ideas? I have never had a party before, so I want everything to be good! I just want people to enjoy themselves!...
A. 25 August 2015: Hmmm! Let me have a think for you....
But while I'm thinking maybe you could answer a couple of things for me. How many people are you going to be inviting (approximately)? Is it is going to be a smallish get-together of close friends only or ... (read in full...)
Do you think I am right to look for another job, or am I just panicking because other areas of my life are advancing quickly and I feel like my job doesn't match up?
Q. So this is a little different to my normal questions. I am 28 and currently work as an assistant teacher, I have been working as this for 2 years. I have pushed to better myself all my life but have come across barriers due to finances, limitat...
A. 18 August 2015: Why not look for teaching assistant posts at other schools - schools that might be a little bit more proactive in their approach to mentorships and training?... (read in full...)
How do I get my horrible husband out of my life?
Q. Sitting here heartbroken wondering what I did to deserve this!! Ok, so I'm 22 years old I've been with my husband 4 years and married for 2 we have a one year old and a baby due in 4 weeks time. I'm looking for advise on how to be strong enou...
A. 15 August 2015: Talk to your midwife (or any health care professional who has been monitoring your pregnancy) as soon as you possibly can - midwives in the UK all receive training on safeguarding and protecting women and children from domestic violence. They will ... (read in full...)
Do other women not wear panties under their dresses?
Q. My boyfriend gave me a gift card to luluelemon and said to buy something we would both enjoy. I ended up with a tennis style dress that fits perfect on me, but it is supershort. He told me it looks amazing on me but I'm a little selfconscious with ...
A. 10 August 2015: I sometimes go "sans underpants" to avoid VPL but ONLY if I'm wearing a tight and LONG dress/skirt and there's absolutely no risk of it blowing or riding up or it's winter and I can wear opaque tights (pantyhose)instead - and that's not particularly ... (read in full...)
I can't stand living at home any more but my mother wants me to continue living at home. How can I stand up to her reasoning on this?
Q. I am 23, just graduated from college, and looking for a new job as a registered nurse. I have had a few interviews, and have a good feeling about some of them. However, some of them are quite far from where I live now, yet my mom is against me movi...
A. 27 July 2015: You'll simply have to move out without your parents approval. You're an adult living in a developed country so there's nothing to stop you. Your parents can't physically stop you.... they can withdraw their support and they can withdraw their love ... (read in full...)
My fiance disrespected my family. Should I give him a second chance?
Q. I have cried my eyes out tonight. My fiance of 3 years disrespected me and my family. I'm in disbelief and denial. Here is the story. We are in LDR right now, sometimes the frustration is too much and mostly from his part. He has done a lot for m...
A. 27 July 2015: If him disrespecting your family in this way is a regular occurrence, then maybe you should end it. But it was a one-off, then maybe you should talk about it instead - it was probably something said in the heat of an argument rather than something ... (read in full...)
I need help from girls understanding my crush on my doctor!
Q. hello all, I am a 16 old gurl that went for a doctor visit for 4 times, he is nice, loving and gentle doctor. now and these days, I think about him much and wish to go for a visit. is that normal? am I in love or I love the way he touches me? Please...
A. 11 July 2015: Hey sweetie,
What you're feeling is totally normal. You're not in love but have a crush on someone. And this is very common in all humans - especially teenagers. It's how teenagers learn how to manage their romantic and sexual emotions. (And lea... (read in full...)
What are the reasons or justifications to share, or not share, one's sexual past with a significant other?
Q. Would you share your sexual past with someone who you're in a committed relationship with, or do you think it's best to leave the past in the past? Similarly, would you want to know about your significant other's past or would you prefer not to k...
A. 9 July 2015: I would want to know whether a partner has been married before, whether he has children and whether he is still in contact with any exes (for whatever reason)
I guess I'd also want to know if he'd been a male escort or a porn star. And I'd want... (read in full...)
Sharing cost 50/50 in relationship?? How does it work?
Q. I been seeing this guy for about 4 months now. When we usually go out he pays for dinner, movies, or anything else we do. I help to pay here and there. Mostly he is the one paying. The other day, he ask that we should share the cost 50/50 and that ...
A. 9 July 2015: I've always tried to go 50/50 with guys I date. I agree with the the poster that said that if women expect equal rights, then we shouldn't expect to be "kept" and have men shoulder all the responsibility (including finances)
I'll often let a gu... (read in full...)
How do I inform my family I'm moving in with my Bf?
Q. As of lately things between my mother and i have grown increasingly more strained. It has gotten to a point where we had a very big agrument and she refused to see what i was telling her. I was telling her that her opiate abuse had taken a heavy ...
A. 7 July 2015: I'm not sure exactly HOW you should tell them - just tell them calmly. And be prepared for the onslaught....
But don't tell them anything until you've made concrete plans and are ready to put these plans into action. Don't tell them in the heat... (read in full...)
Partner says relationship with my son is not normal?
Q. Opinions please... My son is ten and it's been me and him on our own since he was a baby. He is very much a mummies boy and we have a great relationship. I have been in a relationship with an older man for several years on and off. He doe...
