| Latest articles: How to spot trolls
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 December 2021: How to spot our regular troll(s) 1) Our troll loves to give their characters names. Most of our genuine posters don't do this. They refer to "my boyfriend" or "my mother" or "my best friend" but our troll talks about "Tarnya" or "Brooke" or "Lup...
Let go of your hate
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2016: A thought for the day (or for tomorrow since it's nearly midnight) Not too long ago I was in a play. In the final scene I had to stare at someone with complete contempt. I searched my soul and into that stare I poured every single bit of hatred I ...
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Would it be creepy to contact him after this long?
Q. i met this guy in one of my PE classes during the previous term. I unintentionally developed a crush on him on the last day of class, which is awful timing. Over winter break, I added him on fb, and messaged him a week later. I asked him if he ...
A. 10 March 2015: No it wouldn't be creepy just to drop him a line asking if he's going to join the class or saying that you hope to see him there. It's just normal friendly human behaviour. It would be creepy if you bombarded him with messages or if you sent him ... (read in full...)
Will men still fancy me if I get a short hair cut?
Q. I feel like doing something brave and unconventional, and one thing I'd like to do is to cut my shoulder-long hair to a dramatic, very-short hair cut. But I'm afraid that if I do so, men won't fancy me any more, as people sometimes assume short-ha...
A. 9 March 2015: I have very short hair and I certainly haven't lacked male attention over the years. But since I had it done I do find that I like to look feminine in other ways. I slowly revamped my wardrobe too - more floral prints, more pink colours, jeweler... (read in full...)
Has he requested this because it is convenient, or because he wants me to meet his grandparents?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for a few months now and he lives about 2 hours away from me. I've been introduced to his family and close friends. This weekend, he told me he is coming up next weekend to see me and do a few other things and would like to ...
A. 8 March 2015: I'm pretty sure that a guy who want to introduce you to his grandparents likes you alot.
And I'm sure he's pleased that you live conveniently close to them so that he gets to see everybody.... (read in full...)
Is this just what kinda person he is? Or am I genuinely to blame for all this?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend today... and I really really need some help. We hadn't been together for much longer than a month.. but we had dated 3 years a go for 9 months. He was my first for everything and even though he was both violent to me and ...
A. 6 March 2015: Google "Borderline Personality Disorder" - does this match your boyfriend?
Yes he is manipulative - to threaten suicide and make someone worry just to get want you want or just to make them feel bad... all highly manipulative.
It's not your... (read in full...)
Can anything really happen if you give up masturbating
Q. I know there's all kinds of mythical things people tell you will happen if you masturbate, but is there anything real that could happen if you don't? I gave it up for Lent and I would love to know....
A. 3 March 2015: What happens when you stop masturbating for a short period Not all that much, you might get a bit bored, you might feel a bit sexually frustrated, you might have a bit of difficulty getting of to sleep if you used masturbation as a "relaxation ai... (read in full...)
How to avoid Date Rape?
Q. I've been seeking out nothing more than casual sex online and made this blatant on my dating profile. However, getting date raped as a result has become a fear. I'm afraid that, in the situation where I want to take things slow, postpone the act...
A. 3 March 2015: I've done online hooking up.
I always met them in a public place first as it's impossible to tell how honest a guy has been online.
I would NEVER meet a guy who refused to do this for whatever reason.
I ALWAYS take them back to my place. A... (read in full...)
I am desperate to get pregnant and am considering involving a guy I know. Advice?
Q. im nearly 40 and desperate for a child i am in a stable position financially and emotionally and have a big support network around me. i met a guy on a night out we met a few times and exchanged numbers but he became a bit odd as tho he had never ...
A. 2 March 2015: I am in your situation - or even a more desparate one if you like in that I'm now over 40 and still childless (and partnerless) The same thoughts have crossed my mind many times - but I've never acted on them because it's totally unethical to use... (read in full...)
I want to try it with a girl but I'm afraid of the consequences
Q. Hello everyone. Need your help! I am sexualy atracted to girls.I am 20 years old girl and have a baby I had in my teenage years. I'm on and off with her daddy we have so many problems and uncompatibilities.Im too scared to fullfil my fantasy because ...
