How do I approach my very shy neighbour and let him know I'm interested?
Q. Help! I've fallen for my friend and neighbour. He's REALLY shy and I'm scared to just tell him how I feel in case I've got a couple of signals wrong, and frighten him off completely. How should I play this? And if I tell him, how should I phra...
A. 22 October 2005: INvite him over for coffee, or a drink, or maybe lunch. Maybe you can find an excuse around the house to ask him for his help fixing something. Then reward him with lunch and conversation. Ask him if he likes you. That is not a dangerous question. ... (read in full...)
Sex should be a pleasure, but my wife has serious hang-ups...
Q. My wife and I are 45 and 44. 2nd marriage for both. My wife (whom I love dearly) is EXTREMELY naive about sex in general. She won't go down on me and doesn't like me to go down on her (which I truly enjoy). "It's nasty". I tried to get her to tweak ...
A. 22 October 2005: Your wife is selfish, self centered, immature, and ignorant as a post about sex. She is a brat. She is married only because social convention demands that she be, in her mind. ( Actually, most people could care less if you are married to the person ... (read in full...)
I want some closure with my old, old ex-boyfriend, but he just seems a bit elusive...
Q. About 6 months ago a sister of an old boyfriend of mine found me online and we started corresponding. After a few emails I asked if her brother would mind if I wrote to him (we were together almost 30 years ago, when I was 16 and he 17 and it lasted ...
A. 22 October 2005: The man has moved on. He is engaged to marry another woman. That is what is going on with him. He doesn't want to visit a past because he has closed that chapter in his life. He cared for you then, and he will always care for you. You can do one of ... (read in full...)
I've got so little pubic hair, I feel like a school boy!
Q. I have a slight problem in the pubic hair department-I hardly have any and im 23 years of age. I've just started my first sexual experience with a girl. When we got naked for the first time she thought that I had shaved them off and they were slowly ...
A. 20 October 2005: Go see a doctor and have him run tests. Hair is a function of the male sex hormone, testosterone. Your doctor can give you shots to boost the amount of testosterone in your system and make you grow hair where hair now exists. There may also be drugs ... (read in full...)
Another girl says she's pregnant with my bf's baby. He says it's not true. Trust him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for one and half years. In beginning it wasn't very good. He cheated on me and all we did is fight. I was away for a while and he said that's when he fell in love with and has been faithful since. That's w...
A. 20 October 2005: The gestation period for most humans in about 9 months, so if the baby has not been born yet, and you are sure he has not been with this woman, leave it alone. However if this kid is not at least 2 years old, then you need to have a long ... (read in full...)
Even though we're not together, I hate the idea that my ex cheated when we were dating...
Q. I was with this girl for 4 years and I broke up with her 6 months ago. Just now I found out that she cheated on me about a year in our relationship while we were together. I still love her very much, and at the same time I hate her for cheating...
A. 20 October 2005: Stick with the new girl. In time, you will wonder what you ever saw in the other one. You deserve better than what your other girl did to you.
To all readers, If you can't find satisfaction with the one you are with, then end the relation... (read in full...)
Will he ever really stop visiting porn sites on the Web?
Q. My husband is a ordained minister or I will say Layman in our church. He helps our pastor in the church, but I have found where he has went to these porno sites on the internet. What do I do when I have heard in the past from him that it will not...
A. 20 October 2005: Sit down and watch the porn with him. Ask him what he is seeing and what its effect is on him. Many couples and women find porn to be a turn on for both of them. For the men, getting past the guilt they feel for watching porn and hiding the fact ... (read in full...)
He got drunk and cheated on me. How do I know it won't happen again if I take him back?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating off and on for 8 months now. He has cheated on me once before, we broke up for a while, but he put a lot of effort into getting me back. I recently found out that he has a child (he didn't know either),...
A. 20 October 2005: YOu can't know, and his behavior says that he doesn't know, and he can keep any promise of fidelity he gives to you. Dump him. YOu deserve better. Just be happy you got away from him before you had a child of his. ... (read in full...)
