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Is he jealous of our relationship or is he interested in me?

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Question - (1 December 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 December 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

How can you tell if another 'guy friend' is jealous of your relationship as a couple, or if he is jealous because he has secret feelings for the girl?

What are the signs to tell the difference? I don't want to get into too much detail but are there subtle or obvious things they do or say?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2014):

Thanks for the list. But is there a way to know the difference between the two (jealous of the happy couple vs jealous he can't have the girl)? There's gotta be something to show the difference...

The only thing that would make me thing he may have feelings for the girl is how 'soft/sweet' the guy can get around the girl sometimes...say he's normally reserved and quiet around the couple, even making mean jokes sometimes...but IF that girl comes up to him and acts really nice and caring...he seems to MELT...if he was jealous of the relationship wouldn't he just act like any normal person in conversation and not show a softer a side?

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A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom +, writes (1 December 2014):

This would really depend on the guy's character and personality. I don't think there's any one set of behaviour or signs to look for.

Some guys will bury their feelings and some don't

Some guys will avoid the girl.

Some guys will avoid the girls partner. (even if they were previously friends)

Some guys will avoid both of them.

Some guys will still maintain contact with the girl but avoid her when she's with her partner.

Some guys will still attempt to flirt with and pursue the girl.

Some guys might act very cool and aloof around the girl.

Some guys will make disparaging remarks to the girl about her boyfirend (and hint that she would be better off without him)

Some guys will make disparaging remarks about him to behind the girls back

Some guys will make disparaging remarks to anyone who'll listen.

Inversely, some guys start making disparaging remarks about the girl - sometimes to her face, sometimes to the guy she's dating, sometimes to anyone who'll listen.

Some guys will act very depressed around everybody and start withdrawing from their friends or regular activities.

And some guys will turn into Mr. Sociability and start living the high-life or have a string of new girlfriends.

Some guys will be jealous and will effectively hide it and not change their behaviour at all.

Some guys simply aren't the jealous type

But without knowing the guy, I don't think anyone could say

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