A. 27 February 2015: Should you "deny" the fantasies?
If you mean should you banish them from your thoughts entirely? - No, that would be impossible. It's perfectly healthy to have fantasies, frustrating though some of them may be. I ENJOY my fantasies - even if I kno... (read in full...)
This could be my last chance at having a baby but everything is all wrong!
Q. I am 35 and my bf is 27. We have also only been together for 3mths. I discovered that I am pregnant. I have no kids and to be honest, at my age I had pretty much given up on the idea of it ever happening as I am prob too old now. I was on the ...
A. 27 February 2015: When I say "unsuitable" I mean wholly unsuitable - ie a squat, crack-house, homeless shelter etc . Women won't get housed if they have a already have roof over their heads however small and squalid it may be, but they can qualify for housing benefit ... (read in full...)
I want to try it with a girl but I'm afraid of the consequences
Q. Hello everyone. Need your help! I am sexualy atracted to girls.I am 20 years old girl and have a baby I had in my teenage years. I'm on and off with her daddy we have so many problems and uncompatibilities.Im too scared to fullfil my fantasy because ...
A. 26 February 2015: I'm not sure from you post whether you are saying that you are a lesbian or just that you find women attractive and have the desire to experience sex with one.
Either way - lack of sex doesn't kill you. Neither does having unfulfilled fantasie... (read in full...)
I've reconnected with the ex but he's much different now. Will there be a rainbow after the storm?
Q. Hello and thanks I dated a guy 15 years ago and we reconnected. Our relationship was great back then we got along well, he was very good to me, and we loved eachother very much. He was kind, sweet and funny. WE were both young and we mutually deci...
A. 26 February 2015: I'm inclined to agree with Aiden and say that I don't see a rainbow-after-the-storm coming any time soon and it might be time to end the relationship.
He is either still using (just not alcohol) or something else is going on.
My immediate ... (read in full...)
This could be my last chance at having a baby but everything is all wrong!
Q. I am 35 and my bf is 27. We have also only been together for 3mths. I discovered that I am pregnant. I have no kids and to be honest, at my age I had pretty much given up on the idea of it ever happening as I am prob too old now. I was on the ...
A. 26 February 2015: If you really want a child - don't go for an abortion. It will haunt you for the rest of you life.
You post from the UK which has a fairly robust welfare benefits system which can support you and your child. You will probably qualify for income s... (read in full...)
He told me that I am exciting but we have nothing in common. Do you think that's potential for a future?
Q. I have been dating a guy I met online for almost three months. During these period we have had ups and downs, but enjoy each other’s company. We just spend a three day weekend together out of town and although we had a small discussion, overall we ...
A. 23 January 2015: Hi
If your relationship is going well at the moment - go with the flow and enjoy it.
Generally people who seem like polar opposites don't make good life partners but they can have great passionate short term relationships.
On the other ha... (read in full...)
I want to be with him but I'd like to see more commitment from him
Q. I love my boyfriend. He talks about marriage and kids, and I like the idea but... There are some things that we still need to get over. He is very reserved about our relationship and it makes me uncomfortable. His family still doesn't know abo...
A. 6 January 2015: TWO YEARS and his family doesn't even know about you!!?? I dumped a guy because he wanted to keep the relationship secret after 4 months!
That is a major red flad and I'm inclined to agree with your friend who says you're wasting your time bei... (read in full...)
Why do players only want to chase and date a woman?
Q. I have never really had experience of a 'player' before as my first couple of boyfriends were quite serious. However, my latest guy I was interested in, hung around me until I told him I didn't want to get too serious and be messed about (as I kn...
A. 6 January 2015: Are you sure this guy is a player and not just a randy old bugger?
In my mind, players manipulate women into bed by lying and making false promises to them. This guy doesn't seem to have done that - when you declined him sex, he backed off rath... (read in full...)
We finally met after lots of online communication. But he's different. What can I do to feel better about this?
Q. I really need more help. I used to talk to this guy a few years ago, through a dating site, but we never met yet we were really close. He once started making fun of me when we were talking and I didn't know why. So I stopped talking to him, and ...
