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male
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anonymous
writes: I have some serious issues with relationships. I manage to win friends but can't hold on to them, meaning I either get scared by their possessiveness or too much intimacy as things start getting taken for granted. I sometimes feel I myself allowpeople to take control of me and take me for granted. I am trying to figure out why can't I maintain a bit of healthy distance.. Reply to this Question
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reader, pops +, writes (7 July 2005):
Set some rules down for yourself to follow. How do you define a " friend", as opposed to an acquaintance? Be careful who you invite to your home, as that is your inner sanctum, and your safe zone. You can be alone there, and feel safe. Set out threshholds for when you share your private feelings with people, and when you offer to help people out. Look over these past relationships and see if there are common threads, indications of where you went wrong. Obviously, this becomes a " Thou shall not do " rule. If you have any friend, ask them what you are doing wrong. Realize that people come together and drift away because of all kinds of different reasons, and it is not the fault of either party. YOu certainly are not friends with people you called close friends when you were in first grade, now, are you? You should expect to make new friends all your life. If is the rare friendship that can stand time and distance. Friendships, like marriage, takes a lot of work.pops
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reader, becky05 +, writes (6 July 2005):
You sound clingy yet afraid of commitment.Could there be a reason for this in your past?Learn to say 'no' when people try to take advantage of you, itll be hard at first but it will get easier.Limit time with friends to a few times a week and take part in other activities in between these times. Also, consider having some counselling, there may be underlying reasons for your insecurities that could be resolved with professional help.
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