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I am 13 and in love with my bf, is it too soon to plan a future together?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 June 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 19 June 2011)
A female United States age 22-25, *r y i smile writes:

My bf *ethan* and I have been together for 7 months. We're both 13 and I have been thru so much pain torture and scariness that I learn not to trust many people. Him and I are completley in love....I have never felt like i do about him. i''ve never felt as close 2 a guy either. I'm a christian so is he, and i own a purity ring so it ain't like sexua. I mean we hug, hold hands and kiss affectionatley i ain't a saint. He told me that he really loves me he wants 2 marry me someday and have kids. I feel the exact same way we're actually planning out our future as we speak.I know that i'm only 13 but bc of things that happen 2 me i've had 2 grow up like i am 18. I feel safe with him. I will honestly love him for the rest of my life.I know that it pry sounds crazy but i love him. To get to my question their are people tellin' me that i'm too young or to go for it because kids get together at our age and live together forever. I guess I wanna know am I thinkin bout this too soon for my age? plz help me??

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A female reader, SMARTERthaniappear United States +, writes (19 June 2011):

SMARTERthaniappear agony auntIf you have to ask yourself this question the answer is most likely yes, you are too young to be planning your future with this bf of yours. When the time comes to set a future with someone, you won't have to ask for opinons. You'll be mature enough to make your own decisions. At your age you should be just living in the moment. Don't rush into things or your bound to get kicked in the butt when things don't go as planned (break up). I don't see harm in doing it, but don't get upset when your plans are ruined. Enjoy your youth while you have it. DON'T GROW UP TOO FAST!!! You'll later regret it.

HOPE I HELPED ^.^

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A male reader, idoneitagain Australia +, writes (18 June 2011):

What harm can there be in planning your future? It is just a plan, what harm can there be in drawing up a plan? I can plan to fly to the moon in the next 10 years. It might sound unrealistic, but if I really want to fly to the moon, it surely won't happen unless I have a plan, and if I do have a good plan, it might just work!! Who has the right to say that it won't.

If you love him today, and feel like you want to plan the rest of your life with him, then do it. And, like all plans, it is a good idea to have an understanding of what to do if your plan fails, or how to change the plan when life changes your circumstances. . Will I give up on life in 10 years time if I haven't flown to the moon. No, with all the progress I have made, I find that I will only need another 18 months to be able to fly to the moon, or after 4 years of planning my moon voyage, I might scrap that plan for a plan I prefer, to become a hip hop dancer and compete in a local competition. Or after 3 years I might go blind, and life might have taken away that possibility for me.

Plan, and then be ready to adjust to meet the changes that life presents you with. Also remember, planning things in life is a good idea. If you don't have a plan, it is unlikely to happen, and you leave it much more up to chance rather than it being the result of your active creation.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011):

It's normal for kids to plan their "future" with their boyfriends. Once you reach high school or at least you are 16 you will realize that there is more important things than planning your future with your 13 year old "man" sorry to say this but you are way too young. At least wait till you get a career...things not always work out how you plan them to be. If you guys ever break up (I hope you don't) you are just gonna get hurt! You will remember all those nice things you both planned...

Just wait (: that's the best for you! You might be mentally 18 but you are still 13! I don't think you are gonna look good in a wedding dress or a belly this young!

Best of luck for you two! (:

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (18 June 2011):

Anonymous 123 agony auntSorry to burst the bubble dear...but you ARE too young to think about all this. If your life has been as difficult as you say, then you should be working all the more, studying hard, and looking to secure a future for yourself. Marriage should follow at the right time, and only consider having children when you are sure that you can give them the best upbringing ever.

It might all seem very romantic and dreamy to you, like a fairy tale. That's how it is, when you're young and in love. But when the harsh realities of life kick in, when you're burdened with bills to pay and mouths to feed, when you're a teenage mom with children to look after, you will resent all this. You are still so young, enjoy your freedom while you have it.

You might feel that you're 18, but you're not. At 13, you might feel that the world is only for you. We know what its like!!

Its great if Ethan and you love each other. Cherish it and don't let it tie you down. Instead, grow in your lives, study hard, finish your education, start working, and then think of a life together. There's a reason why people are telling you that you're too young...there is a right time for everything.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011):

Yes I do think you are too young to start planning anything but I dont see the harm in being in love and commiting that way. You are young dont get me wrong but i had to grow up fast as well and was mature for a thirteen yr old. Dont get me wrong i still relied on my mom for a house and clothing etc. But i was mature. Im 22 now and its amazing how things change in that small span of time so i urge you to enjoy your youth and your time together as much as you can. Hope that helps.

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