A
female
age
41-50,
*ianna1
writes:My brother in-law and i had a really fun relationship about a year ago. We would joke with one another and try to top each others smart remarks. But about 9 months ago i noticed his jokes becoming more sexual toward me. And i must admit i liked it and played along with it. The jokes ranged from him jokingly asking me if i wanted to see his penis to him jokingly telling me he would quit his job to become a porn star and if i would act in his porn film with him. At that time i was still not married to his brother. We were engaged though. My at the time fiance's bro would make the most suggestive comments and jokes at me in front of his brother. I of course played along. But around the beginning of this year things seemed like they drastically changed. There was more sexual tension between us. I ended up really falling for my fiance's brother. One time the 3 of us were having dinner and i was telling my fiances brother that i wanted to hook him up with a friend of mine that i emailed a picture of to him the night before. He told me no. I asked him what he wanted and he replied "you". I acted like i did not hear him and continued with dinner. My then fiance OBVIOUSLY heard and ignored his remark too since he was sitting right next to me. It was at that point that i knew he had a thing for me. I got married 3 months ago to my fiance and few weeks before my wedding my now husband, his bro and both his parents went out for lunch. He was behaving of course but as we left the restaurant he jokingly told me that if i wanted to touch him there he was for me to touch. I laughed it off told him id touch him later and left. The last time i saw him was 3 months ago at my wedding. I would text him from time to time after that and he would not reply. to me this was a bit weird because when we had first met and had that good relationship if he did not reply to a text that day he would reply the next morning apologizing for the late reply. But ever since my wedding he will not text me back.i text him silly texts (NON SEXUAL) and he wont reply. So then i text him sexually suggestive ones and he still wont reply. He used to reply to all of my texts. Yet I asked my husband to call him and ask his advice on something. My husband told me what his brother said and i sent his brother an email thanking him for his advice and telling him that we should hang out since i will not have time til 2 months from now. He replied and called my husband to set up a time to hang out with us. Yesterday the 3 of us had dinner but he seemed so not himself anymore. He did not joke around. He seemed like he had nothing to say to us after 3 months of not seeing us. I sent him two texts after we departed in an attempt to get him to be fun again. yet he did not reply to either of them. I am thinking of sending him another text of a picture of myself eating snails to share my first experience eating that sort of thing with him but i am afraid he will most likely not answer and i get really depressed when he does not answer. Should i text him the picture letting him know i wanted to share this experience with him and if i dont get a reply should i tell him that i have been trying to get him to be "fun" again but it doesnt seem to be working so i will not contact him any longer? I wish things between he and i were back like how he used to be. fun new and exciting. My BIL is not exciting and fun to be around with anymore. What bothers me the most is that he does not reply to my texts anymore. It saddens me. I used to have so much fun with him. But he seems like he has lost his spark. He's more serious now less engaged in conversation. Should i make one last attempt to get a response from him via text or should i just forget about him and lose contact with him all together? Please what should i do?
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male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (25 June 2011):
The only way for you to open him up about the change in your relationship, is to sit with him and have a conversation about the fact that you feel the relationship between the two of you is very different. However, you might not get the answer you are looking for. If he isnt ready to tell you why, he won't, and he might not be aware that anything is different, some of the influences might be unconscious. Either way, these are not reasons to avoid this conversation with him, it is still a good idea to speak to him about it. Keep in mind, the change in the relationship might not have anything to do with you, they could be circumstancial and it could be due to other factors in his life. The main thing is you would like to see a change, so speak to him about it, but if you try and he is not receptive to what you have to say, there isnt a lot you can do to change his behaviour.
A
female
reader, gianna1 +, writes (24 June 2011):
gianna1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo idoneitagain,
I asked my BIL and my hubby and they both said it's because my BIL is tired. He works a lot and is too tired to joke around. I do not think they are telling me the truth. My hubby has a tendency to regurgitate anything his brother says and take it as fact without questioning.
Yet when we had that good relationship he was always working and always tired. sometimes more than usual. Do you think my BIL is telling me the truth as to why he is not the same with me anymore? how do i get him to open up to why he really is not the same??
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (19 June 2011):
It seems like he was seriously seeking some kind of sexual contact with you, that he had a real attraction for you, and that he realises he cannot have that from you so he is not flirting with you any more. This either means he has realised he isn't going to have sex with you and has lost interest, or that he still really likes you and it is hard for him to engage with you properly and have to face the disappointment of you not being with him. He may actually behind all of the jokes be in love with you. You admitted that there was a time when you really fell for him, and it wouldn't surprise me if he fell for you too.
If you would like to still be close to your brother in law, you can talk to him directly, and ask him why he was so funny and "harmlessly" flirty with you before, and now he doesn't want to talk to you. You can ask your husband if there is any problem also, tell him you used to like the funny side of him and now he is distant.
I found it interesting that you married one guy but were pursuing his brother in terms of his fun, energy, and the sharing of sexual energy. These are generally the things you need in your marriage, and looking for them outside your marriage can spell disaster. If you don't have these things in your relationship with your husband, you will want to talk to him about it, or your relationship may be in worse shape than you think it is. Communication is the key, talk about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): so let me get this straight: you and your fiance's brother were flirting. Now that you're married, and the guy is now your brother in law, he no longer flirts or wants to be sexually suggestive to you. HELLO, he's doing the right thing!! And you're asking, how can you get him to go back to flirting and being sexually suggestive to you??
You're married now, in case you haven't noticed.
Your husband's brother realizes this and he's doing the right thing of behaving APPROPRIATELY to his new sister in law which is you.
Maybe he realizes it's now seriously a no-no because you're a married woman. And married to his brother. You're now FAMILY. this makes it more wrong.
or maybe he was interested in you and prior to the wedding he was hoping you'd leave his brother for him. But you didn't, obviously. Instead you went ahead with the wedding. So now, in his mind, it's too late, you're "taken" so he's no longer interested in you so he's looking elsewhere.
You need to realize that you're now married so your relationship to this guy has changed. He's realized it and recognized it, so you should too. Besides, it's incredibly disrespectful to your new husband to be doing this with anyone let alone his own brother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Leave him alone!!!Do you love your husband? If you do, you will not make any further attempts at continuing an emotional affair with his brother.His brother is a great guy. You need to accept that once you married his brother, you became "off-limits.". He is not contacting you because you two have no business flirting or "sharing" any more mundane experiences.Stop behaving like a #_%§p and start behaving like a married woman!
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