A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Heyy I'm sorry if this is too short but I need advice, I'm an 18 year old male and never been in a relationship and my friends say this could be a direct result of me being "too kind". Which I don't get, I don't see what's wrong with being kind all the time. If there is something wrong with being too kind please tell me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011):
Carrie's answer boils down to:
Women don't know what the hell they want or, if they do, then they want what is bad for them
This is the honest truth. They are terrible judges of men. I have three sisters and they couldn't find the right man for them in a lineup that has 98% perfect men. One of my sisters had a party to which she invited her new boyfriend. My other sister's boyfriend, my nephew, and I all hated him. We just had this bad vibe from him like he was trying hard to impress. My sister was head over heels for him and, of course, he used her (not just for sex, but to care for his child - he was divorced and had custody) and they broke up. The guys could have told her this on Day One, but she was clueless. I told my other sister about this on that first day and she thought us guys were being ridiculous. She liked the guy, too. Are you kidding me? Women have extremely poor judgement.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (18 June 2011):
I like carrie m's answer below, about being kind and sexy. To add my two cents worth, kindness and sexiness are not the same thing but they can go together. Another way of thinking about it is this: sometimes when people want to be kind to other people, they end up saying all the things they think the other person wants to hear, but often this "being agreeable" does is not actually endearing to other people, they would much rather hear your actual opinion even if it means you are disagreeing with them. Another example can be a girl who you are out on a date with asks you "should we eat pasta or chinese food" and you say "I don't mind, you pick." You think you are being nice to her and giving her the option, but in reality she wants you to take the lead and show your qualities of initiative, deciciveness, and taking direct action.
It is possible to be kind to people and at the same time be strong, speak your mind, say what you want, be direct, take action, etc. It is ok to do what you want and to let other people know what you want, that doesn't have to be selfish. If you give people the opportunity to tell you what they want by listening to them, and you keep it in mind and take them into consideration, you can be yourself and be kind to others too.
...............................
A
female
reader, carrie_m +, writes (18 June 2011):
Ok, well there's two ways to be 'kind'.I have two friends, one of them is the nicest, kindest, funniest guy I know and as friends, we get on really really well. He's genuinely a good guy who would do anything to make anyone feel better. But there's something really... unsexy about him and I've discussed it with other girls who agree. There's something that just makes him undatable. He's very attractive, but there's something about his posture, way of speaking, maybe its his confidence levels... well, he's just not appealing to women! My other friend is pretty similar, he's really good fun, he's really kind and funny too and he also goes out of his way to be as nice as possible to people. Despite the fact that he is LESS attractive than friend A, he literally has to fight girls off with a stick. He's always in demand. Out of my closest four girl friends, ALL of us have harbored feelings for him at some point.What's the difference between the two? Friend B takes care of himself. He goes to the gym. He has a bit of a swagger. He's really confident in himself and will say anything for a laugh. If you text him, he won't text back for a day or two, no matter WHO you are, male, female, friend or fancy. He talks about 'boy' stuff but can switch on the charm whenever he wants.That is enough to get a girls attention, and then when you talk to him, you think "how can a boy like this be so... kind and friendly?!" and that makes you want him. So... your friends are right and wrong, you can't be too kind... But kind and sexy are not synonymous. So be kind and never play a girl... but have confidence in yourself and keep girls guessing! Hope that helps =)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): I don't agree with your friends. I think maybe they mean you are too shy, which you needn't be if you want to make friends with a girl. listen, you will not be insulting a young lady if you show your interest in her but please remember to take things gradually. don't scare her away by being too eager or too false. just smile to her and wait for her to smile back then a good morning greeting or hello over a period of time then try to find an opportunity to talk to her, ask her name and what she does and so on and so forth and very soon you will be talking naturally without feeling okward. on the contrary, being nice,kind,gallant, good mannered, helpful are all good traits appreciated by everybody including girls. good luck
...............................
|
