How do I know if I'm in love with someone?
Q. I have a huge dilemma. I am 16 years old. How do you know if you are in love with someone? And what do you do if you have a crush on someone a lot older than you? Please help me! ...
A. 9 September 2005: If you have a crush on someone a lot older, you accept the fact that you are normal for a sixteen year old. How do you know you are in love? That is an age old question. There is no one answer. The poets and muses have been writing about it for ... (read in full...)
My husband won't stand up and say NO to anyone...
Q. I have been married for 8 years and have had it with the fact my husband don't have a backbone. He can't say NO to anyone except ME. He lets his friend use him and when I get fed up and mad and tell him he better tell them or I will, he still won't. ...
A. 9 September 2005: Get your husband to a mental health counselor. What he is doing, or not doing is not normal. Something is wrong, either in his upbringing, or in his character. I suspect something happened long ago to him. Why are you repeatedly getting yourself ... (read in full...)
When I was interested, he had a girlfriend. Now I just want to be friends and he "hates" me!
Q. I'm a 15 year old girl and I was best friends with a boy for about a year. We were really close. He helped me with my relationship worries and I helped him with his. I began to get feelings for him around Christmas but he had a girlfriend. I then w...
A. 9 September 2005: Yes, you probably have lost your chances. But the world will not end, and you will survive this. You are only 15, and he is younger than you. Both of you will spend much time falling in and out of love over the next few years before you learn what ... (read in full...)
Should I write and apologise to my ex about the bad way I handled our break-up?
Q. I found some old letters in my stack of books and in them was one from "Jake". We dated 8 years ago when I was 18 for about 3-4 months. He was amazing to me, maybe the nicest bfriend I ever had. We were never intimate with one another, although ...
A. 9 September 2005: By all means, write him. It is better late than never. But don't expect him to remember you, much less the circumstances surrounding the ending of your relationshipl. He may, but don't expect it. Are you sure you know his current address? I am sure ... (read in full...)
My female friend has gone snappy, and I don't know why...
Q. Hi, I am having a problem with one of my female friends. We used to be quite close and would hang out every day and do heaps of things together. Ages ago we slept together, but she didn't want anything more so we just continued to be friends....
A. 8 September 2005: NOthing. Write her a note telling how hurtful her comments have been. Then ignore her and cut her out of your life. Don't be rude, and not say hello when you pass, but there is no need for further conversation with her. She has decided to move on, ... (read in full...)
My wife's "best friend" is a man...
Q. My wife of eighteen years has a male "best friend" at work that she just talks to. She says it is no different than my best friends but I don't have female best friends. I have asked or suggested that she invite him and his wife over for dinner ...
A. 8 September 2005: Stop asking her about him. That is being too insecure, and " controlling! Trust her to have her own friends, just as you do, and everyone has the right to have certain acquaintenance they see and talk to at work that they would never dream to invite ... (read in full...)
My fiance won't stand up to his family, who treat me terribly!
Q. I recently got engaged to the man I have been seeing for the last year and a half. I thought things would be wonderful but I soon found myself diappointed. His family has never liked me from the get go. They are European and since I am not, ...
A. 8 September 2005: How many ways must you be told that this relationship is not going to work before you ask, no tell, him to leave, and end it? The purpose of engagements is to allow the couple to find out if they can live together. Families come with the deal. If ... (read in full...)
I'm terrible at oral sex, but I want to get better at it!
Q. I can't seem to get comfortable with giving oral sex to my partner. Actually it has happened with the only two sexual partners I've been with. I can't seem to pleasure them. I'm uncomfortable because I'm inexperienced and when I do try, I'm ...
A. 8 September 2005: I think you just need more practice. And, you need to ask the guys to tell you what feels good to them. You are not omniscient, nor are they. Ask them what feels good. Going soft, ask them what you can do to get them hard again? Lovers have to teach ... (read in full...)
Why would he rather spend time with his female friends than with me?
