Could my boyfriend be using me as a financial crutch, or am I supporting him in a time of stress?
Q. Hi, Really hoping to get some advice from you guys, as I'm feeling pretty confused. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and half now. When we first met, we fell in love straight away with so much in common. The relationship was a different ...
A. 27 October 2005: Work on helping him get a job. that means everything to him, and is the way men are taught to measure their manhood. His ability to show affection to you, and to appreciate you is compromised by his frustration and shame at not being the bread ... (read in full...)
My husband is never at home any more. All we do is argue. Sometimes I don't know why I stay...
Q. My life is not the same anymore. I have been with my partner for quite a few years and we used to go everywhere together and was always together. Then he started to get into fitness started with jogging to begin with,which I didn't mind him doing. ...
A. 27 October 2005: So find someone to watch your son a few nights, and join your partner doing whatever. It sounds like you cut him out of your life as soon as the boy came into the picture. He is trying to survive, too, emotionally. Talk to him. If I am right, ... (read in full...)
Am I seeing a problem where there isn't one? Should I just let things develop at their own pace?
Q. I have known the guy I have been seeing the last two months for over a year. I was surprised the first time he asked me to dinner but we get along great and have fun together. The problem: He is the first guy I have really liked since my divorce a ...
A. 27 October 2005: I am trying to glean from this what the problem is. Are you wanting a more touchy relationship outside the bedroom? If so, TELL him. To hell with his being a very private person. Who isn't. No one married, or seriously involved with another should ... (read in full...)
Seeing a married man. Am I just a fling?
Q. I am sort of seeing this guy at the moment who has been married and has three kids. I would like to see more of him and get to know his kids better. Do you see this getting serious or just a fling?...
A. 27 October 2005: Is the man still married? If so, you are just a " fling ". Is he supporting his exwife? He may have no choice about getting serious. He may not be able to afford to do so. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend of more than 2 years ran off with her boss!
Q. I am 37 years old and have been with a lovely 28year old girl for the last 2-1/2 years.We have had our ups and dowmns like most relationships but recently things had being going better than ever. At the beginning of this relationship the girl in ...
A. 27 October 2005: Grieve over the loss, and learn from it when you can sit down and analyze it. Both of you were at fault, or you didn't see that she wasn't really in love with you. You will survive this, although you are hurting now. Get busy doing something else, ... (read in full...)
There's no violence in our house, just lots of shouting. It's making me depressed...
Q. I always feel like every thing is my fault. My family aren't rich but we are very close to losing the house and all the nice things we have. My mother has four kids, me including. My dad still lives in our house, but rarely comes home and when he...
A. 26 October 2005: Talk to a mental health counselor, now. You need help with all this, and you should not have to be so depressed. You are trying to keep a family together that is disfunctional when you should be just being a kid. The family problems are your mother ... (read in full...)
First-time sex. What should I be expecting?
Q. I know this sounds like a stupid question but, when you first have sex, does it hurt at all? And when you get pregnant, how painful is it and what are the chances that it won't all the go the way you expect it to? Thanks!...
A. 26 October 2005: Yes, first time sex can hurt. No, getting pregnant rarely involves pain. Pregnancy happens as a biological fact when a male's sperm fertilizes a females egg. This takes place in her body after sex- as much as two days later. Yes, there is a chance ... (read in full...)
Is my foreskin OK?
Q. Hi, I am 14 years old and i am concerned about the fact that my foreskin does not overlap my penis' head...is there something wrong with my foreskin or am I just being paranoid...
A. 26 October 2005: At your age, you have probably been masturbating for a couple of years. If you are uncircumsized, your foreskin may just be rolled under, and a gentle tug will bring it out and over the head of your penis. If you are circumsized, the foreskin should ... (read in full...)
He cheated and the other woman might be pregnant. Do I cut my losses and move on, or forgive him?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years has just admitted to cheating on me and possibly getting someone else pregnant. I am devestated yet still in love with him. Should I forgive him and try to work on our relationship or just move on with my life?...
