I didn't realise how much I still loved my ex, until he moved to my city!
Q. My first love, who dumped me after I decided to move away for school, has now - a year after me - moved to the same city. Ever since he told me that he wanted to move here I have been confused and now that he's here I realize I still love him. Do ...
A. 28 September 2005: Nothing ventured, nothing gained Has he contacted you? Does he know you are still here? How did you find out that he has moved back? The answers to these questions might give you a clue as to whether he has any interest in renewing the relationship. ... (read in full...)
My upbringing has made me hypercritical of flaws in myself and others...
Q. I have a serious issue about myself and the way I look at the world. I belong to a business family of ENTJ's and our society is not different. People with ENTJ personality types are judgers. They judge everyone on the criteria of superficial nature. ...
A. 23 September 2005: It is obvious that you can think for yourself, as you have express your own skepticism about your upbringing and the way your family judges you and others. So, stay away from them, get out and live with others who don't spend all day long obsessing ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my loneliness and lack of self-esteem?
Q. Dear Cupid. I have a really low self-esteem. In public situations I get so nervous that I feel I might pass out. Usually I feel like I'm worth nothing and that people don't care about me. At school I see girls hanging out with their big group...
A. 23 September 2005: First talk to a school counselor. They are free, and available during school hours, and can be a big help. Then, make a list of the good characteristics you have. Start with physical description, and then include personality. Make a second list of ... (read in full...)
What happened to the buzz of our relationship?
Q. Hi, I have dating this girl for the past 5 months. It was love at first sight for both of us, but in the last 3 to 4 days it feels like the buzz has gone. When I say "I love you" to her it doesn't feel the same. I don't want to leave her cause ...
A. 23 September 2005: NO. Something inside you is telling you that there are real problems between the two of you. Figure out what they are, and then talk them over with her. If you can't get the " buzz " back, move on. One of you is not right for the other. ... (read in full...)
I'm not happy with the the amount of time we spend together, and I'm afraid she'll break it off if I mention it...
Q. My girl friend has no time for me. We don't live together, we barely see each other. Since she got a new job (which is volunteer btw), I don't want to tell her how I feel because she might think that she's letting me down and break up with me to ...
A. 23 September 2005: She is breaking up with you. Get over it. Move on. Her loss, is how you have to look at it. But if you stay depressed, and can't function, then maybe she was right. Is that what you want to be in life? Then do something about it. Call her and tell ... (read in full...)
We haven't had sex yet and suddenly he doesn't even seem interested in the topic...
Q. I have been in a relationship with this guy for about 8 months. He is 36 and I'm 21, so there is a real age gap. Neither of us have had a lot of luck with relationships, in fact, he has been married before. When we first started dating we would me...
A. 20 September 2005: Maybe he is waiting for an invitation from you. Come on, girl, even at your age, you should know how to let a man know you want to cut to the chase, and hop in bed with him. ... (read in full...)
I knocked back most of my ex's sexual requests, but he wants us to meet again! Why?
Q. I recently met up with a very old flame, who I am trying not to think of as the love of my life. He wanted to show me his new house and we both knew where it would end up. However, his demands began with oral sex and got more extreme, and included ...
A. 20 September 2005: He obviously wants to have a sexual relationship with you. If you don't, stop returning his calls. Tell him to stop. If you do want to see him, then stop stalling. ... (read in full...)
If my husband's texting someone else is just "harmless fun", why doesn't he stop?
Q. I'm having problems with my husband. He is texting some woman at work. I have spoken to him about it and he insists that there is nothing going on and I have spoken to her briefly. But I can't stop checking his phone and see some off the ...
A. 20 September 2005: Do you flirt with your husband? Do you send him cards, and flowers at work, telling him how much you miss him each day, and long to see him when he comes home? Do you surprise him with a bath before dinner some nites, and climb into the tub with ... (read in full...)
My husband and I have been separated for 9 years, but we still talk and we're still married...
