A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just received a box in the mail from my ex (we broke up almost four months ago now), with some of my things in it. I didn't even know I'd left these things at his place, it's basically junk (a decorative christmas pine cone and a string of christmas lights, and a used book I bought him at some store when we were on vacation). When we broke up, I was already at his place, so I just took all my belongings (or so I thought), when I left. I only have one question: did he do this because he is asking for whatever I might have of his back? I think this because he included in the box a scrap of paper with the words "stuff that is rightfully yours…"I only have an old towel of his, as far as I know. It seems like so much trouble to return this when I know he can easily afford another towel. Still. Do I need to return this? I'd much rather not bother for a towel, and rather just keep moving on. And I definitely do NOT want to contact him to see what he needs back (I really don't think there's anything else though. Unless he wants stuff back that he bought me. Maybe he gave me things on loan that I didn't know were loaned, like a cutting board for the kitchen, etc?)Yes, if it was something sentimental or dear or expensive, I would return it right away. I think he's a very upright honest guy, so maybe he felt compelled to return my things to me when he could have just thrown it away or donated it. And maybe I'm not as honest and upright (ha). By the way, we have done pretty darned well with keeping the no contact rule, except for one week right after the break up. Anyway, any insight or help is appreciated! Thank you!
View related questions:
broke up, christmas, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2016): Hi, this is the OP. Thank you for all the input!
I should also mention the box was sent priority with one day shipping, meaning he spent a bit of money for what I think is junk. Honeypie, he's not the type who cares about his "stuff," not a materialistic guy. And he's pretty well off, I've never seen him worry about material items. So along those lines, I can only think that he's really upright and squaring things away.
Augh, truth be told, now that I've thought about it more, I'd still prefer not to do anything, e.g. return the towel, but now I feel guilty keeping it when before I didn't even think about it to care....
Most of you think I should leave it alone, though. So I will do that. Thank you again for your sound advice and input!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2016): I agree with those that feel he is reaching out to you to get a reaction. Four months is a very long time to suddenly decide to return things and the things he returned are hardly things you'd miss. If he wanted anything you had he's have mentioned it at the time. Everyone does.
Return the towel if you feel you must but he may see it as a green light or a "sign" and contact you. If you're OK with that go ahead.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 June 2016):
 Unless he asked for particular things back I would just chalk it up to him being a good guy or just clearing his place of your stuff and move along.
no need to contact him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 June 2016):
 If he went as far as to return a pine cone (!) then I think you should return whatever stuff of his you have, even if it's a towel. He's made it pretty clear that he doesn't want anything of yours and rather than just throw out out in the trash, he's returned it to you.
I think you should do the same even if it's a pain. But yes, this guy's a little too much. Returning a box of junk after 4 months.. Looks like someone's trying to get you to think of him again. I mean I'm all for being upright and i wouldn't keep anything from an ex but come on...a pine cone and a string of lights?! Geez!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 June 2016):
 Some people like their "stuff" - is he such a guy? If so, I think he could have sent it for 3 reasons:
3. he has been compiling a few things he knows for a fact were yours and decided to return them.
2. he wants everything connected with you gone, because he is ready to move on.
1. he wanted to make YOU wonder and think about him.
I don't think you need to return his old towel and if you don't have other things of his, I really wouldn't worry.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (1 June 2016):
 I think Fishdish has nailed it. Sounds like an attempt to stir up thoughts of him. I mean, how on earth would he look if it was he who broke the NO CONTACT rule? So i'll do it another way then lol. No better message that your not interested than not responding.
...............................
A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (1 June 2016):
Well now, You would know best what this might be about. Odd nonsense to return...especially the book, which YOU bought HIM.
It could be a reach to you- sentimental returning the book, so you remember the vacation where you had a good time etc. And you are now thinking about him, aren't you?
Or if he is the up front sort, maybe there is nothing more to it than returning your things. My money it perhaps on the first idea here, as four months on to return such things is a bit random... Or maybe he's with someone now and is tieing up loose ends
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2016): I think he was either a. Honest and didn't want to throw them out b. Trying to rid himself of all traces of you w o being the douche who threw out your things and wanted to head off you contacting him or c. He was trying to manipulate you into break I the no contact rule. Depends on who did the dumping
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (1 June 2016):
 I don't read it as him implying you now owe him his stuff. I kind of read it as a way to get you sentimental and thinking about him. If he's not the manipulative type, then maybe you're right, that he just thinks that you literally are owed these items. I wouldn't feel guilty or obligated to return the towel.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (1 June 2016):
 I think, a you have said he is an honest, upright type, that he found it easier to return by mail than to simply chuck them in the trash.
I wouldn't bother with returning the old towel, if he wanted stuff returned he would have let you know.
...............................
|
