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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I am very upset right now with my boyfriend. I was up until 3 in the morning crying. And did not get much sleep because I have been worrying. And crying a lot.My boyfriend and I see each other 2-3 times during the week. He has a fairly consistent schedule with work. He usually takes Wednesday off in the middle of the week. Every Wednesday he comes over to spend the day with me as I am working evenings and have the days free. But yesterday he did not. He told me it's because he had too much to do. When I asked him how his day was yesterday, he said fine. And then was silent. He did not offer what he did. I just thought that he would. It seems very strange to me that he withheld what he did yesterday. I did not know it was a secret. I did not pry either. I feel like I am not important as he chose not to spend time with me when he could have. He chose to do other things instead of be with me. So, now I am worried. Worried he did something he should not have done. Maybe cheated. Is trying to hide it. I am worrying that he just found an "excuse" not to see me. I worry he is tiring of me and our relationship. I used to be the centre of his attention. He would come over no matter what. He put everything else aside to spend time with me. But yesterday he had "lots to do". That was that. I see a change in behaviour from how he used to be. I worry that after 3.5 years he is losing interest in me. Slowly slipping away. I have always worried about this. I am not sure if I should just walk away now. Perhaps he is telling me something. Like he has more important things to do than spend time with his girlfriend. Maybe he is now interested in another woman and is behaving in a passive aggressive way to get me to do the dirty work and leave him. In this case, I believe he has been checking out of our relationship. And I do not know if there is anything I can do to stop it.Some more background to help your advice: he used to not be able to get enough of me sexually. Now he says he has less stamina and cannot keep up to me sexually anymore. We used to go at it for hours but now he has slowed down. And he is not all over me like in the beginning. So, I am worried he is slowly losing interest. I worry he is slowly pushing me away on purpose.I hope you can help me. I don't know how to deal with this. :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 May 2016):
 Hi there. I wouldn't consider one day in 3.5 years a change in routine therefore I wouldn't be hitting the panic button just yet. Aunt Honesty is right, I cant recall any of my, or heard of anyone else's, relationships keeping the same momentum like the first few years. If you truly feel a shift in things then it is your responsibility, to yourself, to let it go no further before having a talk with him. Bringing it up should be viewed as something healthy and of concern not a Spanish Inquisition line of questioning. No point shedding tears over the unknown.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 Okay well first off it is normal in a relationship for things to slow down sexually sometimes. That should not be an issue unless he is avoiding being intimate with you.
Now is all this worry over one day of not seeing you or has he been avoiding you for a while? Sweetie if he was busy on his day off then that should be enough information for you. How you go from that to he might be cheating I don't know. Sweetie if you have no trust in him then there is not much point in being with him, you will only make yourself miserable.
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