Q. I just wanted to see if anyone can help me. I've been separated from my husband for 9 years and he's been with this other woman for 8 years. He has asked her to marry him a long time ago, but of course that has never happened, because he's still ...
A. 19 September 2005: What are you waiting for? why aren't you filing for divorce? He is Gone. He will always love you, but he has chosen to live with someone else. Let him go. Get an uncontested divorce where you live, and no one need know when the marriage ended. And ... (read in full...)
Snooping in my partner's phone only exacerbated our relationship troubles...
Q. My partner and I are both 31 and have a 3 year old daughter, I really need advice at teh moment. I first got suspicious about my girlfriend about two weeks ago. Then I did something stupid. I looked at her phone and saw a bunch of messages to and ...
A. 19 September 2005: YO get out of a relationship what you put in. I suspect that you haven't been putting in much since before your child was born. The clue is that she isn't the " flirting "kind. All people flirt, or should. Its what keeps the passion alive in a ... (read in full...)
After a fight, my husband can sulk for days...
Q. I have only been married for 4 months and even though we are very much in love, whenever we argue my husband sulks for about 3 days. He has occasionally spent the night at his parents when we have fallen out, knowing it upsets me. He also punishes ...
A. 19 September 2005: Because he doesn't like losing control Get to a marriage counselor, and see if you can't get him there, too. You both need to learn how to argue and then patch things up. This is the hardest part about being married. Good luck. ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend right, that "all blokes watch porn"?
Q. Hi, My boyfriend has always watched porn and I only have a problem with it because it makes me feel inadeqaute. Is it normal for all men to watch porn? (he is 34) I am particularly worried now because he has just set up the internet and I k...
A. 19 September 2005: A large majority of both men and women admit to having watched XXX rated videos, and movies in their lives, according to surveys done at the request of defense lawyers who represent defendants in porn prosecution cases. Not all. But that is not ... (read in full...)
Not sure where we stand! Are we dating? Are we friends?
Q. I was seeing a guy 9 months ago for about 6 weeks, we both been single for 18 months due to bad relationship breakdowns. We got on well. Then we said I wasn't taking it seriously enough, that he was falling in love with me, etc., I was shocked and ...
A. 19 September 2005: He's not ready for a serious relationship. Don't push it. Why don't you contact him, and invite him out. This is the 21st century. If you wait for him to make up his mind, he will never do so. Ask him out if you want to see him. ... (read in full...)
A fling with the boss... but now I'm pregnant!
Q. Hi, I need some help! I did get together with my boss, like a one night stand, but now I've just found out I'm 2months gone! I don't know what to do!! Could someone help me please??...
A. 19 September 2005: Have you considered terminating the pregnancy? You certainly didn't have sex with the guy to produce a child, and it sounds like neither you, or he would be happy with the responsibilities. You can carry the child to term, and place it up for ... (read in full...)
I'm short-statured... and I think makes girls overlook me!
Q. Hi I'm 17 and 18 within the next week and I'm having girl problems. The main problem really though is lack of girls. The reason for this is because I'm reasonably short for a guy at 5'4". This is the past has made girls not interested and not given ...
A. 19 September 2005: Work on that self esteem. Then put your shoulders, back, put a smile on your face, and ask one of those girls out. Most girls love short men, as they are both a date, and someone that they can " mother ". Short men are not intimidating, so women ... (read in full...)
He loves me too, but he can't leave his kids and we don't know what to do!
Q. Please help I really dont know what to do about my situation. I have asked for help before but not got much sympathy. I have fallen in love with my best friend. He is married with 2 grown up children. They still live at home. We have been best f...
A. 19 September 2005: there is not much you can do. It is his decision. He should not have gone back to her, after leaving. She is using her mental illness( depression) to control and manipulate the entire family. For his children's sake, he needs to put an end to that. ... (read in full...)
I don't want his girlfriend to hate me... I just want to be his friend!
Q. Hello, I've met a guy recently and we get on really well. In this past week he's called me up and talked to me for over 3 hours. It was a fantastic conversation and we talked again the next day too, but only for an hour this time! We've agreed t...
