A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Almost 3 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend due to his issues with comitting to a relationship because he feels he's too busy (but secretly I think it's partly because towards the end I was so stressed I became a real nasty piece of work and took out my stress on him - he could do nothing right). Anyway we ended, he said he couldn't be with me knowing that he couldn't give me the comitment I wanted and that he wanted to stay friends. He knew I didn't want to end. ANyway, I told him i didn't want to talk to him indefinitely so I could gain some closure. But over the last few weeks I've been missing him terribly and have been so unhappy beneath the exterior and just been thinking of all the wrong things I did to him. We've been talking a little on Facebook over this week but we haven't really seen eachother in almost 3 weeks and when i called him he sounded very awkward and confused (he said because he thought I didn't want to talk to him anymore).I really want a second chance with him, to date again. My Mum said I should just ring him up and ask to meet up and then talk about it with him there. So, I did and we're (hopefully) meeting up next week, he said he'd call me later when he knows when he's free. What do I say? I don't want to ruin this. Of course there's a large chance he may just want friendship and that's it but this is my last chance. Advice on how to go about this would be good. :)
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Well, it's worth a try. Tell him the truth : that you want a second chance. That you realize you sort of scared him off by being a real pest and taking out your stress on him, and you realized that you have a problem in handling correctly stressful situations, that's why from now on, when you are stressed you'll do X,Y, and Z, rather than berate the people around you. Apologize and...let's hope he is a good sport :)
frankly, though, I would not hold my breath. You see , you say that in part he may have been tired of your nagging toward the end, but actually things weren't rosy even before. He said he is too busy to commit ( which is the oldest stalest cliche' ever- when people want to commit , they just do, regardless of their workload and schedule ). So I think his is a diplomatic way to tell you that he does not feel like committing to you- even you should become sunny and cheerful.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (8 November 2012):
Your best chance is to basically tell him all the things you have told us here on this website, to be honest about how you feel and how you think your behaviour related to the break up, and the ways you think you have been unfair to him. And how you feel about him and having a relationship with him. However, you need to know its not as simple as that, for two reasons. Firstly, you need to know that you are going to go in there and open your heart up running the risk that he doesn't want to get back together with you. He might have his own reasons for wanting to stay apart which are valid, or why he didn't want to give you the level of committment you wanted. That's ok, it might hurt, but its still good for you that you open up to him and let him know the truth, if you have the courage to do it, its the best way for you to move forward no matter what the outcome.
The second issue is that there is a reason that you felt strongly about him not committing, and a reason that when you felt stressed you took it out on him. These feelings and ways of behaving are an indication of the way you deal with situations that cause you stress, or upset you, and so in the future when you find yourself in stressful situations or being hurt, you are likely to react in the same way. In other words, a few weeks or months down the line when things get stressful or something happens that you don't like, how will you be able to react differently to the situation so that you don't end up breaking up again, or reacting in a way that is destructive? To react differently requires you to have the insight to see when situations are happening that bring out that reaction in you, and to see yourself reacting, and then finding the capacity within yourself to react differently. This is very difficult, and you aren't going to get it right all the time, none of us do, but its worth thinking about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): just make sure you're completely honest with him. let him know that you know you've been really busy and took your frustrations out on him and that you're sorry and wish you could take it back. and let him know that you learned from your mistake and realize just how much the relationship really means to you, and that you've missed him a lot in the few weeks you've been apart. that you'd love the chance to reconcile and for him to give you a second chance to fix things and show it can be different.
but also, he claims he ended the relationship for different reasons than what you are apologizing for. so be emotionally prepared for the worst case scenario. good luck.
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