Despite telling me that she was sexually abused as a child, the relationship is getting physical. What should my next steps be?
Q. Hi I've been dating a girl for a short while, we have been on 6 dates so far and have spoken on the phone every day. I really like her and when we are together we enjoy each others company. Things were going okay but we still hadn't kissed ...
A. 12 July 2011: The reality is that neither you nor her will know how she will react to a normal relationship, having been in abusive situations in her life before. You don't know if you can trust her to be able to handle a healthy relationship, because she doesn't ... (read in full...)
I've taken custody of my younger brother, and we're having major problems. Help!
Q. I've recently taken custody of my younger brother because of my mums mental health problems but I'm finding it really difficult. We're constantly arguing over things like his his homework and he just keeps saying that I've changed and that I'm being ...
A. 11 July 2011: It does not surprise me that you are finding it really difficult having taken custody of your younger brother. Firstly you are very young to take on the responsibility of raising a teenager (it would be useful to know how old he is by the way) - ... (read in full...)
Despite telling me that she was sexually abused as a child, the relationship is getting physical. What should my next steps be?
Q. Hi I've been dating a girl for a short while, we have been on 6 dates so far and have spoken on the phone every day. I really like her and when we are together we enjoy each others company. Things were going okay but we still hadn't kissed ...
A. 11 July 2011: Firstly, do not make the mistake of thinking badly of yourself because you wanted to go upstairs with her, because you want to have sex with her, or because you find her attractive and want to be physically intimate with her. Sex is not bad and your ... (read in full...)
She'll want sex. How can I show her she is worth more than that?
Q. okay um, where to start... well i've known this girl for about 6 years (we'll call her Chloe) and i've liked her for a good while now. i'd love to have a relationship with her; the problem is she has a reputation for sleeping around and i'm still a ...
A. 11 July 2011: That's great, good to hear that your decision to post on this site was useful for you :)... (read in full...)
Risk it all? Or keep feelings to myself?
Q. Hi guys, I'm hoping you can help me. I have been crushing on this guy for the past 10 months. I think that he likes me too but the problem is that we're both in very comitted relationships. Neither of us have children. I'm anxious because I hav...
A. 8 July 2011: This guy represents all of the things that you don't have working the way you want them in your "committed" relationship. This is natural, and is an indication that you should address the things you actually need, in your committed relationship. ... (read in full...)
Have you never had a girlfriend because you're too picky?
Q. I have a serious question for men who have never ever had a girlfriend in their life. I'm noticing a serious pattern between you guys. Why are you guys so picky? I was playing matchmaker for some of my male "never had a gf in their life" friends and ...
A. 8 July 2011: In all of the more highly evolved species on the planet, attractiveness plays a major role in mating. Birds choose mates with the best colour and plumage, male primates fight for the status as the pack leader and mate with all of the females in the ... (read in full...)
Do people without a conscience who use others get away with it?
Q. What happens to people who do not have a conscience and go through life using other people and manipulating them? Do they end up ahead? I know somebody like this who keeps using people but is so sweet about it they get fooled. Goes from man to man. ...
A. 7 July 2011: It depends on what you mean by ahead. If a person manipulates another person and cheats them, steals their money, hurts their feelings, and doesn't care, they will get ahead financially. However, we all become our actions. In other words, they will ... (read in full...)
What is the role of sex in a healthy relationship?
Q. I like having sex. It is very pleasurable for me. However, I only have sex in the context of a loving relationship. To me, it is something special, a sacred sort of ritual in which we expose our innermost, secret selves to our partner without ...
A. 7 July 2011: There is no predetermined definition of the role of sex in a healthy long term relationship. There are socially defined norms, but these do not always work for the subjective expreience of a couple, in which case they will need to figure out what ... (read in full...)
Friend interfering with this girl I like
Q. i like a girl in my class and we've been getting on well lately, i as going to ask her out. My friend had spread a rumor on bbm about me and her. She seemed happy to talk to me even after that but only now my fiend has started butting in when i'm ...
