A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently (not serching for) found a list of my girlfriends of sexual partners and realize im number 48. I myself am not a saint and have had 29 partners and understand the past is the past but it is eating at me we have been together for allmost two years and live together. Im wondering if i should ask the reason for so many or just pretend i never saw it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, HoneyEyedLatina +, writes (18 June 2011):
 Dang! That's a lot of guys! I'm 28-years-old and I have only had 10 guys but those were long relationships. Why on earth would she have a list of guys that she slept with? That's strange to me but either way the past is the past. I'm #39 on my fiance's list, which to me was a lot but he is completely faithful to me. He's had his fun and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He's gone through so many b****es and nice girls and finally found the winner, which was me! You are probably her winner! I know it feels though and it sucks because sometimes I can't help but think about all the women he's had but then I look at myself naked in the mirror and realize that I'm the hottest (which is entirely true)and I win! If you guys ever get married you should consider that a compliment that she chose you out of 47 other men!
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (18 June 2011):
You have had 29. What number would you be comfortable for her to have had? 29? How about 30, would you feel worse if it was one more than you? How about 34? 38? Maybe you don't like the idea of it being as many as you, maybe the right number is less than 20? Maybe 22 would be ok.
As you can see, the number is arbitrary. What difference does it make if she has had 29, or 38, or 20 or 70 partners? Also, it is none of your business of course what she did in her past. Still, your feelings are still there eating away at you despite it being irrational or meaningless how many partners she has had. Those feelings are still valid, and most feelings are irrational anyway.
The question is, what do you do with your feelings. Do you even know why it is eating at you, what it is you are upset about or don't like. If you came across the list innocently, you can talk to her about it, and tell her how you feel. You might want to let her know, if you agree that your feelings are irrational, that she hasn't done anything wrong, but that you just feel the way you feel. There might not be anything that anyone can do about it, but it is good to be able to talk to the people we are close with about the way we feel.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): When did the O.P. become a hypocrite?
If your salary is $48,000 then would you not mind your boss dropping it down to $29,000 next year? Hey, it's still tens of thousands of dollars either way, right?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (18 June 2011):
 How did you stumble on this magic number list?
I also find it very strange that she has a list on her past sexual partners jotted down on paper or perhaps saved on her Microsoft Excel. For most women, we either know it by heart or have to mentally tally it up.
You found out and now it's eating away at you. Why? It's something that happened before your time and you have a sexual past yourself. Calling her out on her magic number would make you look like a hypocrite. Women have needs too..she may have went through a promiscuous past and is ready to settle with you.
Bringing it up would complicate the relationship. Especially if you snooped through her things. Even though you live together, you're not married and still entitled to some privacy. It's best to move on and leave her sexual past in the past where it belongs.
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A
male
reader, G_S +, writes (18 June 2011):
I decided to register at dearcupid.org ...
I don't think there is a reason to ask because: It sounds like you both have had plenty of lovers! If you've had 29 lovers, you've averaged 3-4 a year. Her 48 is about 4-5 lovers a year if she's about the same age. All that should really matter is that neither is cheating on the other, right? If you confront her, you will just lose her trust, because she will think that you were snooping on her. Again, if you think you have a good relationship, the past is history, and let it go.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (18 June 2011):
 Leave it alone. If she wanted you to see it, she would have shared it with you.
Maybe she was just having a "reality check" about her sexual history and taking inventory.
Eating at you? Why?
Watch the following why you ponder that question.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwNVE37BGVE
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): I don't think there is a reason to ask because: It sounds like you both have had plenty of lovers! If you've had 29 lovers, you've averaged 3-4 a year. Her 48 is about 4-5 lovers a year if she's about the same age. All that should really matter is that neither is cheating on the other, right? If you confront her, you will just lose her trust, because she will think that you were snooping on her. Again, if you think you have a good relationship, the past is history, and let it go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): First of all, I find it weird that she keeps a list of former. I've had no where near as many partners as she had, but I don't think I could sit down and write a list of all my former lovers and know exactly what order they were in. But that's me, and I'm forgetful.Now, to answer your question, if it's bothering you talk to her about it. There probably isn't some deep dark secret. Maybe she just loves sex and couldn't find a partner that lived up to her expectations until she met you. :)I think if she's faithful now that's all that matters. Plus look at all that experience as a bonus. I'm sure she now knows what she likes and she's probably picked up a few moves that benefit you along the way. But do talk to her about it. Just get it out in the open. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
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