Q. How can you really tell if someone is in to you? How can you tell if they are holding back or keeping distance because of them and not you? For example....The guy that I have been seeing now for a couple of months is great. We talk every day, ...
A. 8 September 2005: Maybe he is too young to make a serious plans with any girl, so he spreads himself around so that no one girl becomes to attached to him? Ask him? If you talk to him so often, why don't you just ask him this question? ... (read in full...)
A friend of ours was secretly meeting up with my partner. Now I can't get over the betrayal!
Q. Please help - I really need an outsiders objective! I am 23 and have been with my boyfriend (29) for 5 years. We used to have a brilliant relationship - I used to feel so loved and safe and like nothing could come between us. How wrong was I!! ...
A. 7 September 2005: Without trust, no relationship lasts. You have a right to feel betrayed. Are you going to invest time to allow him to prove himself to you again? Can he ever do this given how you now feel about him? Maybe it would be better to end this romance, and ... (read in full...)
Our age gap doesn't bother me, but it bothers him!
Q. My partner and I have been together for five years. I'm 28 and he's 52. For me the age gap is nothing, it's my feelings for him that matter. But the age gap affects my partner. My friend says he'll be drawing his pension in 13 years and I'll...
A. 7 September 2005: Some people can make this work; most can't. I think he is being honest with you that he is feeling his age, and that it an issue he can't get around, even if you can. Talk to him about " us " away from the bedroom, and away from anywhere else you ... (read in full...)
Feeling like I should leave my marriage and go back to my first husband...
Q. I am a newlywed of one year and was divorced from my first husband 1 1/2 years ago. My ex and I were together for 13 years and married nine. We have 2 children together and have maintained a very close friendship. The problem is, even though I...
A. 7 September 2005:
when are you going to be honest to your new husband? Doesn't he deserve every effort on your part to make this marriage work with him? Leave your ex to his gf. Work on your new marriage, and learn from the mistakes you made in the first. Didn... (read in full...)
Why does my girlfriend go from nice one minute to explosively aggressive the next?
Q. I really dont know what to do. I've been with my fiancee for two years now and I'm starting to have doubts about our relationship. When I'm around her it's like I'm walking on eggshells. One minute she can be nice and the next minute she can expl...
A. 7 September 2005: Get away from her as quick as possible. She has serious problems that you are only compounding by your present relationship. She is very insecure, and you can't cure that, no matter how honest, honorable, and nice you try to be. Find someone else, ... (read in full...)
My dream guy is 19, and he lives on the other side of the world!
Q. I am 15 years old and fell in love with a guy over the internet who's 19. I trust him and care about him a lot and couldn't imagine my life without him and he is in love with me. I would love to meet up with him but the problem is he lives in Austr...
A. 7 September 2005: So what is wrong with having a pen pal who you like, enjoy exchanging emails with, but will never meet? Everyone needs a fantasy or 500 or so, and this is just your best one. Be happy to have it, and find someone closer to home to date. ... (read in full...)
Should I give my fiance another chance?
Q. Almost two years ago I broke up with my fiance because of nonsense. Since then we haven't really spoken to each other and about a week ago he came to me and we got to talking. Now the feelings that I once had are returning and to make matters worse ...
A. 7 September 2005: You haven't told us why you broke off the engagement. What has changed in the two years? How have both of you changed? Are you both ready for a serious commitment, or are you just comfortable with each other because you know each other so well? ... (read in full...)
I fancy my mate's brother, but everyone knows I also fancy another boy...
Q. I'm a 14 year old girl and in the 6 weeks holidays I started hanging round with a group of 16 year old boys. I started to fancy one boy. They all knew about it, including him, and the flirting went on for a month. Then eventually I asked him out. He ...
A. 7 September 2005: Slow down. If you want to keep all your new friends, don't be dating any of them. Nothing will get guys to break up faster than a girl who picks first one, and then another. You are way too young to be dating at 14, so cool your jets. The boys you ... (read in full...)
I think my parents are racist, because they don't like my non-white friends.
