A
female
age
36-40,
*eminChanel
writes:Are we done here?For the past couple of months my gf's living arrangements have been changing. She needs a place to live and wants to move in with me. I am not ready for this kind of commitment and I feel pressured. She has friends that I looking for roommates and it seems like every week she decides to move in with one group of friends then another group of friends. She then says she gonna move to Concord and changes her mind to say she's moving with another group of friends. One of her (bisexual) guy friends, can't seem to keep his hands to himself. He touches her butt and her vag. He's done that to me once before, but I made it clear to him that that would be the last time. She has not done that. Instead she laughs it off as if she doesn't mind. She says the he and his cousin are looking for a roommate and she's thinking of taking up the offer. I tell, 'just tell him to keep his hands to himself.' Her response, "that's just how he is. I actually have to share a room with him." that pissed me off bc I just expressed my feelings about him touching her and now not only would she share an apartment with him, she has to share a room too. After my blood began to boil she said it was a joke. What kind of sick joke is that? She disregarded my feelings with a sick joke. She's going to her hometown for a week. I'm thinking of making this break from each other a bit more permanent. Should we be done here?
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female
reader, GeminChanel +, writes (30 June 2011):
GeminChanel is verified as being by the original poster of the question I've come to a conclusion to the situation. I've decided to calm down with the every night sleep overs. Ill leave that as an every weekend thing. I'm taking my spare key back. I'm gonna get to know her friends and maybe we all can have an understanding. I'm not going to move her into my place because she's not quite sure as to what her living arrangements are. It's obvious that she just waiting on me to have a change of heart. I'm just not ready. I need to be dating her for a few years before I consider that. It's only been 6 mos. I think limiting the sleep overs to a weekend kind of thing will bring light to the situation. As far as the trusting goes, I've never had any problems with it until I seen him grab and rub her. It was way more than flirting. I was told her the one time I witnessed it that I didn't like it. Then when she said that she may move in with him, I felt obligated to say it once more. Her adding that they might have to share a room made me feel even more like, WTF. She told him that I didn't like when he touches her, after our conversation. So hopefully he'll lay off on the extra groping.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (30 June 2011):
You seem to be on two different pages here, which is ok.
She isn't bothered by the touching. It sounds like as far as she is concerned, it is playful touching, not sexual touching. He has done it to you too, and probably does it to lots of people to get a reaction from them, like a bit of a joker. As far as she is concerned, it is harmless.
You are bothered by the touching. It makes you angry, upset, you might have feelings of jealousy or betrayal come up inside. There are two things to know about your feelings. Firstly, there is no right or wrong about feelings, you simply feel the way you feel and it is good that you express your feelings to your girlfriend, and to people in general, it is a big part of who you are. The second is whether your feelings should have any impact over your girlfriend's behaviour. The answer is, they do not have any impact. Your girlfriend should not have to behave the way you want her to just because you are uncomfortable with how she wants to behave. That is controlling behaviour. If it upsets you that your girlfriend dresses a certain way, or eats a certain food or whatever, you are entitled to tell you that you are upset by it, and she is entitled to say that she understands that you don't like it, but that she is ok with it so she is going to do it. It is your girlfriend's body and she is ok with it, and it is not sound like some kind of sexual betrayal.
If you don't trust her, and you are worried because you think she might actually cheat on you, you need to have a conversation with your girlfriend about that. Relationships don't work without trust, if you don't trust her, then that is your real issue to deal with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011): In my experience, my girlfriend always jokes about other men when: a) it's not a real threat; and b) she knows it will get my blood boiling (even after she tells me it's a joke). No I am not saying it's OK for this guy to have his hands all over her, especially if you don't agree (I can't imagine who would, though...). Unless there is a *REAL GOOD* reason for her to move in with him, in my opinion she is just teasing and asking for it.
Reconsider having her move in with you, if you think the relationship is mature enough. If not, ask yourself when and what would it take for you to be ready? Sometimes you have to compromise.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (30 June 2011):
 She is one of those "addicted to Chaos" types.
Unless you wish to be sucked into the drama vortex I would suggest putting some space between you and she. If this is driving you nuts now it will not get better later.
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