A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really don't know where else to turn. I am a 19 year old guy, who has never had sex, had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. I despise this about me. Every one of my friends have had this experience before and I just feel like an outcast. Like, I'm friends with many couples, and I just feel awkward hanging out with them. I can't stand to see people kissing, and it haunts me everywhere. Every girl I've ever liked, has never liked me. I have been rejected all my life, and I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me, like I deserve it. I always try to be a good person, and I've been told I'm a gentleman, I am always nice to girls. But nothing ever happens. I realize I'm 19 and still young, but I'm not getting younger! People always tell me to wait and that "My time will come." But I've heard that for years! I'm about ready to give up hope! Help!
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male
reader, matthew-matt  +, writes (19 January 2012):
I am the same but I am 23 you are not alone I get very frustrated quite often but I believe it will happen one day most of my friends are married With children, l get jealous of them sometimes Just what ever you do don't give up
A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Despite what you see on TV lots of people make it to their 20's and are still virgins. Also, the "I deserve it I am a nice guy" attitude sucks. If your goal is to be romantically involved with another person being a nice guy can get in the way. I don't mean that in a "Be a total lying cheating asshole" way either. I just mean that being a nice guy can conceal that intent from women, which means you are being deceptive (not so nice right?) and are not sending romantic signals (which prevents women from picking them up).
Try approaching a woman you are interested in and be straightforward about you wanting something romantic. You may get rejected but you may get accepted, roll the dice some more and you will win.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): In response to the first, anonymous answer, I know exactly how you feel about less attractive people having somebody! I am not a drop dead gorgeous beauty or anything, but I look ok, and nobody has ever been interested in me. And then I see girls who make me look like a beauty queen holding hands with their boyfriend. It is just so mind boggling. How does that happen? I mean, how? By now I have seen so many extremely unattractive girls with boyfriends, I know that looks have absolutely nothing to do with it. That leaves the question, what is the secret then?
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (18 January 2012):
Code Warrior hit everything on the head. Read his post twice.
On top of everything he said (I may be repeating some of it), being confident is not only important, but can be easily improved as well. Feeling good about yourself will only help you become a more well-rounded and happy individual that people will love to be around. Nobody wants to hang out with the guy who's always down on himself and always has something judgmental to say about love, other couples, or dating in general.
The happier you are, the more people will flock to you. And being happy all stems from how accepting you are of yourself. If you can take a step back and critically analyze the situation, what do you think holds you back?
Do you go for girls that are "out of your league" (sorry to say, but leagues do exist)? Are you unhappy with your physical appearance? Do you have trouble finding interesting things to talk about? These are all things that you can work on through gaining confidence.
I'd start off by getting into weight lifting if you haven't already. Do a little research on proper lifting techniques, start out slow, and get a buddy or two to go with you. You don't need to become an insanse gym trainer or anything, but its healthy to get exercise and build stronger muscles. Even if you don't notice any differences in your body, you'll FEEL 50 times better which will reflect upon your attitude.
Also, try analyzing your wardrobe. The better you dress, the more confident you'll feel. You don't need to wear suits, but gauge what you wear based on the situation. An afternoon in? Its perfectly fine to lounge around in gym shorts and an old t-shirt. Going out with friends? Definitely invest in a nice pair of darker jeans, some nice long sleeve shirts, and a pair of casual shoes. Also, your hair says a lot about you. It can say "I'm uptight and spend 90 minutes in front of the mirror" or it can say "I just woke up, haven't showered in two days and couldn't care less." Try to find a good medium with your hair style. It all depends on what you'd like though.
Also on this topic: hygiene. Shower daily (and ALWAYS after exercising; you smell worse than you think you do), brush your teeth twice a day, keep gum on you at all times, make sure your hair isn't greasy and is at least clean if you don't wish to style it, and always always always tread LIGHTLY with colognes.
Last, find some good ice breaking topics when talking to people and learn about which topics you should avoid. For instance, ask them questions that you know interest them or that they have a lot to say about. Get them talking about themselves and show you're very interested. Avoid topics like politics and religion when talking to other people you barely know. If the topic does come up, be careful not to get carried away with your own opinions. You don't want to get prejudged based on your political/religious bearings.
I don't say any of this because I think you should change; being yourself is very important as its when you are most comfortable. However, these are ways to enhance your confidence in yourself and are important to address.
As a last note; you are young still. Take it easy and don't be so hard on yourself :)
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (18 January 2012):
Well for starters you really need to loosen up and get rid of this desperate attitude. I know guys like that and instead of attracting women, they send them running. It just comes off of you in waves and women can tell. So instead of presenting yourself as damaged goods, you need to show people that you're fun to be around, that you have a life worth sharing. You're single so you're free to go where you want, do what you want, etc. Make use of that, get hobbies, participate in sports, etc.
Secondly, you're 19! You're still very young in my opinion (I'm 24). I know several guys of your age who are in the same boat but they don't give a damn because they're too busy hanging with their friends or doing other stuff. You happen to be in a crowd where there's lot's of dating happening. Well, at the other end of a street are tons of people in your age range who don't have gf's.
Lots of people talking about sex are actually virgins. In this day and age there's this belief that 16 years of age is basically the norm in losing it. It isn't true, but people won't admit it because of peer pressure.
So loosen up, stop seeing it as a problem. Chat girls up but don't do so immediately with the intention of dating. Just talk to them, whether you're attracted or not. After a while you'll get more comfortable in social situations.
P.s. I hate public kissing displays as well. ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): I'm 20 and I'm in the same situation. I always see less attractive people together and I just think...how can they find someone and I can't? Sometimes it's all I can think about. It's not like I'm disgusting, but guys never ask me out. Everyone says that "our time will come" but those are also people who don't know what we're going through. My younger sister had a bf and I don't. It's humiliating. Just know that you're not alone in your situation. I really hope someone comes along for both of us.
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