A. 19 September 2005: Back off. YOu can see him in school, as a friend, and not get between him and his gf. ... (read in full...)
I want my ex to be the father of my baby, but I'm scared it might be my one-night-stand!
Q. I am 13 weeks pregnant. Me and my boyfriend have broke up. What my problem is, is that we broke up a while ago and I slept with someone else, then we got back together. We aren't together now. I am really scared that my one night stand is the fath...
A. 19 September 2005: Talk to your doctor, there are tests that can be done invitro to determine the paternity of your child, although they are not done unless there is some other medical reason to do them.( draw the fluid from which a sample can be used.) Otherwise you ... (read in full...)
We broke up because I didn't fancy him, after sleeping with the French lad...
Q. Help I need advice! I had been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, however, when working abroad over the summer, I slept with an incredibly gorgeous french guy on more than one occassion. I felt it wasn't a mistake as I really liked this guy but ...
A. 19 September 2005: YOu cheated on your bf, that is what has happened, and now you have lost both him, and the french guy, who probably never intended any long term romance with you. Move on, and give your ex-bf a break. He deserves better. You didn't have to tell him ... (read in full...)
I've never had a long-term relationship. Is it because they want sex?
Q. I'm 18 and a virgin and also never had a girlfriend. I am always meeting with girls and dating them, I always decide not to rush into things too quickly, so I never become bf/gf with someone over night. I never make the first move and I never sugg...
A. 19 September 2005: Work on that self confidence. What do you do? Besides being a student, what hobbies, outside activities, school extra-corricular activities do you do? None? Get a life. People are more likely to want to be around you if you are involved in other ... (read in full...)
I'm miserable because the young man I see myself with has already given his virginity away...
Q. I'm 15, gay, and a virgin, and I am saving sex 'til marriage. I believe that I have found someone I truly love dearly.... he's 14... but I can't seem to get over the fact that he has already given his virginity away to someone. It's especially ...
A. 18 September 2005: Take Bev's advice and critique to heart. Save this letter that you have written. When puberty strikes you will feel like such an Ass for having written it ! At your age, you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about ! ... (read in full...)
I want her back, but she insists that she wants to wait a little until we try again...
Q. I was seeing my girlfriend for about a year and a half. Things went really well initialy and we even decided to move in together. After a few months of living together, she was having spacial problems with me. We tried working things out but ...
A. 18 September 2005: Leave the girl alone, and move on. If she really wanted you back, she would have been in your arms within hours or her return from her trip. She is trying to let you down gently, because you won't take NO for an answer. Stop bothering her. What did ... (read in full...)
My fiance won't marry me until I'm clinically obese!
Q. I am 24 and my fiance is 28. He has delayed our wedding until I become clinically obese. He said to me that he wants a clinically obese bride (me) at our wedding. I tried talking to him about it, but to no avail. What is going on with him...
A. 18 September 2005: Get away from this guy as fast as you can. Ruining your health just to get married is just slow suicide? Is he taking out a big life insurance policy on you? End the marriage plans, and say good bye to this nut. He needs serious professional help. ... (read in full...)
I don't want an Open Relationship any more, because I can't bear to think of him with other girls...
Q. My boyfriend recently just went off to college. We decided to have an "open relationship" while he was away, but to get back together whenever he returned home. I realize now that it's too hard for me to know he's getting with other girls and not be ...
A. 18 September 2005: I think you should tell him how your feel, but be prepared for him to say no, and walk away from you. He might beat you to the punch. Sorry this is not working for you. It took courage to try this, but its one of those lessons in life you can only ... (read in full...)
I'm seeing (and sleeping with) two different guys. Do I need to tell each of them about the other?
Q. I am 48 - Divorced twice and 6 months ago ended a 5 year relationship. Started dating again 5 months ago. He is a great guy, and I really feel for him, but have kept my feelings to myself. We have slept together, and it is wonderful; however,...
