I get jealous when I hear that my cousin fancies other lads...
Q. I have realy strong feelings about my female cousin although I would never act on them as she does not feel the same way. The trouble is that she fancies other lads and I get really jealous. Any advice on what I should do?...
A. 4 August 2005: They say America and Britain are divided by a common language, and this is one case where I just don't understand what is going on with British culture. No one should be having those kinds of feelings for a cousin, at least in the States. Somewhere ... (read in full...)
My guy doesn't seem to know whether he wants to stay with me, or if he's with someone else!
Q. My boyfriend and I lived together for two years, and have been together for nearly three. Out of nowhere, he announced that he wasn't sure it was working between us...and he moved out promptly afterward. We were intimate the night he moved out, and ...
A. 4 August 2005: Say good bye to this loser. Get on with your life. Anyone who is so ignorant that he would end a relationship with someone as good to him as you have been doesn't deserve you. Take pride in yourself. Find someone else. Give thanks that you found out ... (read in full...)
I couldn't study and now I think I'm just stupid...
Q. Last week,I had a mid-term examination. I intended to read a book very much but I couldn't do examination well. I was really stressed out about the scores. I think, I'm a stupid person. I don't want to study anymore. Wwhat should I do???...
A. 4 August 2005: Try again. Worrying about it just adds more stress, and that makes it harder to concentrate. Dig in, work harder at it, and overcome. If you can read and write, you are not stupid. Stupid is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me... but does he mean it?
Q. I have a boyfriend who tells me he loves me all the time in person and over the phone, etc. The problem is when he says it in person to me he never looks me in the face. What does this mean? I would think someone whould look you in the face if ...
A. 30 July 2005: If he can't look you in the eyes, he does not mean it. Period. That's his problem. Yes, he has been hurt, and that may explain why he is reluctant to love again. But, that is his problem. Don't make it yours. If he truly loves you, he will look you ... (read in full...)
I finally got away from my violent ex. Should I tell his new girl what I know?
Q. Hello Listeners, I ended my relationsip with my ex boyfriend, unfortonately 6 1/2 years later. It took me this long because I was dead inside and couldn't find my way back to who I really was. Well I'll say he was real careful in the beginning. H...
A. 30 July 2005: I know a woman whose hasband beat her so badly she nearly died. She divorced and got away from him. She knew he married again, but didn't contact the second wife. Later, she heard that this woman also was beaten, and divorced the ex. Several years, ... (read in full...)
Because of my past actions, my boyfriend has lost trust in me...
Q. I am a passive-aggresive person in my relationship with my boyfriend. I have difficulty telling him what hurts me, and when he does I just play it off like it didn't hurt me and laugh about the situation. Because of this I have done things and have ...
A. 30 July 2005: First get some professional help for your emotional and mental disorder. This is serious. You can never have an honest relationship with people if you are dishonest to yourself. When you don't tell people your true feelings, you are lying to them, ... (read in full...)
Does he fancy me? Am I in love with him?
Q. Hi, I have been going to school with this lad that I fancy for quite a while. He has been going out with this girl, On and off. She dumped him as she says he is boring then asks him out again, He always says Yes. I really fancy him and can't st...
A. 29 July 2005: At your age, boys are emotionally a lot younger than girls. Don't expect him to have the kind of radar you have now, until he is several years older. Why not ask him out on a date? The worst thing that can happen is that he says, "No." But if he ... (read in full...)
When he's sober, things are really, really good...
Q. My boyfriend and I have known each other for about 6 years.We would get together every now and then to have a few drinks.We always ended up staying the night together then the next morning we went our seperate ways. He knew everything about my relat...
A. 28 July 2005: So what do the two of you have in common with your clothes on other than drinking? Doesn't sound like much of a relationship. He's a drunk. YOU have known that for a long time. Why are you complaining now? If this is not what you want, either talk ... (read in full...)
My partner cheated and it just adds to our troubles...
Q. My partner has cheated on me and told me all about it. We only buried our still born child ten weeks ago. I don't know what to do....
