A
female
age
41-50,
*licia
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship for four years and it has been hard.seeing each other is always difficult because of money but I'm mostly the one who goes home. A few months back we had planned to see each other but couldn't because of cash and we both accepted and hoped for another day later in the year. During Christmas he always has an excuse that he has to be with his family. This week I had made a plan to go home and told him about it but it has turned out that the tickets are too expensive for me to go. When I asked him for advice as to whether I should still make the trip he said i could have helped u with the ticket but I just bought a car so that when u come we don't have transportation issues''. I was angry at this coz I think he should have told me about buying the car since us seeing each other was a priority. The advice he gave me was that I should still go but he understands if I don't. I feel like I'm not that important to him. Was I wrong to be upset that he should have asked me before getting car? Does he really think im important at all? Should I still spend the money and go home? plz help
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 I think too along the lines of idoneitagain.
No, it's not so terrible that he has bought a car. Sure, you should be his priority, but not at the cost of having a decent quality of life. Maybe he'll use his car to go to work , too, or he can consider better jobs that now he can reach by car. Maybe having a car will make his daily and social life much easier, and there's nothing wrong with that, supposedly you should be happy for him.
Let's not get confused about priorities- you may be his emotional priority but if he'd need, say , to see urgently a dentist , or to repair a leak in his roof- his priority would reasonably be his health and safety.
Anyway, as the other poster suggests, you should split the cost of the trips regardless of who travels, or take turns, or reach some arrangement that's economically comfortable for both. Since these trips are necessary to keep your relationship going, it 's something that's done for BOTH of you, a common endeavour, and you BOTH should budget your expenses and save money with this end in mind.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (30 June 2011):
If the reason for you travelling, or him travelling, is to see each other, you should split the cost of the ticket. You can also take it in turn as to who travels. If you are both responsible, you both have something invested, rather than you having to do all the work.
I don't think it is unreasonable for him to have spent money on a car, it is part of life's living expenses, and life doesn't get put on hold, but he also has to put money aside so that you can see one another, and keep the relationship alive, if it is something he wants to invest in. If you are putting all the effort and investment, you encourage him to not have to make an effort. Let him make the effort, and find out if he is really interested in a relationship with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011): Please excuse my ignorance, I don't know how much of a necessity the car is for your boyfriend. I mean, does he need it to do his work? Or to get to his job? I myself bike ride to work since it's a 10 min bike ride away, and use public transport to meet my girlfriend, since she lives very far away. But I could understand why a car could be a priority for his day to day, which could lead to him doing a better job, earning more money, and being able to visit more often. Again, I apologize for assuming too much information.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011): Did you consider that he really did just need a car. Idk where you are but i know where i am cars are the only form of transportation as we only have one bus and it will only take you to the college. And its not like he didnt offer to help even though it was a bit late. But maybe now that he has a car he can come see you? Depending on how far it is how much gas is and whether or not you have to cross any bodies of water.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 If you can't afford it I advise you not to go. Since you don't live with him then you can't really get upset on what he spends his money on. I realize that you are hurt that you probably cannot not see him. He bought the car when he thought you were coming. You shouldn't get upset. He didn't choose buying a car over seeing you. Cheer up honey, things will work out.
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