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*doneitagain

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If two people are really attracted to one another, can they just be friends or are they kidding themselves?

Q.   What are people's thoughts? If two people are really attracted to one another, can they just be friends or are they kidding themselves?...

A.   27 January 2011: Yes it can be done. Whether or not it should be done or not depends on a very wide number of factors, as it can be very difficult for some people, it can impact on other relationships, and people fuck it up on a regular basis and cause infidelities. ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend found out about the one night stands!

Q.   Please dont make me feel worse than I already do. I know it serves me right,karma,thats what you get and so on. So,to keep it brief,my bf of 4 years found out about a 1 night stand,not the first time,but the first he knows about,he may well start ...

A.   24 January 2011: Firstly let me start by saying you have not really had any feedback from any agony aunts to help you address your situation, only responses which are intended to make you feel worse about yourself. Please try to excuse their angry responses, this ... (read in full...)

Married ex is still contacting my boyfriend!

Q.   Agony aunts please help me. am suffering My boyfriend used to date a girl who was a Hindu while my boyfriend was a Muslim. He used to love her very much. However the parent of the girl did not accept the relation and so that girl broke up with ...

A.   20 January 2011: It might helpful for you to be clear on exactly what the problem is. It seems to me that you are the one who is upset, and who does not want your bf "jim" to be in contact with his ex. Why exactly do you not want him to be in contact with her? Is ... (read in full...)

What does this text my ex sent really mean?

Q.   I just wanted to get a little insight on my ex's recent text. Here's a quick background: The ex and I were living/together for 6 years. He left me 4 months ago for another woman. I was/am heartbroken. I began NC about 2 months ago and have stu...

A.   19 January 2011: There are lots of possible reasons for his contact. He may have taken many things for granted about you and the relationship, which he is realising and wanting to have back again. He may have realised he loves you in ways he didn't realise before. ... (read in full...)

She's lied and I don't know how to express my hurt properly

Q.   Hey people, I need some advice I recently had a conversation with my girlfriend about this guy she was talking to while we were broken up last april. We have been back together for nearly a year now and this guy is persistent but my girlfrie...

A.   19 January 2011: Lets at least identify some of the problems that you are having: - your gf is talking to a guy in secret that she started talking to while you were broken up, and hiding that relationship from you. - Your gf is lying to you. - Due to your girlfri... (read in full...)

Is it a good idea to friend with your ex husband?

Q.   my marriage is over, I love my hb in many ways...he wants to be my friend after divorced, he said we can be good friends after all this sad situation. It's a good idea be friend of your ex hb? We didn't have a bad end, just things doesn't work as we ...

A.   17 January 2011: It is difficult to answer this question for you because there are many factors which influence the kind of relationship that will work between people. In general my belief is that if a relationship wasn't working as a marriage or romantic ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants to have cyber sex, but I'm concerned that if he records the session, it will leak out!

Q.   Me and my boyfriend are in a long-distance relationship and he wants me to have cyber-sex with him. Its been a year into our relationship and I'm not sure of the whole thing. What if he records the session just for his sake and it gets leaked by ...

A.   12 January 2011: "What if he records it and it gets leaked by chance?" Exactly. You already know the answer. What if he records it, and his computer gets stolen? What if a friend used it and finds it? What if his hard drive crashes and he tries to get the data ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to not tell anyone I'm pregnant, and that I'm secretly getting an abortion?

Q.   I need some good advice, I'm 18 and I'm in college it's my first year. I found out that I'm one month pregnant and I don't know what to do. I feel as if my life is over. I'm thinking about getting an abortion without anyone knowing. Is that wrong, ...

A.   11 January 2011: No, its not wrong, it is just not a good idea. The reason it is not wrong is that it is your decision to make, and whilst everyone will have an opinion, it is best that you make the decision that is best for you. In terms of choosing what to do, it ... (read in full...)

She is having trouble connecting to me after the death of a parent, what can I do?