A. 27 July 2005: It would be nice if you told us some more about the relationship, and when this cheating took place. However, I would just ask you back, what do you want to do? Please accept my condolences and the condolences of all the advisors to this column for ... (read in full...)
Help! I want to move on with my life, but my cheating ex still keeps in touch!
Q. A few months ago I split up from a long term boyfriend. At one point I thought he was the love of my life, and I had never been in a proper relationship before this. It ended after he cheated on me, and is now seeing someone that I always thought ...
A. 27 July 2005: You are the one punishing yourself. Only you can stop it. You can make new friends. You should find a new boyfriend. Ignor him, and the new girlfriend. Since his cheating on you so upset you, you should be more than willing to say, " good riddance". ... (read in full...)
A guy is interested in me, but I'm really shy and don't know if I should go out with him...
Q. I'm 15 and I've got a dating problem. I like this guy who says he loves me, and we've already dated back in 7th grade. He writes me awesome love letters and gives me gifts. I like him and really want to go back out with him, but now I'm really shy. ...
A. 27 July 2005: Sweetheart, you are only 15! You are in the middle of turning into a beautiful young woman. And the guy is practicing his courtship arts. I suspect that he really thinks he loves you, and after all the years you know each other, he may. But, you ... (read in full...)
We hit it off so well, but she's leaving in November...
Q. Hi, I'm 23 and I met this girl a few months ago. We hit it off straight away and have been on on quite a few dates since (we've had such a great time on them all) were into all the same things and to top it all off she's smart funny and soooo ...
A. 27 July 2005: What, is she going to Mars? Come one, where can you go that you can't stay in touch by email? Is she planning to return? What is the reason that you can't follow her at some time? If this is the real thing, work it out with her. Otherwise, quit ... (read in full...)
Ten years ago, I split with my ex, but I still have strong feelings for him!
Q. Hi, I have been having dreams about my ex from college. He was my 1st proper boyfriend at the age of 16-18. I loved him so much, and the only reason we split up was because he moved away to study. I didn't want to hold him back. He is 3 years ...
A. 24 July 2005: At 27 you have to ask us what to do? Please ! Call the guy. How is he suppose to know you still love him if you don't tell him! If he's married, or involved with someone he loves, you will find out. In the meanwhile, you are killing yourself pining ... (read in full...)
My wife takes the reins of every project and I feel left out!
Q. Hello everybody My wife of 6+ years is a tomboy to the extent that she wants to do almost everything around the house. From painting the house to electric stuff. My problem is that I don't feel good about myself because I feel that I should be ...
A. 24 July 2005: Talk to her. If she won't listen, talk to a marriage counselor, and ask your wife to get involved. What she is doing is terrible. How can brushing vs. spraying paint be the basis of any real argument. I suspect there is something else going on that ... (read in full...)
My ex's friend is interfering and I worry she could affect our reconciliation...
Q. Dear Cupid, I've just moved out of our home that I shared with my girlfriend of 3 years and her teenage son. Because of constant conflict between myself and the teenager I agreed to move out of our home so that we could work thru our issues. ...
A. 24 July 2005: Stay away from them both. The " friend" is poison, and you are the victim, until she grows bored, and leaves your gf to find someone else's relationship to destroy. And, she will. Give it time. After three years, you might want to begin therapy with ... (read in full...)
My ex and I are back together as friends. Now how can I show that I'd like it to be even more?
Q. After nearly four years with my girlfriend we split up two years ago. In those two years we didn't see each other at all. Recently we got back in touch and have been getting on very well. She is having a lot of problems at the moment and I am helpi...
A. 24 July 2005: Send or have delivered her a flower, with a note telling her how much you mean to you, how the renewed relationship has made you happy, and how you would like to make her happy for the rest of her life. If you can use the "L" word comfortable, tell ... (read in full...)
When my marriage was in trouble, I had a brief affair. Now I just feel used...
Q. hi, I had a brief affair because of some problems in my marriage. The affair is now over. Instead of feeling better, I feel used by the other man who promised to be there for me no matter what. My husband does not know of the affair, but he r...
