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I was a wild child, so he begged me to change and I did....now he thinks I'm boring!

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 June 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 June 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. When we first started dating i was a wild child. I partied drank an smoked weed like every other day. I always tried to get him to go to the club with me or get his friends together for a night of drinking.

And he hated it! He said i needed to grow up and stop drinking and partying on. It got to be where he would break up with me every time i went out. Of course he was jealous and insecure and worried about me cheating on him. And surprise surprise...i did.

I ended up making out with an ex-lover at a party one night.

After I told him, i completely did a 180 I felt terrible that i hurt him and that's why i stopped going out.

Anywho I stayed home or with him on weekends. I did a lot better in school, but became lonely because everyone around me was partying non-stop. I couldn't relate to any of my peers anymore.

So fast forward a year later,now he's complaining I'm boring! Saying I'm too serious all the time and never want to have fun or calling me boring! What a joke, the guy who is afraid to go clubbing calling ME boring.

But i guess i grew out of all my childish ways. I'm pregnant and have no sex drive so he doesn't get sex too often either. I stopped drinking and smoking for obvious reasons. It just annoys me that he is claiming I'm boring, when I've become the type of girl he begged me to be for a year. I think he's just mad that i never want sex...

Am i wrong?? What should I do??

View related questions: clubbing, insecure, jealous, sex drive

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A male reader, idoneitagain Australia +, writes (28 June 2011):

There is a difference between doing all the stuff you used to do, and having fun. You might not want to do all the stuff you used to do, but what do you do for fun? What excitement do you have in your life? I am not interested because of what your boyfriend thinks, I want to know what you think. Do you have any excitement in your life? Do you think your life is boring? Creating some fun and excitement in your life is important for your own sake, and your relationship will benifit, but do it for yourself not for him. Spend some time thinking about what might be fun for you to do in your life, and share it with your partner.

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A female reader, sammy1986 United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2011):

congratulations no you are not wrong sounds to me he doesnt know what he wants no wonder you don.t want sex being pregnant is a hard thing to go through all your hormones are mixed up tell him he needs to grow up and start treating you properly after all he is gonna be a daddy

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A male reader, Drew21 Canada +, writes (27 June 2011):

Drew21 agony auntI kind of feel the same way. I had a relationship where the girl kept complaining that i needed to change my ways.

All i wanted to do was make her happy, and so i made some adjustments. At that point she became verbally abusive

and manipulative.

She seemed to like me even less, and eventually we broke up.

I was so frustrated, and was pretty devastated. It took me forever to even find myself again and figure out who i was as a person.

After that, i vowed to never change for anyone, ever again.

Sure i had to make some lifestyle adjustments when we had our first child, but overall.. I am who i am, and i found someone who loved me for it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011):

There is just no pleasing some people !!

You calmed down and changed your lifestyle because you realized you made a mistake and didn't want to loose the man you love, then you give him a child and play housewife and he throws it back in your face. Your not super woman, you can't be expected to be a fully time mummy and be bouncing off the walls with energy, full of excitement and smiles. Its called parenthood.

Ask him would he prefer you to revert back to your crazier days and be FUN again? or does he want to except that your both Adults and that have made a family together and that in reality this is the norm?

Try and get out at least once a month together, go for dinner, a movie, bowling etc.. maybe let him pick what to do one month and the next month you pick what you want to do.

Most relationships go through a dry spell, if you work together you will get through this. :)

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