A. 7 July 2011: He likes her too. If you both like her and she knows, then it is up to her to decide who she wants to go out with. The most you can do is let her know that you like her, and if you like someone, it is a good idea to let them know.
Your friend i... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says I am a bad lover. What can I do?
Q. I am a relatively inexperienced guy when it comes to sex. I have watched a lot of porn. I have read a lot about it both in books and on the Internet. I have friends in alternative lifestyles who exposed me to a lot of things in conversations - ...
A. 7 July 2011: This is a great post, it is an example to anyone who has a problem in a relationship, in that you outline the problem without blame, you show that you are willing to take various steps to resolve the problem, and you don't view yourself as the ... (read in full...)
I'm shy, he's shy, and nobodies willing to make the first move, Help!
Q. hi everyone i work in a hospital and i really like this paramedic everytime i see him he smiles and always makes a point of saying hi to me but whenever we see each other he always goes really shy and so do i how do i let him know i really like him ...
A. 7 July 2011: The best thing to do would be to overcome your shyness :) I know that is one of those things that is easier said than done. If you like someone, it is a good idea to let them know. Telling them to their face is best, but if that is too much for you ... (read in full...)
I am thinking of breaking up with my BF so I can chase after my rock star crush! Is this crazy?
Q. I am inlove with Bret Michaels and I honestly think we are ment to be together. He is a rock star and I feel like I should be with him. I am engaged to my fiance Elvin and i love him but love bret michaels more....should I tel my fiance? should I ...
A. 7 July 2011: I am assuming you don't actually know Bret Michaels personally.
In that case, you don't love Bret Michaels, you love the idea of Bret Michaels, or the version of Bret Michaels that is portrayed through the media, but those are different from the... (read in full...)
It's like I'm a toy and she's the child playing with the toy! Break up or not?
Q. So my girlfriend and i have been going out out or about 4 months. When we first started going out, she would act like i was a god (talking about how perfect i was, etc.) We would text each other everyday and spend a lot of time together. after ...
A. 6 July 2011: Part of learning to have adult relationships is learning to have adult conversations. You can't move forward with this without talking about it. You shuold think about when will be a good time to have it depending on what else is going on for both ... (read in full...)
My virgin husband is making me get an std test before he will marry me...
Q. My fiance is making me get an STD test before he marries me. He is a virgin and I'm not. I have been with 2 guys before him. He told me he just wants to be sure I am clean before he marries me because he does not want to catch an std. He is ...
A. 6 July 2011: Asking a partner to have an std test is a normal request for any two people who are dating and who are going to start having a sexual relationship. In this regard it is a reasonable request. He is also being fair by saying he is willing to have one ... (read in full...)
Every time I go on a diet I end up putting back on every single pound
Q. I know this isn't a relationship question or anything, but I could do with some help? I'm 20 years old and having some insecurities with myself. I'm 5ft 4 and 10st, a UK 12-14 and hate it. My breasts are a size 34G and and cause me constant pain...
A. 1 July 2011: The number one predictor of gaining weight is dieting. In other words, in the long run, dieting leads to weight gain. Losing weight is really really REALLY simple, but the thing that people struggle with is the will power to do what needs to be ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend always thinks I'm going to repeat what I've done in the past!
Q. I need help me and my gf are going through a major fight she thinks I will never change when I already have she dwells in the past thinking I will lie to her and cheat on her when I won't I love her to death I would do anything for her I never want ...
A. 1 July 2011: Issues of trust have two sides. There is the person who isn't trusting (her in this case) and there is the person whose trustworthiness is in question (you). In either case, time is needed to build trust or to demonstrate trustworthiness.
All y... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work if both of you alienate your entire family?
Q. One question....Can a relationship survive/work if you alienate your entire family on both sides?? Anyone been in the situation where you have been in a relationship and your entire family are against you?...