Q.   First time post here, a bit nervous. You know how there are always two sides to a story, right? I am trying my best to keep this non-biased. I really need help. I met my wife when I was 17, she was 16. It is now 20 years later. We never...

A.   6 January 2011: Sometimes the loving action is not what you think it is. Sometimes, as you would know having kids, tough love can be what a person needs. I don't mean unkindness. What I mean is this: You are doing too much for her and its helping her stay... (read in full...)

I don't want to go to my husband's father's funeral because the women he had an affair with will be there, is this wrong?

Q.   My husband has been having an affair with a friend of his family. This has been going on for a while and although my husband is sorry I am still trying to come to terms with it. This lady is well liked by his family and I have never met her. My ...

A.   6 January 2011: There is a way for you to make this difficult decision much easier, and use this situation to find out where your husband stands in your relationship. Firstly, listen to yourself rather than the advice of others, including us agony aunts and ... (read in full...)

Should I forge ahead with my psychologist career, and ignore my heart? Or chase my dream of being an actress?

Q.   Hi. I don't have a relationship question, it's more of a life question. But I read this site everyday, and people seem to be very helpful. I need some advice. I am 18 and in my first year of college. This is normally when people figure out what the...

A.   6 January 2011: You are looking at this from the point of either/or, whereas the possibility exists to do both. You say that you want to become a psychologist and that in your soul you are an artist. It is possible to be more than one thing, I have done so in my ... (read in full...)

Should I like this mentally challenged girl?

Q.   [Mod Note: It would be very helpful if you could state your age and how old this girl is. This will help you to get better answers] There is this girl(of age 21) who is a couple of years younger than me(i'm 23). She is mentally challenged. She ...

A.   6 January 2011: There are many ways that love takes form. People have a need to be loved by others, but just as important is our need to give love to other people. The love and happiness that has come back into your life, they have returned because you now have ... (read in full...)

How to stop yourself turning into a mother- or sister- or friend-type of girlfriend,

Q.   Hey guys, I'd love some advice on how you stop yourself turning into a mother- or sister- or friend-type of girlfriend, if that makes sense? I've been with my bf for 4 months, think he's gorgeous, kind, caring, funny, intelligent, sexy. He's the ...

A.   5 January 2011: There are many reasons why relationships start out exciting and new, and settle into a different kind of relationship later on. As you get to know someone more deeply, and the depth of your feelings move beyond just the physical - this is a good ... (read in full...)

How many partners is too many partners?

Q.   I am a 29 year old woman trying to figure out if I have had too many partners or if I am just average and don't need to worry. I feel pretty average. But when men ask, I'm never sure how I measure up. I know it depends on the man. How many p...

A.   5 January 2011: Before I give you my opinion, your question shows that you are concerned about how men might view you based on your answer. You want to know if you have had too many partners. To many for who? How ever many people you have been with, whether it is 0 ... (read in full...)

I make out with my step brother on a regular basis and I know its wrong. What do I do?!

Q.   this has nothing to do with any of my other questions.. its just diff. drama.. and im sorry its long! okay welll my dad got married a month ago to a really nice women.. all she talked about was her 2 kids.. lets say danny and andrew.. well on...

A.   23 December 2010: Its not wrong for you to like him, its perfectly natural to feel that way. Strong feelings of love, romantic feelings, and feelings of attraction often occur between step brothers and sisters, cousins, and other relationships where there is a lot of ... (read in full...)

Should I be flattered or offended by all the male attention?

Q.   Hello, this question is a little strange...but I appreciate any advice. I've always been awkward with men, boys and even my own father at the age of 13 . I was puffy, had pimples and was nerdy. I'm of eastern European decent... Now that I'm 19 I...

A.   23 December 2010: Your instincts are correct, but how you react to all of this is a choice. I say your instincts are correct because it is both a good and a bad feeling for us when others to express their attraction. It feels good when people think of us as attra... (read in full...)