A. 5 January 2015: Okay, so you met a guy over the internet but he didn't match up to your expectations when you finally met him in real life. This is very common with internet dating - people find they were compatible on paper (and via text/email) but not so much in ... (read in full...)
Would you be with someone who wouldn't have sex unless you used a condom?
Q. Hi everyone. A question for both, men and women: how would you feel if someone you want to be intimate with won't do so unless you use a condom? Boyfriend or girlfriend relationship type. Also, if you get asked to be tested for STDS, do you do it? ...
A. 3 January 2015: I tell them that I'm not practicising any other method of contraception so that the condoms are vital to prevent pregnancy. I then start cooing about babies and saying how broody I am.
Either the condom stays on - or the man takes off!
... (read in full...)
Would it be okay for me to ask my boyfriend which of his female friends he has slept with?
Q. My boyfriend still has a lot of female friends from high school. He is now 33. Some of them are ex gfs and others are girls he just hooked up with once or twice. They are all friends on FB and continue to see each others in groups or separately as ...
A. 3 January 2015: No, I agree with Ciar that it's a very intrusive question.
I also think that the answers would not allay your feelings of anxiety.
If he says "No", will you believe him or will you still be wondering? How long until you want to ask the same que... (read in full...)
I texted her "thanks for ruining my relationship" and she just lolled!
Q. My gf of a year broke up with me due to my friendship with a girl. On hindsight I was more emotionally invested in her than my gf and I do regret my actions. A few days back I texted her (out of anger) "thanks for ruining my relationship". (When ...
A. 3 January 2015: It means
"I have moved on (or am moving on) from you. I am no longer concerned about you or what you think of me. I am perfectly comfortable with you thinking everything was my fault. I can live with that."
but it doesn't take quite as long to... (read in full...)
The more she drinks the more obnoxious she becomes, should I tell her?
Q. I met this lady at a social function. She was the life of the party funny witty and outgoing. She seriously could be a professional comic. We have hung out about 7X since our meeting. These hang outs have been scattered over 3-4 years. Casual ...
A. 3 January 2015: Since this woman isn't your best friend or in your close circle of friends, I wouldn't say anything to her and I would just let the friendship slide (rather than dropping her like a hot potato)
If it were me (and I do have some casual friends ... (read in full...)
Could his online message have been meant for me?
Q. I met someone a few months ago. He is very attracted to me (and I to him), and I recently went out of my way to do something nice for him to thank him for something he did. We are just friends and neither of us has said anything...yet. I am still in ...
A. 3 January 2015: No, I don't think this message was aimed at you. I don't think he posted it with the hope that you were the one that would see it. It's a very generic comment - it could be about anything really.
But I maybe it was INSPIRED by you and your act... (read in full...)
Am I over analyzing this relationship?
Q. I really like this guy that I talk to over Facebook. I've known him for about a year and a half and we immediately clicked when we first started to talk to each other. During the summer, we both confessed that we really really liked each other. W...
A. 2 January 2015: It might help the aunties on here if you explain why your relationship needs to be kept under wraps. Yes, it can be a little embarrassing to have people gossiping about you (even in a good way) but gossips tire easily once things become old news
... (read in full...)
Is my former FWB guy genuine about wanting to be friends?
Q. I'd like some advice because I'm so confused. I used to be sort of fwb (hate that saying) with someone, which I regret now. He's now married but we still talk. He told me he wants to be friends but he's changed constantly flirting and whe...
A. 2 January 2015: No, I don't think he genuinely wants to be friends. I think he wants to have a little roll-in-the-hay option. A little sexy secret that he keeps from his wife.
Do you have other platonic male friends? Think about how you interact with them? Ar... (read in full...)
Would you be with someone who wouldn't have sex unless you used a condom?
Q. Hi everyone. A question for both, men and women: how would you feel if someone you want to be intimate with won't do so unless you use a condom? Boyfriend or girlfriend relationship type. Also, if you get asked to be tested for STDS, do you do it? ...
A. 2 January 2015: How would I feel if a guy would only have sex with me using a condom? Delighted because it would mean that I wouldn't have to force him into it.
Would I get tested for STDs if asked? Absolutely, because I think that new partners should both be ... (read in full...)
