My first experience with another woman was wonderful and I want to repeat it... but how?
Q. I am 52 years of age, been married three times and divorced three times with a child to each marriage who have all grown and have their own homes. Four years ago I met a female who out of the blue told me she wanted to make love to me. To cut a...
A. 9 July 2005: Are you for real? Three marriages, with three grown children, and now you think you are a lesbian? Please, get professional help. Its highly unlikely that you are a true Lesbian, and this isn't something that people just decide one day to become. ... (read in full...)
After 10 years together and a baby, I'm ready to get married...
Q. Me and my fiancee have been together for 10 years, since we were in high school. We are both 25 and recently had a baby who is now 7 mos old. He wants to marry me and I want to marry him, it's just that I think he's holding back because we are stra...
A. 9 July 2005: Do a simple wedding now. You can always have a bigger wedding later when you have saved the money. Its quite the fashion in the States these days.
Tell him you love him, and want the two of you to marry. Then suggest what I advise above. Seems to... (read in full...)
Just not interested in sex with my bf anymore. Should we break up?
Q. Me & my boyfriend have been together for 4 1/2 yrs and he & I have been through a lot of difficulties and made it so far. He is my best friend and we have always had an amazing sex life but recently I have found it increasingly difficult to have sex ...
A. 9 July 2005: Only you can now the answer. Trust us when we tell you that you can make it on your own, that your own company is often the best, and that you will only be as lonely, as you want to be. There are a lot of people out their who need a friend, and a ... (read in full...)
My perfect relationship started sucking this last week. My gf won't hug or kiss and leaves early...
Q. Dear everyone, Am I being silly? For the last 6 months of my relationship, everything has been fasntastic. I mean, really amazing. Wonderful, whatever. This last week has sucked big time. My fiancee has been a bit of a pain. For the last 4 day...
A. 9 July 2005: Maybe your girlfriend is getting bored with your insecurity, jealous behavior, and possessiveness. Talk to her, and listen when she talks to you. If there is a problem here, it is in you, and you are going to have to change, of this relationship is ... (read in full...)
My father doesn't seem to believe that I'm just doing a lot of work at uni...
Q. I have a lot of works at my university so I often come back home late. My father reproves me but I try to explain the reason. It seems he doesn't listen to my reason. What should I do ? ...
A. 9 July 2005: INvite your father to spend a day or two with you at the university, so that he can learn first hand why you don't get home until late, and are busy studying, and working, and not playing around. Certainly you understand why a father may be ... (read in full...)
Only engaged for a month, but I feel I'm being taken for granted already!
Q. Ever since we got engaged -1 month ago - my finacee seems to be taking me for granted by us having quickie sex (ie: no forplay or romance) and the flowers and hugs and kisses have all but stopped. What should I do?...
A. 7 July 2005: Put the whoa in his giddyup, girl! Talk to him. tell him you are feeling misused since your engagement, and tell him what you are missing. Men are basically dumb as posts, and need to be hit up side the head occasionally to get them to think about ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my issues with friendships and relationships?
Q. I have some serious issues with relationships. I manage to win friends but can't hold on to them, meaning I either get scared by their possessiveness or too much intimacy as things start getting taken for granted. I sometimes feel I myself allowpeo...
A. 7 July 2005: Set some rules down for yourself to follow. How do you define a " friend", as opposed to an acquaintance? Be careful who you invite to your home, as that is your inner sanctum, and your safe zone. You can be alone there, and feel safe. Set out ... (read in full...)
He made a decision to end it between us, because I "do his head in"...
Q. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years finished me on Saturday. He said he's sick of me, can't stand me and that I do his head in. He said that we'll be friends though n we'll see each other all the time, but now I see him more now we're 'mates' than ...
A. 7 July 2005: I haven't a clue as to what he means by doing in his head, and you haven't explained it, either. All you can do is give him time and some space to work his problems out. He may think its the wrong time to get into a serious relationship, and that is ... (read in full...)
I want to talk to the girl I like and I don't know how to start...
Q. I have some problem. Please give me some advice. I like some girl but I don't know how to talk with her. She studies in the same class with me but I don't know how to start a relationship with her. I hope I will get the great answer soon. Thanks for ...