I'm no one's soul mate and it hurts that I have no personal life

Q.   My mother passed away this year from cancer. She had been sick for 3 years and I had taken care of her. In the process, I hadn't given any consideration to my personal life or any of my own needs. Now that she's gone, I realize that I HAVE no ...

A.   23 December 2010: Giving and recieving love is one of our primary needs, and for many people the need to give love is stronger than the need to recieve it. For the last few years your mother has been the focus of all of your love, care, compassion, and probably ... (read in full...)

My first love from 30 years ago contacted me...He's free, I'm not. I still love him. Don't know how to quit him. Help!

Q.   I have been with my husband for over 20 years. We have a good marriage now, not always easy (I guess that's marriage afterall), but we are making it work. We also have children. Last year, I was contacted by the first man I ever loved. There wa...

A.   22 December 2010: To me you have two choices - repress, or process and work through. If you repress your thoughts and feelings, you will never resolve this aspect of your emotional life - this is the path that you have taken so far regarding this relationship, an... (read in full...)

I enjoy watching my boyfriend masturbate!

Q.   I really enjoy watching my bf masturbate himself off. Is this weird?? ...

A.   17 December 2010: No. Enjoy! :)... (read in full...)

He didn't want to have sex while we were together but now he does?

Q.   I am enganged to the love of my life. We've only been together for 4 months but everything is perfect, except for one thing and we've just had an upset convo about it. He suffers from depression and low self esteem and although we are close sexually ...

A.   17 December 2010: There are a couple of things. First, your partner has admitted to still being affected by something, or a few thigns probably, that are affecting his sex life, and therefore yours. He is going to need to deal with it in his own life, and you are ... (read in full...)

How to stop an inappropriate relationship...help!!!

Q.   I have a friendship with a married man, I am married too, it is nothing physical. The relationship began thru work and has slowly developed over 3 years. It started out a casual text or a phone call just to chat and now is an everyday event. We are ...

A.   15 December 2010: Love takes many forms. I think both you and him really enjoy and appreciate the attention and affection that you are able to give one another over the years. It is natural that you would both feel affectionately for one another. You are probably ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my boyfriend about leftover problems from my ex?

Q.   Is it a bad idea to tell my boyfriend about some leftover problems I have from my ex? My boyfriend knows my ex was jealous but not that he was really controlling, judging and abusive and put me down all the time. I've recently realised that although ...

A.   15 December 2010: I think its a great idea. You are talking about wanting to be truly open and revealing about who you are, to your boyfriend. That is the way you should be in your life, and especially in your most important relationships. Talking about these issues ... (read in full...)

Do you think this relationship is worth waiting? Because I am almost at the of my patience's rope. Please help... Thank you kindly

Q.   I've been with my bf for 3 years now. He has a stable job, very supportive to me, but he was a bit slow when it comes to our relationship. We don't talk about marriage at all. I already asked him twice if he ever have any plans for our relationship. ...

A.   15 December 2010: The reason this one is tricky, is that you are both right. I can understand you wanting to be married, plan for being married, have a sense of the direction your life is going and the committments required to do those things. I can also understa... (read in full...)

Can't get over her bigger ex!

Q.   I can't seem to get past the fact that my girlfriend had the best sex with the guy before me, and it was largely because he was more well endowed than me. She used to say all kinds of things, like "there is such a thing as too big" and how ...

A.   14 December 2010: There are a couple of things here. First off, acceptance. You can't change the fact that everyone is a different shape and size, and you are who you are and the other guy is who he is. You can't change that. The good news is that size does not ... (read in full...)

Gave an ultimatum and he counter offered?

Q.   I told my husband that I do not like that he text other girls and flirts with them thru texting. He claims that he understands and that the flirting is wrong and will no longer do that. However he is not going to stop texting them and he deletes ...

