A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I don't see each other much since we're long distance. We've been together for 15 months now. We see each other every couple weeks, usually for a few days at a time. He's always had an issue with getting/staying erect when we first start having sex. After the first couple times, he's good to go. I always thought that since we haven't seen each other in so long, he should miss me and so it should be easy for him to get an erection, right? I'm sure that's not the case, and he would always reassure me that it's him and not me, so I left it alone.We were together last night and I expected the first couple times to be quick or not last as they usually do. To my surprise, he was hard and lasted longer than he ever has, on the first try! I figured it was just luck, but the next couple times were better and better. I asked him afterwards if he had done something new or different or what. I made a joke to kinda ask if he was taking Viagra or something, because when we first met, he had admitted to taking a couple. He said that he definitely didn't take any. I asked if he had spent all day masturbating to get the first couple out of his system, but nope. He said that he gets better with the more sex he has, which I know is true because that's how it's always been with us. At that point, I just asked him if he was trying to get himself into trouble by saying that the more sex he has, the better he is; I mean, if he's great the first time we're together then that must mean he's been having sex..right or am I just crazy? He just laughed at me and said that he was trying really, really, really hard to last long enough for me to reach orgasm first.I don't know why I'm overanalyzing this. The sex was incredible, totally not what I was expecting, etc. but I guess when something (big or small) changes, I always wonder why. We usually spend a few days together at a time, but we only had one night this time and I figured the stress to perform in one night would affect him as it has in the past when we would only spend one night together. Could it be he really was just trying extra hard, or is it possible there's another reason?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011):
Listen. As a guy I can tell you that sometimes I try really hard to last and yet I get so excited it is over quickly. Other times I don't care and it takes more time. Sometimes I am ready to go again in 5 minutes and other times I cannot go again at all. That's just how it goes. A lot of things can affect it: emotions, sexual desire, diet, exercise. Don't sweat it.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 The reason is that the relationship is moving in a better direction and improving. Don't make a problem where there is none, the relationship, and sex, is improving, so be happy about it! There doesn't have to be something going on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Don't read into it. The penis and the brain are not hardwired together. A whole myriad of things may have been on his mind previous times, and adjusting to being with you, however pleasurable, could have been enough of a change to be a break in his mood. I know that sometimes when I have gone without, I ironically am horny as hell right up to the sex itself and then it drops off. It's as if the anticipation was more arousing than the act itself.
It is utter nonesense to assume he is "practicing" on someone else, if that's what you are suggesting. Typically, that would add to the inner conflict and make it harder (pun) to perform, not easier.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (28 June 2011):
It is good to question things, especially in response to a change but be aware that often when we are inclined to question, we are often negative or suspicions, without knowing the reality behind the thing being questioned. In other words, often we are looking for a problem when we have no justification or reason to assume that something is wrong.
You may have reasons to suspect that the change has to do with something other than what your bf said, or if you keep questioning you may find additional reasons, but the truth could also just be as simple as he makes it out to be.
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