A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been friends with a girl from high school for many years and I have a secret I haven't told her about me. That I have autism and I can't find the right words to say or explain it to her, and as I've autism my words get cross wired and sometimes when I explain things it comes out wrong or not that I intended to people. I know I should have been honest with her from the start and I regret not tell herself about it. I don't love her or have any romantic feelings towards the girl in question but, do like her as a friend and she's a sweet lady. What should I do to explain this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ArtisticBiscuit  +, writes (28 May 2016):
 Perhaps when you do have an issue where you fumble with words or something, say sorry it's my autism...
OR casually slip it into the conversation.
Then if they pick up on it and start talking about it... say oh I thought you knew... or own up you have autism and ask her if she knows what it is.
However you tell her as you've been firm long friends I doubt she'd think any less of you.
Hopefully this helps- ArtisitcBiscuit
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (27 May 2016):
 Of course it is up to you but Im not sure why you feel as though you have to explain anything. If she has no idea and it has not affected your relationship in any way all the time you guys have been friends then she will have no idea for years to come. Have you behaved in a way that you feel she would benefit from knowing? I work with Autistic children and those on the spectrum and because of that I have identified certain traits in my partner that, in my experience, would suggest he is at least on the spectrum. I don't ask or suggest because it doesn't affect him or me. I just keep on keeping on. Personally, I would kind of find it rather random to have my friend take me aside and say "hey, by the way....." then think nothing more than Okaaaaaaay...right o.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (26 May 2016):
 This isn't something you're obliged to declare any more than you obliged to declare an allergy to carrots.
And the bigger the deal you make of this, the more you treat it like a dark, dirty secret you've been withholding, the more likely she is to take it that way.
Is there a reason you think you have to share this? Has she complained about something to do with your Autism and you now feel the need to explain it?
If not, I suggest the next time some mention is made of Austim in general, such as a news story or you hear about a celebrity who has it, you could casually, and in a matter of fact way, make reference to your own.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 You have been friends for a long time, so it should not bother her that you have Autism, remember Autism is a part of who you are but it is not who you are, if you know what I mean! If you feel that you want to tell her, then just say to her sometimes I do X Y and Z but the reason I do this is because I have Autism I hope you understand. I am sure she will.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 I'd say you have done an excellent job on explaining your problem to us ! Clair, simple and to the point .
I think you could send her an email along the lines of your post . That you regret having kept your difficulty a secret from her, then again it's not easy to say nor easy to explain. That you have autism and that's why some times what you say comes out wrong or not what you meant, so if there's something in your conversations that to her rings
" off ", she should not believe that you are being confrontational or evasive or whatnot, it ìs just that you may need a little bit of her time and patience to help you explain yourself properly.
More or less,... what you just told us. If she is really a friend, and a sweet girl as you say, she will understand and won't bat a lid.
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