A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 11 months now. I am 18 and she is 17. I am currently a freshman in college and she is a senior in high school. Throughout these initial few months in college, things have gone pretty well. I only live an hour away so it isn't hard for me to come down or for her to come to me and visit. We have had our small arguments over the phone and such, but nothing too serious. The other night, I noticed how she is acting different, knowing how something is going wrong with her. She claims that she has a lot going on in her life and she doesn't know how to think anymore. I try calling her and getting her to talk to me and she wouldn't talk, frustrated, I asked her if she wants me to get off the phone and give her her space, and she was like ok. She then texts me saying she thinks we need a break. Puzzled, as things were just fine (her saying I love you and being sweet), I responded with confusion. I called her back and she told me she has a lot going on and its hard because I am not there. I dont want to beg and beg for her to change her mind and keep up together. I was already planning on coming home this weekend so I told her as much as I want to stay with her I cant change her mind, but I asked if it would be ok if we wait until Friday when I am home and I see her so that we can talk about things. She told me that would be ok and I told her I would give her her space until then. Is her saying its ok to wait until we can talk to eachother a sign that there is hope? what can I do or say to where I can keep her in my life and as my girlfriend? I really cant imagine what would happen without her, we've talked so much about our future I dont know what I'd do if it ends.
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female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (13 November 2014):
I'm afraid there are no specific magic words or phrases you can say that will make somebody want to be with you if they don't want to be.
You just have to tell her that you love her and don't want it to end but that's all you can say. And it won't make any difference if she's really made her mind up.
And it DOES sound like she's made her mind up. I agree with the two previous posters, that "taking a break" really means "break up". I know it's painful but you will get over it. Just about everybody on the planet has to experience it at least one and some people several times but it still sucks.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 November 2014):
 You wont know what to do if it ends, but trust me.. you will not die. You will keep breathing, and you will go on with your life, and you will meet someone else, believe it or not. The first time you get your heart broken hurts like nothing else, I know exactly how unbearable it will be. But you WILL survive it. Keep faith in that.
Like SVC said.. she is breaking up with you, she just doesn't know how to say it. She probably cares a lot about you, but she might have fallen out of love with you, and realizing this only now. It's what happens sometimes, without you having done anything wrong. But people grow, change, or realize new sides of themselves that cause them to no longer be compatible. It just happens sometimes, without anyone being at fault.
And since you are not at fault for anything, there isn't anything you can do about it either, I am afraid. I would just tell her how you feel, that you still want a relationship and a future, and then leave the ball in her court. But do prepare for the possibility that this is a break-up. You will grieve, you will be in pain, but you will also survive and you will be happy again.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 November 2014):
 OH I'm so sorry to be the first bearer of bad news but the end of this relationship is near.
her backing off from you and saying "we need a break" and saying she has a lot going on and she doesn't know what to think means she knows she wants to break up but is not sure how to go about it.
The worst thing you can do is beg her to stay or try to make her stay by changing who you are or what you do.
It's very hard to know you have to end a relationship with someone you care about but no longer care about the way you used to.
I remember breaking up with my first boyfriend. we dated from the time I was 15 1/2 till I was 18 and he was so sure we were going to be together... I cried as hard as he did... it hurt me to leave him but I just could not stay in the relationship anymore. I fear for you that this is how your gf feels.
She agreed to see you over the weekend to talk and maybe drag it out a bit more, but you will see even after the talk this weekend that things are NOT THE SAME.... and you will feel that "something is wrong". Nothing is wrong per se, it's just time for you two to move on from each other and keep sweet memories.
Do not beg her to try again. It's ok to cry even in front of her, but be gracious and give her the space she is going to request and accept that it's the beginning of the break up of your first true love.
I'm 54 and I still have great memories of my first real boyfriend... even though I ended the relationship.
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