| A
age
36-40,
*
writes: Ok, I am a 28 year old married male that has a 29 year old married female cousin. I have been married for 5 years and she has been married for 1. We are first cousins and have always been very close growing up. She only has sisters and I only have brothers so it was always refreshing to have someone of the opposite sex to talk to and confide in. We do talk about anything and everything to; even the most intimate details. I mean right down to we know each others grooming habits downstairs, favorites things in the bed, how big I am down there, etc. We are VERY open and not afraid to talk. We are both very glad we have each other as a venting partner when marital issues arise as they do with every marriage. We are both a cut out of the same mold as we both have the same sex drive....its tremendously big! Both of our spouses don't even come close to satisfying it either and aren't open to alot of things in the bedroom that both my cousin and I are. We are both kinda considering meeting up once in a while to take care of each others spouses shortcomings in the bed (intercourse and oral). She has had her tubes tied but I would still use a condom. I know most people would say this is gross and wrong but we do love each other very much and understand that its just sex and not making love. I would like to get others opinions on this matter.
View related questions:
condom, cousin, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, unclezak  +, writes (26 October 2011):
not incest but cheating is plain wrong.
You should both talk to your respective partners and try and work your way round it.
You two sound v much like you lust for each other but have not indulged for whatever reason
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): Just thought I'd say that I don't know about other countries but in the UK it's actually not illegal (so not incestuous) to have sex or even marry your first cousins. And it hasn't been illegal since Henry VII changed the law allowing this because he wanted to marry Ann Boleyn's first cousin Katherine Howard so was in terms of the law classed as her first cousin (in-law). Bit of history as well...But I would say I am totally against cheating of any kind so I don't approve, especailly having been cheated on myself while I was pregnant. And I can tell you it's not nice, never fair, and never justifiable. It's incredibly arrogant, selfish and shallow to be unfaithful to your spouses because of the sex. Talk to them about it but even if it doesn't improve, the idea of marriage isn't so that you can have great sex on tap. Grow up.18yrs old btw.
...............................
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (13 October 2011):
I will outline some of the possible problems in point form for the sake of being brief:
1. This means you will both be cheating on your partners. This will affect you both emotionally, and affect both of your marriages.
2. You say "its just sex and not making love". That might be true now, but what makes you think it stays that way? People's emotions ALWAYS become involved, and change over time. If you need convincing of this, just spend a bit of time reading the posts here, you will hear a common theme of "we were FWB but now I have feelings for him" etc, or related problems with people who try this sort of thing out.
3. People more often than not find out. You could get caught, she could get totally drunk one day and let it slip to a friend, there are many ways it happens and mostly people figure out that it is happening. What happens after a year, your cousin decides it is a bad idea and doesn't want to do it any more, and then a year later has a guilty conscience and confesses to her husband so they can work on their marriage, who tells everyone in the family what is going on? Your marriage will be over too.
4. Because many people will consider it a form of incest, it could impact the family and family relationships in ways you can't imagine, because you can't be sure how people will react when they do find out. It could create large rifts and tensions in family relationships.
5. It could adversely affect your good, loving relationship with your cousin and turn it bad. She becomes distant from her husband, loves you and wants to be with you, you love her but not in a way that you want to be with her, she can't deal with it and the relationship breaks down.
6. One of the biggest problems here is that you both aren't dealing with the problems in your marriages. You are using one another as an external source of solving problems in your marriages that you should be dealing with, and you are both encouraging each other to do it when it isn't a healthy thing to do to your marriages. It is common for marriages to have sexual problems, emotional problems, all kinds of problems. The way that marriages work out is by working through and solving the problems. You are both avoiding dealing with these issues in your respective relationships. You are not trying to develop a level of openness with your partners that will allow your relationships to grow.