Q. Hello. I have a problem with my parents accepting my friends. Even though my parents especially my dad claims not to be racist they are. I'm a white male, 21yrs old, and my best friend is a non white. He is indian/very fair skin. My parents don't...
A. 6 September 2005: You can't change people's biases. Only they can. They were raised in a world where race made a difference. You did lose promotions and job opportunities based on who you associated with. Your parents don't want you hurt, and therefore are not ... (read in full...)
The girl I want is attracted to someone who doesn't love her!
Q. I have a friend that I love very much. A few weeks ago she had some guy contact her but everybody and I knew that he was a bad guy and he has many girlfriends. He doesn't love her for real. But she loves him very much. What should I do? ...
A. 4 September 2005: As a friend, talk to others who may be closer to her, and tell them what you learned and your sources of information. Ask them to tell her what you have learned. Then stay back. Sometimes people have to make a few mistakes before they see the ... (read in full...)
My fiancee is the first woman I ever loved and she broke it off with me...
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm a 38 year old man and for the first time in my life I fell deeply in love. Eight months ago I met the woman of my dreams. She was everything that I dreamed for. We met online and in a very short time we had developed a clos...
A. 4 September 2005: Obviously she can't accept you for the quiet loner, who can't talk about feelings, that you are. You can wish for a million dollars, but that's not likely to happen either. Learn from this about yourself. At your age, you should have fallen in and ... (read in full...)
He's not the sort of boy that I'm really interested in going out with, but I want to keep him as a friend!
Q. I am seventeen years old. I have a problem and I don't know what to do about it. I am friends with a nice boy. He's a really genuine boy and he is a really good friend to me. We get on really well and always have got on really well since we be...
A. 4 September 2005: Talk to the boy about how your friend feels towards him, and how devasting it would be to her if you agreed to go out with him. Maybe encourage him to ask your friend out. If they go out, they will find out if they really have anything in common, ... (read in full...)
I've never been able to meet my father's standards...
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a father who is very pushing and demanding. I don't know what standards he has set but he pushes other people to achieve more and more in life. Sometimes, his advice and push helps other people, but for me it is making me lose m...
A. 4 September 2005: How can anyone else help you with this? You sound like you still want to please your father, no? We can't help you do that. No one can. Now, your father has a problem, but you can't address that, either. He has treated you, and raised you like you ... (read in full...)
I've never really gotten over my confusing feelings for my friend!
Q. How should I procede with this relationship? I've been friends with this guy since my Senior year of high school. I am now 25. We have kept in really good touch over the years, but have lived across the country from each other since college st...
A. 4 September 2005: Of course there is a chance for a relationship, but this is something you should be talking to him about. What are his plans after college? Can you realistically expect to be living near each other. If he is not interested, you have your answer. ... (read in full...)
I want to get to know a boy who visits my neighbours...
Q. There's a boy who comes to my next door neighbour's house every 2nd weekend and I really think he's nice and hot. The problem is I find it hard to talk to him since I only see him every 2nd weekend and I'm not that close to my next door neighbours, ...
A. 4 September 2005: First, have that proper conversation. It can be about anything. Find something to share with him. Then, get his phone number and call him when you are going to be visiting and set up a time and place to meet him, so that you can spend some time ... (read in full...)
I don't expect love with my ex... I just want it to end nicely!
Q. Three years ago I suffered a really messy break up with my first love - but I've still held onto the love, I suppose. I've had other boyfriends since, but never felt the same. Recently, we started sleeping together again - but only a few times an...
A. 4 September 2005: Leave him alone. Let him end this the way he wants to, and quit thinking about your own feelings. I suspect that he picked up on how you feel the last time you were together, and he is disappointed. That is why he is distant. He doesn't want to ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend about the way my feelings for her are developing?
Q. I'm 20 years old and I'm falling in love with my good friend. She is very nice, sweet and generous. We've been friends for several years. I first met her at an orientation camp before we went to the USA on an exchange programme. I like talking ...
