A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey All, I know Dear Cuprid isn't necessarily for this type of question but I honestly don't know where else to turn. Many of my questions have been answered from people who genuinely seem to care and I'm hoping it's the same case with this one.My boyfriend is a US Marine and he and I have been together for awhile and have gotten more serious over the past year. We've discussed marriage but still feel we're both too young (he's 21, I'm 20) to rush into something and mess it up. I just went home to visit him on his pre deployment leave for 4 days. I had to leave to go back to college and the past 2 days have been miserable. He hasn't even deployed yet! He has deployed once before but we weren't dating at the time which made the time go quicker and I worried, but not to such an extreme level.The area he's going to in Afghanistan doesn't have internet and satellite phones are hard to come by. I already have many ideas for different care packages and sometimes that makes me feel a little better. I'm just having a really hard time thinking about how I won't see him for 7 months. I know I'll get a few phone calls and letters every once in awhile but I just can't stop thinking about how long 7 months actually is. I know I'm going to be worried sick his whole deployment too.I know I need to be strong for the both of us, I just hope people can give me some ideas to pull through this. Thank you all in advance! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (7 April 2011):
 My husband is also a Marine. I'm 24, he's 28. Since we got married and he went off to Boot Camp, I have barely seen him at all. He just got back from a deployment to Japan today, though I didn't get to see him. I decided that I had to go to school to accomplish my life goals, and that's across the country from him. Currently we're a 15 hour flight away from each other. It sucks. :(Being a military wife/girlfriend can be lonely, and filled with unanswered questions. You never know what they're doing, where they are. You don't know when they'll call or when they'll get back (it's the military. He could be back next week, he could be back next year). School has really been helping me. It is difficult having to live a single lifestyle while married, but it's doable. You mainly focus all your energy and attention into bettering yourself. Keep plenty busy and learn new skills! Believe me, you'll get into a groove and just keep plugging along until he gets home. Spend tons of time with your family and friends. Build memories where you can and fulfill goals.The best thing you can do is to stay positive. The more upset you are, the more stressed he will be out there. I'm not saying to hide your feelings, but I am saying that he's having a way tougher time than you are - at least you have your friends, family and civilian life. He's in a foreign place and is most likely scared, lonely and on edge. It is unbelievably frustrating and sad to be apart for so long. But, it does bring you closer - those letters you'll treasure always and his voice on the phone will fill you with so much joy. In the meantime, allow your life to keep truckin' along. He'll be back and you'll have survived this together.It's extremely tough, sweetness. It's not easy for me and I've had two years of practice. I feel for you, but I know you'll both persevere! Good luck!!
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (7 April 2011):
 I have had to cope through two of my bf's deployments so I know a little bit what it's like.
The thing you said about strength is very important. If you are the only one you know with a bf in the marines, it is hard for anyone to completely understand exactly what pain you're going through. My experience may be different from others, but I felt it was very similar to grief, in that everyone moved on, everyone recognized that I experienced a loss and expressed their apologies, but went on with their lives like before because they unable to comprehend the full extent of the pain and the need (expectation) to cover it up and 'look strong' and keep living my life without him.
It will be difficult for you two regarding communication, hopefully he'll be able to write you a lot, but I think it's important that you two share the burden, trying to take on this whole emotional strength is ....a way that we try to fight the battle on the homefront, but it's ultimately a very fruitless battle. I think that for a while, I would try to cover up the pain and abandonment I felt from him being away by being "strong" but "strong" really meant emotional distance, because that was better than breaking down. You will probably be better off if you have a strong family, friend, spiritual support network, some kind of group that will be there for you to reach out to, recognize your feelings about it, and help you through a very difficult time. If your bf has any marine buddies with girlfriends, reaching out to them, even by email, will likely prove immensely helpful. That is one thing I wish I had.
Finally, it's important to distract yourself. You have a choice, everyday, to wholly absorb yourself in the worry of what's happenening there, what if, not seeing him is killing me, and then you have a choice allowing yourself to let those thoughts come and go, that is, not get obsessive about it. You can literally worry yourself sick about this stuff, and that doesn't get him home any sooner; in fact it just makes it seem all the longer. I remember one day where I decided to watch Brothers and Jarhead in the same day, just completely wallow in my pain. There are going to be days like that, but don't make every day like that. If I were you, I would immerse myself in extracurriculars. Join a gym this summer. Volunteer. Start an art class or do something you have never done before and completely throw yourself into it. Do stuff that makes you feel happy. Your mental health needs to be a high priority for you, protect it.
I'm aware that this is a pretty grim preparation for you. A deployment is a cruel test of a romance's endurance. Mental health, not strength, is key. If you keep yourself in a good mindset, your tolerance for what is happenening is likely to be higher. Please PM me anytime about this.
...............................
A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 Hey,
This is where your friends and occupation can help... When your boyfriend is away, you will be worried sick, as we all do regardless... you cannot escape the worrying, but you can do things to make it milder.
1. Have sleepovers with your girlfriends
2. go out with your friends - movies, restaurants, concerts (while still being loyal to your boyfriend, and not doing anything that will even spark jealousy in him)
3. if you do not have a full time job, i suggest getting one, work mondays to fridays and on your weekends practice number #1 and #2.
4. write to him as much as possible, and be ready for a phone call at any given time, at any time of day
and marriage wouldn't get messed up, being away from him for so long would only make things better, when he gets back it will be like your 16th birthday all over again :D
I hope this helped :D
...............................
|