A. 7 July 2005: Ask her if you could go over your notes on the class with her over coffee, or to prepare for an exam, or mid-term. Keep the first "date " on ground where she knows you both have something in common. Be prepared to help her with the course, instead ... (read in full...)
Girls know me as smart and academic, but I'm pretty much at a loss when asking them out!
Q. During high school I was pretty much known as a pretty smart person that cared more about academics than being incredibly social. I suppose girls just assumed I wasn't interested in a relationship. I do believe that most high school relationships ...
A. 7 July 2005: First, who do you want to ask out? find someone who appeals to you because you share classes with her, or are already doing something recreational with her. What are your hobbies? What activities do you participate in? You want to use these as a ... (read in full...)
So afraid of rejection that I don't know if I'll ever find a relationship that lasts....
Q. After many years of failing to start a relationship with someone, I fell in love with a 13 year old (I was 31 at the time). This isn't pedo, as I've not been interested in schoolgirls before or now. We ended up seeing each other (with both our ...
A. 6 July 2005: YOu had better consult a solicitor, sir, before going out with this young lady. I suspect she is too young as a matter of law, to consent to any kind of sexual behavior, including anything she starts. Shame on her parents for permitting her to be ... (read in full...)
Our sex drives are mismatched. She thinks we have sex often enough, but I'm frustrated...
Q. I am married to a beautiful 30 year old woman who I love dearly, but she has always had a very low sex drive and I am finding myself looking at other women and generally getting frustrated and depressed. We have sex less than once every two mont...
A. 6 July 2005: I tried everything advised above with my first wife, and I spent 15 miserable years with her. Nothing I said or did could budge her. She just did not want to have sex of any kind after we married. If your wife won't talk about it, see professional ... (read in full...)
He thinks the world of me and finds me sexy, but he just doesn't seem to care whether we have sex...
Q. Hi, My problem is that me and partner are not having a lot of sex of late and its been going on for quite a while. No he's not cheating, and I have talked to him about it. The problem is that it seems that I'm the only one bothered about whether ...
A. 6 July 2005: There is sex, and then there is sex. You don't give enough detail about your sex life when it was good to give us a clue as to what his problem might be. YOu say he looks at porn. Have you talked to him about what he sees in porn movies that is so ... (read in full...)
He thinks the world of me and finds me sexy, but he just doesn't seem to care whether we have sex...
Q. Hi, My problem is that me and partner are not having a lot of sex of late and its been going on for quite a while. No he's not cheating, and I have talked to him about it. The problem is that it seems that I'm the only one bothered about whether ...
A. 6 July 2005: There is sex, and then there is sex. You don't give enough detail about your sex life when it was good to give us a clue as to what his problem might be. YOu say he looks at porn. Have you talked to him about what he sees in porn movies that is so ... (read in full...)
I never developed breasts and I don't feel like I could ever really satisfy a man's needs.
Q. I'm a twenty four year old female with sex issues. I find it hard to enjoy sex because of my physical shortcomings - I have never developed breasts. I don't mean that I have small breasts, I have literally NO breasts at all, just nipples. My sto...
A. 6 July 2005: YOu may have a hormonal condition. Check with an Endocrinologist. Then talk to a psychiatrist. The problem is your mental self image. Breast augmentation( implants) may be the answer, but I doubt any plastic surgeon would want to operate on a woman ... (read in full...)
Both of us are virgins, and even after several tries, we haven't successfully had sex...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been "trying" to have sex for about 3 or 4 months, but each attempt ends in failure. We are both virgins and put the first few failures down to nerves, but after the first few times I realised it could be more than that. M...
A. 4 July 2005: I don't know what spot you or he is looking for. Get a good book on human anatomy and learn where your sex organs are. The penis goes inside the vagina. Your clitorus is in front of, or above, the vaginal opening. The opening consists of outer and ... (read in full...)
My guy behaves differently when we're alone than he does with his mates. Why?
Q. I'm only 14 but I really like this boy. I am going out with him but I don't think he likes me and that he is using me. This is because he acts different around his mates, but when I'm alone with him he's different. What do you think I should d...