A.   14 December 2010: Hmmm, there are two sides to this story and not enough information is given to know which side should be given greater importance. One the one hand there is your side, which is that your husband is flirting with other girls. Depends how this com... (read in full...)

Nothing seems to work!

Q.   Okay, i have a question. its a bit similar to the others i have posted, but i didnt get a decent response so i'll post a more recent 'update' of sorts. my boyfriend and i have been having sex for about a month now. as it turns out, i didnt have ...

A.   14 December 2010: Trying to have an orgasm is often a sure fire way not to be able to have an orgasm. Rather than focusing on reaching the "goal" of orgasm, spend more time focused on being with eachother and being into eachother and excited about being with one ... (read in full...)

Is this what you call a role model?

Q.   When I was back in school, in 9th grade. There was this girl who really loved P.E, but she loved her gym teacher the most. She would always talk about him. He was her coach in athletics because she was one of the best. She would tell me" when I grow ...

A.   10 December 2010: Yes I think that is a fair way to understand what a role model is, when that person inspires you to be like them in some way, they are a role model to you in that way. Keep in mind, not all roles are good or healthy, even if they are modelled wel... (read in full...)

Why do men treat women like this?

Q.   I was with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I got treated bad (I know,I know why didn't I leave). I always felt something wasn't right about him. I tried to make him happy, wore my heart on my sleeve and tried even harder even though I couldn't do ...

A.   10 December 2010: Ideally, in a perfect world, we would like to be full of self confidence, and full of love for ourselves. When this is true, people's relationships are about sharing their happy selves with someone else who is already happy within themselves, and ... (read in full...)

Paranoid about naked photos I sent of myself

Q.   I sent naked photos of myself over the Internet to someone I chat to. I know this was really really stupid but the guy is really genuine and he did the same etc. He lives in America (thank God) and I'm in the UK and he doesn't have any other info on ...

A.   10 December 2010: Your fate is in the hands of other people now, you can't control it. If you have the sense that he is a genuine guy, which he might be, you can just ask him to delete them. He might. Or he might not. Keep in mind, you have naked pictures of him and ... (read in full...)

She deleted messages to other guys "by mistake!!!" Hmmmmmm...

Q.   I am getting married in a few months, I have been with her for over 4 years and love her with all of my heart but the other day I was on her computer and found some messages that she had sent to other guys and I decided to read what they had talked ...

A.   26 March 2009: What do you think? Do you think she is lying? Your intuition will tell you. Trust that. I don't know whether she slept with other guys or not, but hitting the delete button by mistake on a lot of messages sounds like it is a lie most likely,... (read in full...)

I don't understand his reasoning on a 3-some???

Q.   Not sure why I can't get this off my mind or why it bothers me! My husband and I have been together for 3 years; married for 1 year. A few months ago the topic of threesomes came up. At which time he said he had one with both of his ex's (g/f ...

A.   26 March 2009: There are many possibilities. Some of which include: - he was testing you. - he wants to please you and find out if you are interested - he might have a fetish for watching other guys sleep with his partner. Some people do experience this. Th... (read in full...)

He proposed too soon!

Q.   This is a bit long and I apologize, but I do need some help. My boyfriend and I have been together since I was a junior and he was a senior in high school. I'm now a junior in college and he's a senior in college (we go to the same university)...

A.   26 March 2009: It is good that you didn't say yes, that you trusted yourself that you are not ready despite being in love with him. It shows that you trust yourself and can be honest with yourself and him, which is something you want in a relationship. This is ... (read in full...)

He looks at incest porn! What does it mean?

Q.   I have recently discovered that my boyfriend of three years has been looking up incest porn, specifically the mother/son type. Needless to say I was quite freaked out by this and have confronted him about it. He said that it isn't what turns hi...

A.   13 July 2008: Hi Eva_53, There are a couple of things I would like to put forward. First, you might want to think about whether this makes up part of his fantasy world, or if he is just curious because this is a taboo. It is natural for people to be curious ab... (read in full...)

