A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I am letting my fiance have sex with another woman (who herself is in an open relationship) next week. They have already had a date and kissed etc. It's the first time he will have sex outside of our relationship. Rationally I am pretty ok with it. I understand - there's a guy I know with whom I have amazing sexual chemistry but sort of can't stand him and definitely would never want to be in a relationship with! My fiance is totally happy for me to be with another man (but no falling in love for either of us!) Can someone tell me why the Internet thinks this kind of thing is SOOO bad? We have love and respect for each other but see sex with other people as something outside of the relationship. It will only be once in a while anyway. Our own sex life is pretty hot. I'm just wondering if there's anyone out there with positive thoughts on swinging or polyamory or open relationships??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2016): If an open relationship is working for you then it doesn't matter what the internet thinks.
I wonder what prompted you to ask this question.
For what it's worth your rule of no falling in love is silly. If people could control who they fell in love with we wouldn't have such high divorce rates!
If it works for you, good for you ;-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2016): Like with most other things, the common view depends on which group you ask!
Most people have traditional views. Also, many many people are hypocrites. I'll bet if you took a poll on whether cheating was bad, 90+% of people would say it was. And yet a significant number of them have or will cheat.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 To each his own. If you're convinced then why do you care what anyone thinks? Its you who has to bear the repercussions of your actions and if you've thought it out and are fine with it, then its your life and you should do what you think is right. You're two consenting adults, no one's forcing anything on anyone. Remember, there's no pleasing society...you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Might as well do what you believe in. Just think it through, that's it.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 Maybe it's something they want but cant have, believe themselves to be holier -than -thou or their sexual tastebuds are wired only for vanilla- who knows? Why does it matter anyway. Unless you introduce yourself socially as " hi I'm ...and Im a swinger" who's going to give you the shits by criticizing your choices. I wish I was confident in myself and relationship to experience such a thing. But I know my reality, that is Im a crazy jealous bitch that don't like sharing lol.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (19 May 2016):
I do agree with previous posters that people judge because it isn't the norm and what they are used to. I will add though, that people might caution and criticize the choice, because it is prone to causing trouble in relationships. I have tried open relationship/swinging a few times. Never has it worked. Either I or my bf got jealous and didn't enjoy it. Now, even to this day, the THOUGHT and IDEA of bringing more partners in is thrilling, but I remind myself that the reality was not as enjoyable as expected, and just caused drama and angst.
All it takes is one person to not be as okay with it as they thought. And once it happens, you can't take it back. So it isn't something to be entered into lightly.
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A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (19 May 2016):
I do agree with previous posters that people judge because it isn't the norm and what they are used to. I will add though, that people might caution and criticize the choice, because it is prone to causing trouble in relationships. I have tried open relationship/swinging a few times. Never has it worked. Either I or my bf got jealous and didn't enjoy it. Now, even to this day, the THOUGHT and IDEA of bringing more partners in is thrilling, but I remind myself that the reality was not as enjoyable as expected, and just caused drama and angst.
All it takes is one person to not be as okay with it as they thought. And once it happens, you can't take it back. So it isn't something to be entered into lightly.
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 I think people just don't like what they don't understand, and tradition has ingrained us with the nuclear, monogamous partnership, even if it is a bit archaic. You can find articles on the reverse on the internet, as well, though. Google polyamory as an orientation vs. a lifestyle choice and I think it becomes a lot more nuanced--and understandable--as a lifestyle. It also depends on what part of the world and what part of the country you live in. What is important is your comfort level with this. You've obviously been doing some internet research, perhaps in need of your own reassurance? If so, continue keeping communication strong with your man so you can continue feeling supported and like you two are making the right decisions for the both of you. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 May 2016):
 I think if it WORKS for you two, then go for it. I DO find it a BAD idea once you decide to have kids. Because it doesn't translate well, and I think ( actually I know this, from having seen this with 2 swinger couples) it is HARD on the kids to live with. Because no matter how COOL you are with each other having sex with others IT IS inevitable that drama ensues, of course you can argues that it happens to married people who are monogamous also.