Why is my B/f so hesitant to let his ex know that he is with me? And if he's wanting to save his chances with her, why is he talking about a future with me?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. Throughout this year, he has kept in touch with his ex. They speak on the phone to keep in touch. During their phone convos, he has never mentioned to her that he is dating me. I didn't mind...
A. 1 January 2015: This would piss me off too and I don't think you should put up with it for too much longer.
Whatever the reason for your boyfriend's behaviour he isn't really being fair to you or his ex by conveniently forgetting to mention that he's in a relati... (read in full...)
Why is he INNITIATING texts if he HATES talking to me?!
Q. A guy I like and will start dating soon (after the holidays) always randomly texts, then IMMEDIATELY ends our conversations abrutly, with a "good night". We hardly talk now, if at all it is probably about once a week or twice at the most. As opp...
A. 1 January 2015: Okay, I'll admit during the festive season that people do get very busy with family and friends and they may not have as much time to invest in building new relationships so that could explain why he's no longer engaging in long conversations with ... (read in full...)
I think this is catfish behaviour!
Q. So currently I am in a LDR with a girl whom I share feelings for. We have been talking to each other for well over what's going to be months already. Throughout this relationship I have always been willing to send pictures and to want to skype an...
A. 1 January 2015: Sorry, I'm going to agree with Chi-girl. When something similar happened to me, it turned out the person I was conversing with was not the gender they had claimed when they first made contact with me. Fortunately for me, I'd picked up on some other ... (read in full...)
He wouldn't commit so I ended it and bought a house. Now we might be getting back together...
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years, and for the last year I have been unhappy with the progress we've been making. He asked me to move into his home a while back but point blank refused to commit to/discuss any more of a future than ...
A. 30 December 2014: Keep your house. If the relationship does develop you can always rent it out at a later time and keep it as an investment property. Or if he owns a property he can let his out and move in with you. If cohabiting is sucessful you could sell up and ... (read in full...)
I am beginning to hate my best friend
Q. i am beginning to hate my best friend and i don't know what to do so basically... we have been friends for the past 3 years, since the start of high school and now i'm beginning to find her more and more annoying she is REALLY moody, and it's ...
A. 22 December 2014: What is is that you actually like about this girl? She sounds like the kinda girl that it's simply easier to be friends with her than NOT be friends and deal with even more bitchiness from her. I know that loyalties and being "friends forever" are ... (read in full...)
How can I get a new razor without having to ask my parents?
Q. Hey, this is a bit awkward! I'm in desperate need of some help. I'm a 15 year old guy, and I keep myself clean, grooming, etc. So, I shave. All places, and "down there" (if you catch my drift) is the problem. Well, not the shaving part, but the ra...
A. 22 December 2014: Why do you need to shave?? Hair removal doesn't make you any cleaner or more hygienic - after all, we don't shave our heads. Washing with soap and water should be sufficient. A fair amount of men DO shave their pubic hair off but it's a personal ... (read in full...)
Why would he message this ex? Why can't he just ignore messages from an ex? what should I do?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend over a year. Things are great its been a great year and weve talked of buying a place together next year. So were both very serious about one another. We've told each other we love each other etc and i really do want to ...
A. 22 December 2014: I think some people are very worried about appearing rude and they feel that everyone will think badly about them if they DON'T reply to a message (or if they turn down the offer of meeting for coffee). And for some people thinking that other people ... (read in full...)
Why is my best friend directing her anger towards me? The event planned was a group thing.
Q. To keep it short, our group of friends had a secret santa event planned to get together for Christmas. Basically, she rarely hangs out with us when we ask. But she VOLUNTEERED to host the group event and have her brother do the drawings for who...
A. 20 December 2014: Maybe she is angrier at you because you are a closer friend than the others and she expected more support from you when things got tough. You said that she's one of your best friends but that she rarely hangs out with the group as a whole so maybe... (read in full...)
We had a good date, kissed goodnight, but this morning I am blocked!
Q. Hi, hopefully going to be a short question! If not forgive me. So I started talking to this guy a few weeks ago. I know him through my ex but they aren't good friends they jusy know eachother. He asked when he could take me out we chose frida...