A. 24 July 2005: After two children, one would think that you had reached the point where you were comfortable telling your husband what you want when it comes to sex. Talk to him. Tell him what he does that makes you uncomfortable. Without confessing your affair, ... (read in full...)
In the 4 months since leaving my husband, my lover found someone else. I'm devastated!
Q. I had a four year affair with a single man who I was desperately in love with. Eventually, 4 months ago I finished it as I could no longer cope with the double life, I broke his heart but we stayed friends. I soon realised I could not live without ...
A. 22 July 2005: Please don't even think about having a serious relationship until you have been divorced finally( all the paperwork, and court hearings are over) at least a year, and preferrably 18 months to two years. You need that time to get used to being ... (read in full...)
My 35-year-old boyfriend makes my troubles go away, but I want my old boyfriend so much!
Q. Hi, I have been with a 35 yr man for 2 weeks now. I'm only 18. Before this 35yr old there was another man who is also the same age! The one I'm with now is so caring. He buys me flowers & when I'm with him all my troubles go away. But then ...
A. 22 July 2005: please give yourself a break. You are only 18. These two men are old enough to be your father. Of course they will make you feel secure, warm and cuddly. But you need to be finding men that are only a few years older than you to date, who will be ... (read in full...)
My fiancee has booked 4 holidays this year. I'm afraid my finances won't allow me the same liberty!
Q. Hi I've been with my fiancee now for a year and a half. We are due to get married next year, the trouble is, she likes going on holidays, lots of them. She works in a college and gets 6 weeks off every summer, I however work in an office 9 to 5...
A. 22 July 2005: I tend to agree with Tabu. However, you should also expect that your wife will want and deserve time alone periodically, to explore her own world and interests. Share her adventures when you can, but don't be an anchor and try to make her feel ... (read in full...)
Can you fall in love with someone over the phone?
Q. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you havent met in person yet?? I feel I have fell in love with my soulmate! We talk on the phone all the time but with our schedules not meeting up is the only thing that is keeping us apart! Not to me...
A. 22 July 2005: It is unless you are under 20. Then its normal. Yes, People fall in love over the phone, but this often ends quickly once a face to face meeting happens. Arrange to meet this secret passion of yours in person. If he is everything you dreamed of, and ... (read in full...)
My partner says he doesn't want a relationship with his ex, but he's there to care for her any time she calls!
Q. It was in 2003 when I started seeing the man I love. He had a bad relationship and was going to break up. Let me just say we were friends before lovers. He told the girl it was over, she had a stroke that night and has brain damage. He moved me...
A. 22 July 2005: Find a psychiatrist to talk to your bf. He is suffering from guilt because the little guy in the back of his head is telling him he caused his ex to have that stroke by breaking up with her. He's wrong, of course, but people go through this kind of ... (read in full...)
He starts asking me awkward questions when we're kissing!
Q. Ok. Here's the thing. Basically when my boyfriend and I are doing some heavy petting he starts to say/ask some things. I don't they are like normal things like "Do you like that?" and "Are you wet?" but to me they just seem kind of corny. I usua...
A. 22 July 2005: I assume the two of you are kissing on the mouth, and not your gentitals. His questions are inappropriate, and at this stage, and at your age, the answers are none of his businesss. Get a little backbone, and tell him, nicely, if it works, to stop ... (read in full...)
Both of us had an STD and we don't know who gave it to whom!
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months has just finished with me. I hadn't seen him for a few weeks as he was on a course, but we spoke to each other twice a day and werer making plans for a holiday. During his time away he had to have a medical and discover...
A. 22 July 2005: Ask the " Friend you had sex with to be tested." If he was or is a friend, you owe him that much. If he is negative, you know you are not the source, and your bf is simply accusing you before you accuse him. Tell him what you think of him for giving ... (read in full...)
My partner's grandmother is so demanding that I wish she wouldn't visit so often!
Q. I am expecting my third child with my partner and although everything seems to be OK, there is just one problem, his grandmother. She is in her 90's and is very demanding, insisting we have her once every week for dinner and She stays all day. I ...