How can I get psychological help without my parents knowing?

Q.   How can I get psycological help without my parents knowing? I have anxiety attacks and problems with depression but I'd really like my parents not to know my business...Is there any way I can get help without them knowing? A school counselor is not ...

A.   2 July 2008: There are some options. A doctor may be able to advise you through the public health system on some options in your area. Also, if there are any colleges or schools that offer psychology or counselling studies near you, they may have free ... (read in full...)

I'm attracted to my husband's younger brother and had sex with him. Why is this so wrong?

Q.   I'm a married woman in my 20s, I really love my husband. He's in his 20s also. We have a great sex life. Even so, I've been attracted to his younger brother (also in his 20s) since before we got married. Recently, his brother and I got a little ...

A.   2 July 2008: Extra-marital sex is not necessarily wrong, it is true most people frown upon this and the initial idea of what a marriage is certainly does, especially from many religious points of view, so it depends on the point of view taken. The most ... (read in full...)

Should I let her know how I feel before she leaves forever?

Q.   Ive known this girl for 2 years now. At first things were kind of confusing and many awkward/embarrassing situations occurred. We got to know each other and over time, we became good friends and after a while best friends. During the first year o...

A.   12 June 2008: My advise would be to tell her, and I believe in this strongly! Its not about getting anything from her. You know that she loves you, and with her leaving in 3 weeks it doesn't make a lot of difference if she loves you deeply like a lover or soul ... (read in full...)

Any help?-I am losing hope of finding true love

Q.   I am losing hope of finding true love. I moved to a new city for a job about one and a half years ago and my dating life died the day I moved. I have a female friend that tells me that I am attractive, fun, and a great catch, but if that is so ...

A.   12 June 2008: There are two possible unknown factors, depending on what you believe. 1 - If you have subconscious feelings and thoughts like "losing hope of finding true love" or "I am always rejected" people sometimes pick up on that without knowing why. You... (read in full...)

I'm Lonely--where are all the down to earth, fun people at??

Q.   I am so lonely after my husband had died, he was my best friend know he is gone. And do not have anyone to chat with at all. How can I make new friends or just have somebody close to talk with. I am fun person but people are so shallow and stupid. ...

A.   12 June 2008: Keep in mind that if you have this inner belief that "people are so shallow and stupid", you're going to have a hard time making friends. If you change the way you think of people, you might discover that shallow people are deeper than they first ... (read in full...)

I'm 16 and attracted to my dad's best friend who is 37!!!

Q.   i am 16, and ever since i was 14 i have been attracted to my dads best friend. He is 37 years old right now, and i have never persued him, he doesnt know i have feelings for him. sometimes i wish he did so i can be with him. we talk and have ...

A.   12 June 2008: I think that its great to be in love and to have someone who inspires you to be a better person. I also think its great that you can talk to your dad about your feelings. You also seem to know that you are a bit young to have a relationship under ... (read in full...)

Is It The Teachers fault that Students are attracted to them or falling in love with them??

Q.   Is It The Teachers fault that Students are attracted to them or falling in love with them?? As many people may have read or heard about students falling in love with their teachers then coming on websites like this to see what to do about it... ...

A.   12 June 2008: It is perfectly natural for students to develop feelings towards teachers. Sometimes they are feelings of friendship or kinship, sometimes they are feelings of attraction, and sometimes of deep love. Teachers and students are not able to act on ... (read in full...)

How do I get over a miscarriage and an abortion? Therapy isn't helping!

Q.   maybe a few people can help me once again!! i had an abortion about 7 months ago and i cant let it go a lot of people were very influencial and it happend so fast that i dident even have time to think about it i was still in shock ...

A.   12 June 2008: Therapy is a really good option, but therapy that isn't working is not a great option. The fact that you decided to try therapy is good in that it is an indication that you are trying to improve your life and work through the difficult feelings you ... (read in full...)

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