His drinking is stressing me out. How do I break up, when he's threatened to take everything?
Q. I have an on again, off again relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years. When I was always sick, he took care of me and my children. He would give and do anything for us. Unfortunately, he drinks and today he got angry because I found all these ...
A. 20 October 2005: YOu can't have your cake and eat it too, dear. Get away from him. If you were to talk to the people at Al Anon, the partners organization to AA, they will tell you that being nice to a drunk is usually the last thing they need from the people they ... (read in full...)
We've been out a few times, but I don't know if I like him yet!
Q. I have just started dating this guy and I'm not sure if I like him? We have only been on 2 dates but everyone keeps saying to me you should know by the 2nd date and I don't. I\ve never had a proper relationship before and this is the first time i...
A. 20 October 2005: If you are not sure, go out with him some more. Sooner or later, you will know if you can like him, or not. No one can tell you what is in her mind, or your heart. Think about how he treats you, the way you want to be treated, and decide how he ... (read in full...)
What kind of a Christmas present can I get my boyfriend?
Q. Heya, I know this may be a silly question but I was wondering what sort of Christmas present do you get a guy? I mean, me and my boyfriend are both 14 yrs old, and we love each other very much (yes I know, its only young love but this is for real) ...
A. 20 October 2005: Most guys that age are into one sport or another. Get him something relating to his favorite sport. A team shirt, or a ball, or whatever will be appreciated, and treasured for years to come. ... (read in full...)
I want to move in together. Should I push him or wait?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 3 months. He loves me dearly but is very afraid of marriage and commitment. I believe we should think about moving in together within the next few months. Am I asking for too much? Shall I insist ...
A. 20 October 2005: Yes, you are asking too much. If he is not ready, he is not ready. What part of " NO" don't you understand? What is the rush? If this is really a serious relationship, why can't moving in with each other wait a few months or a year? Please don't be ... (read in full...)
Are my folks right? Is my boyfriend immature and lazy?
Q. Should I end my 2 year relationship with my boyfriend? He is 17 and I am 19. He and I recently took a 2 month break to see other people. We want to get back together, but my parents don't like him. They think he is immature and lazy. I live on ...
A. 20 October 2005: He is way to young to know much of anything. That is why he doesn't send you flowers, among other reasons. At 17 he is a lot younger than your 19, in emotional years. How about finding someone your age, or older, who has grown up and has some real ... (read in full...)
He lies to me and I feel like crying when we're together. I just want to break up with him!
Q. Hey everyone, OK so I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months and he's lied to me a lot, although the other day he crossed the line. I'd found out he'd been sending pictures of his genitals to other people via texts. When I asked him about it...
A. 20 October 2005: I lived with a woman who threatened to commit suicide repeatedly, and I stayed with her. I tried to get her to get help, but she refused. I called suicide prevention and talked to a doctor who agreed to come out to my home and talk to her. She ... (read in full...)
It's always me that does the asking. Does that mean he doesn't like hanging out with me?
Q. How can you tell if someone who’s shy and slightly introverted really likes you or not? If I’m the one always asking him to hang out and he says yes, but has only asked me to hang out once or twice, is that tell tail sign that he doesn’t? We’ve ...
A. 18 October 2005: How could we possibly answer you without knowing him? Talk to him. If you have had sex with the man, you can at least sit down with him, someplace with your clothes on, and talk about your feelings, and his. ... (read in full...)
Obsessed with my girlfriend's sexual history. Should I look at the hidden computer files?
Q. I have had problems with my girlfriend's sexual past before and sometimes I think I am getting over it. However, last night I was using her computer and I noticed that there were some hidden files that I could not access. Judging from the file names ...
A. 18 October 2005: NO you should not look at her computer files, or her diaries, or question her past. If you can't handle it, do her a favor and walk away. Grow up! People have a right to their privacy, and to their pasts. They are the only judges as to whether they ... (read in full...)
Dead keen to dead stop. What happened?