A. 4 July 2005: It is just you. YOur a girl. He's a boy. He lives in Guy World. Guys his age are jerks. That is how he expects to behave around other guys. He may be a decent guy when he is with you alone, but he thinks he has to act up, be rude, crude, and ... (read in full...)
I see beautiful young women everywhere, but all I'm attracted to are the older ones...
Q. This may be a stupid question but all my friends are giving me crap for dating women way outside my age. I'm 23 and most women I date are between 35 to 42. My current love interest is 40 and I don't understand why I'm not attracted to women my own ...
A. 4 July 2005: YOu may be older than the women you see, but don't date, but you may not be sure of yourself, and fear getting entangled with a woman your own age, to whom you are attracted for all the wrong reasons. Take your time. When you date, don't make each ... (read in full...)
My crush is in his 20s and I'm 15. I know he's too old for me, but what do I do?
Q. I have a huge crush on this guy. The only problem is that he is way too old. I am only 15 and he is like in his 20s but I always want to see him. What should I do?...
A. 4 July 2005: You certainly should not have a relationship with this man. You are too young, which you admit. Take this time to sit down and carefully analyze what it is that attracts you to him. Get past the physical( that's okay,when you are older, but you need ... (read in full...)
Since our baby was born, we seemingly argue over nothing! Is it going to split us up?
Q. Myself and my boyfriend had a baby 10 months ago. I work and my boyfriend minds the baby at home. In the past 4 months we have had daily arguments, sometimes hourly, over not really anything at all, but it is really getting us down. We cant sit and ...
A. 3 July 2005: Get professional counseling. Couple have to learn how to argue about the big things, and not the little stuff. Its hard to do. Most people would rather not admit what is truly making them mad. Certainly not to their antagonist. So find a neutral ... (read in full...)
Since our baby was born, we seemingly argue over nothing! Is it going to split us up?
Q. Myself and my boyfriend had a baby 10 months ago. I work and my boyfriend minds the baby at home. In the past 4 months we have had daily arguments, sometimes hourly, over not really anything at all, but it is really getting us down. We cant sit and ...
A. 3 July 2005: Get professional counseling. Couple have to learn how to argue about the big things, and not the little stuff. Its hard to do. Most people would rather not admit what is truly making them mad. Certainly not to their antagonist. So find a neutral ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do because a girl younger than me fancies me...
Q. Hi, I'm a 17yr old male, and I've met this girl who's 14 but she looks older. We get on well but she says she fancies me and I don't know what to do. Please Help. ...
A. 2 July 2005: Stay away from her. In most English speaking countries, she is below the age of consent, and you will be committing a crime if you have any kind of sexual relationship with her. Talk to a lawyer( Solicitor, if you are in England). Most professionals ... (read in full...)
The guy of my dreams is older - Year 10 - and I don't want to look stupid by asking him out...
Q. Hi I'm 13 and I'm in love with this guy in Year 10. My mates keep saying that they can tell he feels the same way about me. But, I want to believe them and ask him out. The thing is, if he doesn't feel the same way about me, I would feel stupi...
A. 2 July 2005: At age 13, you have no business dating anyone 23 years of age, and more importantly, if he has any kind of sexual relationship with you, he is a pedophile, and a criminal! I Don't know what agenda your so-called friends have for you, but don't ... (read in full...)
I'm reluctant to have sex with my girlfriend because I think my penis doesn't measure up!
Q. I am 17, am dating a girl, I haven’t yet had sex, but the time is getting closer where it will happen, and I want it to, but I am very self conscious about the size of my manhood. I hear of the average size being 6.5 inches, but after measuring mine ...
A. 2 July 2005: Some additional information to an under educated young man. Women's vagina's only have nerve endings at the opening and at the cervix, which is way back in the vagina, most of the time. Unless she is on top when having intercourse, most men, even ... (read in full...)
There's nothing between us any more. Should I carry on for the sake of our child?
Q. Hi I'm desperately unhappy. My partner is five months pregnant .. we do not get on ... no love, no care, no kindness... and we are about to move into a house togther. Should I go through with it for the sake or our baby or end it now please ? ...
