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Is 9 months too little time to start a family in our circumstances?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Pregnancy, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 October 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 13 October 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *ifecycle writes:

Hi All, I dont really have a "problem" so to speak but more a situation that I need advice on, I hope some of you can help! :)

I have been with a lovely girl now for 9 months, and we had an amazing 5 or 6 month start to our relationship that felt like nothing either of us had felt before. We have both had at least 2 other serious relationships in the past but we really do believe we are "the one" for eachother.

Our relationship then hit a rocky patch where we started to argue over silly little things, looking at it now we agree that we argued for the sake of arguing really! It lasted around 4-6 weeks I'd say where the bulk of our rows were. These problems were the most silly things ever, brought on through insecurity and jealousy being allowed to take hold. Even during this time we had some great times, it was just every so often we'd have a row and be difficult with eachother for a day or two.

During that time we were under alot of pressure, my girlfriend lost her job and we were in the process of saving for our own place, shes not had alot of luck getting a new job even after a few interviews.

Right so, jumping to the issue here!

We found out a few days ago that she is 3 weeks pregnant. We are both excited and happy with the news, but also feel like family might think we're crazy because we want to keep it and move out (as planned) and be a happy little family. We had always wanted children, and at the ages of 26 and 21 I dont feel like we're too young and dumb? I know we've argued but we feel like we can be strong and happy together.

I guess im just asking what peoples experiences and opinions are on this, is 9 months too little time to start a family in our circumstances?


A excited/nervous/scared sick poster :) x

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A male reader, idoneitagain Australia +, writes (13 October 2011):

It seems like you are asking this question because you want to know if everything will work out ok, or if it will all end in disaster. You want to know what other people's experiences were like so you can get an idea of how yours might be. The truth is, no one knows what your experience will be like, and whether it will be successful or not. Neither do peopel who have been together for 5 years and decide to start a family.

Your main guide to indicate to you is how you and your girlfriend deal with problems and challenges as they come up, and how you can communicate with one anther. The more time you have together, the more time you have to see how you guys do these things, and 9 months is not a long time to know, but that doesn't matter, this is something you create over time. The most important thing is how you both feel about it now. If you both believe in your relationship, and are happy now, you are in as good a position as any two people. If you both have concerns and can talk to one another about your concerns when they come up, and deal with them together, you are in as good a position as any two people.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011):

Six years ago I met my husband. We dated without physical contact (no sex) for 4 months, then that's when we decided to step things up. Two months later he moved in with me (very short time, yes.) Anyway, things were going well but we were pretty poor working part time jobs at fast-food restaurants, etc.

Five months after he moved in we found out I was pregnant! By our one year anniversary I was two months pregnant. Well, it was a rough time. We were very poor, no insurance, etc. We had to get assistance, which I know people frown on, but it was what had to be done. Either that or have the baby in a bath tub. 9 months later our son was born, and we still struggled along, still needed assistance, etc.

Then when my son was 10 months old, I went to vocational school, and was able to get a better job after that. Now five years later we are not on assistance and having our second baby.

In that story, you don't see how hard it was. It was extremely hard! It was not smooth. We argue, we have good and bad, we've had illnesses, lived with family members, had to eat from food banks. There have been tears. But there have been lots of happy times.

Life is a challenge, you get what you make of it.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (12 October 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntWell at the end of the day the two most important opinions in this story is yours and your girlfriends. 9 months is quite a short time, but at the end of the day all couples go through bad patches where they have arguments. But as long as you got over it and can work past it that is the main thing. Regarding your age no I don't think that you are both two young. You have the right ideas in your head. Off course it will be hard with a new born baby, but it is also one of the most rewarding things in life, and if you are both ready for the challenge and the love that a child brings well then I don't see what you are both doing wrong. As long as you both stay strong and work hard on the relationship I am sure you will both be wonderful parents.

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