A. 4 September 2005: If you are separated by a great deal of space, and there is no expectation of being near her in the close future, I think all this would do is cause you both pain. If, however, you are going to be living near her soon, then by all means tell her. It ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend still have a ten-years-ago ex's name in his address book?
Q. I'm 20 and I am so frustrated that my boyfriend of 2 years still has his ex girlfriend of 4 years in his email address book. She contacts him maybe once a year or visa versa. I have asked him to take her out but he says they are just friends ...
A. 3 September 2005: You answer your own question. He has her name in his phone book because they are friends, and still keep in touch. Why are you so insecure? He's seeing you, not her! You are going to have to accept the fact that he will have friends of his own, ... (read in full...)
He's has a kind of weird-sick relationship with his mum and she rings him 20-30 times a day!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. I love him with all my heart, and we have certainly had our ups and downs. I feel like our relationship is falling apart. He's become pysically and emotionally abusive, and has threatened to ...
A. 3 September 2005: obviously, the first place to look is at the relationship between your bf and his mother. He may be the victim of abuse, both emotional and physical. He is obviously taking his frustration out on you. Tell him " Never Again!" And mean it. He gets ... (read in full...)
Had a crush for three years, but I'm too scared to tell him about it!
Q. Hi I'm a 16 year old girl. I've had a crush on my best friend since I was 13. His name is Chris and I like him so much. I'm scared to tell him. How do I tell him I like him?...
A. 3 September 2005: If Chris has known you for three years, he alredy knows how you feels about him. But, go ahead and tell him. You didn't say how old Chris is. I hope he is your age or older. However, I also hope Chris is not too much older than you. You won't have ... (read in full...)
Mum is so negative that it's driving me away...
Q. Dear Cupid, This is a problem I am trying to understand. I am 24 yrs old guy and I live away from my family for various reasons. My mother was operated for womb cancer before five years and her womb was removed. She has become quite a cynic an...
A. 3 September 2005: She is your father's wife. Talk to him, and help him deal with the problem. He needs to get her into therapy, and he can start by talking to her doctors who removed her " womb ". If she had a full hysterectomy, they also removed her ovaries, and she ... (read in full...)
Problems deciding whether to get back with my ex...
Q. I wouldn't say that I am anything special, but I never have the problem of lack of boys. But the boy I went long term with wants to get back together with me. I do really like him. I like another boy but he says he will only when I am over my ex. T...
A. 3 September 2005: Catch your breathe, and stay away from the ex. Why would you want anything to do with a guy who would be seen in the company of this other girl you don't like? What does that say about his judgment. You didn't tell us why you broke up with the ... (read in full...)
Help! Things are moving too fast. I'm 12 and my boyfriend is 17...
Q. Hi, I need some advice about my boyfriend. I'm 12 and he's 17, we've been together for 2 months I really love him but things are moving a bit fast for me. We haven't even told my parents yet and he's talking about having sex! He has had sex with...
A. 3 September 2005: In most jurisdictions, it is a serious criminal offense for someone your bf's age to have sex with anyone as young as you. In the States we have laws that give an age of Consent, ie. this is the minimum age a child must attain before the law allows ... (read in full...)
My cousin is in love with a teacher...
Q. My cousin's in love with her teacher... She's a junior high school student and she's in love with her teacher in the same school. I can't stand about this event. I want to inform this to her mother but if I do, her mother will punish her in no ...
A. 3 September 2005: Tell your mother and father about your cousin, and let them talk to your aunt. And to school officials. Its not unusual for young girls to have crushes on school teachers, nor for boys, for that matter. As long as nothing comes of it, there is no ... (read in full...)
I met her first, and I think she likes me more than him. Why won't she choose me?
Q. I am 18. I have a serious problem. I fell in love with very very pretty girl but she has a boyfriend that she met after me. I think she likes me more than him. Why is she not choosing me to be her boyfriend? And what am I going to do?...
