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... Send *vyblue a private message | | | *vyblue's profile:What qualifies me to help people…? Well to be honest I don't really know. I consider myself to be a life long learner therefore far from knowing everything. I believe the "outsider looking in" kind of advice can sometimes be the best because it can be the most eye opening and honest response that you will find.
Where do I live…? I sometimes wish I lived in the land of LaLa but for the time being I live in the Land Down Under.
My family makes me tick. They are my motivation for most things that I do choose to do.
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I can't believe my husband would even consider moving in with female roommates! Am I overreacting?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, My husband moved to the USA recently and got an unpaid intern position for about 6 months. At the moment he is staying with his cousin but is looking for a place for himself. Yesterday he's been telling me that he has been...
A. 10 June 2016: Unless his cousin is kicking him out or some other inhabitable situation going on under that roof why the need to move? Shared accommodation cant be reason enough if he is willing to move in with others. You can only trust someone up until its all ... (read in full...)
I want to break up, but what of the presents she gave me?
Q. If you are seeing some one for let's say four months, an you don't feel the same way, so you decide to break up with them, an the night before you do this they give you a few presents, do you keep the presents or give them back, an tell them it's ...
A. 9 June 2016: You give them back, I think that is the decent thing to do. Letting them know that while you do appreciate their generosity you cant keep them. If they make a hoo har out of it, simply explain that you had intended to call it quits but were caught ... (read in full...)
I loved her but I couldn't take any more
Q. Hello, I am a 25 years old guy. I work as well as doing my master's degree in engineering. I have been with my girlfriend for 7 months. We have broke up yesterday. I feel so much hurt. Since I have known my girlfriend, She always felt unloved ...
A. 8 June 2016: Sorry you are having to go though this, it hurts Im sure. There is only so much one can do before they need to step back and let the other person be responsible for helping themselves. To be her constant emotional crutch will not help fix her ... (read in full...)
How can I ensure that I don't get myself into such a scary situation again, where the next guy might not be so considerate?
Q. Hi, So last year I was talking to a guy online. We met online and spoke for a while, including messaging and video calling. And yes the messages quickly turned quite sexual as you'd expect. It was all just innocent "fun" but then he suggested we...
A. 6 June 2016: Please be VERY aware of the dangers of with whom it is you may think you have been chatting. A very sad but insightful read.
www.carlyryanfoundation.com/carlys_story
... (read in full...)
Would anyone see a problem with a partner offering to pick up an ex from work in his car ? Why is he offering?
Q. My ex boyfriend and i of 6 and a half years broke up around 2 years ago. Recently he has been offering to pick me up from work instead of dropping our little girl off later on when im in. Hes now married and im wondering if his wife knows about...
A. 5 June 2016: Depends really. Could be nothing more than a kind act and convenient. Over time, my ex and I would do things for each other, mainly because of our child but sometime not, no funny stuff just a mature mindset. Are you accepting his offer? If it is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated and I have all the proof but he keeps denying it
Q. This is probably a no brainer but I'm asking anyway, found out my boyfriend has been texting and chatting with his ex, I confronted him and he promised to stop because he didn't want to lose me the problem is he hasn't I checked his phone and have ...
A. 2 June 2016: Id send them- Just, well just because. With a message: Don't bother dickhead... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend lie to me about spending time with his son? What's going on here?
Q. My boyfriend's son is over on a visit. He has been here for a week. He lives in the Florida and we are in Canada. Now, I am having some trouble figuring something out. Can everyone help me? Before I go insane? My boyfriend was supposed to sp...
A. 1 June 2016: Hmmm, would it not be risky for him to get up to no good when he has a son that could come home any minute? Without a crystal ball, who's to say. Maybe it is just a case of him seeking an opportunity to have a bit of down time for himself. Which ... (read in full...)
Embarrassed about my financial situation, even though he is paying a lot towards this trip?. How can I raise this with my new BF?
Q. Hello there! It's been a while since I've needed to use this website but here's goes... My new boyfriend of a couple of months has bought us a holiday abroad for a few days (flights and hotel). We are going away this Friday and the closer it get...
A. 1 June 2016: Hi op, I can see where you are coming from, did he surprise you with this trip? Because if he did, as nice a gesture it may be, cant just assume that you would have the finances to up skis and go spending willy nilly. That of course doesn't help ... (read in full...)