A. 26 October 2005: Why? Something is very wrong with your relationship if he is cheating with another woman after a two year dating relationship with you. He has made his choice. Now he has to take responsibility for his conduct. If she is pregnant, and it proves to ... (read in full...)
My "workaholic" boyfriend has time for his mates, but not for me!
Q. My bf and i got back together on Fri after a two month on-off-on-off period. I told him to think about it for a week, to make sure it's what he wants. I know he loves me but he's crazy busy working and studying and has hardly any time for me. This ...
A. 26 October 2005: He is a very self centered man. Drop him as fast as you can. He will never have time for you. He may not even know how to love a woman, or anyone for that matter. YOu are only going to be disappointed if you continue to see him. ... (read in full...)
I'm 17 and in love with my married, 50-year-old, female boss!
Q. Hey dudes, okay, here goes... I'm a 17 year old female and have a part-time job in a restaurant. I am very close with both my bosses who are married, but I am the closest with my female boss *Amanda. For the past year and a half I have had sexua...
A. 26 October 2005: Get some counseling. At her age, she knows whether she is gay or not. If she has not shown any interest in you by now, she isn't gay. YOu even tell us that she is married to your other boss. Find someone else to love. But see a counselor to work out ... (read in full...)
Is the second time the charm for us?
Q. Went out with this girl briefly about a year ago but she split up with me. I've fallen in love with her, but do you think we could go out again despite not working the first time?...
A. 26 October 2005: Excuse me, but how could we possibly know? You haven't even told us why you split up a year ago! Please, write back and give us some basis of information to work with. NO one has a crystal ball. What we do offer is our experience and education to ... (read in full...)
My soul mate is married to someone else!
Q. Help! I've been searching for a while and I've finally found my 'soul mate'. She's perfect! Only problem is...she's married. I know I can't tell her, (I shouldn't have told anyone really but there you go), but it's affecting my life pretty badly. I...
A. 25 October 2005: Oh, Please. Have you not something better to do with your life than dwell on melodrama? So you like a married woman. She's " safe", because you don't have to talk to her, or make a commitment to her, or be responsible for her, or to her. What's not ... (read in full...)
He tells me he was "missing" me and that's why he texted that other girl...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. This year we started university and while I stayed at home, he went away. We see each other most weekends. I went up this weekend however and I know it's wrong but I couldn't resist looking in his ...
A. 25 October 2005: No you should not worry. You should find another guy. He's at the universary, far from home. As much as he misses you, there are obviously women there he can and does date. You found him out. He's been lying to you, stringing you along so he has ... (read in full...)
Met someone online who told me she loves me. It seems odd to me. What do you think?
Q. I am a bisexual. I met this girl on MSN and I've hardly ever talked to her. Today she said 'hi' and 'whats up' and then asked what my sexuality was. I told her and then she was asking all of these different questions. She then said that she loved me ...
A. 25 October 2005: When in doubt, don't. ... (read in full...)
I'm sick with longing for him, but he doesn't know how I feel. Or does he?
Q. I am married but about to separate. My marriage breakup started before I met someone else at work, but this person at work has taken over my thoughts almost 100% of the time too soon really, but we cannot help these things. He is nothing like the ...
A. 25 October 2005: UNtil he divorces his wife, and is free to date, he has no right to be asking you out, or having any kind of relationship with you. The fact that you work for him complicates matters, and could get him sued for the rest of his money after the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is extra-large and we're wondering... what's the average penis size?
Q. What is the average penis size? My boyfriend has a very large package and we were wondering what was average? This is so awkward but also when he goes all the way in I have a sharp pain but it also feels good. Why is this and is there any harm in ...
A. 25 October 2005: There is no average size. Men and women grow different heights, not only because of genetics, but because of diet, health, emotional well being, etc. Within different races and ethnic groups, there are variations of all kinds. If you are a mature ... (read in full...)
