A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a question for the males.For those of you with girlfriends/fiances/wives/partners etc do you always think of them when you think of sex and your fantasies?So when your maybe daydreaming or watever it is that gets you thinking, who are you thinking of?This is kinda bothering me lately because I know guys notice pretty girls but it kinda devastes me to think that there is a chance he thinks of other girls or when sittin in class does the whole hmm what would I do to all the girls in this room if I could freeze time. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world in every way! No other girl comes remotely close. So its a positive negative from me. I don't have to or want to fantasize about any other girls, I have more than I need with my own girlfriend.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): my boyfriend of a year and a bit used to at the start of the relationship when we we'rt fully involved sexualy and he did it out of respect for me. so random girls or megan fox diddnt mean anything to him so it was easier but now that we've been together for a lot longer he never does that anymore it's always about me. I just act confident(not cocky) and send him pictures ect so he never gets bored of me.and i can safely say i never get bored of him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): I normally fantasize about my girlfriend. But, she has a lower sex drive than I do, so I do watch porn and fantasize about those women at times. I'd rather masterbate than try to pressure her into having sex when she doesn't want to. I never fantasize about a woman I saw on the street or whatever anymore, but I did when I was younger. (I'm in my mid 40s)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): It depends:
At the start of a relationship my gf is the only one in my mind.
But, as time goes, my eyes opens to the outside world and i see other women attractive, some even more than my gf.
However it takes commitment to be faithful, so i'll never do more than just random thought about other girls, whereby keeping my relationship healthy.
I'll also keep these a secret.
coz who knows, mayb she is right when she says its like cheating.. and it might hurt her feelings.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Thanks for the insight Odds. That explains some of my boyfriends "keep her on her toes" behaviour. Well personally, I don't think this is true per say. When I love someone I will strive to be a better girlfriend because I love him, not because I am insecure that he will leave! In my opinion, if a guy chooses to leave me, he was not worthy of my love and devotion in the first place. I put the effort into my relationship because I believe it is worth that effort, for myself and my partner. I know that if you don't work on your relationship it will crumble apart. But if he doesn't understand this and put his side of the bargain in, then I would leave him(after talking first). Now I would consider myself a little insecure, but I think I have learnt not to worry that he will leave or cheat. Because I know that the guy who deserves me, the guy who I WANT to be my partner, wouldn't mess me around like that. I put myself 100% into relationships(with the right guy) and I expect no less.But this explains why my partner feels the need to tell me about women on TV he thinks are fit, and about when a women comes on to him in the pub(in a bragging way). I thought he was deliberatly trying to hurt me, thus making him an arsehole. But now I can see it comes down to his own insecurities that I would leave/cheat on him. He feels he needs to keep me on my toes so that I will be an "active participant" as you say, or to show me that he could find someone else, if he chose to. Well at least that makes me understand him and makes me feel less angry about that kind of behaviour.Its good to read that there are guys out there like adamskidude and CaringGuy. I know I am a woman but I am the same. If I'm in love, enamoured by someone(currently my boyfriend) then it is them I fantasize about. If I never did I'd be worried there was something wrong. Why would you want to be with someone you don't find sexy enough to fantasize about? Thats not to say that I never notice another attractive person, or have a dirty thought cross my mind, but when it comes to actually having sex, I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 March 2011):
Like adamskidude, I also fantasize about the women I'm most infatuated with. And in 2 years of being with my girlfriend, she's the only one on my mind.
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reader, Odds  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 @ BettyBoupThe key word in that phrase is "little." An overall insecure girlfriend is a pain - and that's before you consider the effect on her own happiness.Short version is that being a little insecure keeps a woman on her toes, giving her the motivation to be an active participant in the relationship.Long version is that most women need and desire drama in their lives - insecure or not. In my experience, a woman without an external source of drama will create her own. A girlfriend who is a little insecure (mind the key word) believes her man could leave at any time, and simply hasn't chosen to do so. This feeds her need for drama in a way that drives her to be a better girlfriend, rather than a worse one, without seriously impacting her happiness. Besides which, a little insecurity (key word again) is sort of endearing. It triggers a man's protective instincts, she gets more attention, and everyone wins.Think back to your own past. The men you've been most head-over-heels for - whether they were boyfriends, hookups, unrequited crushes, whatever - didn't you worry, on some level, that he might leave at some point? (There's a chick-and-egg argument to be made here, but I'm pretty convinced it's reinforcing, rather than pure cause-and-effect).The reverse is not true; guys don't benefit from displaying any level of insecurity. Showing a little vulnerability is one thing, but paradoxically it takes a secure man to do that.Mild insecurity is also not the only way to have a happy relationship - far from it - it's just one option.
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female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (25 March 2011):
What did you mean by "generally useful for a guy if his girl is a little insecure" Odds? Why is it useful to have an insecure girlfriend? Just curious.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (25 March 2011):
I'll fantasize about whoever. Pretty girl who walks by on the street, ex-girlfriends, Scarlett Johansson, they're all fair game. I'm pretty confident most guys are the same way.That said, two caveats. First, these are just fantasies, and I'm not going to act on them, even given the opportunity. They're fantasies. Just because, as a guy, I'm programmed to want many women at once, doesn't mean I have to act on it. But I'm not going to apologize for the thoughts, either.Second, I'm not so crass as to just spell it out for her, or to mention any of it without being asked. While it's generally useful for a guy if his girl is a little insecure, no decent guy is actually looking to hurt her for real.I know that's probably not what you were hoping to hear, but the truth is that fantasies by themselves are harmless. All that matters is when the two of you are alone and intimate, you're the one he's thinking of most.
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female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (25 March 2011):
 I'm not a guy, but i know that if he loves you he's not going to be thinking that...he's going to be thinking about YOU or the next time he gets to see you.
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A
male
reader, adamskidude +, writes (25 March 2011):
 That is an interesting question. As a guy, i've always thought about the girl who i'm most infatuated by at the time. Since being with my current girlfriend i've never thought about another girl. :)
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