New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login238961 questions, 1055284 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

How do I sort this out if he's not talking to me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 November 2014) 9 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My bf of four yrs, last novemeber he moved away to work since then ive only seen him about 5 times this year, ive asked him many times if he was with somebody else and his reply was No.... anyway we have have always spoke on the phone or via text everyday, altho there was a period of him not speaking to me for a week, in which when he finally spoke to me I asked him of wanted to b with somebody else all he has to say was the truth, I also said if u dont want to b with me he has to say so in which he said he would. ..

Anyway my main question is ive not coming upto 2weeks on sat that hes not spoken to me, ive rang him, texted him and have never had a reply bk either way , its driving me mad that hes not contacted me I feel so down but put on a happy face around my parents and family etc...I think im more hurt as I really liked him and could see my furure. With him :(

My other concern is im.main insure for his car, I pay for it does he expect me to keep paying even tho hes not speaking to me... ive texted saying he needs come get reat of stuff and need to sort tje insyrence out but still nohing, I want to cancle it but means he doesnt have insurence and he needs for work

What the hell do I do im sooooo stuck

View related questions: period, text

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014):

Contact his family or friends to see if he is okay. If he is ok, it appears he has been using you to pay his car insurance and wants to end things but didn't want to end that and he is too cowardly to be honest. So sorry. You need to figure out legally how to manage the insurance and stop paying it. Send him an email to say you want to end things and stop insurance payment and that he needs to pick up or have someone pick up his things for him.

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (28 November 2014):

By the way, it goes without saying. Keep a copy of the pictures you take of his property, a copy the letter, and save the mail receipt. The pictures are proof of the condition of his property at the time you requested him to come get his things. The receipt indicates he was given fair notice according to the law before you dispose of anything. If you arbitrarily throw things away, he can file a civil suit; or accuse you of destruction of his property. Get his stuff out of your house, and start your healing.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (28 November 2014):

He has technically ended the relationship; thereby nullifying your agreement to pay his car insurance. Cancel it. He's using you. He's not coming back, accept for his stuff.

Pack-up his belongings and ask a friend of his, or a relative to pick them up. Don't look for excuses to have him come to get them, he'll just play on your feelings and keep you paying his insurance premiums. If he won't end it,

then you do it. Stop begging. I think you already know anyway.

If you have anything of value that belongs to him, take pictures of it, and send him a certified or registered letter to come get his property. Pack it up.

Inform him in the letter you are also cancelling his car insurance. Give him thirty days from the date of the letter to retrieve his belongings and save your mail receipt.

If he fails to retrieve his junk after 30 days; consider all ties severed, and leave him alone. You can dispose of or sell things he has abandoned after 30-60 days, or longer. Seek professional legal-advice to be certain of the law regarding disposal or sale of another person's personal property. Do it by the book! Don't be foolish!

Cancelling the car insurance is your personal option. As far as he's concerned, he is single now. I think you're being played; because you can't face the fact he has left you. Cancel the car insurance, and you'll know for sure.

Paying his insurance is lousy leverage to force him to love you. That's beneath your dignity and pathetic.

Stop being his free storage and auto-pay for his car insurance premiums. Yes he needs the car for work. Except for that, he apparently doesn't need you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 November 2014):

Honeypie agony auntYes! Ciar is correct, if you are the LEGAL owner of the car, hen DO NOT cancel. Pick up the car or have someone else do so.

I mean that you should CANCEL if the car is his and YOU have been providing the insurance because HE can't get decent insurance himself due to past driving history. IF you are no longer together, it's NO longer you JOB to help this guy with FREE insurance.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (28 November 2014):

Ciar agony auntI meant to include...if the car is registered to you, do NOT cancel the whole policy until you have it back in your possession. The last thing you need is to have an uninsured vehicle (in your name) involved in an accident. Not only would you incur the cost of repair or replacement as well as having to continue payments if the car is financed, but you'd face charges as well.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (28 November 2014):

Ciar agony auntI second Honeypie's advice to stop paying for the car insurance.

When you say 'his car' do you mean that he is the registered owner as well as the actual owner or is the car in your name but bought for him?

I'm not sure exactly how this is done in Britain, but here in Ontario your insurer (or broker) will have a form you can complete and sign in order to stop the monthly payments without cancelling the policy itself. Look into that.

If you're listed as a driver, you should remove yourself because any problems associated with that policy could follow you around (at the very least you might have to answer some additional questions when seeking coverage for yourself).

Contact the broker or agent and find out how to go about removing yourself and your bank information. Then go ahead and do it. Then send your boyfriend (I'd say 'ex' at this point) an email advising him of what you've done and when it takes effect. He does not need to respond.

Two weeks with no contact means it's over and he didn't have the class to let you know. Don't seek explanations or confirmations. his actions have told you everything you need to know. If he were in a coma all this time, surely mutual friends and family would have informed you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 November 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI would remove myself from the insurance (and inform him) and then wish him well. Who cares if he EXPECT you to pay? If he can't even BOTHER to call and end it with you, I would BOTHER to pay for his insurance. MY guess is that he has strung you along this last year in order for YOU to pay and take care of HIS insurance. AND that is just really low. YOU call the insurance company, let them KNOW to take you OFF the policy because you are NO LONGER together and you NO LONGER wish to pay for his insurance. You don't need to settle that with him. YOU have already tried that to no avail.

He has taken the cowards way of ending the relationship, by simply NOT speaking to you. I guess it's "easier" then being honest with you.

I think you need to accept reality. And reality is he is DONE with the relationship. I'm sorry. Time for YOU to let him go.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom +, writes (28 November 2014):

Most of the time, when a guy appears to have dropped of the face of the planet, he's wanting to end the relationship but hasn't got the guts to say so.

It's especially shocking when it's been a long-term relationship beforehand and he's always been a decent guy. Have you been able to establish whether he's okay? Does he have friends, parents or a workplace you can contact to check? Has he been active on social media sites etc?

If you are sure that he's okay, then you should dump him. Do it by text or email if you can't get him face-to-face or on the phone (with 2 weeks radio-silence, I think relationship etiquette has gone out of the window)

As for the car insurance, send him an email and text saying that you will no longer be paying for the car insurance after a specific date which gives him time to sort something else out. (4 - 6 weeks should be more than enough) If he doesn't acknowledge this message, stick to your guns and cancel the policy on the day you set anyway. You can give him a final reminder a week before you cancel if you like. Then it's up to him. If he breaks the law or loses his job - that's his problem. He's an adult and can sort out his own problems.

Once you've sent this message, you'll probably hear from him with some lame-ass excuse....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2014):

He could probably easily consider himself the injured party, you've been harassing him constantly about other women, and putting your insecurity on him.

You've broken up now so email, text and voicemail him with the date his insurance will stop and cancel it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "How do I sort this out if he's not talking to me?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.03125!