A. 1 July 2011: Yes it can, but that doesn't make it a good idea.
From an emotional mental health point of view, the healthy thing to do would be to keep the relationship if that is what you want, and let your family be against you, whilst not alienati... (read in full...)
To threesome or not to threesome...mature answers only please!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years now. Recently, we've hit a few rough patches and I'm trying to spice up and revive our relationship. One of his fantasies is to have a threesome with a woman that neither one of us ...
A. 1 July 2011: Threesomes are likely to give rise to major problems if the relationship is not secure or if the people participating are not secure. Neither you nor your relationship sound secure from what you have written. You mention that the relationship has ... (read in full...)
Looks or personality?
Q. Hello, would you say looks is more important than personality? I have had this boy who has been asking me out for the last week or so, i didnt no what to say because to me he is not very good looking at all, and looks realy matters to me! But his ...
A. 30 June 2011: As the other aunts have written, it comes down to attraction. You aren't attracted to him physically, but you are attracted to his personality. If your attraction grows as you start to hang out with him, the way you look at him might begin to ... (read in full...)
GF can't make up mind where to live. Now she is moving in with this flirt who won't keep his hands off of her. Should I be done here?
Q. Are we done here? For the past couple of months my gf's living arrangements have been changing. She needs a place to live and wants to move in with me. I am not ready for this kind of commitment and I feel pressured. She has friends that I l...
A. 30 June 2011: You seem to be on two different pages here, which is ok.
She isn't bothered by the touching. It sounds like as far as she is concerned, it is playful touching, not sexual touching. He has done it to you too, and probably does it to lots of peopl... (read in full...)
He bought a car instead of traveling to see me...
Q. I have been in a long distance relationship for four years and it has been hard.seeing each other is always difficult because of money but I'm mostly the one who goes home. A few months back we had planned to see each other but couldn't because of ...
A. 30 June 2011: If the reason for you travelling, or him travelling, is to see each other, you should split the cost of the ticket. You can also take it in turn as to who travels. If you are both responsible, you both have something invested, rather than you having ... (read in full...)
I was a wild child, so he begged me to change and I did....now he thinks I'm boring!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. When we first started dating i was a wild child. I partied drank an smoked weed like every other day. I always tried to get him to go to the club with me or get his friends together for a night of ...
A. 28 June 2011: There is a difference between doing all the stuff you used to do, and having fun. You might not want to do all the stuff you used to do, but what do you do for fun? What excitement do you have in your life? I am not interested because of what your ... (read in full...)
What's with the incredible sex??
Q. My bf and I don't see each other much since we're long distance. We've been together for 15 months now. We see each other every couple weeks, usually for a few days at a time. He's always had an issue with getting/staying erect when we first st...
A. 28 June 2011: It is good to question things, especially in response to a change but be aware that often when we are inclined to question, we are often negative or suspicions, without knowing the reality behind the thing being questioned. In other words, often we ... (read in full...)
How do I address his unjust accusation that I was cheating. I was not.
Q. hi everybody. my problem is i met a man in march he lives 2 mins away from me he asked me out i said yes he came round mine after a couple of weeks we had sex we carried on like this for 7 weeks i went out for a night out with my friends first time ...
A. 25 June 2011: Until you have a conversation where you agree you are a couple, and that he tells you and shows by his actions that he is genuinely interested outside of your sexual relationship, you can assume that he is only interested in you for the sex. He ... (read in full...)
Someone Please tell me what to do to get my brother in-law to be his old self again.
Q. My brother in-law and i had a really fun relationship about a year ago. We would joke with one another and try to top each others smart remarks. But about 9 months ago i noticed his jokes becoming more sexual toward me. And i must admit i liked it ...
A. 25 June 2011: The only way for you to open him up about the change in your relationship, is to sit with him and have a conversation about the fact that you feel the relationship between the two of you is very different. However, you might not get the answer you ... (read in full...)
Can a promiscuous man change?
Q. In your opinion, can a man who has a history of random sex with random women in excess, ever actually grow up and fall in love, and stay satisified with one woman? I'm dating a man who is 37 and recently discovered he was extremely promiscuous in ...
