A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m 33 years old woman and always dress up even on Sundays when I want to go out to have a cup of coffee, I m not originally from the USA. I see here women go out with pajama to be honest at the beginning I was amazed how they can go to university with pajama and flip flops. I always wear makeup and dress nicely I wear jeans too but I never go out without light makeup, off course I use light brown and natural colors, I get many second looks and complements and people always ask me where am I come from and how I have a beauty of my race, but I have started thinking maybe I am sending a wrong signal and they may see me as an unusual person that they always smile at me and sometimes guys rise their eyebrows when they see me.What doe's it mean? Even my professor sometimes winks at me when he says hi. One more thing that I don’t like is that sometimes in coffee shop guys start talking to me and I try to answer as short as possible but I hate the shake hand when they introduce themselves, even though I don’t like it I try to be polite and do it when they want to shake my hand. How can I avoid that in a polite way? I appreciate your answer to my questions, Thanks
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 April 2011):
 that's "lady's hand" hey was that a Freudian slip?
A
female
reader, Love Mama  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 If you are a pretty girl, you will always get attention. May as well get used to it ... heck.. may as well start appreciating it because in 20 years you'll be wishing for those compliments back. Be polite yet firm and ignore glances and look uninterested or oblivious. Worked for me.... 20 years ago. :)Love Mamaxoxo
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 April 2011):
I live in the south and it's considered to be very bad form to shake a lay's hand unless she offers it first. If some one has bad manners then your best option is to ignore the extended hand. As far as dressing nicely, keep it up, we all appreciate people who put forth the effort.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 April 2011):
 Don't stop being you. If you like to dress up, go for it, it is REFRESHING to see someone with actual clothes on these days, I'm sure that is partly why you get the attention, not because they think you odd, but because they find it nice and refreshing!
I'm not American either. I don't wear much make up, but I DO NOT leave my house in PJ or sweatpants, not even when going to the school bus stop with my children. I wear clothes, my hair is brushed and braided/ponytail, whatnot. I never look like I just rolled out of bed. Neither do my kids.
I HATE to shake hands too. ( I tend to be a germ freak) so when people are trying to shake hand or greet me I just smile. Most people do NOT take offense.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 If you don't want to shake their hand, and they are stranger you have never met before or will meet again, just don't shake their hand. I don't think it will be rude as you do not know the person.
I agree with you on the culture being different in the US. I've seen people go to the store in just their pyjamas, and it is really odd I think. I will also always dress up somewhat nice, at least wear clothes! Pyjamas is not clothes, it is sleep-wear. I don't think you need to stop dressing up, just be who you are and dress nice. I'd rather be too nicely dressed than not dressed at all.
If people give you compliments just say thank you. There is nothing odd about it, and American girls who take care of their looks will get the same response as you. That is not uncommon, or something that only happens to you. Is it uncommon to get compliments where you originally come from? I believe in all the western countries it is common to get compliments, especially in southern Europe. The styles and what is considered "classy dressing" will variate, but you getting complements just means people think you dress nice. So no need to stop!
But, if people you do not know, or do not want to speak to, give you compliments, try to talk to you, and you are not interested, just ignore them. Or say "thank you" and walk away. You do not need to entertain them you know.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 I always took it to mean they like what they see :)
As a fashion conscious Italian , I would not dream going anywhere ( well,maybe to the beach ) without make up on and my nails done;and I never wore sweat pants or sneakers outside of a gym. When I was living in the USA that occasionally attracted a few curious stares, but, again, it felt like a benevolent,appreciative curiosity. Don't worry about it.
As for the handshake, if you let them get to that, it means that your body language has been too encouraging , or not forbidding enough to make them think twice about approching you so closely. You'll have to be even shorter and colder- you can't simply ignore someone who's talking to you , they are not doing anything wrong after all, but don't smile, and give the curtest possible answers that you can without being actually rude.
If they are persistent, you can tell them politely, sorry
you will have to excuse me, I have some things on my mind and I can't focus on conversation now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): You sound like you take a pride in your appearance and guys probably see you and want to get to know you.
If you dont want attention then try wearing tracky bottoms and flip flops like the others - or dress in a more casual way. Stop wearing make up or just wear mascara.
Shaking hands is pretty harmless, its a polite greeting and everyone does it, it would be rude to not shake hands, I don't see the problem you have there. Some countries greet people with a kiss on each cheek so shaking hands is alot less personal.
I think you need to adapt more to fit in, not change completely at all, but be more American,chill out, and also ask yourself if you would prefer to be ignored instead.
How do you get on with the girls?
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Well, a lot of folks in this country are lazy, and that includes in taking care of their appearance. You stand out - and, since guys are very visual creatures, we'd tend to notice a nicely-dressed woman in the sea of sweatpants. So you're going to keep getting attention.What it means is that you stand out, in a good way. Enjoy it.Now, to politely deal with the unwanted extra attention, there's a few options. A quick and dirty solution would be to wear a wedding ring (a real one if you're married, or a cheap knockoff if you're not) and politely tell any guy hitting on you you're married (whether that's true or not). Most will bow out at that point; the ones who stick around deserve to be told off rudely. Even wearing it should keep a lot of guys away.Honestly, though, that's just a way to do it easily. If you're willing to see a few disappointed faces, just honestly tell men you're not interested in meeting anyone new right then, but it was flattering to get their attention. Be honest and straightforward, they can take it. Guys can take rejection if it's quick and not personal; in fact they may be grateful you didn't lead them on.
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