A. 22 July 2005: If he is not home entertaining his grandmother during her whole visit, then he has a lot of nerve refusing to say something to her! She is imposing on your time, and with other children, and the pregnancy, you should not be expected to be as ... (read in full...)
I resisted him until I was sure...then he seems to have just stopped trying.
Q. I met a man about my age and we hit it off wonderfully. He lived about 2 hours away from me but we managed to get together for fun dates. He was handsome, polite, funny, charming and he treated me with utmost respect and he seemed genuine. We had s ...
A. 19 July 2005: There are men out their with the best of intentions, who are so lonely that they will try to find someone who will love them, just so they can feel again. But, for any number of reasons, they cannot make the kind of commitment they believe is ... (read in full...)
I thought we were more than friends, but he confessed he wants to date a girl in my class...
Q. I fell in love a guy who have been my friend for 5 years. He is handsome, smart and kind to me. We are close and we are talking and laughing every day. I used to think we are more than close friends but one day he told me that he loves my friend w...
A. 19 July 2005: You obviously haven't told him how you feel about him. Tell him you can't ask the girl if she has a bf, and tell her he loves her, because you love him, and want him to ask you out on dates! YOu may be pleasantly surprised by his response. Guys get ... (read in full...)
I accidentally found something he wrote about his ex. Now I feel bad for mentioning it...
Q. I always assumed my boyfriend had a thing for his ex. He denied it but I couldn't shake the insecure feelings. He's o/seas for 3 weeks currently. I've recently moved into his flat and I accidentally came across something he'd written about finding ...
A. 19 July 2005: Talk to him. Ask him what was/is the attraction to his ex? Why did they break up? Why did he ask you to live with him? What does he want out of a relationship with you that he is not getting from you? What did he get from his ex, that he can't get ... (read in full...)
What about casual sex?
Q. Does anyone believe in casual sex or should it only happen with someone you love and care about? Is sex an expression of love? Or can it just be fun?...
A. 19 July 2005: I agree with Bev's remarks. You can find someone who says they are just interested in having fun, and it may start out that way. However, you need to be careful to see that your lover doesn't change his/her feelings about you during the ... (read in full...)
Our marriage ended because I slept with her friend. Now I wonder if I should warn my ex...
Q. I have been with the same girl for 9 years. We recently got married and have been living together for over 7 years. To cut a long story I have ended up sleeping with her best friend and as a result I have ended the relationship with my wife. At...
A. 19 July 2005: Keep you mouth shut. Your wife doesn't need to know about your fling with her " best friend". Its not unusual for women to see if they can seduce their friend's boyfriends and husbands. It has to do with their relationship with your wife, and ... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend ignore my request that he not go with his friends to a strip club?
Q. Hi, I am 19 years old and a freshman in college. I am living at home this summer and my boyfriend is also living at his home. He informed me the other day that he and a bunch of pals (some I personally deem as immature) are going to take a trip to ...
A. 19 July 2005: Why don't you turn this into a positive? Or are you so immature that you aren't interested in why men go to strip clubs? Now that he has gone, ask him to take you. If he wants to know why you would want to go to a strip club, tell him you want to ... (read in full...)
What can I do to win her back? I treated her badly in the past...
Q. I have been dating this women for 3 years and grown up with her all my life! Things were great for the first year and a half. Then I cheated on here and disrespected her on and off for about a year while she hung on to me. I was trying to work on it ...
A. 17 July 2005: Ask her what you have to do to get her back! Isn't her answer to that question more important than anyone else's? After she tells you what she wants of you, take the time to think about it, talk about her demands with a confident of yours, or to a ... (read in full...)
The marriage is only a year old and we've both changed...
Q. I'm 22 years old and married for almost a year.I gained weight with my pregnancy, but I'm working out to lose it. I have a beautiful face but a full figure. I've lost 55 pounds before. I'll do it again within this year. We married early be...
A. 17 July 2005: Well a separation will at least force him to get off his butt and take care of himself. Obviously, you both have gone through a very big change during your first year of marriage. Seek counseling for the both of you. If he won't go, you go. ... (read in full...)