A. 24 June 2011: Keep in mind, a 20 year old's attitude to sex and relationships is different from a 40 year old's. However it is up to the individual, some mature and some don't. There are two sides to your situation. There is his actual behaviour, whether or not ... (read in full...)
My girl slept with my brother before we met,should I be angry?
Q. I just found out that my brother had sex with my gf of 1 1/2 yrs, it happened before we were together but I'm really pissed at them for not telling me. I knew that they were friends (thats how I met her) but I think he should have told me before we ...
A. 24 June 2011: There are different schools of thought here. One school of thought is that when a guy starts dating a girl, and his brother has slept with her a long time ago, he has a right to know, and should be told as soon as his brother finds out they are ... (read in full...)
What do you do to rebuild trust?
Q. People say in order rebuild broken trust between a couple that you have hard work to do. What is this work? What do you have to do to rebuild trust? ...
A. 24 June 2011: There are two sides to trust, there is you, who wants to have trust in the other person, and there is the other person who is demonstrating their level of trustworthiness.
The two sides are independant of one another. In other words, you can trus... (read in full...)
Does anyone have a story with a happy ending where you and your ex broke up, but got back together even when it seemed impossible?
Q. So, I see alot of heartbroken people on here who lost there ex....so, does anyone have a happy ending story where you and your ex broke up, but got back together even when it seemed impossible?...
A. 22 June 2011: It does happen that couples break up through various circumstances to get together, not very often, but it does happen. There are stories of people separated by WW2 who found their way back together, and I have a family member who was separated from ... (read in full...)
How can I get my mum to stop opening my mail?
Q. Ok so here's my problem, I'm 21 years old and have lived away from home for about 4 years, working full time. This year I decided to go back into education so moved back home during term time. I come from a good family, however my mum is kind of ...
A. 22 June 2011: It is a good idea to have a conversation with her asking her not to, but you have already had that conversation with her. The next conversation is not about how she shouldn't open your mail, which is about her behaviour, but is a conversation just ... (read in full...)
I want to build muscle but everyone will make fun of me!
Q. I'm embarrassed even to ask this. I want to work out and build some muscle (I'm kinda weedy). But if I buy some weights and stuff for home I know family and mates will think its funny cos I'm the lanky one and the last person they would expect to ...
A. 22 June 2011: All people, but especially our families, form their idea of our identity. And we usually conform to our family's version of our identity, to a lesser or greater degree. In other words, we are the version of them that they want us to be. It is a ... (read in full...)
My partner of 3 years never believes a word I say. Ever.
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, I hope you can give me some insight to this. My partner of 3 years never believes a word I say. Ever. I have never cheated on him but he doesn't believe me if I tell him what I did at the weekend/evening or even ...
A. 22 June 2011: "Should I call it a day" is not really the right question. Most people will advise you to call it a day as they wouldn't see the logic behind staying with someone who is a liar, and who constantly manipulates you by calling you a liar all the time. ... (read in full...)
I don't like her dating the boy she is dating.
Q. My daughter is 16, 4.0 student, musically gifted, volunteers, involved in many clubs, self driven and goal oriented, very attractive and has a good heart. But I don't like her dating the boy she is dating. I don't know what to do here. I allowed ...
A. 22 June 2011: This is a life lesson your daughter is looking to learn, and it is not one you can teach her, she needs to learn it from life experience. I know you wish you could be there as support, with training wheels, while she is a beginner in relationships, ... (read in full...)
Husband verbally and emotionally abusive. What do I do?
Q. im 21 years old and met my husband half way through last year.. he was the most charming, handsome man id ever met and id prior had several really bad relationships.. when i met my husband, ive literally never been so happy in my life.. we were so ...
A. 19 June 2011: You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. The first thing to do in making your life better is for you to read up on emotionally abusive relationships look like, and ways for you to make things better. I know you would like to fix your ... (read in full...)