A. 18 September 2005: Be honest when asked. YOu are 48 and not looking for a relationship to have children, but just exciting companionship and sex. There is nothing wrong with that, and nothing wrong with having more than one lover. Take care about STD's these days, but ... (read in full...)
Don't want to hurt my husband who is a good, kind man. Do want to hook up with my toyboy!
Q. I am a 42 year old married woman. I have fallen in love with a man 16 years my junior and he loves me too. We don't know what to do about it. I can't bear the thought of him being with anyone else, but neither of us wants to hurt my husband who is a ...
A. 17 September 2005: You haven't told us what is lacking in your marriage that has driven you to find a lover. Get some professional marriage couseling, or sex counseling, if that is relevant. Once you get your bearings from the counselor, you can invite your husband to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's sister wants to make him choose between me and our baby, or her and his mum!
Q. I have a big problem. My boyfriend and I have been going out together for 2 years. We are extremely happy and always have been. We are best friends and love each other so much. To our joy I recently found out I was pregnant (unexpectadly). Now we a...
A. 17 September 2005: I would say you're being more than stubborn: you are being a brat. Your bf doesn't need this. Grow up. What his sister said to you was absolutely awful, but it is the kind of thing women say when they are really angry. What you are doing to her( and ... (read in full...)
How will my girlfriend's kids react when they find out their mum's a lesbian?
Q. I am currently seeing a 32 yr old woman. She is getting a divorce which I am willing to wait. But I am also a female, and she has 2 kids. Her kids are quite mature and loving, and 'Kerry' seems to think that they will be OK with it when she eventual...
A. 17 September 2005: Kids are mean to other kids in school, because adults, including school teachers and administrators, let them bully other kids. If the word gets out, the kids will have a hard time with it. But, who is going to tell everyone? Are you going to put a ... (read in full...)
My husband's religious fervour has driven me away!
Q. My husband has become a Jehovah's Witness and is now totally fanatical about every aspect of it, even though he's only been going for 2-3 months. I couldn't cope so left him as I love everything in life which they don't - which is almost everything ...
A. 17 September 2005: People make choices all the time that drive people who love them away. Your husband thinks he has found his way to heaven, and nothing on earth is important to him anymore. I am sorry it happened to you. You did the right thing for you by moving ... (read in full...)
Sex with my older guy isn't as good as sex with a guy my own age!
Q. I've recently started dating a new guy and I really like him. We waited a while before we had sex, as I was with someone else when we met and fell for each other. Now we're together but something isn't as I thought it would be. I'm 18 and my ex...
A. 16 September 2005: There are both men and women who grow up and never have a clue about making love. Some think it is just something you do, and there is no good or bad about it. Many have reservations about sex, under any circumstances, based on a lifetime of people ... (read in full...)
Mum wants me to be her lap-dog and she wants me to always be the one trying to please her!
Q. Dear Cupid, Is it possible that a mother tries to destroy self-esteem of her own child (son) when her wishes aren't fulfilled or sees her son not behaving like her pet? My mother makes me feel like her dog who is there for her entertainment. ...
A. 16 September 2005: Leave home. And don't call her. The distance will do you both good. I am sure that your mother has provided you with much, but since you can't see that, living on your own will help clear the eyes, and all help you gain some much needed self ... (read in full...)
She can't get over her ex, and it's coming between us...
Q. My partner has an ex who constantly texts him says she misses him. This is constantly coming between us. She says he is messing with her head. She lies about him visiting her to cause trouble. She likes to buy him gifts. She won't have anything to ...
A. 16 September 2005: You should tell her how her behavior is hurting your feelingsA( his visits she lies about, the gifts she buys him, her not spending time with you, and preferring his company) and Then, DUMP HER ! Really, the only relationship you have with this girl ... (read in full...)
Is "J" gone, or is there a chance we'll get back together?
Q. Hi All, I was engaged when I met the girl of my dreams. My ex wasn't the one, so my new girl J, and I fell deeply in love. However, I kept in contact with my ex out of guilt. J didn't like this, and now, 3 years later, has had enough. We took ...