I love my girlfriend like nothing else, but she still thinks she wants to finish it!
Q. How to show my girlfriend I love her? I am a 14 year old boy. I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly two months now, and I've never been happier, but the last week we've had a series of huge arguments about us, and she's recently b...
A. 25 October 2005: You are only 14. YOu are not going to keep anyone forever for a number of years. Accept that, and stop driving yourself nuts. The girl has found a reason to dislike being around you. It can be the wrong reason, but she is entitled to make her own ... (read in full...)
My online guy says he won't use a condom when we meet because he's too big!
Q. I'm 17 and this guy is 25, we haven't met but have talked about meeting. I'm a virgin, and we have talked about having sex alot and had cyber sex. He says that he has a 9" penis when erect, (I don't know whether he's telling the truth), and he s...
A. 24 October 2005: Virginity and first time sex should be two different considerations. Virginity usually means that your hymen is still intact. Is it? many women find that their hymens were broken sometime in their childhood. If you are using a tampon, chances are ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's just his work that makes him hesitant about us?
Q. I was going out with my bf for 3 years when we broke up. We're best friends and very attracted to each other which is why I couldn't understand why he wouldn't give us a second chance! He kept saying he loved me but just didn't know anymore! We'r...
A. 24 October 2005: Why didn't you tell us what kind of work he does? If he is in school, working for a degree, he may have to set aside his private life in order to succeed. Or if he is working on an important project at work, he may have to work 7 days a week to ... (read in full...)
Is there a woman for me, who'd love me even though sex is out?
Q. Dear Cupid...I am 54 years old and still a virgin, mostly because of some stupid fear of not being adequate in sex. I have only really loved once and that was when I was 21 years old and I totally screwed that relationship up even though I had ...
A. 24 October 2005: Why have you waited 30 years to get counseling? Don't stop. Run! to a counselor, now. As for sex, what you have can be treated, and there is no reason that is not between your two ears that you can't have a satisfying sex life. Clean out the grey ... (read in full...)
I'm hung up on a boy in my old school, in a different state...
Q. I really liked this boy at my school but then I moved to different state. One of my friends told me (over the phone) that he asked about me and I'm completly hung up on him. When I hear his name my stomach even does a flip. I also like a guy at my ...
A. 24 October 2005: If you really want to start something with your old friend, contact him and tell him you are interested. If he likes you, the two of you will find a way to get together. You sound very young, because you have a new fellow, too. Life is full of ... (read in full...)
No reason for his dumping me. How do you get over something like that?
Q. I am so utterly broken. My boyfriend of 8 months, who I loved (and still do) more than just about anything, called me 3 weeks back on my first day at uni and broke up with me. No reasons or anything. How do I begin to get over him? I'm an emotiona...
A. 24 October 2005: Is he attending, or has he attended the University and earned a degree? If not, he is part of that group of men who fear dating and marrying a woman who is better educated than they are. ( I didn't say smarter. I have known some brilliant men and ... (read in full...)
I think when my boyfriend's upset that he tries deliberately to hurt me. Was I wrong to break up?
Q. Today I finished with my Bf of 2 years. I love him, he definitely loves me, he was inconsolable when he left. In the last 3 months, when we argue, he goes out, sometimes 3-4 in morning and doesnt come back to the next day. He goes round friends ...
A. 24 October 2005: When men can't talk to a woman they love, they often turn to another woman who is friendly and can hear them out, tell them if they are being an ass, or agree that you are being unreasonable. Its nice to have such a friend. There does not have to be ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 3 years just can't say those three little words...
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and lived with him for two. He is 29 and I'm 28. He has been in two previous long term relationships, one for 5 years and one for 3, in each relationship he was never able to say "I love you" and to ...
A. 24 October 2005: At 29, its about time he grows up. The reason he " can't" say those three words, is he fears commitment. If after 3 years he can't commit to you, its time to leave. Absense makes the heart grow fonder, but only if the guy has a heart. Some people ... (read in full...)