Should I presume that our relationship is over? He thinks I lied. I did not lie to him.
Q. My now ex-boyfriend found out from his sister that my ex boyfriend was married and even me telling him that we were just friends. He just cannot believe me to a point he gave me a lecture in a restarant where the other diners stared at me and i ju...
A. 1 June 2016: Ok just getting this straight...your married ex boyfriend was in fact not your bf but a friend that happened to be a guy, right?
A bit of an OTT event in the restaurant, no wonder you walked out.Truth is truth what else can you do but sit back... (read in full...)
Did he return these insignificant things of mine because he is asking for whatever I might have of his back?
Q. I just received a box in the mail from my ex (we broke up almost four months ago now), with some of my things in it. I didn't even know I'd left these things at his place, it's basically junk (a decorative christmas pine cone and a string of chris...
A. 1 June 2016: I think Fishdish has nailed it. Sounds like an attempt to stir up thoughts of him. I mean, how on earth would he look if it was he who broke the NO CONTACT rule? So i'll do it another way then lol. No better message that your not interested than not ... (read in full...)
I think I'm starting to hate my best friend.
Q. I really need some advice with a certain situation that my friend (we'll call her molly) got herself in to. We've been friends for about 5 years and we used to relate to each other so well. We were so close until about 4 months ago. That's when she ...
A. 31 May 2016: Sounds like a drama queen and rather tiresome. Totally get why your pissed. You have done all that you can at this point. Lets face it, she has to be pulling into the carpark of Heart break Hotel before her light bulb goes on. This self harm, Oh woe ... (read in full...)
Are my strategies taking me in the right direction? Should I 'live' a little after the divorce?
Q. My husband and I are amicably divorcing after 10 years of being together. There's no drama, we've been dead as a couple for years, we just didn't fight in public or complained to friends and family. So people close to us are in shock, as they ...
A. 31 May 2016: What is your gut telling you? And what does live a little mean anyway because you may consider "living at little" is to enjoying the company of someone you are so fond of. Isn't the feeling of loving and doing things with a genuine smile with ... (read in full...)
He still lives with his ex. What can I do. ?
Q. Hi guys thanks for reading, I am open to all the advise you can give me. I have been dating this guy for a few weeks, but I barely get to spend time with him because he has a son. I haven't met his son yet I would like to but not till we are in a...
A. 31 May 2016: Different strokes for different folks but this sounds all that little bit fishy too me. In order to save yourself the heart ache my advice would be to let him know that you just cant see things working with him living with his ex and that is, ... (read in full...)
I like this guy at work. But he is dating someone else at work. How should I handle this situation?
Q. I like somebody at work, however it is a bit complicated as he is seeing someone else at work. A few months ago they had broken up (although I didn't know at the time) and at the pub he and I were getting on really well, enough for some of my work ...
A. 31 May 2016: I agree with Honeypie. You don't contemplate or try figure ways to go forward with this dude. He has a gf, all that does is make you the type of woman that we should all look out for. You may like him and he you but thats not enough reason to grass ... (read in full...)
Sexual tension you could cut with a knife... But we're both married. What do I do?
Q. So I have an issue at work that I need some help dealing with. There is this guy a few years older (married with kids) who has always on and off lightly flirted with me. I ignore him because I'm married as well. Over the past couple of months...
A. 29 May 2016: You are in some seriously dangerous territory. So much so it's no longer a situation where you can run the risk of maintaining the friendship. My advice would be to take a firmer than firm stance and let him know once and for all- "ENOUGH this ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my best friend this secret about her boyfriend?
Q. Hello aunt Advice needed!! I was catching up with an old high school friend, we were very close but we lost contact now in college were close again. We decided to go have a girls night, during the dinner she asked about my best friend and vice ...
A. 28 May 2016: Tell him what you know and ask him what he would do if he was in your shoes?... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend's dirty laundry a sign of him cheating?
Q. This morning i put on a wash and noticed a medium amount of white stain in my fiances underwear at the top of the pile. Excluding masturbation (as i was around him most of the day), can anyone tell me what this is? He did have a shower before he ...