A. 16 September 2005: She's gone. One of the problems with looking for Miss Right is that she may be looking for Mr. Right. And, her definition of Mr. Right will probably be different than your own. Move on. She is being nice, to someone she cared deeply about, but is ... (read in full...)
We met at camp and things were incredible. But we had to break up because we live so far apart...
Q. I went out with an amazing girl this summer at camp and now that we are apart I can't get over her. We broke up because she lives pretty far away and I will only be able to see her a handful of times during the year, but going from seeing her every ...
A. 16 September 2005: I think this happens to almost all teenagers your age- at least those who go to summer camp of one kind or another. Make an effort to meet other people in school, and spend your time with them. In secondary school, there are almost always new kids ... (read in full...)
As soon as I sleep with a woman, I'm turned off...
Q. Help! I've slept with 100's of women and I start off really liking them but as soon as I sleep with them that's it. I'm completely turned off. Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I form a serious relationship with one of them??...
A. 15 September 2005: I suspect that you are afraid of commitment, or even afraid of women. Something traumatic happened to you back before this all started. You may not even recall the event, and only hypnosis will bring it out. But you have stopped growing emotionally, ... (read in full...)
I hate our long-distance relationship and the way my girlfriend behaves, but when we're together... things are great!
Q. Do I end my long-distance relationship of 4 years because of our different views? First, I should provide some background. My girlfriend and I met via a website for people with contractable diseases. As such, we share something in common that I da...
A. 15 September 2005: When you are in a hole, stop digging. End this melodrama. You have had some good times with the girl, but you two can't live together. You already know what the fights will be like, and you aren't marriaged. YOu know about her paranoia. This is not ... (read in full...)
There's something missing with my boyfriend. I'm not sure I love him any more!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for around year and a half now. He is training in the marines and I see him every Saturday night until the following Sunday morning, so not very long. I try to speak to him for about an hour a night, if he has time. It ...
A. 15 September 2005: At your age, you should be dating more than one guy. Of course you two are arguing about a lot of nothing. Its not natural to be alone that much of the time and away from your Significant other(SO). It takes some time for most people to learn what ... (read in full...)
I've never forgotten my ex, and I'd never leave my wife, so why do I regret not seeking out my ex?
Q. I have been married to my beautiful wife for the past two years and she is everything I could have asked for. I love her but before we have even met, my high school interest had always been on my mind for the past 10 years! Although we have lost ...
A. 15 September 2005: Your old gf could have also reached out and contacted you, too. She didn't so leave this chapter in your life closed. Opening it will only lead to disappointment for you- she is married now- and cause problems for you and your current wife that she ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is beautiful, but she doesn't believe me when I tell her that!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and a half. We live together in a beautiful apartment, I have a great job, I don't hit her or mess with her head in any way. I always tell her how beautiful I think she is. She doesn't ...
A. 15 September 2005: Burn the computer, and let her be. Ask her to repeat with you, I am beautiful, over and over, at least ten times each morning, and 20 times before she goes to bed. If this doesn't help, and you can't get part time work to pay for a counselor, sneak ... (read in full...)
What do I do with my life when my boyfriend leaves "to find himself"?
Q. My boyfriend just decided finally that he is going to go away for a year, basically to find himself. It's a facility that is going to help him and stuff, but i dont know what to do.. We've been together for almost 4 months, i know its not long but i ...
A. 15 September 2005: Wish him the best. Hope he finds himself, and date other men. You only have 4 months invested and many of us have invested far more time. Move on. ... (read in full...)
We keep getting together as friends, so we can't properly break up...
Q. OK, I'm giving up on my quest to get my ex-fiance' back. We were together for 3 years. We broke up 3 months ago and I couldn't get over him and have tried almost every day to get him back and nothing's working. He is not dating anyone and I am not ...
A. 15 September 2005: Let him go. Get your counseling, and get help for your mental problems. Depression is treatable. You also need counseling for being so obsessed over this guy. You are not the first person who has been rejected by a lover. It happens all the time. ... (read in full...)
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