Q. I met this guy about four days ago, and he asked for my number. We met up for a drink the day after, and that night he seemed dead keen on me, but now it is like he doesn't want to see me and I really like him. I am soo confused. Please can you help ...
A. 18 October 2005: POeople change their minds. It may not have anything to do with you. Just forget him, and consider it his loss. Find someone who will appreciate you. ... (read in full...)
My husband thinks I should be "over" his cheating. But I'm not. Is it over?
Q. My husband and I are having some difficulties in our marriage. He thinks that a seperation's an option. He had a relationship with someone much younger 5 months ago and feels I should be over it by now. His reason for the relationship is that she ...
A. 17 October 2005: There is only hope if you are prepared to work on your marriage and find out what was so missing that he felt a need to go to someone else. Its obviously you don't talk much to your husband about your personal and sex relationship. Its over due, ... (read in full...)
Being raped when I was 15 has affected my life with my fiance!
Q. Hi I was raped when I was 15 and now I am 18, but while I was 16 I started using men. I am not proud of that. I used to get them to fall in love with me then I would cheat on them. But now that I have a fiance and he's great, he understa...
A. 17 October 2005: Are you sure that shaking all over isn't an orgasm? You need professional counseling, and obviously have not seen anyone. If you want to save this relationship, get your self to a competent counselor now. ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend overreacting? The abuse happened 12 years ago...
Q. I was sexually abused when I was 6 and I always tell the guy I'm seeing about it so they can understand things I have a problem with or make me feel uncomfortable in the bedroom. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months now and w...
A. 17 October 2005: Any guy worth being with would want to beat a child abuser to within a inch of his life. That is part of guy world. If you don't understand it, chalk it to being a woman. There are a lot of things women feel and do that men don't understand, either. ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with the guy who cheated, just to make a point?
Q. My boyfriend of 4 months cheated on me, and I can't move on or forget what happened, but I don't want this to end, I don't know what to do. Should I leave or stay?...
A. 17 October 2005: LIfe is full of choices, and you have to make one. You can't go on being with him if you are so insanely jealous and angry over the affair. Either moveon, or learn to forgive him. talk to him to find out why he saw her, and what she has or did for ... (read in full...)
My wife is allowing our domestic responsibilities to stand in for a loving relationship...
Q. My wife and I have been married now for 6 years. We have a 3 year old son and a daughter who is almost a year old. Starting back when we were expecting our daughter, I noticed us to somewhat drift apart. At the time it was easy to dismiss it as ...
A. 17 October 2005: Sit down and talk to your wife about SEX. You have beat about the bushes about it, which suggests you have a real problem talking about the subject. I bet your wife does too. You are adults, with healthy libidos, and you should have a regular sex ... (read in full...)
Two years with my bf, but he leaves me flat. Not like the new guy at work!
Q. Hi there! Hope you can help me..as I don’t know what to do! and I’m going crazy! Basically, I’m in a 2 years relationship with my bf; we live together, although we kinda drifted apart. I love and care for him, but still cant say that he's THE O...
A. 16 October 2005: YOu may not be able to at work. It is very dangerous for a boss to date or have any sexual contact with an employee. If the relationship goes South, he could find himself being accused of sexual harrassment, or favortism by other employees who think ... (read in full...)
Both my best girl mate and me fancy my best boy mate!
Q. Hi everyone, I'm 13, and I have been best mates with this boy since playschool, 11 years. A week ago, I realised I fancied him, REALLY BADLY! So I told my other best mate (female)and she said she fancied him too! Now I don't know what to do, beca...
A. 16 October 2005: I don't think at 13 your parents should be allowing you to date anyone. Nor your girlfriend, either. Life is full of choices, and you are learning that lesson the hard way. If you want to keep your friendship with her, don't do anything with him. At ... (read in full...)
Neither my boyfriend nor I can keep from kissing other people!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 10 months and I feel games are being played. I kissed a couple of guys frequently and he kissed this one girl he dumped me for frequently. I got back with him. But he kissed her again after we ...