Ouch! Uncomfortable when my girlfriend is on top!
Q. When my girlfriend is on top she makes me feel like my penis is being bent the wrong way. What can we do to help?...
A. 24 October 2005: Talk to her while you are making love, for God's Sake! She has to learn what she can do, and what not. Only you can tell her what angle is okay, and when she is hurting you!
Her job is to teach you how to pleasure her; your job is to teach her how ... (read in full...)
After 5 years together neither of us feels the thrill any more. Time to move on?
Q. I'm in a relationship for 5 years, now. It feels like an old married couple. Nothing exciting is happening anymore. Maybe it is both of us feeling the same thing, and don't want to hurt each other by moving on. What to do? stay work it out or it is ...
A. 24 October 2005: Why not get some counseling. People can let the spark go outof a relationship. All they need is to learn how to rekindle the romance, sometimes. If there are no other problems in the relationship, why throw 5 years away. Don't you think you will ... (read in full...)
What - if anything - should I tell my boyfriend about his ex?
Q. My boyfiend split up with his ex when she left the country for her career, about 4 years ago. Him and I have now been together for over two and a half years. All is going brilliantly. Recently I found out that she was paralysed in a horrible ...
A. 24 October 2005: One of the easiest things I learned to do that got rid of any jealousy by me, or by my wife over past girlfriends or boyfriends, and current looking at good looking people was an agreement we reached to tell each other everything, and to make sure ... (read in full...)
I want to stop being so controlling and jealous with my boyfriend. How do I do it?
Q. I am a very controlling individual. I cant help but call my boyfriend because I am worried that he is messing around. I am also very jealous and I want his world to revolve around me 24/7. I hate being this way, and I want to change. Is there any ...
A. 24 October 2005: What do you think other women have that you don't? Why don't you like yourself? Control people are insecure, and have poor self esteem, as two other writers have explained. My two questions go to the heart of the matter for you. Answer them, and you ... (read in full...)
He's too big for me! Or maybe I'm too small for him..?
Q. I have recently started seeing the most amazing guy; however he has a pretty wide penis. It's a lot bigger than I'm used to. We tried to have sex the other night it didn't really fit properly and it was painful. I did not have this problem with my ...
A. 24 October 2005: The stress of having a new sex partners probably made you tighten up. Spend more time getting to know your new bf, and play with him. Laugh with him as you are engaging in foreplay before having intercourse. Do relaxation exercises, such as a long ... (read in full...)
I don't feel like I have anything about me that would attract women. And my penis is bent like a banana!
Q. I'm a 28 year old male living in London. I would love to be in a relationship but I don't have any confidence at all. I'm going bold, losing my looks, and the big thing is that my penis is the shape of a banana (it's bending to one side)..yes my ...
A. 24 October 2005: For God's sakes, see a urologist about the bent penis. If he sees there is a problem, he can do corrective surgery. What are you thinking about that you haven't been to a urologist before now? If you were injuried, and that has damaged your cock, ... (read in full...)
What can I do to make our time together really special and show him I miss him?
Q. Hi, I'm at uni and my boyfriend is back at home. Although we do see each other on a regular basis (weekends etc) I really want to make the time we have together special. I wanted to have a romantic night in, but would he think I'm getting too seri...
A. 24 October 2005: If you are both over 18, and you want to get serious with him, tell him. Then rent a room where you can be alone, and start learning how to make him happy, while you teach him how to make you happy. But, Talk to him. There is no sense in getting all ... (read in full...)
My fiancee says she doesn't know what she wants, but she's still making plans for our future together!
Q. I've been with my fiance for 2 years now. I love her dearly but the love and affection doesn't seem to be returned. She is very spiritual and her life revolves around being a spiritualist. She would rather read a book than talk about her problems. ...
A. 24 October 2005: Engagements are intended for people to practice being a couple, making a commitment so that they can focus on each other and the relationship they hope to build. Yours is not working out. Its obvious that she is not interested in a marriage, or ... (read in full...)
