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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of 2 and a half years finished me on Saturday. He said he's sick of me, can't stand me and that I do his head in. He said that we'll be friends though n we'll see each other all the time, but now I see him more now we're 'mates' than when we were going out. Why does he want to see me when he says I do his head in e.t.c ?? I am very confused.p.s. Yesterday I told him that I didn't want to see him as just friends as it was too difficult n upsetting. Was I right to do this?Bear in mind that it was purely his decision to end it, I love him very much. Any tips at getting him back?From my point of view we got along great and we were best mates in our relationship. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (8 July 2005):
Sounds to me like you make a better friend, than a lover.
Sometimes people act balanced & stable when they are just friends, but when they get into a serious relationship, they try too hard, go overboard, perform too much and it annoys the hell out of the partner.
Your ex says he was SICK of you, but yet he is comfortable being friends with you.
That implies that you act differently as a friend.
Perhaps you need to take a look at your insecurities when you are in a romantic relationship...your fears may surface and trigger annoying behaviour.
Obviously, when you are friend...you are more stable.
My advice is to enjoy the continuing friendship and let yourself be healed from insecurities & fears.
Sometime in the future, when you find another partner, observe your behaviour & see if it changes drastically when you become lovers...then you will know what type of behaviour annoys your partner & you can work at changing it.
Overall, I sense you are a very caring, loving person who just wants to pour out your love & affection on a special man, but keep in mind, sweetie...all relationships need BALANCE. You need to step back & allow the man to GIVE to you too...you don't need to try to hard...relax & be yourself...when you feel driven to perform...back off & spend time alone until you get your self-control back.
I wish you the very best,
(hugs)
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reader, pops +, writes (7 July 2005):
I haven't a clue as to what he means by doing in his head, and you haven't explained it, either. All you can do is give him time and some space to work his problems out. He may think its the wrong time to get into a serious relationship, and that is why he is backing away from you. Talk to him, and listen to him. Communication is the most difficult thing for all couples to do well, but it is the key to success and happiness. pops
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reader, lucy +, writes (6 July 2005):
I'm afraid that the chances of you two getting back together are not so likely, sweety. However, if this guy has said this horrible stuff about you you are too good for him and he does not deserve you back! You are right to not want to see him as a friend and you still obviously have feelings for him and you will end up getting more hurt. My advice to you is to move on and find a guy who really appreciates you. xxxx
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female
reader, Aunt Cathy +, writes (6 July 2005):
HiyaI think maybe he needs a little time to think about what he wants and you should give him this time. Although, I would not do everything he wants - I think you should leave him alone for a bit as the more you see him he has no time to realise how much he is missing you. Give him a little space and if he wants you he will come and find you.Getting back with revenge does not solve anything and you could blow any chance of you both getting back together. You need to be mature about the situation and if he need some space right now give him some. He may have some pressures on him at the moment that need resolving before he can continue with a serious relationhip.Have you actually spoken to him about it to see what his reasons are and tell him you want an answer as you are confused as to what you have done wrong. See what he says - chatting about can often resolve problems and you maybe able to help him.Good Luck!
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female
reader, onedemandingdiva +, writes (6 July 2005):
I think you should take a look at this relationship - can you see a future with this guy? Look at yourslef in 5 years time, and ask yourself if you picture yourself still with him. If the answer is 'no', then this relationship isn't going to work. Also, you don't need tips on getting him back, as he already said that you 'do his head in', do you think he will take back what he said and carry on as normal? Listen, the bottom line is, this guy doesn't know what he wants from you, so you shouldn't put up with him insulting you. He doesn't respect you, as he would never have hurt you like that. You should be strong, and forget him. Easier said than done, but if you really can't live without him, stand up for yourself, and be a strong, independant woman, and tell him that you're not putting up with anymore crap from him. If he goes running, then you know it wasn't meant to be.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (6 July 2005):
I think you did the best thing in telling him that you didnt want to remain friends, doesnt sound like he knows what he wants. Hes treating you rather unfairly.
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