A. 16 October 2005: Stop kissing other guys, unless you want to end the relationship. Talk to him about how much it hurts you to see him kiss another girl, and ask him to stop, or end the relationship with you. You both seem to be more interested in punishing each ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep chasing men who aren't available?
Q. I can't help myself. I always seem to go for guys that are unavailable or out of reach in some way. I don't know why I do it but I wish I didn't. I recently fell head over heels with a guy I have been working with for a couple of years. We got fr...
A. 16 October 2005: Stop obsessing about why he has not responded. He may be away from his message center, or computer, or he may be trying to decide how to answer this without hurting your feelings. Hold your head up Monday, and don't apologize for speaking your mind. ... (read in full...)
I was sprung when I sent a text to a girl who's not my partner!
Q. I sent a text message to a girl and my partner found it on my phone. It read "hello sexy,when r u back in town ?". What do I do ?...
A. 16 October 2005: Why are you having conversations with another woman like that? Talk to your gf about your relationship, and what this other woman offers you that you don't get from her. Then apologize to her, and stop whatever relationship you have, or were ... (read in full...)
My husband has cheated for the last two years!
Q. I don't know what to do. I am 36, married with 2 children and work part-time. My husband and have been happily married for 14 years but he has been having an affair for the last two years. I am devastated. He doesn't know that I know about it ...
A. 16 October 2005: Obviously you can't trust him anymore. And, you have not been happily married for the past 2 years either. Or, at least he hasn't. If you don't want him to know that you know about his affair, don't say anything. You can talk to him about your ... (read in full...)
It's not just an infatuation. So what are my chances with the instructor?
Q. Hey I am a 17 year old girl, and I have been in love with an english teacher at my school for the past 2 years( He is in his early thirties). I want him so much, I know I do, it is not just infatuation. However, I don't want his career to be...
A. 16 October 2005: His job is history if you have anything to do with him while you are under 18, and still attending the school. Once you are no longer the responsibility of your parents, and no longer a student at the school where he works, the two of you can do as ... (read in full...)
Met a wonderful woman online, only to find that she's started mentioning her 'boyfriend'!
Q. About six months ago I unexpectedly met a wonderful woman online; I hadn’t been looking for anyone at that particular moment so it was even more unexpected. We quickly became good friends and emailed each other a lot through out the days and even...
A. 16 October 2005: Get a grip on yourself. She could be halfway around the world from you, and there may be no chance of the two of you ever meeting except on line! Don't you think she has a right to a life off-line? Feel sorry for the bf, because he is obviously not ... (read in full...)
We're both shy. Any ideas on how one of us makes the first move?
Q. How can I make the first move? Me and the guy that I like are both really shy and neither of us have made the first move to be more than friends. I want to let him know I'm ready for the relationship to go forward but without doing it in a slutty w...
A. 15 October 2005: I once had a woman friend find me at the poolhall, and whisper in my ear, " Let's go home and F*** ". OUr relationship shifted to a new plane that afternoon. So what is wrong with doing it( whatever " It " is?) slutty? Most men like women who talk ... (read in full...)
Anything I can do to make my ex more comfortable when we have to socialise together?
Q. My ex and I have been broken up for quite a while (not quite a year, but a few months) and he has been acting weird around me/ignoring me as we were just placed in a situation where we have to see each other every day after a long break of no ...
A. 15 October 2005: Talk to him about his nervousness. Tell him to relax. Ask him why he is nervous being around you? Be a friend, so he can get on with working with you. I suspect he is just worried about doing something that will set you off. Or he may still have a ... (read in full...)
The guy at work has a girlfriend, but I think there's a mutual interest between us...
Q. There is this guy at work. He is one of those rare, nice looking, amazing personality guys. I have noticed lately that he looks at me differently. When I walk in a room, he is looking at me, when he walks past my desk, he stares, smiles or ...
A. 15 October 2005: If you start anything with him, you will incur the wrathe of the other woman. However, knowing this, if you are interested in him, give him a note telling him you would like to get to know him better, and ask him if the two of you could have coffee ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to "see what's out there", but I realise our breaking up was a mistake!