Someone Please tell me what to do to get my brother in-law to be his old self again.
Q. My brother in-law and i had a really fun relationship about a year ago. We would joke with one another and try to top each others smart remarks. But about 9 months ago i noticed his jokes becoming more sexual toward me. And i must admit i liked it ...
A. 19 June 2011: It seems like he was seriously seeking some kind of sexual contact with you, that he had a real attraction for you, and that he realises he cannot have that from you so he is not flirting with you any more. This either means he has realised he isn't ... (read in full...)
Do you believe in spanking your child?
Q. Do you believe in spanking your child? I've heard people say they believe in it and others believe that its wrong. Personally, i believe in it if they are out of control and have been warned repeatedly. Don't judge, it was how i was raised and my ...
A. 19 June 2011: People's opinions are largely shaped based on how they are brought up, and the prevailing attitudes of our society. Our society has an accepting view of this kind of violence towards children. Certain kinds of violence are frowned upon and others ... (read in full...)
Anyone familiar with astral projection or travel?
Q. Hello there, I wonder,if anybody knows about astral projection, or astral travel. I have been reading a lot about this issue, as I meditate a lot, and tried to have this experience.But now ,I really wonder ,if it is a bunch of b.s, or I just don't ...
A. 19 June 2011: The following answer is based on information I have come across from other people rather than personal experience. The idea is that there are different aspects to our existance, there is the physical form of the body, our mental processes that ... (read in full...)
Can open relationships ever work?
Q. right, so I am a bloke with a massive attraction to this girl. she gorgeous and smart and funny and lovely and SINGLE and SHE LIKES ME...well, you know that with those combination then she's gotta have a problem if shes still single, right? right. ...
A. 18 June 2011: Nobody know you like you do. You already know whether you want an open sexual relationship with her, or whether you want more than that. If you don't want more, and you think you can deal with the emotional complications of it, you could try it and ... (read in full...)
Do I ask? Or pretend I never saw it.
Q. I recently (not serching for) found a list of my girlfriends of sexual partners and realize im number 48. I myself am not a saint and have had 29 partners and understand the past is the past but it is eating at me we have been together for allmost ...
A. 18 June 2011: You have had 29. What number would you be comfortable for her to have had? 29? How about 30, would you feel worse if it was one more than you? How about 34? 38? Maybe you don't like the idea of it being as many as you, maybe the right number is less ... (read in full...)
My friends say I'm just too much of a nice guy to be in a relationship. Is it true? Is that why I'm single?
Q. Heyy I'm sorry if this is too short but I need advice, I'm an 18 year old male and never been in a relationship and my friends say this could be a direct result of me being "too kind". Which I don't get, I don't see what's wrong with being kind all ...
A. 18 June 2011: I like carrie m's answer below, about being kind and sexy. To add my two cents worth, kindness and sexiness are not the same thing but they can go together. Another way of thinking about it is this: sometimes when people want to be kind to other ... (read in full...)
I am 13 and in love with my bf, is it too soon to plan a future together?
Q. My bf *ethan* and I have been together for 7 months. We're both 13 and I have been thru so much pain torture and scariness that I learn not to trust many people. Him and I are completley in love....I have never felt like i do about him. i''ve never ...
A. 18 June 2011: What harm can there be in planning your future? It is just a plan, what harm can there be in drawing up a plan? I can plan to fly to the moon in the next 10 years. It might sound unrealistic, but if I really want to fly to the moon, it surely won't ... (read in full...)
She'll want sex. How can I show her she is worth more than that?
Q. okay um, where to start... well i've known this girl for about 6 years (we'll call her Chloe) and i've liked her for a good while now. i'd love to have a relationship with her; the problem is she has a reputation for sleeping around and i'm still a ...
A. 12 April 2011: You should speak your feelings. Learning to take the risk and speak your feelings is one of the challenges of life and learning this is part of what you need to learn to make the transision from being a teenager to becoming an adult. Pity there are ... (read in full...)
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