These are some of the reasons why what you are thinking about doing is ill advised. It is good that you have a close loving relationship with your cousin. That isn't the problem. The problem is that you don't have the kinds of marriages you want. That has to be created. You need to work at it, and it isn't easy to get there, but it can be done. The thing you are proposing is not a solution to your problem, additionally, it is a path to many more problems. Time to rethink this one and take a better option.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): It's wrong. If you are going to cheat on your wife, please don't do it with your own family members. Everything about this is wrong. you obviously know this otherwise you wouldn't be trying to look for a way to justify it.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 She's only been married for one year and is throwing in the towel already? I'd understand if it was marriage for 15 years with no sexual contact, but one year?? She should get a divorce, not a lover on the side. Her marriage will never survive if she's so lost already at this stage. What prevents her from divorcing?
What prevents you from divorcing?
I think you'd regret it if you were to become lovers, especially at both of your marriages are so young and fresh. You do not want divorce, which means both of you will be with your partners for many many years to come. And then you will also have to live with this on your mind. It will be hard. At one point an affair will become a burden to you, and not a pleasure. And with so many years ahead of you to contemplate on your wrong-doings it will eat you both up inside and make you miserable.
I suggest you wait 5 more years. Talk to your spouses. Perhaps arrange an open marriage solution if you can. But take some more time to work on your marriages, especially she should work on hers, before "giving up" and getting a lover on the side.
Having an affair is giving up on your marriage. I think it sounds too soon to do such a thing. Especially that woman, why did she marry when she knew her husband was not meeting her sexual needs? It sounds absurd to me. She needs to give it more time. The first 3 years of marriage are the hardest, and this could be what is giving her trouble now. She needs to sit it out before she gives up on her marriage.
I suggest you leave it be for now. Don't play around with the idea for the time being, you are only getting temporary stimulation from it. Instead look at the big picture, and how things will be 5 years from now.
Just wait at least a few more years to think about things, see how her marriage (and yours) is going, before you give up on it. And look into divorces. Also look into if you and her are not just being completely selfish. It is one thing if your sexual needs are not being met at all, say no sex for months if not years. It's quite another if you prefer 5 times a week and only get 2. How much of this is then an actual need compared to a preference?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): thats what masturbating is for.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (12 October 2011):
Well, I think its true that cousins can share a special bond, indeed a good school friend very enjoyably lost his virginity to his elder cousin. But, Op, where do you think this will end? I don't moralize here, but others will, especially your partners, and quite possibly the authorities if they are informed.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (12 October 2011):
Well, I think its true that cousins can share a special bond, indeed a good school friend very enjoyably lost his virginity to his elder cousin. But, Op, where do you think this will end? I don't moralize here, but others will, especially your partners, and quite possibly the authorities if they are informed.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 You are both adults.... so can do as you darn-well please.
Note, of course, that this STILL is cheating on your respective spouses.... so THAT will always be in the background....
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, Claraw1 +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Sorry but I know for a fact that sleeping with your first cousin is INCEST which is morally wrong, not to mention that your both married and cheating is also morally wrong.
You may think that for whatever justification you have tried to tell yourself that it's ok, it's not. If anyone found out it could cause so many problems, not just in your marriages but in the family. Sorry that I can't tell you what you want to hear, but this is wrong in so many ways. No matter if you know that it's just sex, it's INCEST and could very well be illegal!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): isnt having sex with your first cousin incest? I think so! dont want to judge but damn!! if it is really that bad... you'd rather do it with a total stranger.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Ha ha funny post, I'm gonna love this one!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2011):
 What opinion would you like me to give you?
Seriously you are asking if:
a. it's ok to CHEAT on your WIFE
and
b. do it with a relative whom you indicate is nearly as close to you AS A SISTER....
Why don't you ask your wife or her husband or your mom and dad what they think? oh wait... I know... because they won't tell you what you want to hear...
do you think the folks here will?
are you expecting to be told:
"good for you no pregnancy and safe sex plans... go for it"
cause that is NOT going to happen here.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): My goodness, are you going to get opinions or what! you won't have to wait very long :-)
...............................
|
