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*ubyBirtle

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Latest articles:

How to spot trolls

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...

Let go of your hate

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [14 pages, 523 answers]

I don't like feeling so alone!

Q.   I need some advice on being lonely. I posted his question once before and would really appreciate some more help pleasseeeee I've been feeling so lonely that I cry myself to sleep every night. I feel that I have nothing to live for. All I do is...

A.   4 January 2017: Please could you give us some feedback on the advice you've already been given. Otherwise you'll probably just get the same advice again and again. And those that have answered your questions previously have given some pretty good advice which I ... (read in full...)

Are my dreams of him significant?

Q.   i have reoccurring dreams about my ex-boyfriend who left me after 12 years and married someone else but always called and drop by unexpected. he passed away 3 years ago and I still have dreams about seeing him and his wife together. a few days ...

A.   3 January 2017: I don't think dreams MEAN anything except possibly that we have unresolved emotions about the person (or situation) we're dreaming about. I often dream about a boyfriend I broke up with over 15 years ago but I have worked out a pattern to my dream... (read in full...)

I am no longer happy with my BF. what should I do?

Q.   I've been with my partner for 18 months, and after 8 months I moved into his parents house after moving out of my family home. (my step sister was kicked out and needed somewhere to live). We've recently started renting a flat together and since mo...

A.   3 January 2017: Look for a room in a house share which will be a lot more affordable than a flat on your own. But first talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel. It might kick start him into being an adult (but my guess is that he never lifted a... (read in full...)

What I want to know is, if he is seeing my ex best friend then would he really want to stay friends and in touch with me when there is a good chance I would eventually find out

Q.   My boyfriend of one year an I split up 8 weeks ago. We split because I thought he was seeing my best friend....I still do. He has ALWAYS sworn that he never had and never would have anything to do with her and that one day I will see that. He tells...

A.   3 January 2017: If he was wanting to have a serious relationship with your ex-best-friend, I doubt he would want to keep seeing you. I doubt that ex-BF would tolerate it as there appears to be bad blood between you. But if it was just sex or just a fling then he ... (read in full...)

RIP Beloved George Michael

Q.   We lost George Michael just a day ago. He has sung me to sleep, awaken me in the morning, and told me a story as I looked out into the rain. My heart just sank when I heard the news, and I just didn't want to believe we've lost yet another one. It's ...

A.   30 December 2016: Debbie Reynolds can be added to the list now too :(... (read in full...)

Is there any way I can repair my friendship with her?

Q.   Well,I just have a colleague which is a girl and she likes me. I used to talk to her after getting out from work on the way home.After some weeks I had some thoughts flying through my mind (not about her).I started to stop talking to her. Now we us...

A.   29 December 2016: Well, chat to her friends too and make friends with them too. It will make you seem like a much more attractive and personable guy if you show that you can get on well with all manner of different people... (read in full...)

RIP Beloved George Michael

Q.   We lost George Michael just a day ago. He has sung me to sleep, awaken me in the morning, and told me a story as I looked out into the rain. My heart just sank when I heard the news, and I just didn't want to believe we've lost yet another one. It's ...

A.   27 December 2016: OMG! I know! And Carrie Fisher died today!! How many greats have we lost this year?? Starting with David Bowie.... Alan Rickman Ronnie Corbett (for us Brits) Terry Wogan Rick Parfitt (Status Quo) Glenn Frey (Eagles) Zza Zza Gabor Bur... (read in full...)

If you are a parent or a carer of special needs child can you help advise me on any of my questions ? I am not asking for experts, just parents in a similar situation

Q.   My severly disabled son has to go into residential care soon . We don't want this but he is very aggressive and they need to take him in to stabilise him because he is on too many medications and they think he will be better going to school and ...

A.   27 December 2016: It's not really going to be possible for us to answer all your questions as it will depend very much on the facility your son is admitted to. So take Aunty BimBim's excellent advice and use the list you've started here to put to your son's social ... (read in full...)

Go out on New Year's Eve alone? Is it safe?

Q.   The last 5 years I've been single and primarily friendless so I've stayed in watching tv trying to convince myself I wasn't bored. This year I'm still single, but my friends are coupled or will be out of town and I just can't stand the thought of ...

A.   26 December 2016: Unless you're planning on going to the roughest part of town, I'm [pretty sure you're going to be safe. I'm single and I do a lot of stuff on my own and I don't think I've ever garnered looks of sympathy. To be honest, when people are out i... (read in full...)

How common is rejection for the first ever date attempt in life?

Q.   I've been doing a great deal of inner work lately, and I wonder how much it "wired" me when I was rejected the first time I ever asked someone out, at 17. It would help me to know if this is common or unusual. If you are a guy, were you or any ...