A. 20 December 2014: I don't think YOU'VE done anything wrong except go on a date with a flaky, confused guy who's still a bit hung-up on his ex and doesn't know what he wants. And that's hardly your fault - it happens to a lot of us. I don't know why some people have... (read in full...)
Would a letter be a good way to tell him how I feel?
Q. I might be going to meet a friend that ui realy like i have known him for 6 years and loved him for 5 years i was wondering how to tell him i realy like him and this is one of the rare occasions i get to see him . I was thinking of writing a letter ...
A. 17 December 2014: My apologies. I assumed this was you as this poster writes such a similar story
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-know-im-young-but-how-do-i.html
Maybe some of the advise that she was given will be of assistance to you.
CMMP's advice i... (read in full...)
He keeps thinking I am flirting when I am not!
Q. Hi everyone so recently I got into an argument with my boyfriend. The main thing is that he keeps on thinking that I'm flirting with guys when I'm actually not. If I wanted to flirt around I wouldnt have chosen to date him cuz its plain wrong ...
A. 16 December 2014: Your boyfriend sounds paranoid. I went out with a guy like this once. You can try reasoning with them but it just doesn't work. In fact sometimes it even seems to make things worse. They'll always accuse you of flirting or cheating. Hell, in the end ... (read in full...)
Love, or my dreams?
Q. So i am in serious help and i need some opinions on what to do. Ive been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years now! It started off perfect and i was happier than ever! I live in Texas and he is living in Oklahoma. We are actually 15 years ...
A. 16 December 2014: Pick your dream. This guy sounds horribly controlling. You'll miss him for a while but ultimately you won't regret leaving him. One day you'll realise what a lucky escape you've had.
Enjoy your travels!... (read in full...)
Would a letter be a good way to tell him how I feel?
Q. I might be going to meet a friend that ui realy like i have known him for 6 years and loved him for 5 years i was wondering how to tell him i realy like him and this is one of the rare occasions i get to see him . I was thinking of writing a letter ...
A. 16 December 2014: You've posted many many times asking people's opinions on this matter over the past couple of months. Many people have discouraged you from reavealing your feelings to him, fearing his reactions might hurt you. Most adults don't come out wit... (read in full...)
Should I stop going on about it?
Q. I have bein going with my girlfriend for ten years and the orther night she went out and had a few drinks and slept on a couch by or self . The next day I found out their was a male friend beside her then she confessed and sai. She slept in the ...
A. 16 December 2014: Yes I Think you should stop going on about it. What you need to do is decide for yourself if this is a deal-breaker or not. Many people would think that it was. If it's a deal-breaker - dump her. No discussion required. If you want to forgi... (read in full...)
He seems into me when he's had a drink, but he was sober when he asked me to the cinema... what's going on?
Q. Ok I'm really confused... I met this really nice guy online, it started off really slow then we went on a date and we kissed and stayed up late talking, he then stayed at mine, nothing happened just kissing - it was great! We went on another date ...
A. 16 December 2014: Maybe he's the kind of guy who needs "liquid courage" before he gets all passionate.
He asked you out again though, so he's still interested.... (read in full...)
I really like him, but does he really like me?
Q. so i really like this but i don't know if he feels the same about me. i read online that if a guy like you he will try and touch you a lot and he never does that to me. he hasn't asked me for my number either sometimes i think he does li...
A. 15 December 2014: It's impossible for anyone to tell whether he likes you or not when we don't know the guy and only have your written account of his behaviour rather than being able to observe it for ourselves. So nobody can advise you for sure But here's my ... (read in full...)
Would it be ok for me to have a casual arrangement with an abusive ex?
Q. Dear Cupid I have recently came out of an emotionally, verbally very very abusive relationship. He was the love of my life who started turning abusive for past 1 year and I became a typical doormat for him, lost all my self esteem, hated myself f...
A. 15 December 2014: well, you don't need our permission but it would be a lousy idea and you know it. It would just be leaving you open to further manipulation and abuse.
Yes lack of sex can be tough but it doesn't kill you. (Trust me, it doesn't otherwise I'd have... (read in full...)
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