A. 2 July 2005: Get to a professional counselor, if only for the sake of the child you are about to bring into the world. You may have nothing in common with your gf, but something was clicking between the two of you for her to get pregnant. Find out what it was, ... (read in full...)
My ex split because he fancied my best friend. Now I have a new bf, but I hear he says nasty things behind my back!
Q. Hi, I'm 16 yrs About two years ago, I went out with a boy. He was really nice, but he split up with me when he fancied my best friend. I really liked him even when we weren't going. I think I loved him, but every day he flirted with her in front of...
A. 2 July 2005: You are too young to be obsessing over the behavior or a boy you had a crush on with you were 14 years old. If he says anything bad about you- this usually in the form of accusations as to your sexual activities together, just tell the people who ... (read in full...)
I want another child, but he's ambivalent. Will he ever agree?
Q. I am 26 and my partner is 35. We have one child together but 2 from a previous relationship. The thing is I am desperate for another child but he doesnt want any more. I don't know what to do. I really do love him but I don't think I could go on if ...
A. 29 June 2005: No, I don't think he will ever agree. And you should not expect him. Raising three children, and providing for their education is financially taxing, as well as physically demanding, as you know. At his age, he is looking at that youngest child and ... (read in full...)
Can I trust him not to cheat again next time we argue?
Q. Hello, I had been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years. He has cheated on me twice. Once when we very first started seeing each other with his ex, and last weekend with some girl he didn't even know and can't remember what she looked like. We had, h...
A. 29 June 2005: people earn their friend's trust every day. You can't do this hit and miss. Your BF cheated on you after a minor spat. I suspect he did not see it as minor. But, he obviously does not want to lose you. You two have to have some long talks about who ... (read in full...)
She hides her angry/sarcastic side until we're alone...
Q. Hi, I am 41 yo male and have been in a relationship for 12 months. My gf is 48 and is divorced. Her ex husband was violent and beat her regularly over the course of an 8 year marriage. Its fair to say I am a quiet person who prefers diplomac...
A. 29 June 2005: OH, God, Don't marry this woman! Get away from her. She is as abusive in how she treats people as she describes her husband was to her. You will never satisfy her. Find someone else who will appreciate the kind, and quiet guy you are. Don't fall ... (read in full...)
Not sure I love my boyfriend any more, but don't want to let the married guy go, either!
Q. I have been having an affair with a married man for a few months now, he is 22 years older than me. Problem is I have a boyfriend who is the father of my child and he has recently asked me to get engaged. I don't feel as if I love my boyfriend ...
A. 29 June 2005: Drop them both. YOu will be doing them both a favor. When you figure out who your are, and what you want in a relationship, then, and only then, resume dating. Your BF wants to marry the mother of his child. Your lover is simply enjoying the ... (read in full...)
I think my guy misunderstood the "hot tub incident", but he's stopped calling me.
Q. I recently went on a few dates with a guy who I got on really well with. Everthing was going well until I went to a party without him and he rang me whilst I was in the hot tub with a few male friends, who happened to be naked. I wasn't. Nothin...
A. 29 June 2005: Call him up. If he can get over his self loathing enough to date you again, see him. If not, drop him. No one needs someone who has so little self esteem that they express " jealousy" about the people their dates see when they are not with them. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend broke up with me and I don't know how to make her understand I only want her!
Q. I have been with my girl now for nearly 4 months. Recently we have been arguing loads. She has a daughter and rarely gets time to herself, but I like to spend time with her. She says she needs space but I find that hard. She also thinks that I still ...
A. 29 June 2005: You are always going to place Second to her daughter. Give her space. She will respect you for it. Let her know you are still fond of her, and would like to date her again. Be creative in dating proposals. Always try to find something that will ... (read in full...)
Our mismatched sex drives are making me wonder, "Are we normal"?
Q. Making this short, I've been with my girlfriend for 3+ years and living with her for 2+ years. We are both early 20s. I have a very high sex drive and she has a pretty low one. She will get 'sore' after 15 minutes or so, or she definately will if ...