A.   22 December 2016: To be honest, I think you were already "wired" BEFORE you were 17. I think your self-confidence was already low when you asked that girl out and she just "confirmed" your fears about yourself when she rejected you. Using your public-s... (read in full...)

Love-bombing. How long does it last? Will he replicate his love bombing actions in any future relationships ?

Q.   How long does love-bombing by a narcissist last for? My dad is a narcissist (I believe) and he cheated and left my mother for a younger woman. I've heard that there are three stages of a relationship with a narcissist - 1. 'love-bombing', 2....

A.   10 December 2016: It lasts as long as a piece of string. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to human behaviour. Not even two narcissists will behave in the same way so it really is impossible to say. My father's quite the narcissist too (most politici... (read in full...)

Am I in love with a creep? Should I get out now?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for over two years. We have travelled the world together and have always been very happy. We have spoken about getting engaged and where we will settle down to raise our family. He has always treated me with respect ...

A.   8 December 2016: Liking legs is fine but I gotta agree with Cindy and the anonymous female poster who've both pointed out that it IS creepy to obtain "wanking fodder" by photographing women who don't know they're being photographed (or don't know why the photo is ... (read in full...)

What does it mean when someone refers to you in the third person?

Q.   What does it mean when someone talks to you about you but makes you the third person ??? What is the psychology behind taking to me but as the third person?? I know alot of people who talk about themselves as the third person. But what I'm asking is ...

A.   8 December 2016: I really can't understand your post? Are you saying that you know someone who says directly to you "Can I come and visit Susan?" rather than "Can I come and visit you?" or "Would Susan like a drink?" instead of "Would you like a drink?" It ... (read in full...)

Was 'going to the dentist' just a cover story? Was he ever 'seeing the dentist' ? Does the evidence suggest my husband is cheating?

Q.   Here is an interesting question and it involves speculation and coming up with possible explanations. I am hoping to see how people think and what conclusions they can draw from this situation. It is something different from the usual. Might be ...

A.   7 December 2016: Alien abduction perhaps? If this was a "stake-out" type scenario (rather than looking at CCTV footage) I would say that the "investigator" had not been watching closely enough. It would be impossible to watch two exits simultaneously anyway. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend hasn't told his parents about our child

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 yrs I hadn't met his parents till recently and I found he hasn't told them about our child whose almost 3yrs old...how am I suppose to deal or take that??...

A.   2 December 2016: If it were me I would thing long and hard whether I would want to remain in the relationship. Your boyfriend has been lying to you (as well as his parents) persistently and consistently for years..... and that's not okay.... (read in full...)

How much should I be involved with friends' love life?

Q.   As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...

A.   24 November 2016: OP - if you weren't entirely honest about your feelings for this room mate in your post at the time, perhaps your friend doesn't KNOW the depths of your feelings and thinks that it's so long in the past that you will no longer be affected by it.... (read in full...)

How much should I be involved with friends' love life?

Q.   As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...

A.   24 November 2016: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/gay-with-an-unstable-roommate.html I believe this is the previous question by the OP at the time of the drama with his room mate. (Although in this post he says that he was not attracted to his room mate in the s... (read in full...)

If you haven't kissed in a long time is it sort of weird to kiss?

Q.   HELP! Please. I 'm going on a second date with a guy, and I'm 22 and although I've kissed people in the past it's been a while since I've kissed someone - more than a year- ( let alone sex haha I think I'm a virgin again, no seriously, anything ...

A.   22 November 2016: I had a break of nearly six years from all sexual activity including kissing and I was worried that I might have "lost something" during that time but it was like riding a bicycle and it all came back to me when I needed it. As N91 says, don't ov... (read in full...)

Which should choose to attend? Tribute band or the comedy? Both on the same night.

Q.   Can anyone advise me on which show to go to tomorrow?. There are two great shows on tomorrow night in the same city. One is a comedy show. The other is a tribute band to a band that I like. I have seen both of them before. I will be going wit...

A.   21 November 2016: Just out of interest - what did you decide in the end? (And I hope you had a good time?)... (read in full...)

Is there anything that can be suggested, on ways to best support my partner of five years, over her work and health issues?

Q.   My partner of 5 years who is 52 has worked in a bakery for 30 years and her boss has sold up to a family. The wife of the said family does not want her in the bakery or using the delivery truck as my partner suffers from IBS (irritable bowel synd...

A.   20 November 2016: The only thing that I can suggest is that you look at taking her current employers to an employment tribunal for discrimination on health grounds. I have IBS myself (although I think I have a fairly mild case) but it rarely affects my ability ... (read in full...)

My co worker hung up even though she was expecting a call from me.

Q.   One of my co-workers, lets call her lady A, wanted another co-work's number, lets call her lady B, who works the same shift as me,.She wants me to ask lady B about a set light that she has.I have Lady's B number so Lady A gave me her number to ...