I want him desperately. He's straight, single... and isn't interested!
Q. Please help me, I think my heart is breaking. I've known a certain person for around 8 months, and I've grown more and more attached to him. He's been there for me during some hard times I've had, and I've been gradually falling in complete love wit...
A. 24 October 2005: You can't make someone love you. Accept that, and find another man who will love you back. Its okay to be hurting, as it just makes the joy of falling in love again with someone else that much better. Accept that, and look forward to finding someone ... (read in full...)
We only dated for a few months, but I can't get over my ex!
Q. I can't move on from my ex. We had only been seeing each other for a few months but it was very intense. It just felt right, he was very keen and was already making plans for the future, we had such a great connection together, and shared so many ...
A. 24 October 2005: There was a man who looked to marry the perfect wife. Years later, he met an old school mate, and was asked if he ever found the perfect wife. Yes, he said, but we didn't marry. She was looking for the perfect husband.
All you can do is keep you... (read in full...)
Why would I come to "hate" my friend, if we started dating?
Q. I'd like some straight talking advice please! Sorry it's long... I met a man 2 years ago , we went on a date ended up kissing...but then since that date we've not really mentioned the kissing and have become really good friends. Recently he's bee...
A. 24 October 2005: Its sounds like you know yourself fairly well, and trust your own judgement. Why don't you text him back and ask him to let you be the best judge of how you feel and will feel. Then ask him why he thinks you will be like someone else he has known in ... (read in full...)
This girl seems to care more about her ex boyfriend than about my feelings...
Q. Over the summer me and this girl became very close. We would talk every day and we hung out a lot and eventually I started to have feelings for her. All of her friends said she always talked about me and likes me but there is a problem. She and her ...
A. 22 October 2005: No, don't bother with her. She is using you to make her own ego grow. She likes to have the attention of more than one man in her life. She can't love you, or him, because she is too wrapped up in herself. Get away from her. ... (read in full...)
Our "break" from each other is beginning to look like a break-up...
Q. Myself and my girlfriend have being going out for the last 4 years. We were both happy with each other until recently. Two weeks ago she asked to take a break from each other as she needed a time out to figure out what she wanted. I accepted this ...
A. 22 October 2005: Move on. She is trying to nicely break up with you, and doing a very bad job. Breaking up is hard to do, but making a clean break is always better than dragging it out. You know that now. So, take the initiative, and tell her you will not be calling ... (read in full...)
We can't handle another year of long-distance. Does he move, or do I?
Q. Dear Alice My and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for 18 months. Throughout this time, he has always assumed that I would be the one to end the distance and move up to his city to be with him. Never had he suggested he be ...
A. 22 October 2005: First, start this out by writing, " MY Boyfriend and I"... You should be embarrassed to have finished high school and still not handle English grammar correctly. Next, you are only 17, and until you are 18 you are your family's responsibility, 24/7. ... (read in full...)
I hate my husband's porn habit!
Q. I am married for almost 2 years and I can't accept my husband's porn habit...True, that he never hides it from me or ain't really ADDICTED as many say. But still, everytime I find out, I get weird emotional feelings and everything. Am I ...
A. 22 October 2005: Yes, you are overreacting. He has a healthy libido, and is interested in sex. Most of porn explores things he may never be interested in doing, but is fascinating to know other people are. Watch it with him. Comment on the men and women, on what ... (read in full...)
How do I approach my very shy neighbour and let him know I'm interested?
Q. Help! I've fallen for my friend and neighbour. He's REALLY shy and I'm scared to just tell him how I feel in case I've got a couple of signals wrong, and frighten him off completely. How should I play this? And if I tell him, how should I phra...
A. 22 October 2005: INvite him over for coffee, or a drink, or maybe lunch. Maybe you can find an excuse around the house to ask him for his help fixing something. Then reward him with lunch and conversation. Ask him if he likes you. That is not a dangerous question. ... (read in full...)
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