A. 28 May 2016: I doubt it. From what you have posted he may of enjoyed that massage a bit more than usual today, pre cum. As for him not masturbating, how do you know that he hasn't? Not being a smart arse but I don't advertised to my spouse each time I do. Having ... (read in full...)
Should I give my husband one more chance even though I have so many times before?
Q. So I am finally ready to be done with my marriage, I know it may not be the "right" thing to do. I have tried for years to get my husband to communicate with me and try, even after he has failed to be there for me, failed to follow through, failed ...
A. 28 May 2016: Nope! He's had enough, well and truly. At some point you just have to realise that you cant fit a square peg into a round hole. Fear of the unknown can be a horrible emotional anchor I get that, but to what expense. Let me tell you, there is nothing ... (read in full...)
Someone stirring up trouble and losing friendships thick and fast
Q. hello agony aunts I've got a problem which I hope you can solve for me, I feel as though someone at work is plotting against me and is telling untrue stuff about me to my friends and to a girl who I'm friends with about my past, he doesn't like me ...
A. 28 May 2016: Ask her. Let her know that you have noticed a change in your friendship and if you have done anything or anything else has happen for that to happen. ... (read in full...)
Do I tell the woman I'm dating that I had an affair with a married co-worker?
Q. I need help, this has been driving me crazy recently, giving me endless sleepless nights. Ill set the context. Last August/September not other way of saying this other than I started having an affair with a married woman. Now im 26 and was free and...
A. 28 May 2016: No, not voluntarily any way. I say no assuming that you have learnt your lesson and gained back some moral sense. Because cheating, whatever the reason or circumstance, a serious character flaw IMHO. Neither you or the woman you cheated with may let ... (read in full...)
My introverted daughter is in her 30s and loves animals. She hates her work and hates being single. At 71, what advice can I give her that will help her?
Q. I'm worried about my daughter. Recently she was upset about something and she blurted out that she hated being single. She is in her 30s and a highschool teacher, and she never got married but she always seemed okay with it. Recently, sh...
A. 27 May 2016: Get some information on how to become a vet hand it to her and tell her to do what makes her happy. No husband, no kids, no ties - no better time to make the change in career. Perhaps biting the bullet and moving interstate to study will open up ... (read in full...)
He ignores me and treats me like I don't exist ever since we had a one night stand. How can I better handle this rejection?
Q. Hi there, I'm married with 10 childrens and had an affair with a man that has 4 Children. We go to the same church and that's where everything happened. He smiled at me all the time and then it ended up into a one night stand we met up and ha...
A. 27 May 2016: I think this may be you http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-married-and-had-sex-with-a-married.html
You dont want to be friends at all with this man. You want a relationship of some sorts which clearly he does not. Try and reclaim some of your... (read in full...)
It's a secret I've not told my long term friend. How do I reveal my autism to her?
Q. I've been friends with a girl from high school for many years and I have a secret I haven't told her about me. That I have autism and I can't find the right words to say or explain it to her, and as I've autism my words get cross wired and some...
A. 27 May 2016: Of course it is up to you but Im not sure why you feel as though you have to explain anything. If she has no idea and it has not affected your relationship in any way all the time you guys have been friends then she will have no idea for years to ... (read in full...)
Why do people want strippers at celebration parties just before they marry?
Q. Hi this is a weird question because its a hypothetical. I think its very strange that before two people get married they are encouraged to have strippers at their bachelor/ bachelorette parties. I've never been to a strip club even though it w...
A. 25 May 2016: I don't get it either. Seems to me finding entertainment in doing what one would consider cheating in an otherwise relationship like sticking your finger up and saying " Fuck you, today its ok but next week,once married,....Well?" Not fun, but ... (read in full...)
Would it be appropriate, and not creepy, to send him a thank you message?
Q. This is the first time Im asking something like this... I recently had a conversation with customers support over the phone, and the man who took my call was so nice and helpful, and he sent me an e-mail afterwards with further information about my ...
A. 25 May 2016: Nice thought but Totally inappropriate. Id be freaked right out if someone did that to me. Also, it wouldn't go any further when really anyone worthy of such positive feedback deserves to have it recognised by their employer.... (read in full...)
I don't mind paying but resent being asked to
Q. Dear Cupid: I was on an on-line dating site. A man sent me messages saying he would like to meet me. We met at a place he picked, I told him I was good with just a drink (no food). I had one beer (it was happy hour), he picked up the tab which wa...