Steve broke up with me because he wanted more passion... (very long)
Q. Dear cupid, My name is maria. I'm a 19-year-old college student and I just went through a break-up that really broke my heart. This might sound too upfront but I was hoping you could give me some advice on the recent break-up I went through. ...
A. 14 July 2005: He doesn't want to extend your relationship. If you won't ask him the reasons " why", we can't guess either. Why are you obsessing of this? There are other men out there, and probably one that will think you are best thing since sliced bread. Go out ... (read in full...)
Other boys are attracted to my girlfriend, because she's so pretty and friendly. What can I do?
Q. I and my girlfriend have known each other for a year. She is very friendly and pretty so she has many friends. I love her very much and she also love me so much too. Everything should well but I have some problems about her. Due t...
A. 13 July 2005: She is obviously way to young to make a commitment to just one " boy ", even you, so you will have to bide your time. Jealousy is simply an expression of self doubt. You say she loves you too, but then say you are jealous of her talking to other ... (read in full...)
Our sex life is about half what my boyfriend would like, so he gets moody and I feel guilty!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. he gets very moody when I don't want to have sex and acts like a child. I do not like to have a lot of sex and so feel guilty that I am not interested enough - do I have a problem? If we ...
A. 13 July 2005: Why are you together? Do you talk to each other about sex, or just fight about it when one wants it and the other doesn't? Sex is ADULT FUN. You are suppose to laugh, and PLAY with each other. You are suppose to want to pleasure him and he should ... (read in full...)
We're so close that everyone thinks we're dating, but he's gay!
Q. I'm an 18 year old female and I'm in love with my gay best friend. We met a year ago and that's when he came out. We're so close that everyone thinks we're dating. well, I don't know what to do. He's had doubts about what he is but lately it seems ...
A. 13 July 2005: your Friend may be gay, and he may not be. If he is unsure, then he should talk to a professional counselor. Some women date gay men as they are kind, considerate, usually good dancers, can talk girls legs off about fashion, interior design, etc. ... (read in full...)
Sex stopped cold turkey in January and my boyfriend won't say why...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. Im 21 hes 22. We have a great relationship with each other but we havent had sex in the past 7 months. We had a great sex life up until January when he just stopped cold turkey. He was always initiati...
A. 13 July 2005: If he is not going to talk to you, perhaps he will talk to a professional counselor. Ask him. If he will not do that, you are in a real problem. You can stay and let things go on as is, and be miserable, or you can leave him, and get on with your ... (read in full...)
I saved my marriage, but now I'm... miserable.
Q. Aunt Agony, I wrote a couple of years back regarding a lost love that returned to me after many years. I'm married with kids, and you advised to tend to my marriage. My husband discovered the relationship which was very emotional, however not phys...
A. 9 July 2005: Talk to a medical doctor about your depression. And, talk to a marriage counselor about your inability to show your husband the same kind of attention you give the old boyfriend in your dreams. He may also need a tune up in the caring department, so ... (read in full...)
Don't want to let on that it's my first time. Can he tell I'm a virgin?
Q. I am about to lose my virginity, but I would rather not tell the guy that it is my first time. Will he notice that I am a virgin? Please reply to this I need to know urgently. Thanks very much....
A. 9 July 2005: Talk about a pedestrian walking in front of a speeding freight train. Why would you not want to let your BF know you are a virgin? Do you think he won't figure it out pretty quick? Love making is too serious to leave to gropes and chance, lady. ... (read in full...)
My first experience with another woman was wonderful and I want to repeat it... but how?
Q. I am 52 years of age, been married three times and divorced three times with a child to each marriage who have all grown and have their own homes. Four years ago I met a female who out of the blue told me she wanted to make love to me. To cut a...
A. 9 July 2005: Are you for real? Three marriages, with three grown children, and now you think you are a lesbian? Please, get professional help. Its highly unlikely that you are a true Lesbian, and this isn't something that people just decide one day to become. ... (read in full...)
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