And personally, I think if someone wants multiple partner why marry? Marriage is about a bond between 2 people.. not 4-5-6-7. As much as I have enjoyed the intimacy of sex, I just don't see the appeal of having multiple partners.
However, If you want to live your life that way, GO for it. None of my business. Do I judge people who do this? No. I have friends who USED to live with the swinger life-style, I also have friends who are heavily into BDSM, some that are religious, some that are pagan etc. And I love them for WHO they are not what "life-style" they have chosen. Doesn't bother me one bit.
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A
male
reader, wherelifewouldtakeus +, writes (18 May 2016):
 people disagree with everything, everyone has a difference of opinion, if we didn't we wouldn't have all the problems we have in society, gay marriage wouldn't have taken so long to be legalised.when something stands far away from what the entire world considers ''standard'' or ''traditional'' it takes many a long time to come to terms with it, because we tend to see change as a negative thing it is speciary.now what seems practical to you might seem impractical to many others and they are probably looking at you like this is an insane and absurd idea, just like polyandry, polygamy and polyamory are a bad idea to many. what you can do is not worry about what other people think, as everyone is entitle to their own opinion and it is a pain in the behind to fight the entire world so they can all collectively give you blessings on your life choice.why do some people disagree with it?well from a religious standpoint promiscuity is a negative thing , and this certainly falls in that category.for others this might seem like a chaotic environment to contemplate raising children.for spiritual people sharing your body with many partners opens you up to all sorts of boogie boos.for people who believe in soul mates, eternal love and all that other stuff this is threatening to their idea of love and companionship, sacrifice, oness etc...everyone approaches life from a different angle depending on their convictions and believes and we have all being told that we have to take a stance, we either have to be pro something or totally against it, it isn't cool to take the middle ground. right? wrong!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 I just thought of yet another great example. Not too long ago, some women were interviewed by the newspaper on their choice to not have children. And, you would think that this was their personal choice and that they have the right to make this choice for themselves, right? But you can just imagine... they were BOMBARDED by comments and people calling them at home, writing to them in private etc, telling them how MEAN AND SELFISH etc etc etc they were for not wanting children, and how they would just grow out of it etc etc etc. And I have to ask, why the heck do people care?! It's not their womb, is it? Why is it to one person, if another does not want children? Nothing! It does not relate to them at all, it does not impact their lives at all, it has absolutely no meaning to them. Yet, they still care so much, they feel the need to shout their opinion and write and call and harass the other person for making a choice that is simply different (not an evil choice, not a mean spirited choice, not a wrong choice, just DIFFERENT choice).
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 May 2016):
I think it's up to each and their own. It's no one elses business, really. But people just LOVE to share their opinion, even when it's not asked for. And people will always say what is their personal opinion. They are negative to open relationships when they themselves would not want an open relationship. They are unable to separate their personal feelings from forming a general opinion about a matter. This is why people get opinionated about others private affairs, as if it was their OWN private affairs. It's really stupid, if you ask me. For this same reason, people object to homosexual relationships... Ad I just got to ask, what the heck is it to them?? I mean, why does a heterosexual person care, at all, about what homosexuals do?!?!? Its none of their friggin business, but people just LOVE to have an opinion on other peoples private business.... And they LOVE to control what other people are allowed to or not, if they get the chance.
So, if I were you, Id just not tell anyone you are in an open relationship, because people in general are too closed minded and unable to see further than their own nose. I get the same response every time I do something that goes against the A4, typical and expected life. Every time I do something new, something perhaps unusual, people question it and look down on it and start bugging me about MY PERSONAL CHOICES. As if it would some how impact their lives!
So no, don't ask me why people are so critical of each and every single thing someone does that is different from how they live their own lives. I have no clue why. It beats me. But they sure do it, and you aren't the only one having to sit through a myriad of inappropriate questions relating to your personal life. This is something everyone, who goes against the "norm", have to suffer through.
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