A. 2 September 2005: She may not want to date someone who is as serious about a relationship as you appear to be? Some people just want to live life a little, date many people, do new things, and concentrate on lots of new experiences before getting serious, usually in ... (read in full...)
Should I ask out my bi friend, even though he's dating a girl?
Q. I am a gay teenage boy. I've just recently broken up with my partner and am feeling upset by it. I have liked a friend of mine for a while, and although he is bisexual, he is currently dating another female friend of mine. I don't know if he would ...
A. 2 September 2005: Leave him alone. Unless you want to lose more friends, don't try to interfere with his other relationship. Move on, and find someone else. YOu are being extremely petty in being bothered about his dating a woman. If he is bi-sexual, of course he is ... (read in full...)
Why are my tattoos an issue, all of a sudden?
Q. I am a white woman who married a black man. We have been married now for 4 years and recently he is always bothering me about six tatoos I have had since I was in my 20's. I am now 40. Why is this happening now?...
A. 2 September 2005: YOu are going to have to talk to him on this. Only he can tell you why this is now an issue. I suspect its not the real problem he is bothered about, but a convenient scapegoat. Sit him down and ask him to honestly tell you what is bothering him. ... (read in full...)
Dad's making my life a misery!
Q. Me and my dad have never really got on, but recently it's got so much worse I have an older sister and she's smaller built than me and looks like a model. He's always fussing over her and saying to his friends that he'll "have to keep an eye on t...
A. 2 September 2005: Can you talk to your mother about this? What he is doing is emotional abuse, and is harmful both in the short term and in the long term, to you. If your mother, can't, or won't do anything to stop this, then talk to a counselor at school, or consult ... (read in full...)
I love my partner very much, but he lies about everything!
Q. I have been with my partner for ages and we have a family together! Generally I have been very happy with him and I love him very much, apart from his lies. He lies a lot about small things. It never bothered me at first but now every lie hurts! I...
A. 1 September 2005: You have learned the first lesson about liars. They are very self centered and selfish people. They don't make good partners, because the only person that means anything to them is themselves. Everyone else, including family are a distant second ... (read in full...)
He begged me to come back, but won't forgive me for having sex with someone else...
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 22; my on/ off again boyfriend is 26. We have been together for 2 years and we really care about each other, but keep breaking up and getting back together. The problems really started about a year ago when we broke up for the...
A. 1 September 2005: Drop him like a bad case of flu. He is not mature, and he doesn't indicate any likelihood of growing up soon. You were not married to the guy when you saw the other man and had your affair, and you owe him no apology, or explanation. He is totally ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to work on fixing our marriage... she just wants "her own life"!
Q. My wife and I just separated 2 months ago, after 12 years of marriage. We have 2 young children. I had a one night affair 5 years ago and became very angry and critical towards everyone, especially my wife. She says she wants her own life and does...
A. 1 September 2005: Not a lot. You definitely need to continue to see the counselor who has helped you make those emotional and behavior changes in your life, but you may have waited too long to save this relationship. People wear out trying to live with someone who is ... (read in full...)
The girl I dated told me I was jealous and untrustworthy, but she texted a friend she liked me loads...
Q. I was seeing a girl for about two months. We never slept together for various reasons, but we were planing to and I could tell she liked me a lot. I went on holiday with my mates for two weeks and when I came back, she was distant and didn't c...
A. 1 September 2005: NO!, don't waste your time. She doesn't want to see you, and that is why she is still saying things about you that are probably not true. Why would you want to be around a woman who says she can't trust you, when she has no reason to make that ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that our relationship won't last, because of the distance between us...
Q. My Boyfriend and I have been together three years on and off. One year ago, I decided to travel to the UK to work. Initially he decided he wanted to stay put, but after I left, he decided to follow me over, as he missed me. Thing is, one year lat...
A. 1 September 2005: What kind of job is possibly worth giving up a truly worthwhile and loving relationship? If you love this guy, tell him you miss him, and head on home to him. If you continue to put your jub ahead of him, don't be surprised to see him take a hike. ... (read in full...)
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