A. 24 May 2016: Txt and talk are two very different things to interpret. Txt, almost impossible and talk at least you can get the tone of things. I wouldn't over think it just yet but still just keep it as a reminder to look out for other potential red flags.... (read in full...)
What's the sexiest thing about your partner?
Q. What's the sexiest thing to you about your partner whether it be past/present/future. What do you find most attractive in someone else? ...
A. 23 May 2016: His overall rugged masculinity. Mmmmmmmmmm sexy.... (read in full...)
What should I do? Is it understandable that I'm hurt that my boyfriend wants to be friends with a woman he cheated with?
Q. Last night my phone was dead and I could not find my charger. So I asked my boyfriend if I could use his phone because I had to call my sister for something important. I'm not the type to snoop but I saw 3 calls in the call log from a woman my...
A. 22 May 2016: Find a new bf. He's an in considerate arsehole that is so in the WRONG. WRONG for cheating in the first place, WRONG for even accepting her call, WRONG for thinking its acceptable,WRONG for thinking you would be ok with it, WRONG for deciding that ... (read in full...)
Any tips on how to handle grief? Maybe it was not my fault the baby bird died. But I feel guilt about it
Q. Hello, I am absolutely devastated. My boyfriend and I went to the mall and saw a group of people huddled together near the entrance of a shop. I overheard one of the people there going "Management knows about it." When we left the mall about a...
A. 21 May 2016: If it makes you feel any better I hit a bird with my car and like you I felt sick and was very upset about the fact. Like, I teared up and felt such sadness. Ruined my whole day and the next few after that. All that I could do was let time be my ... (read in full...)
Anxious every Friday that boyfriend will be drunk when I get home. What therapy will help me?
Q. Hi. Can anyone advise what type of therapy would help me. Every Friday I become so anxious wondering whether my boyfriend will be drunk when I get home I can hardly to my work. He knows I don't like it when he drinks too much and it usually ends in ...
A. 21 May 2016: You shouldn't be thinking to medicate yourself for handling someone else's problem. If he is drunk every Friday, Sat and Sun night and thats the time you have for each other, then he is the problem not you. Maybe he and you are just not suited to ... (read in full...)
Is it time to say 'NO,' (with no guilt), to E and mean it? Do children have to attend parties put on by overbearing parents?
Q. There is this lady "E" who is driving me nuts! Her kids (boy and girl twins with the SAME gender neutral name,let's say J Lee and J Leigh) are turning 10 next month and she drove to our house to drop off an invitation and itinerary. Yes. An itine...
A. 21 May 2016: Oh dear, I feel your pain. Thing is I don't believe her children should be punished for her out of control behaviour. I would imagine living with such a tyrant would make life difficult enough with out having to miss out on a simple pleasure of ... (read in full...)
Did he or did he not? I am 16, why did my BF lie about losing his virginity and then change his story?
Q. So I have been with my boyfriend who I met at a concert for a month. We are both sixteen. We hadn't discussed sex at all until now. I was curious to know if he had sex before, but I wasn't bold enough to ask outright. So when we were finally talking ...
A. 21 May 2016: Probably wanted to come of Mr. Experience after hearing your 4 to his well...none. Think nothing more of it as he is probably a bit embarrassed. If I may offer you some advice in addition to your question that would be not to be to intrusive as to ... (read in full...)
How can I stop? My fiance is going to leave me if I don't stop this behavior.
Q. I am getting married in four months time, and my problem is this: basically I have been constantly obsessing over my partner's past, and all the things that he did wrong at the start of our relationship. I know it is irrational but cannot stop, and ...
A. 21 May 2016: Sounds like you may have OCD and anxiety issues. I have OCD, not over the top, but enough to drive me insane with irrational thinking at times. The times it does become intrusive I have noticed is when I find myself in higher than usual stressful ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend checking out of our relationship?
Q. I am very upset right now with my boyfriend. I was up until 3 in the morning crying. And did not get much sleep because I have been worrying. And crying a lot. My boyfriend and I see each other 2-3 times during the week. He has a fairly consisten...