A.   20 November 2016: You never considered that her phone might have run out of battery or she was in an area with patchy reception? And that she subsequently forgot to call you back once she had full power/reception again? Or maybe she's a very sensitive and emotiona... (read in full...)

Which should choose to attend? Tribute band or the comedy? Both on the same night.

Q.   Can anyone advise me on which show to go to tomorrow?. There are two great shows on tomorrow night in the same city. One is a comedy show. The other is a tribute band to a band that I like. I have seen both of them before. I will be going wit...

A.   18 November 2016: If you mean a stand-up comedian by "comedy show" go and see them. You say that both shows will be repeated next year but I doubt that the comedy show will use exactly the same material another time around, they will have new gags each time. A tri... (read in full...)

I just want to be his friend, but he is taking it slow ...

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles I met a guy a couple of months ago. We hit it off quite quickly and there is obvious chemistry between us. However, he is very hesitate to allow me to get close to him. I know there is not any one else. I know he has only...

A.   15 November 2016: Well you did tell him to delete your number so he's probably gone and done it. Maybe you should have made it clear to him that you were expecting a response before he went ahead and did it. My guess is that he doesn't feel the same "chemist... (read in full...)

Boyfriend said "love ya" instead of "I love you". Is there a difference?

Q.   So my boyfriend has told me the L word. But he said "Love ya" instead of "I love you." Is there a difference?...

A.   12 November 2016: No - I don't think so... (read in full...)

Boyfriend using his health as a reason to be lazy

Q.   I've been dating my boyfriend for three years. In these past three years, he has not has a job, is extremely lazy, relied on me and family to support him. I was on the verge of breaking up with him, then he went to the Doctor's and said he was ...

A.   6 November 2016: Not all of the ADHD symptoms you list are necessarily the traits of a person who's simply lazy. Lazy people don't always have anger management problems. impulsivity, mood swings or low self-esteem. So your boyfriend probably does have ADHD - I doubt ... (read in full...)

He'll only communicate with me via the dating site

Q.   Help, I have been messaging a guy for 4 months on a dating site. We seem to have alot in common and message for hours maybe 2 times a week. But we have never met and i have never heard his voice. He wont share his phone number with me or txt my ...

A.   3 November 2016: Do you pay membership for this website? Sometimes I think that some websites catfish people themselves to keep people paying to use the site. Otherwise, as the other aunties are saying, he's not genuine. He's either not who he claims to be or si... (read in full...)

I may have lost the love of my life and perfect girl to commitment phobia! Now that I want her back, she's completely blanked me out!

Q.   I think Ive ruined things with the love of my life Ive been with my girl 8 years since school she's absolutely stunning that's why I fancied her initially I just wanted to have sex with her but we were 16 she ended up making me wait 8 months a...

A.   1 November 2016: Presumably you know where she lives after 8 years together so write her a letter.... (read in full...)

What's up with this man? Why does he try to look good when I'm around?

Q.   Hello there! 3 years ago, a male in his early twenties was hired in my school as an teacher. I met him because he became an assistant moderator for the club I went to. During the first year, we treated each other as friends... but in the second year ...

A.   29 October 2016: It's coincidence. Or more likely wishful thinking on your part. When we have a crush we become hyper-aware of the person we're crushing on. It seems that we notice every glance, every smile, every gesture and start to over-analyse the situatio... (read in full...)

Guy wants me to swing with him

Q.   Me and this guy have been, not dating, but exclusive FWB. He been wanting a threesome. I ask what his other fantasy is. Sex in public. Lesser of two evils, I agreed to try. So he's been dragging me to sex shops. 6 months into the "relationship", he ...

A.   28 October 2016: If it's a deal-breaker - then break the deal! You've already told him that you don't want and he can't respect that so end it. We can never MAKE anybody understand how we feel. We can only hope that they feel the same way and he clearly doesn't... (read in full...)

Can you help? Seeking tips on how to move on when you finally realize that the love of your life is no longer available to you or no longer loves you?

Q.   Hello everyone, So I’m the same guy who wrote these two posts. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/mixed-signals-from-my-crush.html http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-fwb-has-f...

A.   24 October 2016: It sucks, I know but the main thing to do is not wallow in your misery. N91 suggested you delete and block him from all social media and I wholeheartedly agree. If you keep checking him out you will always find out things that make you feel wor... (read in full...)

My ex broke things off is flaunting new woman. How do I get over him?

Q.   MOD NOTE: This has been submitted before several times but now has more details so I am letting it through. OP next time just add to this, do not keep resubmitting its too confusing for aunts/uncles. I was with my ex for 10 months, things h...

A.   24 October 2016: Step 1) Delete all his contact details from your phone (especially if you're the kind of person who either can't resist begging or being bitchy - doing things like that might seem to help short term but really does delay the process of moving on.) ... (read in full...)

How do I tell him that I'm a virgin?

