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I don't want to push him away?!

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 June 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 27 June 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hey. So this is going to be kind of long. But I am really stressed out right now. I usually tend to be over analytical, but please, I need some help.

So I met this amazing guy on an internet dating site. I know, I NEVER imagined that I could ever find anyone decent. Upon looking at his personal profile on the site, I found out that we are a ton alike. He has the same values, beliefs, desires and everything that I have. It is crazy to think how alike we are.

So I messaged him on the site and we messaged back and forth a couple of times. Eventually, we began texting, and I found out how great he really is. He is the best 'catch' (if that is what you would call it) I have ever had. While texting, HE brought up about him wanting kids and that sort of stuff. Which is what I really want too. He is a family guy and he is really looking for that one girl he can fall in love with. And that is exactly what I am looking for too.

(And by the way, I recently was cheated on by my ex of two years so I am really afraid of pushing this amazing man away. I would be crushed if this didn't work out. That is why I am probably being way too analytical and stressed out.)

We ended up meeting at a Starbucks yesterday and we hit it off. We could not stop talking and we lost track of time. We discussed just about everything. I am really into politics and history, so I updated him on current events and that sort of thing. He seemed to be interested. He is two years older than me and said I am the same age of his sister. But he hinted that I have a maturity level of an older person. So I didn't really think much of it. I figured he was interested. He also mentioned that he does not like clinginess. We had been talking about past significant others that had been clingy. It was a good 'hang out'/'date'.

But eventually, he had to go to work to get some stuff done. (He's a firefighter. So he works at night too.) But when he got up from the table he started walking off. But I quickly got up and walked up to him for a hug. He said that we should see each other again. We said our goodbyes and we each left.

When I got home, I texted him, "I really enjoyed meeting you today. You are amazing." And he responded, "I had a good time as well! You're a great person."

We texted a few more times setting up when the next 'hang out' would be. And then I texted, "Okay. Just let me know. I'll be gone for three weeks. I don't really want to lose a chance with a great guy. :)" And his response was that he was free one day that week.

But soon, my over analytical self said, "I hope I'm not pushing you. But I would be lying to say I didn't like you." His response was, "Nah. It's not pushing... I definitely think we should continue to hang out though and see how things go and not rush anything." So I told him I agreed.

And I also sent him a link to an intriguing news article by e-mail following the texts. He had been interested in my ramblings about current events during the 'hang out'. Or at least, I hope he was. I was pretty sure he was, but I am overly analytical most of the time.

All of that happened yesterday.

I didn't want to sound pushy or clingy today, so I didn't text him until like 9:30 tonight. We just nonchalantly discussed his day at work and stuff of that matter. I asked him what he thought of that article, and after a little while, he responded that he had not had any time today to check his e-mail. So I briefly summarized the article. And all he said was, "Damn. That's creepy." And he just stopped texting after that. He has an extremely early morning tomorrow, so I am hoping he just fell asleep...

I REALLY do not want to lose this guy. He seems to be perfect. Like, exactly what I want out of a guy. I know I analyze things too much. But I would be so sad to know that I pushed him away. I don't really know how to proceed, because the last thing I want is for me to lose someone again. I don't want to lose something great again.

He mentioned the age and clinginess thing. So I really hope that isn't going to affect anything. I really hope I'm not clingy. I'm giving him space. But I have tons of butterflies. I am anxious.

Am I doing anything wrong? Or does it seem like I have a good chance with this guy?

I am sorry it has been so long. I really appreciate ya'll for reading this. Thank you so much.

View related questions: at work, crush, my ex, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you guys. I just wanted to know how to go about things. I figured I was being stupid. It's just been forever since my last first date. I didn't want to screw up.

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A female reader, QuirkLady United States +, writes (27 June 2009):

QuirkLady agony auntCalm down. You've been on one date. It's fine to not contact each other every day yet. Now if you don't hear from him for a week, that's a different story. Give him a little time to miss you and contact you, especially after the text about you liking him. That was probably a bit much after one date.

Good luck.

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A female reader, mimisoph3 United States +, writes (27 June 2009):

mimisoph3 agony auntdepends on wat the article is about. i'm sure tomorrow if he texts he'll say he fall asleep but if he was intrested in u he would of text u good night and sweet dreams now i'm not saying his not intrested he might be.but i am saying that ur on to him a little tooo muchh

by senting him an email and summarizing it for him.u shouuld of just text him saying alright read it when u have the chance or something.summarizing the article and sending him a email of an article means ur too desperate.tomorrow or other days take it slow because thats wat he wants.he doesnt want love right away.i'm sure he doesnt want to wake up everyday with email on his inbox and its all ur articles he'll feel like ur a creepy freak so just cut it out on that.and just text and stuff.tomorrow dont text first saying oh did u fall asleep or something because u'll sound desperate and thats a big turn off in a guy so he'll cut u out of his life.so wait til he texts u.give him space good luck keep me updated.

i understand u feel like his too perfect for u but while u know that his trying to figure out if ur perfect for him and by messaging and texting none stop his gonna find u creepy

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