A. 20 May 2016: Hi there. I wouldn't consider one day in 3.5 years a change in routine therefore I wouldn't be hitting the panic button just yet. Aunt Honesty is right, I cant recall any of my, or heard of anyone else's, relationships keeping the same momentum ... (read in full...)
Do we have a future together? Seems he only texts me when he wants nude pictures of me.
Q. Heya friends.. I've been in a relationship with this person for over 1 year. Over the past few months he's behaving quite rude with me. He texts me only when he wants nudes from me. If at all I refuse to do so, he pleads and begs and will finally...
A. 20 May 2016: He texts me only when he wants nudes from me. If at all I refuse to do so, he pleads and begs and will finally get furious and then won't speak to me.
Good on you for not giving in, but how long will it be before he wears you down to the point that... (read in full...)
My wife speaks down to me and then belittles me when I tell her how I feel.
Q. My wife speaks down to me and then belittles me when I tell her how I feel. I don't know if I am being too sensitive or if I should stand-up for myself more. I don't want to get a divorce as I do love my wife, but there are times that I just ha...
A. 19 May 2016: Next time she does it Responds with a harsh "Fuck off" then tell her stop being a princess and toughen the fuck up if she retaliates. No point faffing about, sometimes a taste of their own can do the trick.... (read in full...)
Why are some people so critical of open relationships?
Q. So I am letting my fiance have sex with another woman (who herself is in an open relationship) next week. They have already had a date and kissed etc. It's the first time he will have sex outside of our relationship. Rationally I am pretty ok wit...
A. 19 May 2016: Maybe it's something they want but cant have, believe themselves to be holier -than -thou or their sexual tastebuds are wired only for vanilla- who knows? Why does it matter anyway. Unless you introduce yourself socially as " hi I'm ...and Im a ... (read in full...)
My parents forced us to breakup. Two months later what should I do?
Q. Hello all :) I am writing seeking some advice from you good people as I have been facing the pain of a breakup for the past 2.5 months now. I have become depressed and mentally unstable through all of this, but am working really hard to become m...
A. 19 May 2016: Personally, at 19 I wouldn't dream of insisting that my child break up with his or her partner. I may not like it ,or them, but I feel as though these are decisions and experiences they need to learn and grow from themselves. Hopefully I would have ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife because of her fixation on finding “the big one”?
Q. My wife is totally ignorant to me on occasssion. Thoughtless or worse. She cheated 4 years ago looking for 'the big one' as I caught her when she left FB open. It was a coworker and the brief fling happened after she lost her job. Turns out he w...
A. 18 May 2016: Well thats not an update we needed to read. Yuck !Be a man and leave her for pete sake. Thats how you get back your confidence. She is a nasty piece of work for sure but your new found sexual attitude is just sleazy and gross. Now you sound a bit ... (read in full...)
Row with my mom caused to leave for the night. What if she doesn't return?
Q. me and my mum had a big row today and im worried it has ruined the love i used to have with her. i asked my mum for £50 to buy some shoes and she said yes then said as long as their sensible and i just murmerd yes mum. then i went out and bough...
A. 17 May 2016: Well if she doesn't return, you will very quickly realise that the shoes were not that important after all :0
She'll return when she's ready. In the mean time it would be a good idea to reflect of just how disrespectful you have been to mum. Beha... (read in full...)
Met this guy and he has a Gf. What should I do? I am yet to tell me that I'm divorcing my husband.
Q. My husband I have agreed to divorce. We still live together because it's convenient but we treat each other as roommates and I will probably stay at our house for at least next three months. About two months ago I met a guy through mutual friends....
A. 16 May 2016: Wait, if there is any truth to him being unfulfilled in his relationship then what problem does he have with leaving her and moving on to find happiness with you? Too many times are vulnerable people duped into believing these sad and sorry stories ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife because of her fixation on finding “the big one”?
Q. My wife is totally ignorant to me on occasssion. Thoughtless or worse. She cheated 4 years ago looking for 'the big one' as I caught her when she left FB open. It was a coworker and the brief fling happened after she lost her job. Turns out he w...
A. 10 May 2016: To leave or to stay is something only you can decide and a decision made on whats best for you not her. Your wife has an acid tongue and I agree with aunt honesty that she does indeed seem to be suffering from insecurities with herself. Being ... (read in full...)
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