Q.   How do I tell him I'm a virgin?... It sounds stupid but we have been talking for a while. And our conversations via texts get heated a lot and we "sext" pretty much. I don't recall him ever asking me about previous partners so I think he ...

A.   19 October 2016: Have you met this guy yet? How many times? Has there been any physical contact at all or just sexting. It's not clear from your post and it would make a world of difference to my answer.... (read in full...)

Should I distance myself from my Bf AND my Mother? Was this abusive behaviour by my boyfriend, or not?.

Q.   Was this abusive behaviour by my boyfriend, or not?. I have had an on/off relationship with my boyfriend for a year. Yesterday, I was out with him and I called my mum to pick me up. I got upset because my mum started shouting at me on the phone. ...

A.   19 October 2016: Well, I certainly think you should cut that awful boyfriend out of your life. As for your mother.... well, what else has she done to make you think that you should cut her out of your life other than shout at you during that last altercat... (read in full...)

Gossipy workmates driving me mad

Q.   How can I avoid my gossip-fueled coworkers. every day at work feels like a drama and it feels like high school. I work with three women and one guy who I have to exchange information in a daily basis and have lunch with. In the begining I started ...

A.   16 October 2016: Can you explain a bit more because I don't see how what you describe is "drama" or "bitchiness" If you are carrying a nice handbag or wearing nice clothes, someone commenting on it or asking you where you got it is not bitchy. Even if they ask... (read in full...)

Our wish to adopt a child has provoked some negative reactions, how do we deal with them?

Q.   My husband and I have decided to adopt. I was surprised by the negative reaction of some of our friends! I was prepared for the usual fears and prejudices (it's not your flesh and blood, you can never love him the way you would your own etc.) b...

A.   14 October 2016: Why not post your question on one of the UK adoptions forums www.adoptionuk.org.uk/forum www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions Then you can get replies from people who've actually gone through the process and possibly dealt with the same negative r... (read in full...)

Why does my ex keep coming in and out of my life?

Q.   I posted a thread about an ex who lives 4 hours away and we were on and off for few years...then broke it off for good because he met someone closer.I was devastated and told him we should go seperate ways. He recently came back in my life only ...

A.   9 October 2016: well, you know him better than we do so you're probably in a better place to judge what's "wrong" with him and why he's behaving the way he is. My guess is that he's human and has a low tolerance for boredom. Whenever he has a dull, lonely, ... (read in full...)

How can I ensure, if I see the Doctor, that the Doctor will not tell my mother that I took a morning after pill?

Q.   Basically I took the morning after pill a couple of days ago, I went to boots and spoke to the woman there, getting the pill for free, the woman asked if I had a GP and I said yes but she didn't ask for my Gps details she just took my basic ...

A.   7 October 2016: It seems like your post waited so long to pass the moderators and get posted that you've probably had your appointment and found that everything was fine in that respect and the G.P kept her mouth shut (if she even knew that you'd taken the ... (read in full...)

I've lost the spark for dating

Q.   I seem to have lost the spark or the energy with dating. Is this what happens with adult life ? I have been single now for about 6 years and have pretty much missed out on all the 'fun' years of relationships. Now I have been out on a date he...

A.   6 October 2016: Why do you think that you've missed out on the "fun years" of dating? I had MUCH more fun dating in my 30s than in my 20s - I was more confident and more solvent. And the dates were often more interesting and exciting. I'm in my 40's now and ... (read in full...)

I was offended by the comment my personal trainer made in assuming I wanted to have an affair

Q.   Some of you may recognise my story. I met a Personal Trainer who works at my gym. Was not attracted to him at first then gradually got to know a little about him and started growing an attraction. I feel the attraction was mutual as I could read ...

A.   6 October 2016: I agree with the other posters in that you were reading too much into things. I also don't think you should read too much into this guy's choice of words when he turned you down. You're feeling insulted because you feel his use of the word "af... (read in full...)

Help! Calling all people with nipple piercings. What are outcomes to consider if I get this done?

Q.   hey everyone! i am thinking of getting my nipples pierced, just wondered if anyone had any experience of this? I like how it looks a lot but as always there's some real horror stories on the internet (picture of holes in boobs after getting an...

A.   21 September 2016: Hi I'll try to answer all your questions but in a different order to how you asked them Answers to questions 5 & 6 - nipple piercings will not change the size, shape or appearance of your nipples or breasts in any way. Not unless you get a... (read in full...)

How can I find a way to trust my boyfriend? Because I feel I can't trust him

Q.   PLEASE HELP ME. I am at the END of my rope. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I just CANNOT trust him no matter what. No matter what he says or does. I CANNOT trust him. I CANNOT DO IT. It is making me paranoid, jealous, ins...

A.   16 September 2016: Is this guy still married to someone else?... (read in full...)

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