Q. My girlfriend of 4 years and I broke up last Sunday night, we had been talking about it for awhile because we both thought prehaps we should 'see what else is out there' as I'm 21 and she is 20. The thing is, I want her back! I have spoken to her a ...
A. 15 October 2005: Cool it. You are both too young to know what you want. There would be something seriously wrong with you if you DIDN'T miss her. YOu have been seeing her for 4 years, since you were 17, after all. She does need to find out how lucky she was, and ... (read in full...)
I felt it was destiny that we got together, but then he told me he just couldn't leave his relationship!
Q. I have felt a strong connection with a colleague at work for a few years now. We have always been friends and we are so much alike and share similar interests. We can make each other laugh and we can talk for hours non-stop.... About a month ...
A. 15 October 2005: Don't make ending a bad relationship contingent on starting up another relationship you hope will work out. If the current relationship is hopeless, end it. You will need time to grieve over its loss, and to figure out truthfully what part each of ... (read in full...)
Would I know if my partner has had sex with other guys before me?
Q. I have been in a committed gay relationship for the past 4 months. I am just wondering if there is any way I can know if my partner has had anal sex before? Does there have to be any bleeding the first time round? ...
A. 15 October 2005: Unless he tells you he has had anal sex before, the answer is no to both questions. If you go slow, use plenty of lube, and too much is just about right, then there should be no bleeding. Don't try to take him all in the first time, unless you have ... (read in full...)
Instead of having a foot in both Eastern and Western cultures, I feel like I belong to neither...
Q. I am a guy born and brought up in Asian culture and influenced by western culture, especially American. Though my upbringing was in humble background, I always fancied the boldness of life of people in West. I aspired to be one of them. Somehow, I ...
A. 15 October 2005: it takes a lot of courage to leave your family, culture, and familiar surroundings behind and start a new life in a new culture, with new friends, and a different way of life. People have been coming to America for Thousands of years to do the same ... (read in full...)
Our one-month separation turned into 3 months. How long do we work on our problems?
Q. In July of this year I had an argument with my wife of nearly 3 years. Basically this argument resulted in lots of home truths coming to the surface, particularly on my part. I was carrying a lot of baggage which I basically projected on to ...
A. 14 October 2005: See if she will attend counseling with you. No one is perfect, and you are not the sole reason there are problems in your marriage. There is a little truth in all criticism, and I suspect she has some of her own bad habits to change, and to atone ... (read in full...)
I fell for her fast, but I hear that she doesn't like guys coming onto her too quickly...
Q. I met this girl a few months ago at her 21st birthday and fell for her. I can't explain it, as I only met her that day, never seen her before. Then last weekend I went out to where she lives (I'm boarding at her cousin's house) with people I board ...
A. 14 October 2005: If you are planning another visit to her neck of the woods, call her and ask if she would like to go out with you, to, say a movie, or for a drink, or whatever? A walk? That is an easy way to tell a girl you are interested in being more than just a ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep comparing my looks to his ex's looks?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for nine months now. We have both been in previous relationships that have lasted more then a year. His was a while ago and he still sees his ex. I have seen pictures of her and I don't think that she's prettier ...
A. 14 October 2005: You can't change his behavior, but you can change your own. Why argue about this? Why not simply make a point to point out women to him that remind him of his ex? Then talk to him about what his ex gave him that he does not get from you. Be ready ... (read in full...)
After work, we hung out and really connected... or so I thought...
Q. I work in the salon of a store and this guy that I hung out with twice works in the clothing part of the store. We hung out one night and we made out and he told me I was so gorgeous, and all this stuff how he wanted me so bad. We hung out until ...
A. 14 October 2005: He's more likely a dumb guy who doesn't know what he wants, and doesn't know what to do next. Talk to him. If you enjoyed the evening, tell him and thank him. Let him know you are interested in being more than a one night stand. That may break loose ... (read in full...)
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