A. 7 July 2015: I think we're missing a key piece of information here - how old is your son?
If he's 6, then it all sounds perfectly normal and possibly it's just a different view on parenting styles. If your son is 12 or over - then maybe your boyfriend has a po... (read in full...)
Should I wait for him to message me subsequent to Tinder date? Or can I message him?
Q. I went on a Tinder date today. Having been on a couple before that weren't brilliant, I was wary. However, this date seemed to go really well. We met for coffee, which he paid for and we chatted for a few hours. When we met he told me I looked great ...
A. 6 July 2015: I don't think there's anything wrong with sending him a message thanking him again and saying that you had really nice time. I think it's a polite thing to do.
But then leave it up to him to ask whether you want another date. Don't "chase" ... (read in full...)
We were once close. Why do you think he is re-connecting online now, after all these years?
Q. I was friendly with a man for 5 years - we were both divorced and single. We became very close very quickly and I developed feelings for him and we became intimate within the first 6 months. He then told me that he didn't want a relationship w...
A. 2 July 2015: I usually find that when ex boyfriends and lovers crawl out of the woodwork after a long absence it usually means that they have just broken up with a girlfriend (or an FWB has just ended) or that they're having a hard time in their current ... (read in full...)
Could he be interested on me? Does he have a like me?
Q. Hi, a few months ago, I met a guy at a party. And he's in my uni and 1 year younger than me. Then after a few days, he added me on Facebook and talked to me and kept asking me questions. He was really nice. Then a while later, he talked to me again, ...
A. 30 June 2015: Well, it's difficult for anyone who wasn't there to tell if he fancies you (or "likes" you in a romantic way) but, from what you post, he's certainly making attempts at trying to get to know you better. So the chances are that he does like ... (read in full...)
Trust is an issue. How do I just be laid back and learn to let it go?
Q. I'm struggling and trying really hard to trust my boyfriend. I am by nature a suspicious and paranoid person.. I don't really trust anyone and have never been in a relationship where I didn't snoop. My ex of 8 yrs used to laugh at me when I went ...
A. 26 June 2015: Have you tried CBT(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)?... (read in full...)
What is the difference between Friends With Benefits and a Long Distance/ Casual Relationship?
Q. What is the difference between Friends With Benefits and a Long Distance/ Casual Relationship? Call me old fashioned here - but from a woman's point of view - I cannot see how she can get anything from FWB without having some sort of feelings for...
A. 26 June 2015: I don't really think there IS much of a difference between a casual relationship or FWB or NSA sex or a fuck buddy or a shag piece. It's just a new way of phrasing something.
It's strange to think that words or phrases go out of fashion but they... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's parents aren't taking proper care of his little sister and I'm worried he may try to gain full custody of her!
Q. Hey everyone, This isn't a typical dear cupid topic, but it's about my boyfriend and his relationship with his family so I guess it's something.. Anyway. My boyfriend(20) of 4 years is seriously considering contacting social services about...
A. 23 June 2015: As far as I know he would be entitled to all the same benefits that a foster parent would get but he should seek advice from Citizens Advice about all the benefits he would be entitled to.
If his little sister is really at risk living with her... (read in full...)
How do I choose new boundaries when in the process of breaking up with someone?
Q. I feel it may be time for me to break up with my boyfriend, even though I love him, because we're incompatible in finances and maturity. It hurts me to think of doing a cold cut from him, especially since he's my longest relationship. When you...
A. 22 June 2015: I'm not sure I understand exactly what you mean either. I got the impression you're asking "Should we be friends after we've broken up and how can we achieve that?" If That's the case, I'm sorry to say that it's probably best if you don't remain... (read in full...)
She called me sweetheart. She's really happy that I'm not leaving. Does she like me as more than a friend?
Q. Hi. I am a lesbian and have never had close female friends. My close friends are boys. There is a woman I work with and I can't figure out if she likes me a close friend or if she likes me more than that. Never having had any close female frien...
A. 19 June 2015: This woman is married so it doesn't really matter if she fancies you or not - she's out of bounds. And since you work with her she's even more out of bounds. To be honest, from what you write, it sounds like she has a highly histrionic perso... (read in full...)
He asked for my number. Does this guy like me, or is it just my imagination?
Q. I just started working a couple weeks ago and we met at lunch one day. We talked the whole time just getting to know each other. Every time we see each other we either talk or do a silly dance towards each other to the song playing in the back...
A. 18 June 2015: It's always impossible to answer "is he interested in me" questions. From what you've posted it certainly seems like he might be interested in something - but what that something is, no-one can say for sure. It could be friendship, it could be ... (read in full...)
Does it sound like this girl would want to date me?
Q. During Easter vacation I visited a girl with my cousin, who happens to be in the same school with him. When I saw this girl she was really cute . It happened we had little chat about academics to be precise. I saw that she was so intelligent,...
A. 18 June 2015: You know, it really is impossible for anyone to answer this question accurately for you? We can only a hazard a guess from the way you've worded your question - which is your side of the story affected by your emotions. This is why you've had to ... (read in full...)
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