A. 29 June 2005: I think she should check with her doctor to see if the dryness is not related to some medicine she is taking, or some medical condition she has. Most early 20's women do not suffer from this problem. Using lots of lubricant is the answer if it is ... (read in full...)
It falls out when we're making love...
Q. My Mark and I have problems making love, as every time he enters me it seems to keep falling out even though he is fully erect. I am not sure if it's because he is so small or is it I'm too big or could it be something entirely different? Regard...
A. 29 June 2005: Tell Mark he is moving too much once he has entered your vagina. Regardless of the length of his penis, the only part of your vagina that can feel, is the first inch or so. There are no nerves in the vagina, until you reach the cervix, so tell him ... (read in full...)
Masturbation, yes. Foreplay, yes. But when we go to have sex, it goes floppy!
Q. I am a 20 year old male. I am can mastburbate in the normal way, but when it comes to having sex with my girlfriend everything goes limp. When we are messing around and foreplay it's rock hard, but as soon as a I take my trousers down it all goes...
A. 29 June 2005: you have to tell us. Only you know. Are you afraid of sexual intercourse? Fear of performance failure( Premature ejaculation)? Fear of Pregnancy? Fear that you will not be able to satisfy your lover? Each is a separate problem. At our age, you ... (read in full...)
Falling for my boyfriend's best friend. Help!
Q. I have been with my boyfriends for a couple of years now but I have fallen in love with somebody else: his best friend! What do I do? I love his friend but do not think he loves me. Do I just stay with my boyfriend and hope that it is just a passin...
A. 29 June 2005: Better question is, are you in love with your BF? You don't say so. This is the most telling lack of information you have shared with us. If you don't love your BF, end the relationship. Give yourself time to learn to like yourself as a single ... (read in full...)
She's happy, then distant, and still not interested in sex...
Q. my partner has only had sex with me once in last 3 months. it has been initiated a few times by her but then she stops and says she cannot carry on. Says she has gone off sex and i dont know whether it is off me or off sex?! we have been together...
A. 29 June 2005: Run /baby, Run ! Get as far away from her as fast as you can. She has serious emotional problems that you can't solve, and she needs professional help. Its hard to break up, but this lady will be no good for you until and if she resolves her ... (read in full...)
What are the trouble signs of a potential abuser?
Q. Question for Bev: I have been checking out your advice on this site. It seems like you know all the red flags in relationships that could mean your guy is an abuser or a potential abuser. What I want to know is this: Do THEY know? When you say that...
A. 29 June 2005: I might add to this list of behaviors that are warning signs: When I see a boy walking down the street with his hand on the back of a girl's neck, rather than around her waist or shoulder, I consider this a clear sign of both controlling behavior, ... (read in full...)
What are the trouble signs of a potential abuser?
Q. Question for Bev: I have been checking out your advice on this site. It seems like you know all the red flags in relationships that could mean your guy is an abuser or a potential abuser. What I want to know is this: Do THEY know? When you say that...
A. 29 June 2005: I might add to this list of behaviors that are warning signs: When I see a boy walking down the street with his hand on the back of a girl's neck, rather than around her waist or shoulder, I consider this a clear sign of both controlling behavior, ... (read in full...)
I feel sexually unequal to my girlfriend, ever since I found out that she's slept with a lot of men...
Q. Hi this may seem strange. My girlfriend recently revealed to me that she has been with a large number of men and has had a large number of one night stands (between 20 and 30 of them - I didn't pry for too much info). I am having a truly hard tim...
A. 29 June 2005: Talk to your gf. You seem to be totally concerned with your own competence as a lover. The fact that she hasn't treated you as a one night stand tells me she thinks better of you. But ASK HER! I don't do one night stands, because I found them very ... (read in full...)
My husband masturbates and he thinks it's perfectly normal...
Q. Is it normal for a happily married man to masturbate? My husband recently admitted that he still masturbates and thinks this is perfectly normal behaviour we have a good sex life, is it normal for happily married men to masturbate? ...
A. 29 June 2005: Yes, this is normal. Its also normal for Women who are married to masturbate. Who cares how many times the engine is warmed up as long as its parked in your garage every night? Pops... (read in full...)
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